What To Do When You Feel Unappreciated By Your Partner
Most of us want to feel like the people around us value our efforts, thoughts, and opinions. Appreciation from others is often what validates and motivates us, giving us positive feedback that can improve our self-esteem and our relationships. But what do we do if we feel like we’re unappreciated by our partner? Feeling unappreciated can affect your self-esteem and create conflict in your relationship. Below, we’re going to discuss the importance of feeling appreciated by your partner and what to do if you feel that your contributions to your relationship are going unacknowledged.
Why Appreciation Matters In A Relationship
Knowing that you’re valued, both as an individual and a partner, is important. It can help you feel safer, more driven, and happier. When your significant other shows appreciation for your efforts when it comes to the relationship, they’re often helping you feel more confident and motivated, and they’re letting you know that they value you. Feeling as though your efforts aren’t being recognized, on the other hand, could lead to relationship conflict, in addition to individual concerns related to self-esteem, motivation, and your overall mental well-being.
What To Do When You Feel Unappreciated
Because appreciation can be such an important aspect of our lives, feeling undervalued can create conflict in our relationships. If this is the case for you, there are several things you can do to ensure a lack of appreciation does not negatively affect your self-worth, relationship, or mental health.
Communicate Your Feelings
Sometimes, we expect others to know what we’re thinking, even when we haven’t told them. This can create tension when our feelings aren’t acknowledged in the way we’d like them to be. You might feel as though your partner should know that you’d like to receive more appreciation; but they aren’t able to read your mind.
When you feel like your efforts aren’t being recognized, consider having a discussion with your significant other. If you tell them how a perceived lack of appreciation has made you feel, they may make immediate efforts to show you their gratitude more readily. This is also an opportunity to let your partner know the ways you value them and ask them whether they feel that you show them enough appreciation. You might find that both of you like to show and receive appreciation in different ways, which can help you create a more cooperative, constructive partnership.
As you’re talking, it can help to bring the topic up in an empathetic, non-confrontational way. Consider using “I” statements, such as, “I feel that my efforts aren’t being acknowledged.” If your partner sees that you’re approaching the situation from a place of love and cooperation, they might be more receptive to your points.
Creating an appreciative environment—in which you practice gratitude frequently for even the small things your partner does—can actually help you feel more appreciated. Modeling appreciation doesn’t necessarily mean expressing appreciation in order to receive it in return. It may simply help you adopt a different perspective on your partner and how they show gratitude. You may start to notice alternative ways your partner expresses their appreciation for you (more on that below). Showing your partner that you value them can help you continue to build a relationship marked by mutual respect and appreciation.
Remember That People Display Appreciation Differently
We show our appreciation toward others in a wide variety of ways, often without realizing it. If your partner isn’t telling you that they value you, they may not be used to expressing their gratitude verbally. They might show appreciation by giving gifts, being affectionate, or practicing acts of service. For example, your partner might give you a pat on the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek after you take out the trash; or they could bring home your favorite meal on a day when you ran errands for them.
Again, you may need to ask your partner about the ways they prefer to show and receive appreciation. They might not be aware of their preferred method of expressing gratitude for the things you do. Or they may let you know that they haven’t felt comfortable showing it verbally. This can happen for many reasons. Personality, hereditary factors, and brain structure all contribute to a person’s ability to experience gratitude.
Even if it takes time for your partner to show you appreciation in the way you prefer, you may feel better simply knowing that they’re acknowledging your efforts in their own way.
Set Clear Boundaries And Expectations
Feeling unappreciated may be related to extra work you’re doing in your relationship or a lack of reciprocation on your partner’s part. If there is an imbalance when it comes to you and your partner’s contributions, consider setting healthy boundaries that let your partner know how much you’re willing to take on and what they should do themselves. A lack of appreciation can manifest as your partner taking advantage of you, so learn to say no when you feel that a boundary is being crossed. For example, if you’ve already divvied up responsibilities when it comes to housework, you may have to decline if they ask you to take on one of their chores.
Know Your Value
Consistently acknowledging your own worth and what you bring to the table can help you feel more confident and prevent a lack of appreciation from negatively affecting your mental health. You can develop your sense of self-worth by practicing self-gratitude and self-acceptance. You can express appreciation for yourself by acknowledging the utility of a task you completed or help you provided to someone—say thank you to yourself, take a break, or treat yourself. You practice self-acceptance, on the other hand, when you value yourself regardless of validation. Take inventory of your strengths and think about about how they positively impact your life and the lives of others. This can help you be more confident and self-assured when it feels like you aren’t being appreciated by your partner.
