Is There Psychological Harm In Feeling Unappreciated?

By: Dylan Buckley

Updated July 21, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Avia James

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Feeling unappreciated can affect not only your emotions but also how you think and act which may influence your mental health and probably lead to mental illness. If others seem to ignore what you do for them, it can feel devastating. You might wonder if the things you do for others are really worth the effort. From there, it might seem easier to isolate yourself from them and stop trying. While there is the harm in these behaviors, the question you need to answer for yourself, first, is whether the feeling itself can harm you or result in mental illnesses.

Does It Matter If You Are Feeling Unappreciated?

To live a fulfilling life, you need to pay attention not only to your feelings, but also to your thoughts and behaviors. Thoughts influence feelings; feelings influence behaviors; and behaviors influence thoughts and feelings too. Your feelings are definitely important to you because they can give you clues about what matters most in your life. They are also a crucial part of the human experience. Feeling alone can't hurt you psychologically leading to mental illnesses; it is how you deal with the feeling of being alone that really matters.

Feelings can have a profound effect on the choices you make and the way you behave. But, no feeling automatically leads to any specific behavior. Knowing that you own your own being and that you can choose to stay in the situation or move on is the best way to avoid psychological harm (mental health problems) from ungrateful people. Here are some things you can do if you want to continue moving forward with the relationship.

Communication Can Improve the Relationship

When you feel like no one cares about who you are or what you've done for them, you can often solve the problem completely by communicating your feelings to them. Without accusing them of anything, express your emotions clearly. Talk about the times when you feel that way. This can help you prevent potential mental illnesses. Many times, the other person just doesn't realize that their actions have influenced your emotions that way or affected your mental health. If, on the other hand, the person truly doesn't appreciate you, you know where you stand and can choose better ways to get the appreciation you deserve.


Model Appreciation

It's interesting when people are resentful when they get no appreciation, while at the same time they give no appreciation to those in their life. If you want to be appreciated, make sure you're injecting your own appreciation into the relationship. Even if you have to search hard for something to appreciate in someone, your expressions of gratitude and respect can have a great effect. Again, don't do it to get appreciation, but be ready to receive it happily if it comes. Being a good role model doesn't always work out, but when it does, the results can be powerful.

 Look for Appreciation in Actions as Well as Words

Too often, we feel unappreciated because someone doesn't say the words. The person you've done things for may not be as verbal as you are. They may show their appreciation in other ways- perhaps with a tender touch on the shoulder or by giving you a small gift. You may still need to hear those words occasionally, though. If so, get back to basic communication, telling them what you need and how they can supply it- if they choose.

Rethink Your Motives

Why do you do what you do? Do you do it so someone will appreciate you? If so, try something different. Instead of acting out of a need for recognition, choose your behaviors because they're what makes you happy, and improve your mental health. This doesn't mean you'll never do anything for anyone else. Most of us get pleasure out of doing things for the ones we love. We add purpose to our lives by doing things for people who have needs they can't meet. When you focus on that pleasure you've received by doing it- instead of the reaction the person gives-, you can stop resenting them for the things you do for them.

Being in a state of constant resentment is definitely not healthy. It can lead to mental illness. To improve your life and mental health, you have to change your thoughts and behaviors surrounding doing things for others. Before you do something for someone else, consider whether you'll resent it if you get a negative response or no response at all. Then, if you're going to resent it, just don't do it. Or, if you decide to do it for another reason, focus on that rather than the gratitude of someone else.

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Don't Get Caught Up in Role Identities

Decades ago, it was more common for a husband to earn a living and a wife to stay at home to raise the children. The husband also took care of the yard, the car, and home maintenance. The wife also cooked, cleaned, ran errands, and did any of the other little things the husband didn't have time for. The world has changed dramatically since then - at least it has for many people. The problem is that people who are older or more traditional still live their lives in accordance with these roles. Even young, progressive people sometimes discover that they simply expect their partner to take care of certain responsibilities, perhaps because it was what their parents did. You don't have to do something just because others in that role have done it before you.


