What To Do When A Guy Ignores You

Updated August 17, 2022 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Have you ever wondered how to attract a boy who ignores you?  You’ve checked your phone five times in the past five minutes, but he still hasn’t responded. You can’t figure out how to catch his attention. You’re so interested in him, but he just doesn’t seem to be feeling it. As much as you hate to admit it, there seems to be a pattern: You reach out to him, and he ignores you. You feel like something’s wrong with you, but you can’t figure out why he doesn’t seem interested or attracted to you. What do you do when a guy ignores you? Read this article for advice and see how online therapy can help when it comes to navigating relationships, tips about dating, and figuring out what might attract a guy you like.

Don't Settle For Someone Who Doesn't Recognize Your Value. You Deserve More

What Can You Do When He Ignores You?

The trouble with being ignored is that nagging question: “What did I do wrong?” If you are feeling any loss of self-esteem because of his silence, here are some tips that can help when your boyfriend, a guy, or even your husband ignores you.

Realize That It May Not Be About You

Misunderstandings occur even in well-established, completely healthy relationships. Perhaps most trouble occurs when we simply do not have complete or accurate information. You can do yourself a huge relationship favor by remembering this and choosing not to draw conclusions until you have all the facts and take some time for careful consideration. And the newer the relationship, the more room there is for this kind of misunderstanding and the more need to take a moment for a break to think and feel about what’s going on.

Maybe past relationship troubles have made him cautious and less open to communication. Maybe he has just gotten out of a relationship and needs some room before being ready for something new. Perhaps he is truly busy and overwhelmed with other aspects of his life: work demands, family issues, or other personal concerns. It could also be that he is shy or introverted, or other things that you know nothing about.

Whatever the reason, try not to turn his silence into something more than it actually is. Instead of inventing a story of how you might have done this or that wrong, simply accept his silence and have patience. Maybe focus on yourself for a while and have some fun with friends.

Don’t Act Desperate

If a guy ignores you, no matter how much it bothers you, keep in mind that acting “desperate” will never improve the situation. Sending multiple text messages or social media DMs, or trying to catch him on the phone or in person will not have a positive effect and may actually set you up for further hurt with many guys. Most guys, and most people for that matter, are put off when others act desperate. If he’s really a good match for you, he’ll respond and talk to you at some point. Unending devotion to a relationship should follow a firm, mutual commitment to each other—not be the starting point.

Keep in mind that you cannot and should not attempt to convince someone to commit to a relationship. It does not work to try and talk someone into getting or staying involved. You deserve someone whose interest and devotion are freely given in respectful ways. If a guy ghosts you, for whatever reason, he is demonstrating that he is not providing the relationship standard that you deserve, and it’s not likely he’ll be different in the future. As hard as it might be, try to pull yourself together and maintain your self-control.

Don't Settle For Someone Who Doesn't Recognize Your Value. You Deserve More

Recognize His Flaws

It is human nature to enjoy “the chase” at the beginning of a relationship. If a guy ignores you, he might suddenly become more appealing than otherwise. Take the opportunity during that lull to recognize his flaws (one might be his silence). Maybe you have noticed he isn’t as adventurous as you are. Maybe his topics of conversation don’t interest you, or maybe his worldview is considerably different from yours. Maybe he wasn’t attentive enough or talked over you during a date when you were trying to have a real conversation. If you take time to notice and reflect on parts of him that are not so attractive or sexy, you might realize you are not as interested in him as you thought. It can help to take time to consider negative things you have noticed while you spent time together. There could be something important that hasn’t been obvious until now.

Pay attention to those thoughts as well as any feelings of excitement and attraction. You are not being overly negative in taking the time to assess the full picture of your new man. Nobody is perfect, and if you recognize his flaws, you will be able to be more balanced in your decisions about whether to continue waiting on him or instead move on gracefully. Taking a break when going out with someone can be a good idea because a break gives you time to reflect that you don’t have when your having fun.

