Is It Possible To Love Too Much?
The idea of having "too much love" may sound impossible, considering love can be one of the most wonderful experiences in life for many individuals. However, it’s a common misconception that there’s no such thing as too much love. There may be situations where an excess of unhealthy behaviors driven by love could become problematic. It can be especially easy to let these behaviors become overwhelming if they are coming from a rekindled love, or on the heels of a first marriage or previous relationship.
Although it’s not true that too much love will kill you, it can lead to unhealthy—and at times damaging—dynamics between partners. For example, love may cause obsessive or controlling behaviors in some cases. You may also reach a point where your needs go unmet because you're so focused on your partner's needs. In some cases, love may cause you to turn a blind eye to being unfairly or wrongly treated by a partner. This can lead to messy situations, such as divorce, legal disputes, and destructive relationship dynamics.
Love, as an emotion, can be positive and supportive. It may even lower your blood pressure. However, your actions when you love someone may be unhealthy. If you love someone so much that it leads you to neglect your own needs or causes other issues, it could become problematic.
Still, loving profoundly and wholly while having healthy relationship behaviors can be possible. Identifying harmful behaviors from you and your partner and ensuring the healthiness of your relationship may be beneficial to you.
Obsession May Not Be Healthy
If you're so in love with someone that you feel you're obsessed with them, that might not be healthy. It can be normal to think about your significant other often and to wonder what they're up to. It may not always be normal to feel as if you cannot do anything without them by your side.
If you are so in love with your partner that you can't bear to be apart from them, then that may not be a sign of healthy love. It may instead be an example of unhealthy, obsessive love.
Focusing too much of your energy on one person could have negative consequences. Often, your partner is a significant part of your life. However, if you feel that they are the only important or valuable thing in your life, it may be worth looking at the reason you feel that way.
You might also consider looking for interests and friends you can turn to outside the confines of your relationship. It can be healthy for couples to have time apart and remain separate individuals with their own interests and hobbies. Often, this helps them appreciate the times they're together even more.
You May Neglect Your Own Needs
Spending your time intensely focused on someone else’s needs and desires might cause you to neglect yourself. If all your energy goes toward spending time with your romantic partner and showing them affection, the other areas of your life may suffer. For example, you may forego a workout or cancel plans with friends to spend more time with your significant other.
A healthy lifestyle is often balanced. While it could include plenty of time with your partner, it may also be beneficial to prioritize your own needs. Some potential ways to do this include:
- Journaling (studies show it benefits your mental health)
- Taking a walk in nature
- Keeping to a schedule
- Setting boundaries for yourself
- Participating in a social group
- Going to events
- Spending time alone
Some individuals may feel that they "lose themselves" in relationships because they prioritize their partner's needs above all else. While it can feel valuable to take care of your partner in various ways, neglecting your own needs may be harmful.
Setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-care (whatever that looks like for you) can improve both your individual mental health and your relationship.
Your Partner Might Feel Overwhelmed
Asking someone to provide for all your emotional needs may feel overwhelming to that individual. At times, there may be a disconnect in desires in a relationship. For example, you may want to spend most of your days with someone, while they wish to just spend a few hours a week together.
In this case, consider taking space to focus on your own interests. If you feel rejected by taking time away from a partner, consider reaching out to a counselor for support. You may also benefit from journaling about your feelings instead of sending a text or calling your partner when you’re apart. You might also find it useful to return later and review what you wrote after you’ve had sufficient time to process your emotions. The act of writing can help you sort out your thoughts, and rereading what you’ve written can also give you valuable insight.
If you feel guilty or shameful about the intensity of your love, know that you’re not alone. Many people love deeply, or express love in outward ways. Every individual can be different. If you find that your needs don’t align with your partner’s, you may benefit from separating or finding new connections with friends who love in a similar way to you.
If you hope to reduce the amount of love you show, you may try allowing your partner to take the time they need for themselves. During this time apart, you could explore your own interests or perhaps take up a new hobby. Ask your partner what would make them feel most comfortable.
You May Accept Harmful Behaviors
Loving someone does not always mean accepting all of their behaviors if they are unhealthy or harmful to you. Unconditional love often means loving someone despite their faults. However, it does not mean you must tolerate harmful behavior.
It may be necessary to talk to your partner about the things that hurt you. If you never address problematic situations within the relationship, it could make your partner feel you will be okay with anything they do. They may see it as a license to act in any way they see fit because they feel you'll forgive them for any transgression.