Work together with your partner to come up with a way for each person to take care of the parts of daily life that they enjoy, are good at, or don't mind doing. If something needs to be done regularly that no one wants to do, take turns. Come to an agreement that works for both of you. If you can't, couple's counseling might help.

Work on Teamwork

Although agreeing who will do what can make your life simpler, it doesn't completely solve the problem of not being appreciated. You may redefine your role, but until you and the other person decide to work together as a team, you might be bound by a strict list of chores and responsibilities at home. Where's the appreciation in that? However, dividing up chores fairly can be the first step toward having a relationship that works for both parties. If so, the next step can be working together, pitching in when you're needed, and showing appreciation all around.

Being Objective Can Help You

Looking carefully at a situation in which you're feeling unappreciated can help you get a clearer understanding of what's really happening. Perhaps the person who seems to be unappreciative has gotten so wrapped up in their busy life that they don't show their gratitude for what you do. But, that's about them and their life. It isn't about you. Noticing what seems to be behind the lack of appreciation can help you realize that what you're doing matters to someone- even if they don't show it. If it's hard to remain objective and reason out what to do next, a therapist can help you better define your feelings and make reasonable choices.

You Can Get the Ball Rolling

You can't recreate your relationship to make it the perfect combination of teamwork and appreciation. The other person has to be willing to do their part too. So, what do you do if they're unwilling? You can begin by working on your own mental health issues to avoid mental illnesses. Find out why their appreciation means so much to you. Discover what makes you happiest. You can learn to be more assertive in asking for recognition. You can reassess what you want in life. You can practice techniques that help you gain a better understanding of your emotions, thoughts, and actions. You can also start making the changes that are in your hands.

When you choose to address your own mental health and avoid potential mental illnesses, you might find out very quickly if the two of you can coexist in a healthy way. On the other hand, you might find out that the two of you get along better, show each other more appreciation, and get more pleasure from the time you spend together after you've worked on your own mental health. Either way, you'll be in a better position to make important life decisions and find the appreciation you deserve. Licensed therapists are available for this discussion at BetterHelp, whenever you are ready to take charge of your emotions and make the choices that benefit your mental health. This may be one of the best ways to avoid mental illnesses.

Keeping Your Progress Steady: 4 Tips to Move Forward

The key to creating any change in your life is to get started. However, maintaining consistency is equally important. If you want to see a change in your relationship, here are four valuable tips that will jumpstart the process and set you on a path to success.

  1. Set Aside Time for Open, Honest Communication

Being communicative can be hard for couples, especially given the hustle and bustle of daily life. If you have trouble communicating, try setting aside specific times and days for open, honest, non-confrontational communication, so you can talk about how you are feeling and the progress you have made.

I Can't Help Feeling Like I'm Not Appreciated, No Matter How Hard I Try.
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  1. Take Care of Yourself

Couples who require too much of each other lose themselves in the process. Make sure you are taking care of your own needs and maintaining your independence by practicing self-care and leaving time open for yourself. Search for ways to improve your mental health and avoid mental illness such as depression, eating disorder, anxiety, and isolation.

  1. Give Your Partner Opportunities to Appreciate You

It can be hard to remember to cherish someone when things have become stale. Have a date night and switch things up to remind both of you why you entered the relationship and to create windows of opportunity where appreciation and recognition can thrive.

  1. Seek Help

Both couple's counseling and individual therapy can help you to work on the issues in the relationship and simultaneously tackle some of the problems that you may be facing with your self-esteem and confidence. Instead of using various therapists for these purposes, you can meet all of your needs by making a quick visit to BetterHelp.

BetterHelp is an online counseling platform that helps to connect individuals and couples to certified therapists quickly and easily. No need to sit in traffic or take time out of your day to drive to an appointment -- you can access BetterHelp from the comfort and privacy of your own home. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors, from people experiencing similar issues.

