Why Did Your Partner Cheat If They Love You? Trying to Understand Infidelity

By: Robert Porter

Updated October 20, 2021

Having someone cheat on you is one of the worst possible things that you can experience. It can make you feel like there is a weight on your chest when someone that you love betrays your trust. The worst part of cheating is the fact that it often doesn't make any sense. Many people wind up asking questions such as "Why didthey cheat if they love me?" Discovering the answer to that question isn't always going to be simple.

The truth is that people cheat for many different reasons. Figuring out exactly why the person in your life cheated on you isn't going to be something that can be determined without more information. Regardless, it is possible to go over some common reasons for cheating. Take a look at some of the reasons why people cheat on their partners below in order to come to a better understanding of what might be going on.

They Aren't Really in Love If They Are Cheating

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One difficult possibility to consider is that your boyfriend or husband may not trulybe in love with you.Individuals sometimes cheat on their significant other due to the fact that they aren't truly happy in the relationship. This can sometimes mean that they aren't really in love and are looking for a way out. Whether or not this is the case in your situation is impossible to determine without knowing the facts.

It's simply important to recognize that not everyone who says they're in love is truly in love. People can deceive you, and aren't always going to be strong enough to tell you the truth to your face. Sometimes people use infidelity as a way to exit a relationship when they can't initiate a breakup on their own. Hopefully, this isn't the case in your situation. It's definitely sad to find out that someone that you love never really felt as strongly as you did.

Some People Find Cheating to Be Exciting

You'll actually find that many people find cheating to be exciting. As deplorable as it is to cheat on someone that you love, there are individuals who are excited by the thrill of potentially being caught. Doing something wrong makes what they're doing more enticing and it seems to be something that they can't get enough of. Chronic cheaters seem to fall into this camp more often than not.

There are even people who can't seem to stop cheating even when they feel terrible about their own actions. It's a very odd situation, and you would think that they wouldn't do this if they truly cared. Sometimes cheaters like this might even have emotional problems or mental health struggles that are forcing them to seek cheap thrills or satisfaction from strange sources. This doesn't forgive the act of cheating, but it is something to keep in mind.

Someone who is cheating on you and finds the act of keeping it secret exciting might not really love you. If they do love you, then they certainly aren't showing it by doing the things that they're doing. Coming to terms with infidelity isn't always easy. Most relationships where the cheating is motivated by some type of excitement or arousal will end up failing.

Their Sexual Needs Aren't Being Met

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People generally have their own sexual desires and needs. If those needs are not being met inside of their normal relationship, then it's possible that they may seek satisfaction elsewhere. You have to be careful when approaching cheating from this standpoint, though. It should never feel like the person who has been cheated on is in the wrong; because their partner should have discussed their needs before doing something so hurtful.

If you're in a relationship where communication is failing, then it's possible that certain things may have slipped through the cracks. Your partner may have certain desires that they haven't been able to properly communicate to you. In this case, it might explain why they chose to cheat. They found it easier to seek sex elsewhere, instead of discussing their desires or needs with you.

This is a huge sign that your relationship is not where it needs to be. It also means that there were problems in your relationship before the infidelity occurred. Some people will not be able to forgive infidelity no matter what. It's up to you whether you want to try to meet your partner in the middle to work on things. If you really do love him, then you might be able to finally have a discussion about your sex life and what is holding things back.

It's simply important not to feel like you're to blame for the cheating. If you didn't know something was wrong, then you couldn't have worked on fixing it. Even if there were issues, your partner should have ended the relationship if they knew that they weren't happy. It's now up to you to decide whether to work with them on building a stronger bond, or move on.

They Have Some Type of Sex Addiction

Another possibility is that your partner might have some type of sex addiction. Sex addictions are a real thing that can actually ruin people's lives. These types of addictions make it difficult for people to quit seeking sex from others. They might even feel a deep sense of shame, but will still be compelled to seek out sex wherever they can find it.

