Pre Marriage Counseling: Premarital Counseling Expectations
Premarital counseling can help provide an opportunity for engaged couples to build a successful marriage, prevent future conflicts, and learn how to work through issues in a healthy way. It may help you get to know your partner more deeply, have serious conversations, and strengthen your bond, and this type of counseling has been known to reduce the divorce rate among married couples. Both partners may have their own individual therapy, but there are many topics and questions that can be discussed in pre-martial counseling. Working with licensed mental health professionals or a religious leader who offers premarital counseling can ensure that you get value out of your counseling sessions. You may complete couples premarital counseling in person or online.
Why should you consider pre marriage counseling?
Rushing into marriage without taking the time to discuss various important topics can lead to a situation where married couples must go to couples therapy to resolve problems that didn’t have to occur in the first place. A Verywell Mind survey finds that many couples regretted not starting couples therapy sooner, which is one reason why many couples begin premarital counseling programs to build a solid foundation. In addition, tackling problems before they occur or grow could help strengthen the relationship and prevent any strain on you and your partner’s mental health.
Get to know your partner better through premarital counseling sessions
Even though you may currently be blindly in love, both of you should remember that marriage can be a bond of many dimensions - financial, familial, sexual, and emotional.
It often takes time for a married couple to get to know their partner’s values, religious beliefs, how they handle conflict, and what involvement their partner’s family will have in their married life.
Making sure that you and your future spouse are on the same page regarding all these topics and have healthy communication skills to discuss them is perhaps the best way to maintain and improve your marriage. When trouble starts to emerge in married life, premarital counseling can help set a strong foundation and have huge benefits. Even if you're already living together before marriage with your partner, and you feel like you already know your partner well enough to resolve issues it may still be worth it to speak with a premarital counselor.
Good premarital counseling generally aims to give both engaged partners time to discuss hard topics and answer premarital counseling questions in an open, honest way during professional therapy sessions so you can have a better future together.
Common topics covered in pre-marriage counseling
What kinds of topics are commonly covered in premarital counseling? A therapist is likely to start with a premarital assessment that includes a variety of subjects, such as how you both view commitment, how you resolve conflict, what your short- and long-term goals are, what kinds of expectations you have of each other, and how you will handle financial decisions. Here is a list of the types of questions you might expect:
- What do you hope to gain from premarital counseling?
- What drew you to each other initially? Were you looking for someone with certain qualities?
- In what ways are you similar to your partner? In what ways are you different?
- How would you define a happy, healthy marriage?
- What makes you two "click"?
- What kinds of personal goals do you aspire to? Do they mesh with any relationship goals you might have set?
- What do you admire or respect about your partner?
- Are you on the same page regarding family life and children? Have you discussed how you would manage these changes with the other person?
Conflict resolution skills in couples therapy
The Gottman Institute couples workshops offer an engaging platform for couples to strengthen their bonds. Founded by renowned psychologists Dr. John Gottman and Dr. Julie Gottman, these workshops provide couples with practical strategies backed by extensive research in the field of relationship dynamics. Through the Gottman method, which includes interactive activities, role-playing, and expert-led discussions, participants can gain valuable insights into productive communication, conflict resolution, and emotional intimacy. The workshops aim to empower couples with skills to help navigate challenges and improve the quality of their relationships.
The Gottman Institute's approach is known for its emphasis on fostering friendship, managing conflicts, and creating shared meaning within relationships. With a focus on evidence-based practices and a wealth of expertise from the Gottmans, these workshops provide couples with a roadmap to navigate the complexities of maintaining a healthy and fulfilling partnership.
More information on premarital counseling
Whatever premarital questions you may have, premarital counseling with a family therapist can help answer them. Licensed marriage therapists, couples counselors, and family therapists can be instrumental in creating effective strategies to reduce conflict, tackle communication problems by discovering each partner’s communication styles, and improve relationship satisfaction in a safe space during joint sessions.
This is just a sample of the types of questions that may be introduced in premarital counseling sessions. You will likely be encouraged to continue difficult conversations on these subjects at home together and bring back any issues you want to talk about. While discussing these questions on your own is certainly helpful, having someone professionally trained in counseling who can walk you through the process can help you get the maximum benefits of premarital counseling and assist with resolving any potential problems that may surface.
Just remember that you generally get out what you put in. The goal of the experience is normally for you and your partner to learn more about each other and address any problem areas proactively. Premarital counseling may improve your communication skills and help you in setting realistic expectations for your marriage ahead. The more you express your thoughts and feelings in an open and honest way, the better the outcome you may have. You might even have some fun learning new things about yourself and your partner through this form of premarital education.