  1. Support Groups: Support groupsare support systems that can help you get over your emotional pains and anxiety which may affect your mental health and lead to mental illness. People join different support groups to make a positive change in their relationship. Search to get the most appropriate one for you.

Counselor Reviews

"I've been working with Nicole for a year now. During that time I faced some of the toughest situations ever and she was there with me every step of the way. With her great advice and support, I saw the bigger picture and learned to appreciate myself more thanks to her empathetic approach. Always quick to respond to any message, always on time for sessions and always helpful. I'm absolutely sure that without her, I wouldn't have come as far as I did."

"Ruth has been amazing thus far, she helped me figure out how toxic and awful my relationship was and has supported me though the transition of finding myself again. I would highly recommend her to anyone. Extremely helpful, a wonderful listener and just all around great to talk to! Thank you Ruth."


Being unappreciated can be hurtful; sometimes, it may be intentional, but it may also be simply something easily fixable. If you are experiencing psychological harm in feeling unappreciated, reach out for help, rediscover yourself, and mend your relationship. Tomorrow is a new day, and you deserve the love that you are worthy of! Take the first step today.


What does feeling unappreciated mean?

Feeling unappreciated means that you’re feeling like you’re not being valued by others. Un- is the prefix for not of course, and appreciated means determining or understanding the value of someone. Therefore, people are not appreciating the value that you contribute to the group or to others.

 What to do when you don't feel appreciated?

What you can do when you’re feeling unappreciated is learn to take control. Make your efforts known, and if you’re feeling unappreciated in your relationship, let it be known.

Don’t be afraid to pay it forward and also show appreciation for others. Sometimes, when you’re feeling unappreciated, letting others know that they are appreciated can help show others your potential as well.

Another thing to do is to learn to love yourself. Sometimes, loving yourself, and reciting positive affirmations will also help you when you’re feeling unappreciated, and you’re struggling with feeling good which may have a negative effect on your mental health or lead to mental illness.

Finally, learn and grow. 

If you’re not bettering yourself, it will only make feeling unappreciated worse. Know your own worth and learn to understand that the value others put on you isn’t the intrinsic value you have as a person.

 How do you know if you are being taken for granted?

If someone never thanks you for your hard work, never acknowledges what you do, never talks to you, never shows interest in what you do, chances are you’re being taken for granted.

This can also lead to feeling unappreciated, but also feelings of insecurity as well. If you feel like you’re doing things that go unappreciated, or you don’t get any acknowledgment for them, or they never give you acknowledgment back for your efforts, chances are you’re being taken for granted.

 How do you deal with people who take you for granted?

You have to learn to be honest about your feelings. Tell them you don’t like it. If they’re taking advantage of you, next time they do tell you no. Learn to say no, learn to refuse to do something.

Take control of your life. 

You’re not someone who is supposed to just do whatever the other person wants.

Start to put effort towards those who don’t. If you stop focusing on those who don’t care, they start to go away. Another big thing is also to look into standing up for yourself. Tell your side of the story and talk about how you feel.

Finally, learn to walk away. If they don’t care about you, they won’t come after you. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s a good one to learn.

 How do you make someone feel valued? 

There are many ways, but giving them positive reinforcement, complimenting them, listening to them when they voice their opinion, and letting them have a say in things can help anyone feel valued.

Don’t be afraid to tell someone that they matter too. Whether it be through asking for their opinion or advice on the situation, to even letting them voice their concerns, it can help someone feel valued. And if they are upset with you, listen to them. Don’t just dismiss their problems.

How do you appreciate someone in words? 

A simple “thank you” is a great way to appreciate someone in words. Telling them “I appreciate the help and effort” is another good way to tell someone that you appreciate someone. Letting them know you appreciate what they do is a small action, but a really valuable one.  

How do you make someone feel bad for hurting you? 

First, don’t try to guilt trip them. Instead, let them know how it made you feel. Tell them using “I” words rather than blaming it on them with “you” words what they did wasn’t okay.