Often, we feel gratitude from our partners when they care for us. If you feel unappreciated, self-care can help you provide that gratitude to yourself. You can practice self-care by doing things that nurture your body, mind, and soul. This can be anything from meditating and journaling to reading and getting a good night’s sleep. Consider creating daily routines that will help ensure you’re showing yourself the appreciation you deserve.
Navigating Relationship Concerns With Therapy
Studies show that online therapy is an effective method of addressing relationship concerns, such as those related to appreciation and communication. In one broad-based study, researchers concluded that online therapy could improve relationship satisfaction, communication, and commitment. They also noted that online therapy could address individual mental health conditions like anxiety and depression, which can affect self-esteem and feelings of appreciation.
If you feel like you’re being taken for granted, or you’d like help working through other relationship concerns, consider reaching out to a mental health professional through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. With BetterHelp, you can connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of home, through video call, voice call, or in-app messaging. BetterHelp has a team of providers who have wide-ranging areas of expertise, so you’ll have a good chance of matching with someone who knows how to address your specific concerns. A mental health professional can help you process complex emotions related to underappreciation and give you tips for ensuring you’re valued in your relationship. Read below for reviews of BetterHelp therapists from those who have experienced similar concerns.
"I've been working with Nicole for a year now. During that time I faced some of the toughest situations ever and she was there with me every step of the way. With her great advice and support, I saw the bigger picture and learned to appreciate myself more thanks to her empathetic approach. Always quick to respond to any message, always on time for sessions and always helpful. I'm absolutely sure that without her, I wouldn't have come as far as I did."
"Ruth has been amazing thus far, she helped me figure out how toxic and awful my relationship was and has supported me though the transition of finding myself again. I would highly recommend her to anyone. Extremely helpful, a wonderful listener and just all around great to talk to! Thank you Ruth."
You deserve to feel valued and empowered by the people in your life, especially your significant other. By communicating your feelings with your partner, setting boundaries, and showing gratitude to yourself, you can foster appreciation when you feel it’s missing. If you’d like support and advice when it comes to feeling unappreciated in a relationship or similar mental health concerns, know that help is available. A licensed therapist can help you take the next step in both your relationship and your mental wellness journey.
What Does Feeling Unappreciated Mean?
Feeling unappreciated means that you’re feeling like you’re not being valued by others. Un- is the prefix for not of course, and appreciated means determining or understanding the value of someone. Therefore, people are not appreciating the value that you contribute to the group or to others. A lot of people can feel this way in romantic relationships- women, men, girl, guys, girlfriend, boyfriends, partners, etc.
What To Do When You Don't Feel Appreciated?
What you can do when you’re feeling unappreciated is learn to take control through a conversation. Make your efforts known, and if you’re feeling unappreciated in your relationship, let it be known and give an example of what makes you feel this way, as well as ideas for how to change that behavior. There are many benefits to discussing expectations, specific instances of behavior or energy levels, and talking through how to change so each party feels appreciated (ex: thanking someone after dinner for doing the dishes).
Don’t be afraid to pay it forward and also show appreciation for others. Sometimes, when you’re feeling unappreciated, letting others know that they are appreciated can help show others your potential as well. Everyone loves to hear praise even though we may have a different love language from others-- giving plenty of credit where credit is due feels good, no matter what.
Another thing to do is to learn to love yourself. Sometimes, loving yourself, and reciting positive affirmations will also help you when you’re feeling unappreciated, and you’re struggling with feeling good which may have a negative effect on your mental health or lead to mental illness.
Finally, learn and grow.
If you’re not bettering yourself, it will only make feeling unappreciated worse. Know your own worth and learn to understand that the value others put on you isn’t the intrinsic value you have as a person. Services and treatment such as therapy can also help clients practice this self-appreciation and work through trauma or any thought patterns that are holding them back in their session. You don't have to go to therapy solely for a diagnosis or cognitive behavioral therapy- you can discuss your partnerships, your daily life, even memories you have from being a teenager.
How Do You Know If You Are Being Taken For Granted?
If someone never thanks you for your hard work, never acknowledges what you do, never talks to you, never shows interest in what you do, chances are you’re being taken for granted.
