Attract Women And Improve Your Love Life

Updated October 04, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Christy B.

Feeling lonely and unwanted lately? Feel like your love life is never going to get better? You are not alone. The process of dating can be very challenging. It is normal to experience difficult emotions and fears due to being single. Maybe you are starting to wonder if you will ever be able to find love and feel stuck about where to go from here.

Throughout this article we will explore strategies for attracting women and improving your love life. We will focus specifically on cultivating a healthy mindset for dating, utilizing strong communication skills, making connections in the online dating space, and navigating barriers such as social anxiety when it comes to forming connections.

Cultivating a Healthy Mindset for Love

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Maybe you are currently feeling discouraged or frustrated due to past dating experiences. Perhaps you are still harboring wounds from being ghosted by someone you were conversing with or having a relationship not work out. It is important to take the time and space to process these feelings so that you are able to continue pursuing new connections from a healthy mindset. It may be difficult to be fully open to connecting with someone new if you are still fixated on the past.

When it comes to pursuing love, it is important to accept the reality that there is always the chance of getting hurt or rejected. Dating can be very vulnerable, as we are putting ourselves out there without any guarantee of how others will feel or respond to us. However, the pursuit of making a meaningful connection requires this level of risk and uncertainty. It is crucial to approach dating from a place of acknowledgement that things may not always work out the way we hope, but we are still going to show up and remain open to connection.

That being said, it is crucial to remember that our worth is not contingent on how we are perceived by others. It will be important to keep this in the forefront of your mind while approaching people that you may be interested in. That way if we do experience rejection, we can truly know that it is not a reflection of who we are as a person or a result of ‘not being good enough.’ In dating, it can be helpful to stay grounded by reminding yourself of your value that remains constant, regardless of your relationship status or how you are treated by others.

It is also important to keep an open mind while in the dating space. It can be so easy to become fixated on finding someone who ‘checks off all the boxes’ of what we are looking for, that we don’t notice the potential for a connection right in front of us that we wouldn’t necessarily expect. Pursuing dating from a place of openness and curiosity about all different types of people you encounter can potentially lead to something amazing.

Approaching a Woman

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The truth is that attracting someone may not be as difficult as you may think. Attracting women may come more naturally to some men than it does for others. Even so, if your goal is a meaningful connection, there are some easy strategies that you can use in order to invite connection.

First, try to think about how you are approaching a woman to start a conversation. You have probably seen plenty of movies or television shows where guys use cheesy pickup lines to pick up girls in some social setting. These are usually off-putting and often will cause an eye roll or maybe a laugh if it happens to be funny. It’s far better to just talk to women naturally and treat them like normal people, showing them the same respect that you would when you’re talking to anyone else.

When figuring out how to attract women, try to make it clear that you’re interested in them by the way you speak. There is nothing wrong with throwing out an appropriate compliment to let them know you’re attracted to them. Something as simple as complimenting a woman’s hair could wind up making her night. Just don’t go overboard because you don’t want to seem like you’re just piling on compliments in a way that comes off as insincere.

One good thing to keep in mind is that smiling can make you more attractive. Smiling can help to showcase that you’re well-adjusted and that you’re a safe type of person. You don’t need to try to put on a Cheshire grin either, so just try to naturally smile. It may help to put those around you at ease.

Since some men may be battling nervousness, it might be better to slow everything down a few pegs, not only smiling at a slower pace (as opposed to popping a smile on your face constantly, which looks suspicious), and to speak at slower modulation, as people who are nervous tend to talk too fast and lose their confidence. Take things slow and you will likely feel better throughout the conversation.

One source suggests that women find confident men attractive because it shows them to be calm in times of crisis, which is advantageous genetically speaking. While this is just a theory, it is likely that confident men will also be  easier to talk to, more entertaining, and more sure about what they want.

