5 Signs She's Cheating On You

By Samantha Dewitt|Updated July 27, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Aaron Horn, LMFT

Cheating is considered to be one of the most heinous things a partner can do. Betraying the trust of someone who has given their heart to you, or vice versa, can feel like the most devastating thing in the world, and in most cases, it delivers a fatal blow to the relationship. Unfortunately, cheating is more common than we’d like to believe. While statistics show that men are more likely to cheat than women, the figures for female infidelity are still shockingly high. Infidelity is a symptom of a broken relationship, or unresolved personal issues, and often it becomes the reason for a final breakup.

If you have cause to believe that your girlfriend may be unfaithful, it is important to look for the signs that she is cheating, as she might be wondering is he cheating too?. Keep in mind that the presence of these signs does not always indicate infidelity, so be sure to not jump to conclusions. Jumping to conclusions can create even more problems than you were having before. Open and honest communication is the best choice no matter what issue you might find yourself facing. Nonetheless, below are some of the most common signs that someone might be cheating:

Her Silence Speaks Volumes

Have You Been Wondering If She's Been Cheating On You?

It’s perfectly normal for couples to go several hours or possibly days without communicating, but if that silence only goes one way, then it may be a sign of infidelity. Try backing off and giving her space and see if she “comes back around.” Try to find a good balance of communication without cyber-stalking her. If you’ve been in the relationship for a while (longer than a year), you likely have a decent handle on one another and should be able to pick up on whether her silence is normal (as in she’s busy, or periodically needs time to herself, etc.) or is out of the ordinary. If it seems out of the ordinary, you can try to strike up an open and non-accusatory conversation asking if she is doing alright. Hopefully, both of you feel comfortable enough with the other to have an open and honest conversation about whatever may be on your mind.

Her Interest In Sex Has Decreased Rapidly

Every couple gets the occasional “sorry, not tonight” comment from their partner, but if these evolve into “sorry, not this week” comments, then this is a possible sign she’s getting her sexual gratification elsewhere. In some cases, disinterest in sex can be a symptom of other factors such as stress, exhaustion, injury, and the like, so it’s important not to jump to conclusions. Certain mental health disorders, like depression, can also lead to a decrease in libido. However, a regular refusal of sexual advances may be a cause for concern and should be discussed appropriately.

Future Plans Are No Longer Discussed

When you first got together, you might have discussed future living arrangements, meeting family members, marriage, and children. In any healthy relationship, these conversations generally pop up naturally; however, those engaging in infidelity tend to avoid these types of conversations as they don’t want to discuss plans that they have no intention of committing to, or they feel too guilty to talk about them. If you find that whenever you bring up conversations about the future you get shut down, this could be cause for concern. For most couples, there is no point in continuing to date if both partners don’t see a future with another. The same applies here. If your partner seems to avoid or dance around talks about the future, it should make you wonder why. As always, you want to have a conversation with them to make sure the problem couldn’t be stemming from some other factor.

She Makes A Point Of Saying She’s Unhappy

Just because a person is able to cheat on their spouse or significant other doesn’t mean that they don’t feel badly about it or regret it. Most cheating partners suffer bouts of guilt and remorse for their actions but are able to justify them to themselves internally. This is why it’s so important to pay attention to your partner’s thoughts, moods, and concerns, especially about your relationship with them. If your partner is suddenly expressing feelings of unhappiness or uncertainty, don’t blow them off. Listen openly and compassionately. It could be that they want to be honest with you but just don’t know how to. Guilt and shame can also keep a person from being honest with their significant other. Relationships should be fulfilling for both parties rather than a one-way street, so do your best to listen to your partners concerns and meet them where they’re at.

Guilt is one of the most complex emotions there is. We express it in many conscious and unconscious ways, and it’s usually disguised amongst other emotions. For example, many cheaters express their dissatisfaction in their relationship with their partners verbally, however, they won’t mention their infidelity directly. This allows them to feel as though they are making a kind of thinly-veiled confession and subsequently justifying their actions. If your girlfriend regularly states her unhappiness to you, it may be a disguised confession of adultery.

