Why Common Love Myths May Harm Relationships

Many common phrases about love could be called myths because they are not necessarily true. Sometimes, these popular phrases come from movies, plays, songs, or novels depicting beautiful love stories. Although they're often repeated by people with positive intentions, taking such sentiments at face value could potentially harm a relationship. Myths about love can create unrealistic expectations or lead to unhealthy patterns.

Myths about love may become excuses or limit personal growth due to their simplistic nature. Love can be complex and is often accompanied by other emotions or circumstances. For example, the myth "love means never having to say you're sorry," was popularized by a novel written by Erich Segal called "Love Story," and the 1970s movie adaptation starring Ali MacGraw and Ryan O'Neal. However, it may not take into consideration that love and behavior are separate. In fact, being able to apologize and forgive may be a hallmark of a healthy, loving relationship.

Some common myths and phrases commonly heard in the context of relationships

Phrases about love are often some of the most quoted movie lines, typically part of a beautiful movie love story with a "happily-ever-after" ending scene. However, it's important to remember that these lines are often spoken to advance a plotline or story, and it can be damaging to take them as "universal truths" about what love means. While these simple phrases may sound innocent, believing them can have consequences on your personal growth and mental health.

Try to be wary when you encounter these statements and others like them. There may be two sides to think about, so it may be worth considering the context of your circumstances rather than taking these phrases at face value. 

In addition to "love means never having to say you're sorry," from the film Love Story, there are a number of other pop culture phrases about commonly heard in the context of relationships, including:

• "Love is blind."

• "Love can conquer all things."

• "It was love at first sight."

• "Love is all you need."

• "Happily ever after exists."

• "You only have one soulmate."

• "Opposites attract."

• "Absence makes the heart grow fonder."

• "Love hurts."

• "Your love completes me."

• "Where there is love, there is happiness."

• "True love never ends."

• "Love means putting someone before yourself."

These phrases often do not come with hostile intentions, and one may believe these statements and still have healthy relationships. However, spoiler alert, problems might occur when these phrases are used to justify unhealthy or harmful behavior in a relationship under the guise of unconditional love. Even if the intention is good, these messages can sometimes be twisted negatively or used to explain away certain actions.

Myths about love can create unrealistic expectations

The idea of finding your true love or experiencing unconditional love can be daunting. Quotes like, "you only have one soulmate," may create pressure on an individual to find the right match and marry. While it may be common to dream of a "perfect match," there is likely more than one person with whom an individual is compatible. 

The term "soulmate" may be problematic as it could create an unrealistic standard. Sometimes, love can grow between two people over time. However, overlooking potential love interests because they don't feel like a soulmate could mean passing on a person who could genuinely make you happy.

It's normal to have preferences for a partner. For example, you may prefer someone who is career-oriented or has a good sense of humor. However, it may be beneficial to stay open-minded when looking for a long-term romantic partner, as having too narrow an idea of your soulmate may limit your options. Sometimes, emotional and romantic connections can arise between two people who may not necessarily seem like each other's "type."

Myths about love could be unrealistic

Many phrases about love may not be realistic, and internalizing phrases about unconditional love may be harmful. The phrase, "love is all you need," for example, may remind us of the importance of love. However, this phrase disregards the necessity of basic needs as well as other aspects of a healthy partnership. 

The phrase, "true love never ends" may be another unrealistic romantic expectation. Sometimes, two people may choose to end a relationship despite the love that exists between them. Staying in a relationship that is no longer mutually beneficial may lead to feelings of stress or resentment—even if a couple is still in love.

Myths about love can create unhealthy patterns

One of the most common sayings about love is "love hurts." Often, the intent behind this quote is to communicate the idea that when we love somebody, we become vulnerable. We may have negative experiences in relationships, such as arguments, breakups, and even deaths. 

However, taking this phrase at face value could have damaging consequences; by internalizing the idea that "love hurts," a person may become more vulnerable to abusive behavior. They may feel that love involves some form of suffering and forgiving a violent or abusive partner rather than ending the relationship or seeking help.

If you or a loved one is experiencing violence or abuse in a relationship, please know that help is available. You can contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1.800.799.SAFE (7233). Studies show that trauma from abuse and domestic violence can be healed through various types of treatment and therapy.

Myths about love may lack accountability

At times, popular beliefs about love may lead to complacency. These beliefs may create the idea that if there is love, not much else is needed. Consider the phrase, "Where there is love, there is happiness." For many people, this may feel true—they may be happiest when their loved ones are nearby. However, love may not necessarily equal happiness.