This is a terrible addiction for someone to have and it can potentially destroy your relationship. Getting over a sex addiction is not going to be simple. This is a very complex case that isn't unlike a drug addiction or an eating disorder. There are certain types of therapists that know how to help people cope with a sex addiction problem.

Therapists will need to work with patients extensively in order to help them overcome sex addiction. This can involve many different techniques, and people will often need to abstain from sexual contact for a long period of time in an attempt to "get it out of their system." If you suspect that your significant other may have a sex addiction, then you should encourage them to seek help. This could wind up making their life more difficult, and some people even lose their careers due to problems like this.

Sex addiction might even present itself as a problem with compulsive masturbation or excessive pornography viewing. Issues like this can progress to people seeking out sex from other sources. It can also wind up just being a fixable issue that won't have anything to do with sex with other people. It's a complex topic, and people suffering from any type of sex addiction need to seek professional help.

Your Partner Has Trouble With Commitment

There are many people who get scared when it comes to commitment. Committing to others is not always easy, and some people see it as losing a part of themselves. It isn't uncommon to hear of people getting "cold feet" before a wedding. Your partner's cheating could be related to something like that.

Many people simply aren't good at maintaining monogamous relationships either. Monogamy is the most common type of relationship that you'll come across in the United States. There are people who are entering into polyamorous relationships or open relationships due to not wanting to be tied down to having only one lover. Even if someone is more interested in this type of lifestyle, it doesn't excuse cheating on someone that you're supposed to love.

They Made a Huge Mistake

Finally, it might also be the case that your boyfriend or husband simply made a huge mistake. Everyone has probably heard of situations where someone got too drunk and did something that they regret. This is not uncommon, but that doesn't mean that it isn't hurtful. When something like this happens, it's usually going to be an isolated incident that they're going to feel very sorry about.

People do make mistakes, and it's up to you whether or not you want to forgive this type of transgression. Cheating is a very problematic thing for a relationship. Even if someone wasn't in their right mind when they did it, you're still likely going to be very hurt by it. You might need to consider couples counseling to try to get through this type of issue. It also might be good to think about whether or not someone needs to get help with a drinking problem or a substance abuse issue.

Consider Online Couples Counseling

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If you want to try to move forward in your relationship, then couples counseling may be a solid option. This is going to be agood way to work on rebuilding your relationship after someone has cheated. It is definitely tough to work through cheating issues, but some couples are able to come out stronger than ever before.

A growing body of research suggests that online therapy platforms can provide effective couples counseling for people dealing with a variety of relationship issues, including infidelity. In a wide-ranging study performed by the University of Miami, the effectiveness of several different forms of online couples counseling in helping distressed couples were examined. In the report, researchers state that online therapy is an efficient and accessible form of treatment, particularly due to the lack of geographical constraints, lower overall costs, and fewer logistical concerns. The report concludes that online couples counseling can successfully treat symptoms of individual mental health issues, and increase overall relationship functioningandcommunication. These findings are in line with the majority of research, which shows that online therapy is a useful option for those who may not feel comfortable seeking treatment in a face-to-face setting.

As considered above, if you are going through hard times because of infidelity in your relationship, online therapy can be a valuable tool. If you are concerned with privacy, BetterHelp allows you to remain completely anonymous—simply select a “nickname” when registering. Licensed counselors are available when you want to begin the healing process after your partner has cheated. Read below for reviews of BetterHelp therapists, from those who have sought help in the past.

Counselor Reviews

“A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about.”

“Dr. Harrell was there for me and helped me get to the issues of my problems and triggers. I am a much better person and feel like a new person. I am pursuing a dream that I never thought would be possible to achieve. Me and my wife are again on speaking terms with a small glimmer of hope. I honestly wouldn't be where I am now without her support.”


Infidelity can make for some extremely trying times in a relationship. If you feel as though things are fixable, therapy can help couples to develop better communication.It’s possible to build a stronger bond after cheating—and it’s also okay to simply move on. Either way, know that help is available if you need it.

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