All Or Some Of The Above Occur, But Sometimes She Randomly Goes Above And Beyond

Keeping in line with our theme of guilt, someone who is cheating will often feel badly about it. She may communicate significantly less with you, or differently, not show interest in sex when she did before, or any of the other aforementioned signs. However, spliced in here and there, her guilt and the fact she likely still cares about you may spur her to randomly do nice things for you. She may buy you gifts, make you a nice meal, compliment you out of the blue, and so on in an effort to feel better about the adultery and try to ease the hurt for both herself and for you. This doesn’t make it any better, of course, if cheating is actually occurring, but is certainly a sign to watch out for if it’s accompanied by the other signs.

All The Signs She Is Cheating Are Here: What Should I Do?

The above signs won’t always indicate infidelity, even if all of them are present. They may be symptomatic of underlying issues in your relationship that need addressing. Or they could be explained by something else entirely, such as something they are going through in their personal life. It may have nothing to do with you and your relationship after all. However, if you have cause to believe you are in a relationship with an unfaithful partner, open and honest communication is the best course of action to take. Try your best to pick the right time and best place for a conversation. Consider talking at home instead of out in public where your partner may feel less inclined to be honest. At the end of the day, however, the time and place of the conversation doesn’t matter nearly as much as how you approach it.

Making derogatory accusations or acting aggressively may serve to reinforce her justifications for acting unfaithfully, if that is what is occurring. Instead, speak calmly to her to see how your circumstances can be rectified. Your attitude, response, and tone of voice will all affect which direction the conversation goes in. If she denies all accusations yet still acts suspiciously, seeking professional help for your situation is advised.

If you feel that your girlfriend is cheating on you, it might also be time to start looking for support from your social circle. Whether you decide you want to work through it with your partner and stay together or the two of you decide to go your own ways, you want to find a friend that you can talk to and that will support you no matter what your decision is. It is also useful to talk to them about what you’re going through. It can also be helpful to reach out to trusted friends and family members to get a second opinion on the situation. Sometimes they can see the things you can’t and will be able to offer invaluable advice. At the very least, a supportive network of people will give you the encouragement you need as you navigate the difficult conversations with your partner.

Find something that you enjoy that you can engage in, whether it’s playing basketball with some friends, getting involved in a craft group, or even a solo activity that you enjoy like hiking or painting or building something. These kinds of activities will keep you involved, engaged, and help you stay focused on yourself even when things feel like they’re getting bad or hard. You don’t have to lose out on everything you like to do just because your relationship isn’t working out.

Life After Cheating

If your fears have been proven to be true and she is cheating on you, you’re now at the point of navigating life after being cheated on. What you choose to do next is important because there are healthy and unhealthy ways to cope and deal with this hurtful reality. However, do keep in mind that every person will heal from being cheated on in a different way and you are no exception. What gets your friend through a rough patch like this might not work for you, and vice versa. Still, here are some helpful tips and tricks for moving on after being cheated on:

  • Let yourself mourn. The surest way to make everything harder on yourself is to refuse to feel your feelings. Whether you are feeling sad, angry, confused, or a combination of several different emotions, it’s important to let yourself fully experience these emotions. Don’t bury them, as tempting as it may be. Of course, you don’t want to sit around and sulk forever, but there is nothing wrong with buying some ice cream, turning on your favorite TV show, and letting yourself cry. Being cheated on is hurtful and damaging and anyone would feel badly about it.
  • Find healthy distractions. There is a clear difference between healthy and unhealthy distractions. Jumping on dating apps, having a bunch of casual sex, or reaching out to your ex can all make your situation even worse than it already is. On the other hand, reaching out to close friends, taking a road trip, or picking up a new (or old) hobby can all make you feel better in a healthy manner. You may even find that there were parts of yourself you were neglecting in your relationship and can begin to pursue those parts once again.
  • Think about the future. Once you’ve been cheated on once, you’ll likely be paranoid of it happening again. There is never a good excuse for someone to cheat, so there’s no need to blame yourself or think through what you could’ve done differently to make them faithful. Cheaters are going to cheat regardless of their partner. It is helpful, though, for you to examine your relationship and try to pick out the parts that were toxic. In the future, you’ll want to search for a partner that shows loyalty and trust early on and doesn’t have the toxic traits your ex may have had.
  • Let your friends and family be there for you. Your friends and family know you best and will be jumping at the opportunity to help you however they can. Be sure to let them. You may have lost someone you loved deeply, but your support network is still here for you no matter what. They will be a great reminder that you are loved, worthy, and valued as a person.
  • Consider going to therapy. Being cheated on can create trust issues and cause low self-esteem. Without the help of a qualified professional, it can be hard to cope with these things on your own. Most people who are cheated on will go on to date again in the future, and you want to go into those new relationships with an open mind and a trusting heart. Past hurts can easily destroy perfectly healthy relationships simply because one or both partners still have some healing to do from their past relationships. It’s best to get a head start on the healing process rather than play catch up later.
  • Give yourself time. Healing isn’t linear; while some people seem to bounce back right away after being cheated on, others need lots of time to feel like themselves again. Others need even more time before they feel like they can put themselves out in the dating field again. Whether you’re finding that it’s taking weeks or months to heal, there’s no need to rush the process. It’s more important that you feel like yourself again than it is that you find a new partner.