This can also lead to feeling unappreciated, but also feelings of insecurity as well. If you feel like you’re doing things that go unappreciated, or you don’t get any acknowledgment for them, or they never give you acknowledgment back for your efforts, chances are you’re being taken for granted.
How Do You Deal With People Who Take You For Granted?
You have to learn to be honest about your feelings. Tell them you don’t like it. If they’re taking advantage of you, next time they do tell you no. Learn to say no, learn to refuse to do something.
Take control of your life.
You’re not someone who is supposed to just do whatever the other person wants.
Start to put effort towards those who don’t. If you stop focusing on those who don’t care, they start to go away. Another big thing is also to look into standing up for yourself. Tell your side of the story and talk about how you feel.
Finally, learn to walk away. If they don’t care about you, they won’t come after you. It’s a hard lesson to learn, but it’s a good one to learn.
How Do You Make Someone Feel Valued?
There are many ways, but giving them positive reinforcement, complimenting them, listening to them when they voice their opinion, and letting them have a say in things can help anyone feel valued.
Don’t be afraid to tell someone that they matter too. Whether it be through asking for their opinion or advice on the situation, to even letting them voice their concerns, it can help someone feel valued. And if they are upset with you, listen to them. Don’t just dismiss their problems.
How Do You Appreciate Someone In Words?
A simple “thank you” is a great way to appreciate someone in words. Telling them “I appreciate the help and effort” is another good way to tell someone that you appreciate someone. Letting them know you appreciate what they do is a small action, but a really valuable one.
How Do You Make Someone Feel Bad For Hurting You?
First, don’t try to guilt trip them. Instead, let them know how it made you feel. Tell them using “I” words rather than blaming it on them with “you” words what they did wasn’t okay.
Tell them how it made you feel, the emotions you suffered from, and the problems it created. Tell them exactly why it hurt you, and why it created upset within you.
Being honest about this, without sounding whiny of course, is a good way to tell someone that you are upset, and it can make them feel bad for hurting you.
Sometimes even telling them that you’re feeling unappreciated can help. Feeling unappreciated can trigger a response both good and bad though, so do be careful.
How Do You Become Strong When Someone Hurts You Emotionally?
If you’re feeling unappreciated because someone hurt you, you need to understand that moving on and becoming stronger helps. Surround yourself with people who make you feel appreciated instead of feeling unappreciated and focus on those efforts.
Don’t be afraid to make decisions and cut out people. Be honest with your decisions and focus on your strengths and the good things you have. Feel gratitude for others.
Finally, learn to let go of the hurt. Don’t let feeling unappreciated or like nothing take over your life. You spend too much time feeling unappreciated, you’ll never be happy– this can affect your mental health and lead to mental illness. So learn to grow and learn to be stronger.
What Do You Say To Someone Who Feels Unappreciated?
Everyone loves admiration and appreciation. Sometimes, several people expect you to comment admirably on their looks and appearance, performing a duty, and so on. In relationships, acknowledgment and appreciation are very important. It lifts someone's spirits and makes such a person feel happier. If you see someone who feels unappreciated, the following are what you can say to make such person feel appreciated once more:
- Start With Apology If It's Your Fault: Saying the words “I’m sorry" will go a long way to make the other person feel better, special, and relevant. You shouldn't be defensive when you discover that you are responsible for hurting such as a person. You may something like “I’m deeply sorry for making you feel unappreciated, it wasn't my intention in the first place. I would like us to stick together to be sure you don't have such feelings ever again."
- Don't Stop Yourself From Saying “Thank You": The best form of appreciation is when you clearly make it known to people that you cherish what they do they execute them. The best way to make someone feel appreciated is when you do this on a regular basis. Endeavor to say thank you when they do something for you. This can be when such a thing is done after.
Sometimes, someone may do something for you without being asked, try to let such person know that you recognize and appreciate it by saying something like" thank you for doing that".
Appreciate your partner for contributing to your relationship emotionally and mentally, and such person's effort to make the relationship stand.
Appreciation is not something you do only when you are alone. Do it in front of others and let others know how you are so glad to have such a person in your life
- Send Messages: Don't always wait to see people before you appreciate them for the good things they've done. Little texts or notes to express your appreciation will do. Make it known to them that you're thinking about them and you are lucky to have them around you.
- Use The Surprise Method: There are different ways to express yourself to make someone feel appreciated. Not only through words but through other things such as a date or surprise packages to show that you wish to take care of such a person in return.
How Do You Know If You're Not Appreciated In A Relationship?