Even if you are not a very confident person to begin with, it is possible to take steps to increase your confidence. To build confidence over time, you might start by putting yourself into situations where you feel the most comfortable. For example, going up to a woman at a bar is not going to feel the most natural for everyone. Some people feel more at ease engaging in a hobby or activity in a group setting and striking up conversation with someone that way. If this is the case for you, you might look into Meet-up groups in your area that are centered on an activity you enjoy, like hiking or board games. There are also groups that specifically host social events to meet other singles in the area.

Take a shot at meeting girls somewhere that you like. For instance, if you are a big music fan, maybe you will bump into a like-minded woman at a concert. You might find out that you have the same favorite band and will wind up hitting it off. A natural type of meeting like this may make it way easier to approach someone. Plus, you can assure that you have something in common before you even start talking.

Having Good Conversation

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After you have made initial contact, you can make a good impression on a woman you are courting through conversation. A good conversation that is focused on finding and discussing common interests can be a game changer. Sometimes simply being a good listener is going to be a useful skill to have too.

Listening to the other person and drawing them out by talking about things that matter personally to them is a sign of a good conversationalist. You will leave a better impression if you show an honest interest in the things that a woman is interested in. It would be a good idea to avoid talking about the weather or other forms of ‘small talk’ that are far too general. Instead, find your crush’s passion in life and then talk about that! You might also share about your own hobbies and interests.

You should also know that it is not always what you are saying to a woman that matters. In certain cases, it can be all about how you are saying it. Confidence is a very attractive thing and a woman may be more invested in the conversation if it feels natural and genuine. Try your best to speak clearly and try to have fun with the conversation. Many women are attracted to men who have a good sense of humor, so you may also try to interject a joke or funny remark if appropriate. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through.

Active listening is an important conversation skill that demonstrates attentiveness and interest. Strategies for active listening include positioning your body toward the person talking, maintaining eye contact, keeping an open mind, refraining from interrupting and asking clarifying questions. Utilizing these tools can be very effective for making another person feel like they are being heard and understood.

Figuring out how to attract women may not be as difficult as you might think. It is best to try not to overcomplicate things. Sometimes all that’s required to initiate a connection is a meeting place where you feel comfortable, and a down-to-earth introduction that lets your personality shine.

Navigating the Online Dating Space

Online dating sites and apps (such as Tinder, Bumble, or Hinge) have become a common avenue for pursuing connections. Online dating offers many benefits, like access to a wider variety of people we may have never crossed paths with otherwise. However, these platforms also are built for competition. The reality is that some people we are interested in are likely receiving numerous other messages and date invitations. Therefore, it is a matter of figuring out how to stand out from the crowd. Asking yourself how to attract women on a dating app will most likely come down to how you want to be portrayed.

Let’s first consider how to position yourself to be approachable on an online platform. This is where creating an intriguing profile comes in. When crafting your online dating profile, think about how to describe yourself in a way that captures what is most important to you and what you are looking for. Select photos you feature you doing something you enjoy or showcase your personality. The more information there is to go off on your profile offers more opportunities for conversation starters if someone were to shoot you a message first.

If you match with someone or come across someone you want to reach out to, first take the time to browse through their profile and learn more about them. This way, you can initiate communication by asking a meaningful question about their interests or passions, or noting a similarity you may have. This is likely to be received more positively than a generic message like ‘How are you doing?’ Showing a genuine interest to get to know them displays intentionality and thoughtfulness.

There is always the possibility that someone you are hoping to connect with will not respond, or stop engaging at any given point. If this happens, try to remind yourself that it is not a reflection of you. There are many reasons why an individual may not respond, whether they are focusing on another connection or going through their own personal stressors or challenges. Allow yourself the time and space to process your feelings so that you can move forward from a healthy mental space. Dating can take up a lot of emotional energy. It’s perfectly okay to take a break whenever you need to, if you find that dating is causing feelings of stress or anxiety, or you just need to focus on other priorities for a while. When you are ready, you can always jump back into it.

The Impact of Social Anxiety on Dating

Individuals who experience social anxiety may face additional challenges when it comes to approaching new people and pursuing dating. If you experience ongoing fear or distress around certain social settings (such as dating), it may be indicative of a mental health condition called Social Anxiety Disorder. This is a mental health condition that develops as a result of a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors.

