Possible Signs That Your Partner May Be Cheating
In a monogamous relationship, finding out that your partner cheated on you can feel like a betrayal of trust. Different people have different definitions of what constitutes cheating in their relationship, so it is important for couples to discuss the rules and boundaries of their unique relationship. Despite clear boundaries, however, people still cheat.
If you suspect your partner may be cheating on you, it can be hard to know if you’re misinterpreting innocent signs or picking up on something significant. Speaking directly to your partner about your concerns is often the best course of action. If you’re trying to decide if it’s time to do so, this list of possible signs of infidelity might help.
Behaviors that could potentially point to cheating
For many people, being cheated on is one of the worst fears in their relationship, so how to know if your girlfriend is cheating? If this concern is often on your mind, it is possible that you may misinterpret your partner’s behavior at times. But, if you’re looking to check your gut feeling against some behaviors sometimes associated with infidelity, read on.
Your communication patterns have changed
Only you can know what constitutes a “standard” communication level with your partner. With that unique context in mind, have you noticed a change lately? Perhaps they’ve pulled back and no longer volunteer information about their day. Maybe they’ve started taking much longer to respond to your texts or return your calls. As with most of the signs on this list, a change in your communication patterns could be due to any number of factors.
They are less interested in sex with you
For many sexual people, sexual desire naturally ebbs and flows. Different sexualities and identities experience varying levels of attraction, and all are valid, but if physical intimacy is part of your relationship and your partner seems to be experiencing decreased desire for such intimacy, there could be many reasons for it.
It could be a natural downswing, a side effect of medication, an effect of a mental health condition like depression, or a response to stress they’re experiencing elsewhere in their life, for example. It could even be a sign that they’re feeling emotionally disconnected from you during sex, which was one of the common factors associated with a partner’s loss of interest in sex uncovered in one study. Their recent disinterest in sex with you could also mean they’re getting their needs met elsewhere with another sexual partner.
They’ve expressed unhappiness with the relationship
“Neglect” was one of the key reasons given for cheating identified by one study. If your partner is unhappy with the relationship for this or a similar reason, they may use their feelings as a justification for infidelity. Checking in with each other regularly about the health of your relationship may allow you two to address problems as they arise before they become bigger issues.
Has your partner tried talking to you about issues they may have with the relationship? If they’ve brought up their dissatisfaction about some element(s) of your relationship recently—especially if their concerns were never properly addressed by the two of you together—it’s possible that they’ve decided to connect with someone else out of frustration or unhappiness.
They go above and beyond out of guilt
If you’ve noticed the other behaviors on this list in your partner and this one, it could be a sign that you may want to have a conversation with them about the state of the relationship. Sometimes, to compensate for the guilt they may feel for cheating on a partner they care about, a person may go out of their way to show love and affection. Cooking an extravagant meal for you or showering you with compliments or gifts could be potential indicators of this if those represent unusual behavior for your partner.
Determining if these signs mean infidelity
People and relationships are complex, so there’s no formula you can use to determine, without a doubt, that your partner is cheating on you. Even if they’re exhibiting all of the behaviors above, it’s possible they are not having an affair. These behaviors could simply reflect natural changes over time, the effects of outside stressors, physical illness, a mental health condition, or even a lack of sleep. Direct communication is often the only way to find out what’s behind their unusual behaviors.
Talking with your partner
Having a conversation with your partner about the concerning behaviors you’ve noticed in them can be an important but intimidating step. Going into this discussion, you may consider the following tips:
- Seek advice from someone you trust first. If you suspect your partner may be cheating, confiding in someone you trust may help you organize your thoughts and feelings. If they agree with your concerns, talking with them may also help you to enter the conversation with your partner more confidently.
- Set aside a time to talk. Waiting for the “perfect moment” to arrive can result in weeks or months going by without addressing the issue. Instead, consider trying to set a time when you and your partner are both available and then get together to bring up how you feel in a safe and comfortable place.
- Do your best to remain calm. Being aggressive or accusatory may cause your partner to react defensively. By staying calm, you may be able to create a space where your partner feels safe to be honest, rather than feeling attacked.
What to do next
If your partner offers a reasonable explanation for why they’ve been behaving unusually, you may be able to move forward without any further conflict or concern around the topic. But, what if she cheated on me? If they admit to cheating or if you later find proof that they have, you may have to decide how you want to proceed. You may also find out that they haven’t cheated on you, but they’re unhappy with the relationship on some level. In any of these cases, you may want to work through things together, or you may decide to end the relationship.
If you choose to stay together and work on the relationship, engaging in couples therapy may be a helpful route to try. For instance, one study examined the effectiveness of an online therapy program for couples in relationship distress. The study found that the online program significantly improved both relationship and individual functioning.