A relationship is expected to be about you and your partner. The time, resources, love, and advice you out into it should be duly appreciated. The following are ways to know if you are not appreciated especially for your efforts in a relationship:
- You Don't Feel Recognized: One of the aims of being in a relationship is to have your goals fulfilled. If you frequently feel useless, worthless, or uncertain about the fulfillment of your goals because your partner incessantly fails to recognize, appreciate, or validate your effort, then your relationship is lacking the basic things. You will know that you are appreciated when all these show up
- Your Goals Remain Unfulfilled: if you feel that the time you spend together is a waste of time, and sensing that the relationship is more about such person than you, then you should know that your effort in the relationship is not appreciated.
- Feeling Resentful: If you continuously feel that your mental health is affected by the feelings of anger and frustration and your mind telling you that you should be treated better than that, then you should know that you're not appreciated.
What Happens When A Woman Feels Unappreciated?
To be frank, females crave appreciation and admiration more than men do especially when in relationships. They always want their partner to appreciate their efforts and make them feel accepted and loved. However, when these are not observed, you should be expecting any of the following:
- She Begins To Think Too Much: Females are emotional beings, the moment they begin to sense that you don't appreciate what they do, they start to Overthinking. This may have a negative effect on her mental health.
- She Begins To Doubt Her Partner's Feelings For Her: If a woman discovers that you don't appreciate what she does, she will start to doubt if you truly love or care for her.
- She Looks Down On Herself: A woman may lose confidence in herself, see herself to be worthless, and think that she's not good enough for you or not caring. This may affect her mental health.
- She May Be Conscious Of Your Imperfections: Love is a powerful emotion that can make two lovers ignore their unhealthy habits or behaviors. However, the moment a woman discovers that you don't appreciate what she does, this may open her eyes to start seeing that you aren't good enough for her.
- She May Lose Interest In Caring For You: This usually happens after all hope is lost seeing that there are no signs that you will change your unappreciative behavior.
What Does Silence Do To A Man?
You may want to skip to the main content to know how communication helps in building relationships. However, o the other hand silence is also useful. It is a powerful weapon that can be employed in a relationship as an instrument of correction or change. Most men don't like to be ignored. This is therefore one of the reasons why some worn take advantage of that and use silence to get what they want.
Silence can make a man miss a woman when it's used appropriately. It's possible that at a point in time, a relationship may become boring to the extent that partners may create emotional distance. This with few challenges may lead to a breakup and triggers the symptoms of mental illnesses. In this situation, some women may be at alert every minute and second expecting the call of their ex. However, this period is one you should use well. Take advantage of it to work on yourself and improve your life instead of sitting with your phone all day long waiting to answer calls that may not enter. This is radio silence which you can give a man after a breakup where you focus on improving the version of yourself.
Furthermore, it's a period when you don't call or check his Facebook page/ his updated status on Whataspp but focus entirely on yourself.
The more distant you go, the more magnetic you become. This moment of silence will make him notice you and see you as an upgraded version of who you were which will eventually make you irresistible.
How Do I Make Him Worry About Losing Me?
There are different ways to make someone you love continually love and value you. If a man values you, he will seek each day to make you happy and do things that will make you stay in his life. There are different ways you can make a man feel worried about losing you. Check out the following tips:
- Be Occupied With Other Important Things To Make Him Crave Your Attention: Don't be available all the time he needs you. Let him know that as he's busy you too are, and that he can't reach you every time he feels like it. Ensure you don't overdo this.
- Be Strategic In Your Plans: You can do this by being elusive in what you do and the plans you make. Limit the information you give out to him on your plans and make it obvious that you can make some vital decisions on your own. Establish in his mind that you are being clandestine. This makes him scared of losing you.
- Focus On The Improvement Of The Version Of Yourself:
- Make Him Jealous And Let Him Know How Attractive You've Always Been: if a man loves you, he will be provoked to jealousy when he senses that someone or something may take you or your attention away from him. Take advantage of this and make him realize how attractive you've always been.
- Make A Slight Change In Your Kindness: This is an effective way to make him want the good old days back. You can stop being caring for a while by not attending to those things you know he loves. Give him space and let him feel what it means to be "independent" (a life without you) in a relationship.
How Do You Test A Guy To See If He Really Loves You?
