Conversation topics and conversation starters for kids

Talking to your children can be challenging, especially if they are an adolescent or on the edge of adulthood. You want to hear about their lives and what is on their mind. But how do you start a deep conversation in a way that is creative and engaging enough to get young people to open up and maintain a dialogue? How do you keep the conversation going once it's started? If you or your child is struggling with communicating, reaching out to an online therapist can provide the support you need. 

To have a meaningful conversation with your child, you can start with trying to understand what your child is thinking. Asking questions is a great way to start conversations with the kids in your life. Younger children in particular respond to these question-and-answer conversations as it expands their vocabulary and speech. Read on to discover creative questions and conversation topics to help you start meaningful, enjoyable conversations with the kids in your life. You will also learn how to consider your child's developmental stage and adjust conversations as they grow.  

School and academics

One of the most common topics that comes to mind when people think of what to talk about with kids is school. However, asking how someone's day went only goes so far when it comes to getting details about a child's life as it pertains to school and academics. Asking generic or yes/no questions instead of an open ended question can often elicit one-word answers. To keep the conversation flowing, you need better conversation starters for kids. 

Here are some questions to ask that extend beyond, "How was school today?"

• Can you teach me about something you learned at school today?
• What was your favorite class or subject today?
• What is the favorite thing you learned today in class?
• Tell me one thing that made you smile today?
• What is the best field trip you have ever been on?
• What did you do during recess today?
• What is your favorite thing to do at recess?
• Did your teacher call on you today? How did it make you feel? 
• Who are some of the nicest kids in your class? What makes this kid the nicest person in your class?
• Who are the other kids you have been spending time with lately?
• What's one interesting thing you've learned this year?
• Is there anything you want to learn about in school that you haven't learned about yet?

You might also ask questions like, "Was school easy or hard today?" or "What was the easiest thing about school today, and what was the most difficult?" This is a great way to gain insight as to if there is anything a child is struggling with without judgment, and it is also a great way to learn about their strengths.

Hobbies and activities

Hobbies and activities, such as extracurricular activities, clubs, or sports, are other conversation starters with children. Here are a few questions to get your family's dialogue started.

• What is your favorite thing to do with your friends?
• What is your favorite part of practice? (If your child is involved in a sport, theater, etc.).
• What are some of your favorite things to draw? Can you describe how you would draw it? (If your child likes to draw).
• Do you like the kids (at soccer practice, in your art class, etc.)?
• What are some of your favorite things to do at the beach?
• What is your favorite game or ride at the carnival?
• What is your favorite thing to do on rainy days?
• What is something you really love to do that you do not get to do that often?
• If you were to write a book, what would the story be about?

Yes or no questions can also work as conversation starters for kids by asking follow-up questions. You might start a conversation about a child's hobbies or interests by asking questions such as "Do you like to swim?" or "Do you like to roller skate?" If they say "yes," you can ask more questions about that topic.

Fun conversation starters

A conversation starter is a great way for the family to connect around the dinner table. Here are some funny conversation starters and fun, miscellaneous questions to use to start a conversation with a child.

• What is your favorite song right now?
• What is your favorite candy? When was the last time you ate it?
• What is your favorite toy? If you could only choose one toy, what would it be? (For older kids, you might ask, "What is your most treasured belonging?" or another similar question).
• What is your favorite color? (If they are older, you can be more specific such as “What color do you like to wear the most and why?”)
• If you had three wishes right now, what would they be?
• If you had a million dollars, what would you do? Would you use it to make the world a better place?
• In your opinion, what makes someone a good friend? Who is your best friend? What three words describe them best?
• If you could trade places with anyone in the world, who would it be? What is the first thing you would do?
• If you were going to design an outfit, what would it look like?
• If you could have one super power for the rest of your life, what would it be? Describe how you'd use it.
• What was the most embarrassing thing that’s ever happened to you?
• What is your favorite family tradition? When you are a grown up, do you think you'll keep doing it with your family?
• What is your favorite and least favorite food? What is your favorite restaurant to eat at?
• What is your favorite movie or TV show?
• Who is your favorite fictional character?
• What is your biggest fear?
• What is the coolest thing about being a kid?
• What is your least favorite chore? What is your favorite chore?
• Do you want to be a mom or dad one day? How big would you want your family to be?
• What is your favorite time of year? Where is your favorite place to spend it?
• Who is the funniest person you know? What is the funniest thing they said or did?
• What is your favorite animal?
• If you were on a deserted island, what three things would you take with you? Which best friends would you want to be there?
• What’s your favorite gift you've ever received? If you could visit anywhere in the world where would it be?

Conversation games

Another way to start a conversation with a child is to play a game that requires them to tell you about themselves. Conversation games enable you to learn fun facts about your child in a low-pressure setting.

You might play a game of "this or that," which is a game where you go back and forth between asking each other "this or that" questions pertaining to each other's preferences. This can be a good conversation starter because it's low pressure and there's no wrong answer. Examples of questions you might ask during "this or that" are "Hot dogs or hamburgers?" and "Winter or Summer?" 