Tell them how it made you feel, the emotions you suffered from, and the problems it created. Tell them exactly why it hurt you, and why it created upset within you.

Being honest about this, without sounding whiny of course, is a good way to tell someone that you are upset, and it can make them feel bad for hurting you.

Sometimes even telling them that you’re feeling unappreciated can help. Feeling unappreciated can trigger a response both good and bad though, so do be careful.

How do you become strong when someone hurts you emotionally?

If you’re feeling unappreciated because someone hurt you, you need to understand that moving on and becoming stronger helps. Surround yourself with people who make you feel appreciated instead of feeling unappreciated and focus on those efforts.

Don’t be afraid to make decisions and cut out people. Be honest with your decisions and focus on your strengths and the good things you have. Feel gratitude for others.

Finally, learn to let go of the hurt. Don’t let feeling unappreciated or like nothing take over your life. You spend too much time feeling unappreciated, you’ll never be happy– this can affect your mental health and lead to mental illness. So learn to grow and learn to be stronger.

What do you say to someone who feels unappreciated?

Everyone loves admiration and appreciation. Sometimes, several people expect you to comment admirably on their looks and appearance, performing a duty, and so on. In relationships, acknowledgment and appreciation are very important. It lifts someone's spirits and makes such a person feel happier. If you see someone who feels unappreciated, the following are what you can say to make such person feel appreciated once more:

  • Start with Apology if it's your Fault: Saying the words “I’m sorry" will go a long way to make the other person feel better, special, and relevant. You shouldn't be defensive when you discover that you are responsible for hurting such as a person. You may something like “I’m deeply sorry for making you feel unappreciated, it wasn't my intention in the first place. I would like us to stick together to be sure you don't have such feelings ever again."
  • Don't stop yourself from saying “Thank You": The best form of appreciation is when you clearly make it known to people that you cherish what they do they execute them. The best way to make someone feel appreciated is when you do this on a regular basis. Endeavor to say thank you when they do something for you. This can be when such a thing is done after.

Sometimes, someone may do something for you without being asked, try to let such person know that you recognize and appreciate it by saying something like" thank you for doing that".

Appreciate your partner for contributing to your relationship emotionally and mentally, and such person's effort to make the relationship stand.

Appreciation is not something you do only when you are alone. Do it in front of others and let others know how you are so glad to have such a person in your life

  • Send Messages: Don't always wait to see people before you appreciate them for the good things they've done. Little texts or notes to express your appreciation will do. Make it known to them that you're thinking about them and you are lucky to have them around you.
  • Use the Surprise Method: There are different ways to express yourself to make someone feel appreciated. Not only through words but through other things such as a date or surprise packages to show that you wish to take care of such a person in return.

How do you know if you're not appreciated in a relationship?

A relationship is expected to be about you and your partner. The time, resources, love, and advice you out into it should be duly appreciated. The following are ways to know if you are not appreciated especially for your efforts in a relationship:

  • You don't feel Recognized: One of the aims of being in a relationship is to have your goals fulfilled. If you frequently feel useless, worthless, or uncertain about the fulfillment of your goals because your partner incessantly fails to recognize, appreciate, or validate your effort, then your relationship is lacking the basic things. You will know that you are appreciated when all these show up
  • Your Goals Remain unfulfilled: if you feel that the time you spend together is a waste of time, and sensing that the relationship is more about such person than you, then you should know that your effort in the relationship is not appreciated.
  • Feeling Resentful: If you continuously feel that your mental health is affected by the feelings of anger and frustration and your mind telling you that you should be treated better than that, then you should know that you're not appreciated.

