Have you ever had a guy ignore you? You’ve checked your phone five times in the past five minutes, but he still hasn’t responded. You’re so interested in him, but he just doesn’t seem to be feeling it. As much as you hate to admit it, there seems to be a pattern: you reach out to him, and he ignores you. You feel like something’s wrong with you. What do you do when a guy ignores you? Read on for advice and see how online therapy can help when it comes to navigating relationships.
Don't Settle For Someone Who Doesn't Recognize Your Value. You Deserve More
The trouble with being ignored is that nagging question: “What did I do wrong?” If you are feeling any loss of self-esteem because of his silence, here are some tips that can help.
Realize That It May Not Be About You
Misunderstandings occur even in well-established, completely healthy relationships. Perhaps most often, they occur when we simply do not have complete or accurate, information. You can do yourself a huge relationship favor by remembering this and choosing not to draw conclusions until you have all the facts. And the newer the relationship, the more room there is for this kind of misunderstanding.
Maybe past relationship troubles have made him cautious and less open to communication. Maybe he has just gotten out of a relationship and doesn’t feel ready for something new. Perhaps he is truly overwhelmed with other aspects of his life: work demands, family issues, or other personal concerns. It could be that he is shy or introverted.
Whatever the reason, try not to turn his silence into something more than it actually is. Instead of inventing a story of how you might have done this or that wrong, simply accept his silence and have patience.
Don’t Act Desperate
If a guy ignores you, no matter how much it bothers you, keep in mind that acting “desperate” will never improve the situation. Sending multiple text messages or social media DMs, or trying to catch him on the phone or in person will not have a positive effect and may actually set you up for further hurt with many guys. Unending devotion to a relationship should follow a firm, mutual commitment to each other—not be the starting point.
Keep in mind that you cannot and should not attempt to convince someone to commit to a relationship. You deserve someone whose interest and devotion are freely given in respectful ways. If a guy ghosts you, for whatever reason, he is demonstrating that he is not providing the relationship standard that you deserve.
Don't Settle For Someone Who Doesn't Recognize Your Value. You Deserve More
It is human nature to enjoy“the chase” at the beginning of a relationship. If a guy ignores you, he suddenly becomes more appealing than he might have been otherwise. Take the opportunity during that lull to recognize his flaws (one might be his silence). Maybe he isn’t as adventurous as you are. Maybe his topics of conversation don’t interest you, or maybe his worldview is concerningly different from yours. Maybe he wasn’t attentive enough or talked over you during a date.
Pay attention to those thoughts as well as any feelings of excitement and attraction. You are not being overly negative in taking the time to assess the full picture of your new man. Nobody is perfect, and if you recognize his flaws, you will be able to be more balanced in your decisions about whether to continue waiting on him or instead move on gracefully.
Make Sure He Meets Your Criteria
When a guy ignores you or you don't get a man's attention, it can be easy to get caught up in self-doubting thoughts of how you might have fallen short of his expectations. However, you have the right to set standards for your dating partner, too! We all have some things that are simply non-negotiable—characteristics or behaviors we will not tolerate, as well as qualities that we feel are mandatory in a prospective mate.
It is good and healthy for you to have a clear picture of your own non-negotiables before beginning a relationship, even if you are just casually dating. You might have strong feelings about faith traditions, pet ownership, health and wellness, travel and pastimes, finances, personality traits, and more. Respect yourself with the time and space to consider what is important to you in a romantic partner and remember that everyone’s list is different. You are looking for your perfect match!
Understand That There Are A Lot Of Fish In The Sea
The plethora of online dating sites makes one thing obvious: there are indeed“a lot of fish in the sea.” If a guy ignores you and a relationship fizzles, try not to withdraw in embarrassment or self-pity. The fact that he stopped communicating is not your fault or your flaw. He must not have been the one you were looking for.
In your pursuit of the person who is right for you—your perfect “fish” in the giant sea of dating—you will probably encounter many who are not. When a relationship ends, even unpleasantly or unsatisfactorily, it becomes a past experience that gives you greater knowledge and clarity as you move forward. There is nothing inherently wrong about ending a relationship that isn’t the right one. Remember that you deserve a healthy, happy relationship that fits you, and it will likely take time and effort to find the perfect fit.
If you are in between romantic relationships, think of it as precious time that you can spend wholly on yourself—showing yourself the care, gentleness, and patience that you would show a close friend. Take time to think about what you love to do, what makes you feel happy and healthy, and what goals you hope to achieve. Practice self-care by treating yourself to foods, experiences, and anything that brings you joy. This might also include wearing clothes that make you feel great. You might also consider taking advantage of counseling or other objective support to help you get to know yourself better.
