Getting Over A Crush And Getting On With Your Life
By Danni Peck
Updated February 14, 2020
Reviewer Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH
Relationships do not always work out the way we want them too. In fact, sometimes they never even get off the ground. But regardless of how many dates you went on or whether you dated the person at all, it can be difficult to move on if you have been thinking about one particular person for months. It requires changing your thought patterns, and those are notoriously difficult to change; however, it can be done. Consider this advice for getting over a crush and getting on with your life. You will be so happy that you did!
Allow yourself to feel
Hiding or burying your feelings never solves any problem. Whether your crush reciprocates or not, you had feelings for them, and you should acknowledge that. It's okay to admit that it didn't work out the way you wanted. Go ahead and be upset. Cry even. Crying is a natural response to stress, and it will allow you to get those feelings out so you can drop their weight and begin moving forward again.
When you stop allowing yourself to feel the weight of your emotions, it winds up making you feel worse than you normally would. If you do not accept what has happened, then you will wind up clinging onto this event in your life for far too long. This is a situation that can feel like it is a weight on your shoulders. Sometimes you need to go through the emotional process so that you can come out of the other side stronger.
Going through these emotions by yourself might not always be the healthiest thing for you either. If you feel like you need support, then reaching out to close friends or family members will be beneficial. It's normal to feel bummed out or evenly profoundly sad once you realize that a relationship is not going to work. Let yourself feel all of the emotions that are raging inside and don't be afraid to lean on a trusted friend when it is necessary.
Then let it go
Once you've given yourself time to grieve the loss of a potential relationship, don't waste your time dwelling on it. The simple matter is you cannot control what other people think or feel. But you can control your own thoughts and actions. So choose to focus on other areas of your life that make you happy instead of focusing on this person who will only make you sad, frustrated, or angry. You can choose to let it go.
This may be easier said than done, of course. There are people out there who tend to dwell on negative or sad emotions for far too long. If you are worried that you are one of these people, then it might be smart to look for help. Sometimes help can come in the form of others and other times, it might come in the form of hobbies. Throwing yourself into the other activities that you love will keep you from focusing on your crush.
If you are an avid sports fan, then playing some sports might be a good idea. Read books, focus on your fitness routine, or start writing that book that you have had an idea for forever. Whatever you do, just try to focus on positive things in your life. It will help you to heal and will separate you from the situation that has been holding you back for so long.
Let your logical brain take over
When you have to admit that a crush will not evolve into a relationship, the emotional side of your brain wants to focus on the idea that you did not get what you wanted-the attractive qualities of your crush. But your logical brain knows better. Is what you really wanted to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't think you are wonderful? Of course not. So instead of focusing on all those great features, you're missing out on, think about all the qualities that would have made your past crush incompatible with you. Look at it logically.
Some people are not going to be compatible with one another. No matter how enamored you were with this person, you will not be able to change the way that they feel about you. It does not mean that you are undesirable or that you are wrong in any way. It just means that you need to keep looking for that special someone that is truly going to connect with you on all levels.
Evaluate your self-worth
Your fantasies likely involved you and your crush becoming the happiest couple ever. But the fact that nothing came of your infatuation shows that it would not have been like that. You're mourning a fantasy. It's okay to have fantasies. You have to be able to admit, however, when they are not good for you. A realistic happy relationship involves two people who both want to be together. You should never make the mistake of thinking that a crush is more worthy of love than you are.
You absolutely do deserve to be loved and you can find the happiness that you desire. If you do your best to keep searching for a new relationship, then you will find one that will be everything that you have hoped for. Don't close your mind off to new possibilities just because you didn't get what you wanted out of one potential relationship. It is a big world and there are many wonderful people in it for you to go out and meet.
Getting over a crush
Before you develop another crush, take a look at how you feel about yourself. Spend some time developing self-love. When you can see all the reasons why you are wonderful and deserve love, you are more likely to make relationship choices that are mutually beneficial and don't end in frustration. For guidance in building self-love, a professional therapist can help.
Going through the process of grieving the loss of a relationship can be tough. If you need a little help to move forward in your life, then you should consider reaching out to an online therapist. Online counseling is something that can provide you with the help that you need on the toughest days. If this situation has caused you severe anxiety or depression, then an online counselor is going to be able to help you get things back on track.
You will be able to reach out to the online counselors at any time. Being able to speak with them from the comfort of your own home is convenient and you will never have to feel embarrassed. This is a good situation for when you need to vent about what is going on in your life. Extend your hand and grab hold of the help that you need today.