Some people who are cheated on will choose to stay in the relationship, while others will see the cheating as a clear sign that it’s time to break up. The choice to remain together or break up is entirely up to each partner to decide on, and a lot of factors will go into the decision. Some people will feel as if the person they are dating is a good person but simply made a terrible mistake. They may see this as a one-time thing that won’t happen again in the future. Others will see some toxic traits in their partner that they didn’t notice before and decide to end the relationship. Both choices are valid and should be approached thoughtfully.

It’s one thing to be cheated on once, and another to be cheated on more than once. Studies show that a cheater is very likely to cheat again and that those who are cheated on once are highly likely to be cheated on again. If you’re deciding whether to stay with a cheater, make sure you take these important points into consideration. While second chances are noble, you need to value yourself enough to know when enough is enough. Walking away from the relationship doesn’t make you weak; it means you know your worth.

You will likely feel immense pressure to make a decision right away, but you shouldn’t be afraid to ask for time and space away from the situation. Take time to talk with friends, speak with your therapist, or just think things through. There’s no rush to decide and your partner shouldn’t pressure you. If you were truly in love with your partner, it’s not so easy to just walk away from that. On the other hand, it’s also not easy to give someone a second chance when you’re feeling upset and hurt. Using a clear mind that has thought through all the possibilities will make it more likely you won’t regret your choice down the road. Remember that taking a break is always an option and you’re allowed to change your mind at any time. If you get back together with someone who cheated on you and then find that it’s just too hard, there’s no shame in calling it off. Again, doing what’s best for you is key. While being cheated on is incredibly hurtful, there is always light at the end of the tunnel. With the support of friends and family members and maybe a therapist, you will get through this hard time.

How BetterHelp Can Help

Have You Been Wondering If She's Been Cheating On You?

No matter how great your friends are, it’s a good idea to seek out some professional help as well. A mental health professional will be able to help you work through some of the feelings and situations that you’re going through as a result of a breakup or as a result of cheating. Whether you and your partner decide to stay together or not, it’s a good idea to work with a professional to come to terms with everything. A professional has years of experience helping couples strengthen their relationship, or alternatively, helping someone realize that their relationship is holding them back.

BetterHelp has been found to be just as effective overall as conventional face-to-face therapy for a range of issues, including relationship troubles, anxiety, depression, and many others. The Berkeley Well-Being Institute conducted a study on BetterHelp and found that 98% of our users experience significant progress with whatever issues they are experiencing, 96% prefer it to other forms of therapy, 100% rate it as convenient, and over 90% have a positive working alliance with their therapist. This is compared to 74%, just 60%, 80%, and just over 60% for in-person therapy users, respectively.

Online therapy has the added benefit of being incredibly accessible and convenient, able to be accessed anytime and anywhere that you have an internet connection – including the comfort of your own home. This can be of particular benefit to couples who are unsure of counseling, or those (whether attending therapy individually or as a couple) who are not comfortable with attending therapy in-person. Online therapy is more private, and oftentimes less negative stigma is associated with it. Additionally, the remote format of BetterHelp enables it to be overall cheaper than most other therapy options!

Below you can read some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have been helped with similar issues.

Counselor Reviews

“A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn’t on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about.”

“Lori is very patient and understanding. She reads through all messages very carefully. Her counseling helped me a lot in sorting out my relationship issues and knowing my boundaries and where to change.”

Conclusion

There is light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to cheating. Your relationship isn’t the only thing that defines you, and when you’re ready to start changing your life, it’s absolutely possible. A lasting, fulfilling relationship is possible – all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.

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