Try online pre-marital counseling prior to marriage
Although some hospitals or community centers may offer sessions, not every couple can find premarital counseling in person. It can also be difficult to align your and your partner’s schedules with a therapist’s schedule in order to set up pre-marriage counseling sessions, especially for busy couples. However, when you eliminate the commute to make more available session times, it can become much easier—and this is generally what happens when you choose to attend online therapy rather than in-person therapy. The difference in premarital counseling cost online versus in-person may also make sessions more feasible for couples.
This study explains that online counseling for couples can be an effective way to find support, especially when used along with in-person therapy. If you’re interested in completing pre-marriage counseling with your partner, please don’t hesitate to reach out and get the guidance you deserve.
Takeaway
What do people talk about in pre-marital counseling?
Couples seek premarital counseling for a variety of different reasons, so topics can vary. Some potential subjects may include personal values, life goals, expectations for your sex life, family planning, and ways to address future problems.
What questions should I ask at pre marriage counseling?
When you seek professional guidance in premarital therapy, don’t be afraid to bring up difficult issues and have hard conversations. Here are some examples of questions you might ask:
- How can we have a successful relationship?
- What’s the best way to manage conflict?
- What if we disagree on how many kids to have?
- How do we split our time between each other and our friends?
- How can we develop a deeper understanding of each other?
- Why do most people get divorced?
How long should premarital couples therapy last and how much does it cost?
The length of premarital counseling can vary between 2 to 6 months (or even longer in some cases), depending on a number of different factors. These can include the therapist’s approach, any specific issues you’re facing as a couple, and your preferences. The timeline may also coincide with the wedding planning.
The cost of attending premarital counseling varies based on several factors, including the length of the sessions, your location, and the counselor's credentials. On average, premarital counseling can range from $125 to $175 per session. Most couples attend a total of five sessions, putting the total average cost at $600 to $900.
What questions do pastors ask in premarital counseling?
If you decide to see a pastor for premarital counseling, you can expect to have a different experience than couples who choose to see a marriage and family therapist or professional counselor. Specifically, you can expect to answer questions about your faith and spiritual practices as well as the role religion will play in your marriage.
What is the pre-marriage test for couples?
While there is no one standard test for couples in couples counseling, your therapist may administer a variety of assessments. These tests may be designed to help determine your readiness for marriage and to identify any issues you need to work on prior to tying the knot.
Can pre marriage counseling lead to a happy marriage?
Yes. Setting expectations through pre marriage counseling prior to marriage can help both partners prepare themselves for the changes that they will experience as they transition into married life.
How do I prepare for marriage?
There are many things you can do to prepare yourself for marriage. Some of these include talking to your partner about expectations, reading books about marriage, and attending premarital counseling with the right therapist. The benefits of premarital couples counseling include:
- Premarital counseling can help couples develop conflict resolution and communication skills to navigate relationship challenges in a constructive way.
- Lower divorce rates have been observed in couples who attend counseling before marriage.
- Attending counseling before marriage can help you identify areas you and your partner need to work on. Counseling can also help you spot potential red flags in your partner.
- Pre-marriage counseling can help couples build trust and intimacy.
- Premarital counseling offers couples a safe space to discuss difficult but important topics, such as finances, religious beliefs, and family planning.
- Pre-marriage counseling can help couples set realistic expectations to avoid conflict down the line. Counseling can also help ensure that your goals for the future are aligned.
- Marriage is a major life change, and many people tend to feel anxious before tying the knot. Attending premarital counseling can help reduce pre-marriage anxiety.
What is the importance of readiness for marriage and family in a partnership?
The importance of readiness before getting married or starting a family cannot be overstated. Divorce rates in the United States are around 42%, and many couples split up because they aren't ready for the commitment.
Why is it important to have mental health therapy yourself before getting engaged?
Most couples bring issues from their past into the marriage, whether it be from childhood or from past relationships. Individual therapy can help couples strengthen their mental health and wellbeing prior to entering the marriage. This can result in a more successful relationship.
Why is it important to know your partner before committing to each other?
Knowing your partner fully before making a commitment like marriage can have key benefits. This understanding can help build a foundation of trust, improve communication in the relationship, and help you avoid misunderstandings and unrealistic expectations. Successful couples often take the time to get to know each other deeply prior to marriage.
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