In general, relationships can take work. They may require people to think about each other, make sacrifices, and put effort into meeting their partner's needs. Often, a happy relationship requires more than just love—both parties may need to work together to communicate their needs and satisfy their partners' needs.

Likewise, a loving relationship may have difficult times. Facing challenges as a couple doesn't necessarily mean the love is gone; in fact, couples therapy can be beneficial for couples who are feeling unhappy despite their love for one another. 

Myths about love can become excuses

Myths about love may become excuses for certain types of damaging or self-defeating behavior. For example, consider the idea that "love means putting someone before yourself." We are often led to believe that putting other people before ourselves is noble, and in some cases, especially within parent-child relationships, this may be true. At times, it may be true in romantic relationships as well.

However, as humans, we all have our own needs. Sometimes, it may be important to care for oneself and ensure one's own needs are being met before caring for someone else. Putting a partner's needs before your own may lead to stress, burnout, and other mental health challenges. Letting your love for someone else become an excuse for not practicing self-care may not be healthy for you or the relationship. 

Myths about love could limit growth

Often, popular beliefs about love can be limiting. Think about the saying, "Your love completes me." It may be romantic to suggest that the other person makes you more fulfilled. However, it may also promote the idea that you are only happy or complete when in a relationship.

Additionally, internalizing the idea that you are incomplete without your partner may put a lot of pressure on them. It may not always be possible to meet another person's needs all the time, and it may take away from the growth the two of you can have together. Try thinking of your loved one as a person to start a new journey with, not the bow that ties you up.

Myths about love may be simplistic

Many ideas about love are clichés that may be overly simplistic, as love is often mentally and emotionally complex. Each person enters a relationship with their own needs, desires, and past experiences, and these variables can affect the course of a partnership. Even in the context of familial or platonic relationships, love can be complicated. Thus, it may be important to consider multiple factors when making decisions about love and relationships.

Thinking about what love means in simple terms may work well for art and poetry, but a story is often just a story and may not be representative of a real-life scenario. It may not be possible to sum up your experiences with love in a short sentence. It's often normal to feel conflicted when it comes to love, and sometimes discussing relationship challenges with a friend, loved one, or therapist can be helpful in understanding its many nuances.

By relying on popular sayings to understand or describe love, you may miss out on the nuance or shades of gray that can exist in love. Instead of simplifying love, it may be more beneficial to consider it as a realm of possibility and opportunity. You may wish to expand your mind and think of new ways to describe the love that is unique to you.

Myths about love might ignore feelings

Common sayings about love might cause a person to ignore or diminish other emotions they may be experiencing. Love is not always just happiness and passion; it may at times involve negative feelings such as pain, frustration, sadness, anger, or jealousy. It can be just as important to consider these feelings when making decisions about a relationship.

Additionally, phrases about love might not always be appropriate for the situation. For example, rather than hearing "love conquers all things," a person may benefit from a more personal and reassuring sentiment such as, "I will stand by you" or "I will help you work through this." 

In many cases, popular sayings about love are meant to be innocent. However, the context in which they're repeated can change the meaning. Sometimes, these phrases may send unrealistic or hurtful messages. In other cases, a person may make an unwise decision about a relationship based on a maxim that may not be appropriate for their situation. 

Online therapy may help you learn more about love

If you're facing challenges understanding love or relationships, online therapy may be beneficial. Online couples therapy may be especially advantageous for couples with busy schedules, as you may be able to schedule sessions at a time that would not typically be available at a traditional therapist's office. It may also be helpful for couples navigating long-distance relationships as both parties can attend wherever they are.

A recent study revealed that although many couples had doubts about the online therapy process compared to face-to-face therapy, they found the experience to be both positive and beneficial for their relationships. If you want to try online therapy for yourself, you might try an online therapy platform such as BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples.

Read below for counselor reviews from online therapy users who reached out for support with relationship concerns.

Counselor reviews

"Patricia has been a great help to me during a difficult transition in my life. Empty nester, retired husband, what to do next in life, and how my husband and I navigate through together and not apart. Her advice and tools for healing and moving forward have been invaluable."

"I was initially seeking a male therapist as a proactive measure to understand the male psyche in hopes of gaining a better understanding of my husband. I gained so much more from Dr Wade than I had not expected. Dr Wade is an excellent active listener, and he provides thoroughness in his assessment that brings you to a much better place with clarity and understanding. I enjoy our talk sessions and look forward to learning more from him. Dr Wade is a student of the Word and provides direction to acquire confidence in hope."