Make Sure He Meets Your Criteria

When a guy ignores you, or you don't get a man's attention, it can be easy to get caught up in self-doubting thoughts of how you might have fallen short of his expectations. It can make you feel less confident about yourself. However, you have the right to set standards for your dating partner, too! We all have some things that are simply non-negotiable—characteristics or behaviors we will not tolerate, as well as qualities that we feel are mandatory in a prospective mate.

It is good and healthy for you to have a clear picture of your own non-negotiables before beginning a relationship, even if you are just casually dating. If you feel madly attracted to someone, it can be even more important for careful reflection on who the person really is. You might have strong feelings about faith traditions, pet ownership, health and wellness, travel and pastimes, finances, and personality traits. For some people, the clothes a person choses to wear or how they cut their hair, or even how they walk and talk are essential factors. Respect yourself with the time and space, and give yourself some room to consider what is important to you in a romantic partner. Remember that everyone’s list is different, and what you value can change over the course of life. You are looking for your perfect match, and not all guys will meet your standards!

Understand That There Are A Lot Of Fish In The Sea

The plethora of online dating sites makes one thing obvious: there are indeed “a lot of fish in the sea.” If a guy ignores you and a relationship fizzles, try not to withdraw in embarrassment or self-pity or make desperate attempts to grab his attention. The fact that he stopped communicating is not your fault or your flaw. It doesn’t mean you’re not cool or you’ve been acting in the wrong way. Consider that he must not have been the one you were looking for.

In your pursuit of the person who is right for you—your perfect “fish” in the giant sea of dating—you will probably encounter many who are not. When a relationship ends, even unpleasantly or unsatisfactorily, it becomes a past experience that gives you greater knowledge and clarity as you move forward. There is nothing wrong about ending a relationship that isn’t the right one. Remember that you deserve a healthy, happy relationship that fits you, and it will likely take time and effort to find the perfect fit with the right guy.

Be Radiant

If you are in between romantic relationships, think of it as precious time that you can spend wholly on yourself—showing yourself the care, gentleness, and patience that you would show a close friend. Take time to think about what you love to do, what makes you feel happy and healthy, and what goals you hope to achieve. Practice self-care by treating yourself to foods, experiences, and anything that brings you joy. For example, this might include wearing clothes that make you feel great or buying some new clothes that make you feel sexy and grab attention from other guys. You might also consider taking advantage of counseling or other objective support to help you get to know yourself better.

Something amazing can also happen when you let your healthy self shine through: you may become more attractive, even irresistible, to others. If you remind yourself to blossom on your own and spend time doing things you love, your authentic self will be more radiant than ever as you have a great time in life. Few things are more attractive to guys than healthy self-confidence, genuine enthusiasm, and someone in a good mood. You might be more likely to attract other mature, genuine people. Then, when you are ready to pursue a new relationship, you will be more empowered to seek someone who treats you to the good life, cares about you as a person, respects your individuality, and provides healthy and loving communication. Spending time nurturing yourself could help you catch the right guy and make it last.

Find Support For The Journey

Whether you are feeling frustrated or insecure because a guy is ignoring you, saddened by the end of a relationship, or uncertain about giving yourself the space for self-care and self-love, you may want to consider talking with supportive friends. Talking with friends who care about you can often help build a person’s confidence and could be as effective as talking to a dating coach. Another option is reading articles about dating and relationships to gain more perspective. BetterHelp has a huge library of articles on this subject and many others. Try browsing through the articles here for more answers to your questions.

On the other hand, sometimes talking with a dating coach, therapist, counselor, or relationship coach is the best way to answer questions and get the support you need. Pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help you to reframe and view your experiences with fresh eyes, and an online therapist through BetterHelp can guide you through CBT or other forms of counseling from the comfort of your own home, helping you understand more stories about your past experiences and what you want for your future.

Online therapy has several advantages over in-person services, including convenience; because you can arrange your sessions with a licensed therapist around your schedule and lifestyle, you can meet with a therapist at BetterHelp by video chat, phone call, or text messaging. If you think you could use some extra support from an expert as you prepare yourself for the relationship journey ahead, you can get started today. Here are reviews from BetterHelp users who have found support as they build healthier relationships.

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