When you are navigating through a difficult relationship period, you and your partner may choose to take some time away from each other physically; if you are taking such space but still want to engage in therapy, online therapy can be a convenient option. With online therapy through BetterHelp’s sister platform Regain, you and your partner can join sessions from different locations.
If you prefer to try individual therapy for help in navigating relationship challenges, you might consider connecting with a qualified online therapist through BetterHelp. Below, you’ll find reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people who have sought help for similar challenges.
Counselor reviews
“A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try BetterHelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn’t on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about.”
“Lori is very patient and understanding. She reads through all messages very carefully. Her counseling helped me a lot in sorting out my relationship issues and knowing my boundaries and where to change.”
Takeaway
What are the first signs your partner is cheating?
One of the first signs that your partner is cheating can be a shift in your emotional intimacy. You don’t feel like they are invested in you anymore, they seem distant, and they aren’t interested in the things that used to interest you both in the past.
How does a cheating wife behave?
When women cheat there are some common signs to look for. Here’s a list of the top 5 signs she’s cheating:
- May be guarding their phone more closely, on the phone all the time
- A sudden and unexplained improvement in appearance
- Sex life changes—no sex, or far less sex than is typical for your relationship
- Doesn’t respond to texts or calls, often feels unreachable
- Are away from home a lot, always working late or at meetings
Seeing one or more of these behaviors is not a sure sign that she’s cheating, but they can be red flags that you may want to examine more closely.
How do cheaters act with their phones?
Someone who is cheating will typically become very possessive of their phone. They may put a new password on it, and not allow others to come too close to it. They may also spend a lot of time on their phone, and remove blocks of text.
How do you catch a cheater?
You may be able to confront your partner and ask point blank. If you think they are trying to hide it, and you think you can work things out, you may attempt to get them in therapy with a relationship expert. If you are in a precarious situation because you are married and will have to deal with the fallout from custody or financial squabbles, you may want to hire your own investigator to get recorded proof that you can use during divorce proceedings.
The healing process when you’ve experienced cheating in a committed relationship can be arduous and moving forward can be difficult. Working with relationship experts can help you, whether your partner is still a part of your life or not.
How do you know if your wife is interested in another man?
If you believe your wife is interested in another man, there may be some telltale signs to look for. A common sign is a shift in your emotional connection. She doesn’t seem very interested in you and acts distracted when you’re together. A change in your level of sexual activity is also a strong sign. They can become guarded with their phone, and change all of their device passwords.
How do cheaters act in relationships?
To tell if your girlfriend or boyfriend is cheating, look at their behavior. In a loving relationship, your partner will generally show a strong interest in you both physically and emotionally. Levels of intimacy can ebb and flow over long-term relationships, but when one partner is cheating, the level of interest often drops noticeably. If your girlfriend is cheating she may act distracted and disinterested no matter what is going on.
How do you know if a cheater is lying?
You may be able to tell if your partner is lying about cheating by their reaction. If accused of cheating, they may try to deflect blame by throwing the accusation back at you. They may act dismissive and passive-aggressive, eye-rolling and gaslighting with phrases like: “You’re paranoid”. They may also try to block you out with silence, ignoring your questions and leaving. Another tactic is to avoid answering questions by changing the subject, and trying to blame you for any problems in your relationship.
You may also notice that your partner seems more nervous around you and that their friends are also more on edge when you’re around.
What are 10 signs of cheating?
According to relationship specialists, there are common signs of cheating you can look for if you suspect your boyfriend or girlfriend cheating.
- They seem distracted and disinterested
- Sexual habits change (less sex than usual or no sex, major changes in sexual proclivities)
- They seem nervous when you ask questions
- Suddenly start dressing nicer/taking better care of their appearance than is typical
- Become very possessive over their phone or tablet, are careful to avoid you from seeing anything
- Their schedule suddenly changes, working longer hours, hanging out with friends more
- They become unreachable at certain times (won’t answer calls or texts)
- They suddenly start changing passwords on their devices
- There are unexplained charges on credit cards
- Your partner neglects joint activities that were formerly of interest to you both
If you see one or two of these behaviors, it may not be a big deal, or it might be attributed to something else like work stress. However, if these types of behaviors pile up, or you’re noticing changes that don’t sit well with you, you may want to take a closer look at what’s happening.
How do cheaters hide their tracks?
Someone who is cheating may suddenly start acting overly defensive of their devices like phones, tablets, or laptops. They may change their passwords and remove text messages and emails. They will use work or other friends as an excuse to be away for long periods of time, often saying they have to “work late” or “I have to spend some time with my friend, they’re dealing with a lot right now”. They might offer to take care of the bills to hide financial irregularities.
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