Rejection Articles

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW

Most people will experience rejection at some point in their lives. While it can be a natural part of life, that doesn’t necessarily make it easy to handle. Whether you’ve been passed over for a promotion, cast out from your friend group, or turned down when asking someone out on a date, rejection can be painful and leave a lasting emotional footprint. Here, we’ll discuss why rejection can hurt so much and how you can learn how to cope with it in a healthy way, particularly through in-person or online therapy.

What is rejection? 

Rejection can refer to any situation in which someone is excluded, ignored, or pushed away. Some types of rejection can be intentional and overt, while others may be subtle or unintentional. Since humans tend to be social creatures, failing to feel included and accepted by others can take a toll on our mental and physical well-being.

Some common examples of rejection may include the following:

• Receiving the silent treatment
• Being turned down for a date
• Not being chosen for a job
• Not receiving an invite to an event
• Being bullied

Why is rejection so painful?

Wondering why it hurts so much when someone turns you down or you miss out on an opportunity?

According to research, the emotional pain of exclusion may be similar to the pain we associate with physical injury. 

Humans usually have an innate need to feel a sense of belonging and acceptance. When this need isn’t met and you’re left out, pushed aside, or ostracized, it can lead to both cognitive and physical health consequences. These might include depression, anger, anxiety, and impulsivity, as well as insomnia and lower immune function. In general, the more important the situation, the more rejection is likely to sting.

Overcoming rejection

Rejection can be painful, but it doesn’t have to define you. Learning how to handle rejection, whether it be from a job, person, or opportunity, can benefit you for the rest of your life. Here are some tips for handling rejection.

Avoid taking it personally

As hard as it might be to believe, it can be crucial to remind yourself that rejection isn’t personal. Rather, it can be something that everyone faces to varying degrees. You may be rejected socially, romantically, financially, or professionally. In each case, being turned down can hurt. Remembering that rejection isn’t a measure of your worth as a human being can help you avoid taking it personally and allow you to move on to other opportunities.

Learn from the experience

Learning and growing from rejection can make you more resilient and equip you with the strength and tools you need to handle future instances of rejection. Rather than seeing rejection as a failure on your part, try reminding yourself that it may just be a way to lead you down a different path. It could also be a sign that there’s an area you need to improve in or learn more about. You might take this opportunity to learn a new skill, increase your knowledge, or think about what you could do differently next time.

Respond, don’t react

When you react to a situation, you can make a quick and often irrational judgment about it. For example, if you get turned down for a job opportunity, your anger may get the best of you, and you might post a negative review of the company online. 

Responses tend to be much more thoughtful and deliberate. Someone who is responding to a missed job opportunity might write a letter to the company thanking them for their time and then use the rejection as motivation to apply to other jobs that may be a better fit. Responding in a way that benefits you rather than one that makes the situation worse can set you up for long-term success. 

Practice self-care

Rejection can take a toll on your mental health, making self-care crucial in the aftermath of a missed opportunity. Self-care can look different for everyone and might include exercising regularly, eating a balanced diet, and getting enough sleep each night. It could also involve activities like journaling, painting, reading, hanging out with friends, or jogging. Self-care may ease the pain of rejection while also keeping you healthy.

Change your mindset

Learning how to reframe rejection in a more positive light can be key to overcoming it. If your thoughts surrounding each instance of rejection tend to be negative, you may feel worse about yourself for longer periods. Learning to view rejection as a chance to succeed at something else can help you cope and move forward effectively.

Seek help when needed

Frequent or harsh instances of rejection can take more time to heal from. If you’re struggling and need extra encouragement or support, you might reach out to a friend or mental health professional. They may be able to offer resources and guidance that can help you regain your footing. 

Learning how to respond to rejection in a healthy way can be a lengthy process. However, with time, effort, and the right tools and support, it can be possible.

Overcoming rejection with therapy

Rejection may lead to more serious concerns, like depression and anxiety, particularly when it occurs frequently. In these cases, it can be important to seek support from a professional, such as a licensed therapist.

Benefits of online therapy

The idea of attending therapy face-to-face may be intimidating to individuals who often face rejection. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp may be a more comfortable option. With online therapy, you can use video conferences, phone calls, or online chat to talk to your provider in the way that helps you feel the most at ease.

Takeaway

Rejection can come in many different forms, and while people might cope with it in different ways, it can still be painful to experience. It can be crucial to find healthy ways to cope with rejection, as destructive coping methods may only make the situation worse. A therapist can often be instrumental in leading you toward more productive coping mechanisms. You can also learn more about rejection and how to handle it by reading the articles contained in this section. If you’re still feeling unsure of how to move forward, consider connecting with a BetterHelp provider online.