Something amazing can also happen when you let your healthy, whole self shine: you may become more attractive, even irresistible, to others. If you allow yourself to blossom on your own and spend time doing things you love, your authentic self will be more radiant than ever as you have a great time in life. Few things are more attractive than healthy self-confidence, genuine enthusiasm and someone in a good mood, and you will be more likely to attract other mature, genuine people. Then, when you are ready to pursue a new relationship, you will be more empowered to seek someone who treats you to the good life, cares about you as a person, respects your individuality, and provides healthy and loving communication.
Find Support For The Journey
Whether you are feeling frustrated or insecure because a guy is ignoring you, saddened by the end of a relationship, or uncertain about giving yourself the space for self-care and self-love, you may want to consider working with a therapist or counselor. Pursuing cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) may help you to reframe and view your experiences with fresh eyes, and an online therapist through BetterHelp can guide you through CBT from the comfort of your own home, helping you understand more stories about your past experiences.
Online therapy has several advantages over in-person services, including convenience; because you can arrange your sessions with a licensed therapist around your schedule and lifestyle, you can meet with a therapist at BetterHelp by video chat, phone call, or text messaging. If you think you could use some extra support from an expert as you prepare yourself for the relationship journey ahead, you can get started today. Here are reviews from BetterHelp users who have found support as they build healthier relationships.
"Laurent Uyeji has consistently listened intently to my issues regarding my breakup and fear of being alone and has always responded in a timely and insightful fashion. I really couldn't ask more from a counselor. I had a therapist in the past who said barely anything and I remember getting very little from my time with him over a whole year of counseling. Lauren knows how to ask the right questions and give answers that are wise and informative. I feel like I am talking to someone that cares and is seriously considering ways to interact with the things I say. None of the questions she asks feel generic or insincere - they always are directly related to the immediate topic at hand and guide my thinking in ways that I feel actually growth. I would highly recommend Lauren to anyone seeking help with dealing with intense emotions."
"Marco Hernandez has really helped work through a painful breakup, anxiety, codependency, and so much more. He really listens and asks thought-provoking questions to help you identify the root of the cause. He also communicates with you effectively and makes efforts to get you on his weekly schedule. I've learned so much from working with him, definitely recommend if you're looking for a compassionate counselor!" is
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
What Does It Mean If He Ignores Me?
We’ve all probably chosen to ignore someone for our own reasons at some point. If a man ignores you, in most cases, it’s his way of letting you know he needs space. When a man ignores you all the time—or if he develops a pattern where he starts to ignore you when you need him most, this can be a sign of a larger issue. In most cases, people who have good communication skills will let you know they need space. Ask yourself if this is the kind of relationship you want.
What Can I Do If He Ignores Me?
It can be hurtful if your guy ignores you. If you’re trying to get through and he won’t listen to you, try to give him some space. Remember, you can’t force someone to communicate if they don’t want to. When people are upset, overwhelmed or even tired, they may need a certain amount of space to recharge before they’re ready for an intimate or serious conversation.
However, when someone starts to ignore you, it can also be a sign of an underlying issue. This issue may have to do with your relationship, lack of communication skills, or something else entirely. If your man continues to ignore you after the issue has been addressed,though, itmay indicate disrespect or disinterest. If your man ignores you, take some time to consider the relationship and your future. Talk to your therapist about what to do if you man starts to ignore you all the time.
How Do I Deal With Being Ignored?
It’s not easy being ignored. This is especially true when it comes from someone that you trust and care about. If your man ignores you all the time, ask yourself if you really want to be with someone who chooses to ignore you, regardless of the reasons why. Talking to a counselor or therapist is a good way to get in touch with your feelings and to get professional advice about what to do if your guy starts to ignore you.
ShouldI Ignore Him To Get His Attention?
If your man ignores you, it’s not uncommon to want to retaliate and ignore him in return. This is usually not a good idea. When someone starts to ignore you, they are sending a clear message that there is an issue with the relationship or within themselves. Someone who chooses to ignore you may be having their own personal or mental health issues. These issues may prevent them from being available for you. Either way, ask yourself if being with someone who chooses to ignore you is really what you want.
Why Is The Silent Treatment So Effective?
In some cases, when using silence as a tool, this can be an effective way to let someone know that they’ve crossed a line or boundary that you won’t tolerate. Also, when someone starts to ignore you after they’ve explained they will be unavailable for a specific period of time, this isn’t malicious behavior. This is boundary setting.
However, someone who chooses to ignore you in a malicious or controlling way isn’t using silence as a tool. They’re using it as a weapon.
Is TheSilent Treatment Emotional Abuse?
A man who ignores you by giving you the silent treatment in order to control you or to avoid having real discussions is behaving in an emotionally abusive manner. If you find that he ignores you when he can’t have his way or to avoid having serious conversations, this is another huge red flag. Speak with a licensed therapist if you feel you’ve been a victim of emotional abuse from anyone who chooses to ignore yourather than talk through complex issues.
If you need a crisis hotline or want to learn more about therapy, please see below:
Get The Support You Need From One Of Our Therapists