Another common and easy game to play is "Would you rather?" To play this game, you ask questions using the format "Would you rather ___ or ___?" For example, "Would you rather have a house in the woods or in the city?" or "If you had to pick one, would you rather be a cat or a dog for a day?"

Adjusting conversations as they grow

• Three-to-Five Years – Often considered the preschool years, this is a busy time for your child. They like to practice art, like painting, cutting, and pasting, singing, and dancing. They most likely will be learning their numbers, and letters, and simple directions. If your child is in kindergarten, conversations can revolve around their friends, favorite toys, and play activity. They love to play pretend, and this is a great time for you to bond with your child through playtime. 
• Six—Eight Years – As they grow older, more is expected from them in school, both academically and socially. They most likely will be excited about school, especially recess (maybe not homework) and playing with their friends. Like all people, they will have good days and bad days, some with fights with their friends and siblings, others they will be excited and happy about what is ahead. They will have many questions and engage them when they ask. You can also ask them similar questions, especially about what they are learning at school and favorite family activities. 
• Nine-Eleven Years – This age range is dynamic, with some children still seeming like “little kids” and others more developmentally mature. You may even have a child who is entering the stage of puberty and are managing the many changes occurring within their bodies and brains. This age is characterized by the ability to think more logically and a continued natural curiosity about the world around them. Practice sensitivity and compassion when starting conversations and let them open to you when they want to let you know about how they are feeling.
• Eleven- Fourteen – If you have a child in this age group, you most likely are noticing how quickly they are growing, emotionally, physically, and intellectually. Children who are moving into the teenage years have an incredible amount of change to manage- their brains are developing new neural pathways and hormones are affecting their moods. Furthermore, social expectations are also changing, and peer pressure becomes an added stress they must navigate through. This is a crucial time for you to be ready to listen any time your child wants to talk to you. Do not be afraid to start off the conversation with small talk, like simply asking them how their day is going. 

Talking to your teen

Just like when you were watching your child as a toddler work through internal conflict, you may notice your teenager pushing boundaries and having emotional outbursts. Your teen is learning to become independent and is most likely pulling away from you as they develop their own identity and strategies in life-management. Your relationship with your child is just as, if not more, important during this time. Keep those lines of communication open, be ready to listen, and validate their feelings every chance you have. Genuinely praise their accomplishments and try your best not to lecture when they make mistakes. 

If you find that your teenager's mood changes and behavior is unusually erratic, do not hesitate to help them find a professional therapist with whom to talk. Sometimes, despite your full commitment to giving them support, they may want to pull away and you may not be able to give them an objective and non-biased perspective. Furthermore, the stress and anxiety of this time can worsen symptoms of an underlying and undiagnosed mental health disorder. Gently suggesting that your child see a counselor can help them develop strategies to manage the huge amount of change they are going through and improve their general well-being. 

Keep in mind that every child has a unique experience and personality that may not perfectly fit what you learn about child development. Nonetheless, getting to know how their brains and bodies are developing helps you to have compassion and a greater understanding of how to communicate. Every child is unique and you will often notice when their interests start to shift. If their interests do start to shift - for example, they might be more interested in bands or fashion than they used to be - engage with them by showing excitement about those things.

Show that you want to hear more, and ask questions about the bands they like, the fashion they are interested in, or anything else that is relevant specific to your child. As a parent, it can be hard to adapt when kids reach preteen or teenage years. It is inevitable and need not be perceived as a negative time or a stage of development to fear. 

Parents need to adapt their conversation starters to their kid. If your child or teen needs support, you may consider finding a therapist or counselor for them to work with. You may find it advantageous to see a mental health provider yourself as well. It is important to take care of yourself and your emotional well-being, and you deserve to have the support that you need.

Finding support

Therapy can help whether you are coping with concerns related to parenting and family life, life changes or transitions, stress, symptoms of a mental health condition, or anything else that is on your mind. There are several different ways to find a therapist or counselor. You can contact your insurance company to see who they cover, ask your doctor for a referral, search the web, or sign up for a reputable online therapy platform like BetterHelp. 

Raising a family and balancing work among other life obligations can make it difficult to find the time to set up appointments and attend in-person therapy sessions. Online therapy is a convenient option where you or your child can get the professional support you both need from the comfort of your own home. Your child may even feel more comfortable and open if they are in a space that is familiar and safe. Furthermore, research has shown that online therapy is highly effective in providing therapeutic support for children. For example, a recent study supported the use of online therapy for teens in which adolescent participants reported a healthy relationship with their therapist with whom they felt supported and trusted. 

All the providers on the BetterHelp platform are licensed and online counseling is often more affordable than traditional in-person services (especially in the absence of insurance). Regardless of how you find a provider, finding quality care improve the mental health of all who participate and help your family flourish. Do not hesitate to reach out and take the first step today.

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