A relationship is expected to be built on genuine love. People can be deceptive sometimes. Loving someone is more than just saying it it must be demonstrated both in words and actions. A guy may tell you that he loves you, but deep down there he's playing you. Before you go on a serious journey of love you may want to test your guy if he really loves you. Some of the ways to do this may include:
- You may deny him sex and see his reactions.
- You may present to be pregnant to hear what he may say if you really are.
- You may pretend to be sick to see if he's caring.
- Try to drag out a fight with him and see his real reactions.
- Watch if he treats you as an equal partner.
Talking about how you feel over a coffee with some music in the background can be a gentle way to open the inbox into how you feel.
When Should You Quit A Relationship?
A relationship is not a do or die affair. If it will affect your mental health and lead to mental illness, it is advisable to quit. You can also learn more about your rights in a relationship by reading research of healthy relationships and patterns. The following are signs that will serve as notifications for the right time to leave:
- Consistent Emotional And/or Physical Abuse: This is dangerous to mental health and can lead to serious mental illness such as depression, isolation, anxiety, and eating disorder. If someone really loves you, such a person won't abuse you.
- Cheating: This can lead to an unhealthy or toxic relationship that house sadness, mistrust, insecurity, and unforgiveness. Cheating can also be a source of mental illness. You can be cheated on physically or emotionally.
- Deceit: If the foundation of your relationship is made on lies then there is a possibility that it won't last long. If your partner doesn't avoid deliberate lies and gaslighting, it a sign that if you don't quit it now, you will later.
- Addiction: Addiction is injurious to someone's mental health and leads to mental illness. Being addicted to a job leaving no time for each other in the relationship may be a time to say bye-bye to the relationship.
- Lack Of Respect: If someone does not respect you now, it may be difficult to change such a person to respect you later in the relationship. So, when such a person incessantly disregards your values, goals, and worth, then you should think about quitting the relationship.
- Emotional Distance: It may be an appropriate time to quit the relationship when you two begin to stay far from each other emotionally with no connection and agreement on issues pertaining to your lives in the relationship. Emotional distance may affect your mental health and lead to mental illness.
- Long Term Sadness: If you continually feel prolonged unhappiness in the relationship, you should run. It could affect your mental health and lead to mental illnesses such as depression and isolation.
- Unbalanced Relationship: If both of you are co-dependent, you shouldn't stay. A relationship is expected to have a balance where both parties have respect for each other, ready to compromise and listen to each other.
How Does A Man Act When He's Falling In Love?
Love is a powerful emotion that may be difficult to hide when it's real. When a man loves you he acts in a special way different from his normal way of behaving. The following are how he acts when he's falling you:
- He Acts Vulnerably: A man who's falling in love with you will be open to disclosing his inner feelings and thoughts. A man does not do this for anyone unless he loves you.
- He Will Always Want To Make You Smile: Seeing you sad or moody may be a problem for such a person. He will make a special effort to bring a smile out of your face by making a fool of himself or crack jokes that are ridiculous.
- He Tells Those Special To Him About You
- He Stays with You Longer: He will always want to stay with you as long as possible making sure that you are happy.
- He Finds It Easy To Relay His Past Experiences To You: If he's in love with you, you won't have to pressure him into talking to you about his past. He may use this as a way to build intimacy with you.
- He Will Be Characteristically Kind To You: he will be kind to you both in words and in actions
- He cherishes Your Feelings And Relationship: He may at first find it difficult to express his feelings because of his anxiety that you may not feel the same way. In this situation, you may notice that he seems to have something to intends to express.
What Makes A Man Fall Deeply In Love With A Woman?
Everyone is attracted to someone by something. When a man is deeply in love with a woman there are somethings responsible. The following are some of them:
- She makes him feel appreciated and acceptable
- She makes him feel that he's responsible for your happiness
- She's open to love
- She embraces her femininity
- He has good sexual chemistry with her
- She's a source of his inspiration
- She's compatible with him.
How Do You Know If A Guy Is Deeply In Love With You?
There are ways to know if a guy is into you. These signs are in different dimensions which are actually more than just saying "I love you". The following are how you can know if he deeply loves you:
- He's very intimate with you emotionally and physically ( he's not a threat to your mental health)
- He always seeks ways to help you and solve your problems
- He spends quality time with you
- He takes you out on a date
- He loves everything about you and things related to you
- He admires and appreciates your appearance.
- He put on a smiling face anytime he thinks about you
- He tells you everything about himself.
- He remembers important dates in your life such as your birthday
- He always wants you to have a say in the relationship and respect your judgment and opinions when you give them.