What happens when a woman feels unappreciated?
To be frank, females crave appreciation and admiration more than men do especially when in relationships. They always want their partner to appreciate their efforts and make them feel accepted and loved. However, when these are not observed, you should be expecting any of the following:

  • She begins to think too much: Females are emotional beings, the moment they begin to sense that you don't appreciate what they do, they start to Overthinking. This may have a negative effect on her mental health.
  • She Begins to Doubt her Partner's Feelings for Her: If a woman discovers that you don't appreciate what she does, she will start to doubt if you truly love or care for her.
  • She looks down on Herself: A woman may lose confidence in herself, see herself to be worthless, and think that she's not good enough for you or not caring. This may affect her mental health.
  • She may be conscious of your imperfections: Love is a powerful emotion that can make two lovers ignore their unhealthy habits or behaviors. However, the moment a woman discovers that you don't appreciate what she does, this may open her eyes to start seeing that you aren't good enough for her.
  • She may lose interest in caring for you: This usually happens after all hope is lost seeing that there are no signs that you will change your unappreciative behavior.

What does silence do to a man?

You may want to skip to the main content to know how communication helps in building relationships. However, o the other hand silence is also useful. It is a powerful weapon that can be employed in a relationship as an instrument of correction or change. Most men don't like to be ignored. This is therefore one of the reasons why some worn take advantage of that and use silence to get what they want.

Silence can make a man miss a woman when it's used appropriately. It's possible that at a point in time, a relationship may become boring to the extent that partners may create emotional distance. This with few challenges may lead to a breakup and triggers the symptoms of mental illnesses. In this situation, some women may be at alert every minute and second expecting the call of their ex. However, this period is one you should use well. Take advantage of it to work on yourself and improve your life instead of sitting with your phone all day long waiting to answer calls that may not enter. This is radio silence which you can give a man after a breakup where you focus on improving the version of yourself.

Furthermore, it's a period when you don't call or check his Facebook page/ his updated status on Whataspp but focus entirely on yourself. Spend time with your friends and family members providing time for hobbies, physical fitness, and job.

The more distant you go, the more magnetic you become. This moment of silence will make him notice you and see you as an upgraded version of who you were which will eventually make you irresistible.

How do I make him worry about losing me?

There are different ways to make someone you love continually love and value you. If a man values you, he will seek each day to make you happy and do things that will make you stay in his life. There are different ways you can make a man feel worried about losing you. Check out the following tips:

  • Be occupied with other important things to make him crave your attention: Don't be available all the time he needs you. Let him know that as he's busy you too are, and that he can't reach you every time he feels like it. Ensure you don't overdo this.
  • Be strategic in your plans: You can do this by being elusive in what you do and the plans you make. Limit the information you give out to him on your plans and make it obvious that you can make some vital decisions on your own. Establish in his mind that you are being clandestine. This makes him scared of losing you.
  • Focus on the improvement of the version of yourself: Get involved in self-improvement activities that will make you achieve tour goals and aspirations and create an apparent boundary that will make him see you as a jewel that must be protected.
  • Make him jealous and let him know how attractive you've always been: if a man loves you, he will be provoked to jealousy when he senses that someone or something may take you or your attention away from him. Take advantage of this and make him realize how attractive you've always been.
  • Make a slight change in your kindness: This is an effective way to make him want the good old days back. You can stop being caring for a while by not attending to those things you know he loves. Give him space and let him feel what it means to be "independent" (a life without you) in a relationship.

How do you test a guy to see if he really loves you?

A relationship is expected to be built on genuine love. People can be deceptive sometimes. Loving someone is more than just saying it it must be demonstrated both in words and actions. A guy may tell you that he loves you, but deep down there he's playing you. Before you go on a serious journey of love you may want to test your guy if he really loves you. Some of the ways to do this may include:

  • You may deny him sex and see his reactions.
  • You may present to be pregnant to hear what he may say if you really are.
  • You may pretend to be sick to see if he's caring.
  • Try to drag out a fight with him and see his real reactions.
  • Watch if he treats you as an equal partner.

Why does my husband take me for granted?

Many men take their wives for granted because they see it as a way to show that they are superior to them or to manifest their drive toward being rejected by them. Your husband may unconsciously take you for granted because he's so much engrossed in the other things he does.

When should you quit a relationship?

