The idea of having "too much love" may sound impossible, considering love can be one of the most wonderful experiences in life for many individuals. However, it’s a common misconception that there’s no such thing as too much love. There may be situations where an excess of unhealthy behaviors driven by love could become problematic. It can be especially easy to let these behaviors become overwhelming if they are coming from a rekindled love, or on the heels of a first marriage or previous relationship.

Although it’s not true that too much love will kill you, it can lead to unhealthy—and at times damaging—dynamics between partners. For example, love may cause obsessive or controlling behaviors in some cases. You may also reach a point where your needs go unmet because you're so focused on your partner's needs. In some cases, love may cause you to turn a blind eye to being unfairly or wrongly treated by a partner. This can lead to messy situations, such as divorce, legal disputes, and destructive relationship dynamics.

Love, as an emotion, can be positive and supportive. It may even lower your blood pressure. However, your actions when you love someone may be unhealthy. If you love someone so much that it leads you to neglect your own needs or causes other issues, it could become problematic.

Still, loving profoundly and wholly while having healthy relationship behaviors can be possible. Identifying harmful behaviors from you and your partner and ensuring the healthiness of your relationship may be beneficial to you.

Obsession May Not Be Healthy

If you're so in love with someone that you feel you're obsessed with them, that might not be healthy. It can be normal to think about your significant other often and to wonder what they're up to. It may not always be normal to feel as if you cannot do anything without them by your side.

If you are so in love with your partner that you can't bear to be apart from them, then that may not be a sign of healthy love. It may instead be an example of unhealthy, obsessive love.

You might also consider looking for interests and friends you can turn to outside the confines of your relationship. It can be healthy for couples to have time apart and remain separate individuals with their own interests and hobbies. Often, this helps them appreciate the times they're together even more.

You May Neglect Your Own Needs

Spending your time intensely focused on someone else’s needs and desires might cause you to neglect yourself. If all your energy goes toward spending time with your romantic partner and showing them affection, the other areas of your life may suffer. For example, you may forego a workout or cancel plans with friends to spend more time with your significant other.

A healthy lifestyle is often balanced. While it could include plenty of time with your partner, it may also be beneficial to prioritize your own needs. Some potential ways to do this include:

• Journaling (studies show it benefits your mental health)
• Taking a walk in nature
• Exercising
• Keeping to a schedule
• Setting boundaries for yourself
• Participating in a social group
• Going to events
• Spending time alone

Some individuals may feel that they "lose themselves" in relationships because they prioritize their partner's needs above all else. While it can feel valuable to take care of your partner in various ways, neglecting your own needs may be harmful.

Setting healthy boundaries and prioritizing self-care (whatever that looks like for you) can improve both your individual mental health and your relationship.

Your Partner Might Feel Overwhelmed 

Asking someone to provide for all your emotional needs may feel overwhelming to that individual. At times, there may be a disconnect in desires in a relationship. For example, you may want to spend most of your days with someone, while they wish to just spend a few hours a week together.

In this case, consider taking space to focus on your own interests. If you feel rejected by taking time away from a partner, consider reaching out to a counselor for support. You may also benefit from journaling about your feelings instead of sending a text or calling your partner when you’re apart. You might also find it useful to return later and review what you wrote after you’ve had sufficient time to process your emotions. The act of writing can help you sort out your thoughts, and rereading what you’ve written can also give you valuable insight.

If you feel guilty or shameful about the intensity of your love, know that you’re not alone. Many people love deeply, or express love in outward ways. Every individual can be different. If you find that your needs don’t align with your partner’s, you may benefit from separating or finding new connections with friends who love in a similar way to you.

If you hope to reduce the amount of love you show, you may try allowing your partner to take the time they need for themselves. During this time apart, you could explore your own interests or perhaps take up a new hobby. Ask your partner what would make them feel most comfortable.

You May Accept Harmful Behaviors

Loving someone does not always mean accepting all of their behaviors if they are unhealthy or harmful to you. Unconditional love often means loving someone despite their faults. However, it does not mean you must tolerate harmful behavior.

It may be necessary to talk to your partner about the things that hurt you. If you never address problematic situations within the relationship, it could make your partner feel you will be okay with anything they do. They may see it as a license to act in any way they see fit because they feel you'll forgive them for any transgression.

If you're in an abusive situation, please know that you aren't alone, and help is available. Feel free to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). They are available 24/7. You may also reach them by texting 988, or the number above.

As individuals in a relationship, it is common for both sides to contribute effort. If you're the only one trying to keep the relationship going, it may feel isolating. In this case, you may benefit from couples counseling.

Online Relationship Therapy Can Help

Are you unsure whether the level of love in your relationship is healthy? Relationship therapy may be a helpful tool. In today’s climate, online therapy is a popular option, due to its flexibility and affordable pricing. Whether you'd prefer to attend sessions alone or with your partner is up to you. Regardless, the act of having released any pent-up emotions and discussed them with a licensed professional can be cathartic, allowing you to see your relationship—and yourself—in a new light.

You may feel some hesitance or doubt regarding the efficacy of online therapy for relationship issues. However, a recent study has reported that couples who initially doubted online therapy found that it was effective and beneficial for their relationships after utilizing it.

There are online platforms for both individuals and couples, such as BetterHelp and ReGain. Speaking to a counselor may offer more insight into certain relationship behaviors.

Read below for counselor reviews from BetterHelp users who have sought support from a therapist.

Counselor Reviews

“Dr. Johnson, brought me to a much better place now and feel I have the ability to trust myself and can now make more informed decisions and decisions out of love for myself from this place. So grateful for his commitment, experienced perspective, and ongoing support.”

“I love working with Qiana! She is incredibly insightful and compassionate. I appreciate Qiana's ability to show how my patterns of thinking transfer to other parts of my life like my marriage, friendships, work, and body image. We have uncovered SO MUCH over the past 8 months. Thank you so much, Quiana! <3”