Starting Off On The Right Foot: Pre-Marriage Counseling

Pre-marriage counseling can provide an opportunity to prevent future conflicts and learn how to work through issues in a healthy way. It may help you get to know your partner more deeply and strengthen your bond, and this type of counseling can even reduce the risk of divorce. There are many topics and questions that can be discussed in pre-marriage counseling, and working with a licensed mental health professional can ensure that you get value out of your counseling sessions. You may complete couples counseling pre-marriage in person or online.

Why Should You Consider Pre-Marriage Counseling?

Rushing into marriage without taking the time to discuss various important topics can lead to a situation where relationship counseling is required to resolve problems that didn’t have to occur in the first place. Avoiding this backward approach is one reason why many couples opt to attend pre-marriage counseling. 

Get To Know Your Partner Better

Even though you may currently be blindly in love, both of you should remember that marriage can be a bond of many dimensions - financial, familial, sexual, and emotional.

It often takes time for a married couple to get to know their partner’s values, religious beliefs, how they handle conflict, and what involvement their partner’s family will have in their married life.

Making sure that you and your future spouse are on the same page regarding all these topics is perhaps the best way to maintain and improve your marriage. When trouble starts to emerge in married life, premarital counseling can have huge benefits. Even if you're already living together before marriage with your partner, and you feel like you already know your partner well to resolve issues it is still worth it to get a marriage counseling.

Premarital counseling generally aims to give both engaged partners time to discuss hard topics and answer premarital counseling questions in an open, honest way during professional therapy sessions so you can have a better future together.

What kinds of topics are commonly covered in premarital counseling? A therapist is likely to touch on a variety of subjects, such as how you both view commitment, what your short- and long-term goals are, what kinds of expectations you have of each other, and how you will handle financial decisions. Here is a list of the types of questions you might expect:

What do you hope to gain from premarital counseling?

What drew you to each other initially? Were you looking for someone with certain qualities?

In what ways are you similar to your partner? In what ways are you different?

How would you define a happy marriage?

What makes you two "click"?

What kinds of personal goals do you aspire to? Do they mesh with any relationship goals you might have set?

What do you admire or respect about your partner?

Are you on the same page regarding family life and children? Have you discussed how you would manage these changes with the other person?

If you plan to have children, how would you describe your parenting styles? Are they in sync?

What role will your in-laws and other family play in your life? How often do you expect to see them?

Where would you ultimately like to live? Do you have a lifestyle you are hoping to achieve?

What are your professional goals? What sacrifices might need to be made so you can help each other achieve them?

What are your expectations for alone time? Friend time? Couple time?

Do you have a clear understanding of how your past relationships may affect your relationship with each other now?

Are there any changes you would like to make in yourself that you are hoping your partner will support?

How important is it to you to achieve a certain financial status?

Have you discussed how you will handle money on a day-to-day basis? Will you have joint checking accounts or separate ones? Do you agree on a monthly budget?

What role did money play in your family growing up? Are there any issues from your early experiences that may affect your relationship now?

Have you discussed any debt either of you has? What is the plan for paying off this debt?

How do you resolve arguments with each other? Would you like your partner to respond differently?

How will you divide housework and/or yard maintenance?

Do you have a role model for the type of partner you would like to be? Or the type of marriage you would like to have?

Do you have the same expectations regarding sex? Is sex a topic you can speak openly about with your partner? Does your partner expect sex more or less often than you do?

How important is religion or spirituality to you? What role does this play in your life now? If you plan to have children, are you in agreement about how you will address this topic?

Is there anything that would be considered a "deal breaker" in your relationship? What actions or behaviors are off-limits?

What kinds of traditions or rituals would you like to start as you begin your life together?

Is there any information or topic that hasn't been brought up that you think is important to discuss?

More Information On Pre-Marriage Counseling 

Whatever premarital questions you may have, premarital counseling with a family therapist can help answer them. A licensed marriage and family therapist can also be instrumental in helping you both improve your conflict resolution skills during joint sessions in premarital counseling.

This is just a sample of the types of questions that may be introduced in premarital counseling sessions. You will likely be encouraged to continue difficult conversations on these subjects at home together and bring back any issues you want to talk about. While discussing these questions on your own is certainly helpful, having someone professionally trained in counseling who can walk you through the process can help you get the maximum benefit of premarital counseling and assist with resolving any potential problems that may surface.

Just remember that you generally get out what you put in. The goal of the experience is normally for you and your partner to learn more about each other and address any problem areas proactively. Premarital counseling may help you improve your communication skills. The more you express your thoughts and feelings in an open and honest way, the better outcome you may have. You might even have some fun learning new things about yourself and your partner.

Try Online Pre-Marriage Counseling

It can be difficult to align your and your partner’s schedules with a therapist’s schedule in order to set up pre-marriage counseling sessions. However, when you eliminate the commute and open up the available session times, it can become much easier—and this is generally what happens when you choose to attend online therapy rather than in-person therapy.

This study explains that online therapy for couples can be effective. If you’re interested in completing pre-marriage counseling with your partner, please don’t hesitate to reach out and get the guidance you deserve.