A relationship is not a do or die affair. If it will affect your mental health and lead to mental illness, it is advisable to quit. The following are signs that will serve as notifications for the right time to leave:

  • Consistent emotional and/or physical abuse: This is dangerous to mental health and can lead to serious mental illness such as depression, isolation, anxiety, and eating disorder. If someone really loves you, such a person won't abuse you.
  • Cheating: This can lead to an unhealthy or toxic relationship that house sadness, mistrust, insecurity, and unforgiveness. Cheating can also be a source of mental illness. You can be cheated on physically or emotionally.
  • Deceit: If the foundation of your relationship is made on lies then there is a possibility that it won't last long. If your partner doesn't avoid deliberate lies and gaslighting, it a sign that if you don't quit it now, you will later.
  • Addiction: Addiction is injurious to someone's mental health and leads to mental illness. Being addicted to a job leaving no time for each other in the relationship may be a time to say bye-bye to the relationship.
  • Lack of Respect: If someone does not respect you now, it may be difficult to change such a person to respect you later in the relationship. So, when such a person incessantly disregards your values, goals, and worth, then you should think about quitting the relationship.
  • Emotional Distance: It may be an appropriate time to quit the relationship when you two begin to stay far from each other emotionally with no connection and agreement on issues pertaining to your lives in the relationship. Emotional distance may affect your mental health and lead to mental illness.
  • Long Term Sadness: If you continually feel prolonged unhappiness in the relationship, you should run. It could affect your mental health and lead to mental illnesses such as depression and isolation.
  • Unbalanced Relationship: If both of you are co-dependent, you shouldn't stay. A relationship is expected to have a balance where both parties have respect for each other, ready to compromise and listen to each other.

How does a man act when he's falling in love?

Love is a powerful emotion that may be difficult to hide when it's real.  When a man loves you he acts in a special way different from his normal way of behaving. The following are how he acts when he's falling you:

  • He acts vulnerably: A man who's falling in love with you will be open to disclosing his inner feelings and thoughts. A man does not do this for anyone unless he loves you.
  • He will always want to make you smile: Seeing you sad or moody may be a problem for such a person. He will make a special effort to bring a smile out of your face by making a fool of himself or crack jokes that are ridiculous.
  • He tells those special to him about you: A man who's falling for you will always be proud of you and will be very eager to introduce you to friends and family members.
  • He Stays with You Longer: He will always want to stay with you as long as possible making sure that you are happy.
  • He finds it Easy to relay his past Experiences to You: If he's in love with you, you won't have to pressure him into talking to you about his past. He may use this as a way to build intimacy with you.
  • He will be characteristically kind to you: he will be kind to you both in words and in actions
  • He cherishes your Feelings and Relationship: He may at first find it difficult to express his feelings because of his anxiety that you may not feel the same way. In this situation, you may notice that he seems to have something to intends to express.

What makes a man fall deeply in love with a woman?

Everyone is attracted to someone by something. When a man is deeply in love with a woman there are somethings responsible. The following are some of them:

  • She makes him feel appreciated and acceptable
  • She makes him feel that he's responsible for your happiness
  • She's open to love
  • She embraces her femininity
  • He has good sexual chemistry with her
  • She's a source of his inspiration
  • She's compatible with him.

How do you know if a guy is deeply in love with you?

There are ways to know if a guy is into you. These signs are in different dimensions which are actually more than just saying "I love you". The following are how you can know if he deeply loves you:

  • He's very intimate with you emotionally and physically ( he's not a threat to your mental health)
  • He always seeks ways to help you and solve your problems
  • He spends quality time with you
  • He takes you out on a date
  • He introduces you to friends and family members
  • He loves everything about you and things related to you
  • He admires and appreciates your appearance.
  • He put on a smiling face anytime he thinks about you
  • He tells you everything about himself even his personal information.
  • He remembers important dates in your life such as your birthday
  • He always wants you to have a say in the relationship and respect your judgment and opinions when you give them.

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