Should I Get Back Together With Her After She Cheated On Me?

Medically reviewed by April Brewer , DBH, LPC
Updated April 11, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

A reconciliation with an ex-girlfriend may feel challenging. If you're thinking of getting back together after finding out that your partner has cheated on you, you may want to evaluate the situation before deciding. It could be valuable to consider whether your relationship can be repaired and if continuing a relationship is in the best interest of you and your ex. In some cases, returning to an ex that cheated might be unhealthy. 

Figuring Out If You Should Reach Out To An Ex

Deciding to reach out to an ex could be a nerve-wracking experience, especially when many unresolved emotions are involved. Consider why you want to reach out and think critically about this decision. If your motivation behind it is positive, such as trying to move on in a healthy and meaningful way, then going through with it might bring some closure. 

On the other hand, if wanting to reconnect is driven by anger, loneliness, resentment, or jealousy, it might be best to reflect on yourself before acting. Reaching out to an ex might help you come to terms with specific issues but try to ensure that this step is taken healthily and with clarity.

Take The Next Step In Deciding Whether To Reconnect With Your Ex

Evaluate The Reasons Behind The Cheating

If you are thinking of getting back with an ex, it may be beneficial to reflect on why she cheated and how you felt. Consider asking yourself the following questions: 

  • Was the cheating long-term, or was it an impulsive decision? 

  • Did your ex express remorse for their actions? 

  • Were there any underlying issues in your relationship? 

  • How did you feel after your ex cheated?

  • Did your ex reveal the information, or did you find it yourself? 

  • Would you hold resentment if you got back together with your ex? 

  • Do you believe there is a chance of your ex cheating again? 

  • Why do you want to get back together with your ex? 

  • Are you feeling lonely or unsure whether you will find future healthier connections? 

Reflecting on these questions may help clarify your emotions and what feels healthiest. Consider journaling about these topics to gain further clarity. The American Psychological Association (APA) states that journaling and expressive writing can be highly beneficial after a breakup. 

What To Do If You Decide To Reconnect 

When reconnecting with an ex, communication may benefit you, so try to keep any conversation positive and focus on finding common ground. If your ex-girlfriend does not take responsibility for her actions, you might decide that the conversation is not worth having. Often, those who are remorseful for their actions may attempt to repair the relationship honestly, not through love bombing techniques, such as buying presents or begging for an apology. 

After deciding that you're ready to reach out, prepare yourself for any outcome. Acknowledge your own emotions before initiating contact with your former partner. Consider how the conversation might go and what topics should be addressed. An explicit goal of what kind of outcome you'd like from this conversation may guide the discussion in a healthy direction. 

Try to stay honest about your feelings and intentions throughout the process and prioritize self-care. Set boundaries with your ex if you feel she is acting unhealthily. 

Should My Ex And I Get Back Together? 

If you and your ex want to get back together, you may have to decide on your own and together whether that is the healthiest choice. If your ex is dedicated to repairing the relationship and making up for her actions, you might decide that you want to give her a chance. 

However, if your ex is unwilling to apologize, make amends, or respect your boundaries, it may signify that they could act the same in a new relationship dynamic. You might be willing to forgive your ex. However, you do not have to date them again if you do not feel comfortable doing so. 

Counseling After A Breakup 

Therapy may be a rewarding method of navigating the complexities of relationships, including those with former partners that have cheated on them. It may be beneficial in providing a neutral space that facilitates honest communication and encourages reflection. Online therapy sessions can allow both parties to address their feelings in a safe environment, making it easier to discuss emotional topics without feeling judged or pressured. 

If you or your ex have busy schedules or you're looking for an easier option, consider online therapy. Online counseling is often more convenient than traditional therapy in terms of scheduling. You can choose between video, phone, or live chat sessions and meet with a provider on a schedule that works for you. 

Online therapy is an increasingly popular and effective way of addressing various relationship-related mental health issues. Recent studies show that internet-based intervention methods are more effective than traditional in-person counseling methods for couples.


Consider varying viewpoints when evaluating whether to get back together with your ex. Try to prioritize self-care during this time and understand that there may not be a single solution that works for everyone in every situation. With reflection and honest communication, you may be able to decide whether getting back together is the healthiest decision.


Therapist Review

Take The Next Step In Deciding Whether To Reconnect With Your Ex

"A year ago, I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try My counselor, Dr. Brewer, helped me see some things I couldn't get on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."

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