If you're in an abusive situation, please know that you aren't alone, and help is available. Feel free to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). They are available 24/7. You may also reach them by texting 988, or the number above.
As individuals in a relationship, it is common for both sides to contribute effort. If you're the only one trying to keep the relationship going, it may feel isolating. In this case, you may benefit from couples counseling.
Online Relationship Therapy Can Help
Are you unsure whether the level of love in your relationship is healthy? Relationship therapy may be a helpful tool. In today’s climate, online therapy is a popular option, due to its flexibility and affordable pricing. Whether you'd prefer to attend sessions alone or with your partner is up to you. Regardless, the act of having released any pent-up emotions and discussed them with a licensed professional can be cathartic, allowing you to see your relationship—and yourself—in a new light.
You may feel some hesitance or doubt regarding the efficacy of online therapy for relationship issues. However, a recent study has reported that couples who initially doubted online therapy found that it was effective and beneficial for their relationships after utilizing it.
There are online platforms for both individuals and couples, such as BetterHelp and ReGain. Speaking to a counselor may offer more insight into certain relationship behaviors.
Read below for counselor reviews from BetterHelp users who have sought support from a therapist.
“Dr. Johnson, brought me to a much better place now and feel I have the ability to trust myself and can now make more informed decisions and decisions out of love for myself from this place. So grateful for his commitment, experienced perspective, and ongoing support.”
“I love working with Qiana! She is incredibly insightful and compassionate. I appreciate Qiana's ability to show how my patterns of thinking transfer to other parts of my life like my marriage, friendships, work, and body image. We have uncovered SO MUCH over the past 8 months. Thank you so much, Quiana! <3”
In most situations, having a lot of love for your partner can feel wonderful. Still, behaviors driven by profound love may become unhealthy.
Obsessive love may be problematic, and it could feel overwhelming for your partner. You might love your partner so much that you spend all your time catering to their needs and forget to take care of yourself. You could let harmful behavior go unaddressed because you believe you must love your partner unconditionally, regardless of their actions.
If you feel your actions may be unhealthy due to love, please know that help is available. Online therapy can be an effective way of working through problems and learning relationship skills. Consider taking the first step by reaching out to a counselor.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can You Love Someone Too Much That It Hurts?
There are a few scenarios in which love can be incredibly painful.
Love can be painful if you care for someone who is toxic, controlling, or just not healthy for you. For example, many people love their partners, even if they engage in unhealthy or abusive behaviors.
If you are in an abusive situation, help is available. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).
Obsessive love can also be painful. Obsessive love can mean you want to be in every moment of your partner’s life and learn every tiny detail about them. Though it’s great to want to know about your partner, it can also be important to give them space and honor their boundaries. Obsessive love can be painful because it can smother the other person, and you may feel as if you are not receiving enough love in return.
And finally, sometimes love can be difficult. Partners may go through rough patches and tough times together. You can intensely love someone, but still not get along with them, or experience pain when you’re with them.
If you are worried about your relationship or fear that you love someone who may not be healthy for you, it may be helpful to seek out therapy services either in person or online.
Can You Fall In Love With 2 People At The Same Time?
It can be possible to love two people at the same time. However, you may need to exercise caution, depending on the situation you are in. If you are in a monogamous relationship, then it will likely be necessary to manage your feelings to avoid harming the relationship. On the other hand, if you are unhappy, then you may be considering ending things and starting new with the other person. Only you can determine the best course of action, as every relationship is unique. Online therapy can help you navigate this type of challenging situation.
If this isn’t the first time you have fallen in love with multiple people, then you may think about exploring polyamory. Monogamy is a relationship in which two people make a commitment with no other partners involved. With polyamory, one or both partners has other partners, or multiple people explore relationships together without any formal commitment.
What Happens When You Love Too Much?
Many people believe that more love is always better. Though love is often intended to be wonderful and fun, sometimes it can reach a point of unhealthiness. This can be the case with obsessive love, which may smother or inadvertently aim to control the other person.
If you love too much, you may overwhelm your partner with attention. Although it’s understandable to care about your partner a great deal, it can still be necessary to give your partner space and respect their boundaries. Asking for too much or expecting too much from your partner can be stressful for them.
Respect and boundaries are often the measures of a healthy and happy relationship. If you are struggling to maintain healthy relationships, then trying traditional or online therapy may prove to be highly beneficial.
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