Some of the signs and symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder include an intense fear of being judged or criticized by others, feelings of self-consciousness or embarrassment around other people, and finding it difficult to start or maintain conversations with others. People who have social anxiety also commonly experience uncomfortable physical symptoms when they are in social settings, such as rapid heart rate, sweating, trembling, and/or gastrointestinal discomfort. Some people living with Social Anxiety Disorder avoid interacting with others all-together due to the level of distress it causes. This can cause significant disruption to carrying out daily responsibilities at school/work and maintaining relationships.

If you have any level of social anxiety, you may find that you feel uncomfortable in conversations, particularly with people you don’t know well. Or you might find it too difficult or scary to put yourself out there due to symptoms of anxiety that emerge in social situations. You may find that social anxiety impacts your  comfort level with initiating and maintaining conversations with a potential romantic interest.

Thankfully, there is treatment available that has been proven to be effective in managing symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder. One of these methods is psychotherapy. In particular, Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) can be beneficial for helping an individual to address unhelpful thoughtful patterns that are contributing to fear, and developing coping skills for times when symptoms of anxiety are overwhelming. Support groups can also be a way to connect with others who experience similar challenges with social anxiety while also providing a safe space to practice social skills. In some cases, medications may be used in order to reduce the severity of symptoms.

If you think you may be displaying signs of Social Anxiety Disorder, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional who can help you to process what you are experiencing and determine a treatment plan moving forward. Accessing the appropriate treatment could significantly improve your ability to engage in various aspects of your life, including dating.

Coping with Difficult Emotions Around Dating

At some point or another, it is likely that you will experience difficult emotions around dating, whether rejection, frustration, sadness or anxiety. The most important thing is that you do acknowledge your emotions as they emerge. It can be so tempting to avoid difficult emotions by staying so busy that we don’t have to confront them, or by moving right on to the next person. However, it is crucial to stop and allow yourself to feel whatever you may feel. You might consider writing in a journal about how you are feeling, or processing your emotions verbally with a trusted friend, family member or a therapist.

Dating can be a very stressful experience, therefore it is important to develop stress management strategies that can help you to manage in times of frustration or sadness. This may look like exercising regularly, listening to music, spending time with a pet, or engaging in a creative project. Aim to stay grounded in these activities to keep your stress level in check. It is also important to make sure you are continuing to spend time with supportive people who can encourage you in the process of dating. You might also find that you would like more structured support from a mental health professional.

Seeking Further Support

Navigating the world of dating and love can be challenging at times. If you are experiencing difficult emotions related to coping with rejection, processing past relational trauma, or simply would like to develop further self-awareness as you pursue dating, you may benefit from connecting with a mental health professional. They can provide a safe space for you to explore painful emotions and gain further insight that may help you on your journey to find the love you are looking for.

Online counseling provides an affordable and convenient option for seeking professional support. Through BetterHelp online counseling platform, you can connect with a licensed therapist and discuss the challenges you are facing. Talking with a therapist can help you to process certain anxieties and fears around relationships, as well as any barriers that may be interfering with your goals for establishing meaningful connection. Dating provides the opportunity to learn more about ourselves, and therapy sessions can provide an avenue for developing increased self-awareness into our own tendencies.

In Conclusion

When it comes to dating, we have discussed the importance of cultivating a healthy mindset that positions you in a mental space that is open and ready for connection. We then looked into how to approach someone you are interested in and initiate a meaningful conversation, whether in person or on an online dating platform. Lastly, we discussed the signs and symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder, and how individuals living with this mental health condition may experience unique challenges around dating.

Above all, it is important to remember that you are not alone in whatever challenges you may be facing surrounding dating. Unfortunately, it is never as simple as doing the ‘right things’ while dating to ensure a certain outcome. There is no way to predict how others will feel or respond to us; and that can be scary and difficult. The most important thing is that you are continuing to put yourself out there, staying true to yourself and what you want, and remaining open to connection. Try to be gentle with yourself every step of the way.

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