Attracting Women: A Guide To Finding The Right One For You

Medically reviewed by April Justice
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

The process of dating and developing a strong romantic bond with someone can be challenging. You may not know what you’re looking for in a potential partner—or how to attract their attention once you do know. If you’re looking for a compatible partner, there are several ways you can find and connect with the right woman for you. Throughout this article, we will explore strategies for attracting women and improving your love life, focusing specifically on cultivating a healthy mindset for dating, utilizing strong communication skills, making connections in the online dating space, and navigating barriers such as social anxiety when it comes to forming connections. 

Focusing on your own growth may help you find the right person

Cultivating a healthy mindset for love

Maybe you are currently feeling discouraged or frustrated due to past dating experiences. Perhaps you are still harboring wounds from being ghosted by someone you were conversing with or having a relationship not work out. It is important to take the time and space to process these feelings so that you can continue pursuing new connections from a healthy mindset. It may be difficult to be fully open to connecting with someone new if you are still fixated on the past.

When pursuing love, note that there is always a chance of getting hurt or rejected. Dating can be very vulnerable, as you are putting yourself out there without any guarantee of how others will feel or respond. However, the pursuit of making a meaningful connection requires this level of risk and uncertainty. Remember that your worth is not contingent on how you are perceived by others. In dating, you can stay grounded by reminding yourself that your value remains constant, regardless of your relationship status or how you are treated by others.

It is also important to keep an open mind while in the dating space. It can be easy to become fixated on finding someone who "checks off all the boxes" of what we are looking for, that we don’t notice the potential for a connection right in front of us that we wouldn’t necessarily expect. Pursuing dating from a place of openness and curiosity about all the different types of people you encounter can potentially lead to something fulfilling.

Approaching a woman

The truth is that attracting women may not be as difficult as you might expect. However, it may come more naturally to some than it does to others. Even so, if your goal is to find a meaningful connection, there are some strategies you can use to help your love life flourish.  

First, try to think about how you are approaching a woman to start a conversation. You have probably seen plenty of movies or television shows where people use cheesy pickup lines to win over women in social settings. These are usually off-putting and may cause an eye roll or even a laugh. In reality, it is often more productive to talk to women naturally, showing them the same respect that you would when talking to anyone else.

When figuring out how to attract women, try to make it clear that you’re interested in them by the way you speak. There is nothing wrong with throwing out an appropriate compliment to let them know you’re attracted to them. Something as simple as complimenting a woman’s hair could wind up making their night. 

Keep in mind that smiling can make you more attractive. A sincere smile can help showcase that you’re well-adjusted and a safe type of person. You don’t need to try to put on a Cheshire grin; rather, go for a natural smile. This may put those around you at ease. 

Additionally, research shows that many women are drawn to people who know what they want and are comfortable with themselves. If you are not a very confident person already, it is possible to take steps to increase your confidence.

To build confidence over time, you might start by putting yourself into situations where you feel most comfortable. For example, going up to a woman at a bar may not feel the most natural for everyone. Some people feel more at ease engaging in a hobby or activity in a group setting and striking up a conversation with someone that way. If this is the case for you, you might look into meet-up groups in your area that are centered on an activity you enjoy, like hiking or board games. Some groups specifically host social events to meet other singles in the area.

Take a shot at meeting women somewhere that you like. For instance, if you are a big music fan, maybe you will bump into a like-minded woman at a concert. You might find out that you have the same favorite band and wind up hitting it off. A natural type of meeting like this may make it easier to approach someone. Plus, you can find something you have something in common before you even start talking.

Having productive conversations

After you have made initial contact, you can make a positive impression on the woman you are dating through conversation. A productive conversation is one that focuses on finding and discussing common interests. Additionally, having laughs together or being an effective listener can also increase the connection between both of you.

Showing an honest interest in the things that a woman is interested in may make you more attractive. Try to find your crush’s passions in life and ask them questions about that. You might also have the same hobbies and interests in return, giving them the opportunity to learn more about you as well. 

It is not always what you are saying to a woman that matters but may be more about how you are saying it. Confidence is a very attractive thing, and a woman may be more invested in the conversation if it feels natural and genuine. Try to speak clearly and have fun with the conversation. Many women are attracted to people who have a sense of humor, so you may also try to interject a joke or funny remark if appropriate. Don’t be afraid to let your personality shine through.

Active listening is an important conversation skill that demonstrates attentiveness and interest. Strategies for active listening include positioning your body toward the person talking, maintaining eye contact, keeping an open mind, refraining from interrupting, and asking clarifying questions. Utilizing these tools can be effective for making another person feel like they are being heard and understood.

Navigating the online dating world

Online dating sites and apps have become a common avenue for pursuing connections. It offers many benefits, like a wider variety of people you may have never crossed paths with. However, these platforms also are built for competition. The reality is that some people you are interested in are likely receiving numerous other messages and date invitations. Therefore, it is a matter of figuring out how to stand out from the crowd. Asking yourself how to attract women on a dating app will most likely come down to how you want to be portrayed.

When crafting your online dating profile, think about how to describe yourself in a way that captures what is most important to you and what you are looking for. Select photos that feature you doing something you enjoy or showcase your personality. The more information there is to go off on your profile, the more opportunities for a connection you might have. 

If you match with someone or come across someone you want to reach out to, take the time to browse through their profile and learn more about them. This way, you can initiate communication by asking meaningful questions about their interests or noting a similarity you have. This is likely to be received more positively than a generic message like "How are you doing?" Showing a genuine interest to get to know them displays intentionality and thoughtfulness.

There is still the possibility that someone you are hoping to connect with will not respond or stop engaging at any given point. If this happens, try to remind yourself that it is not a reflection of you. There are many reasons why an individual may not respond, whether they are focusing on another connection or going through something stressful in their life. 

The impact of social anxiety on dating

Individuals who experience social anxiety may face additional challenges when it comes to approaching new people and pursuing dating. If you experience ongoing fear or distress around certain social settings (such as dating), it may be indicative of a mental health condition called social anxiety disorder.

This is a mental health condition that develops from genetic, biological, and environmental factors.

Some of the signs and symptoms of social anxiety disorder include an intense fear of being judged or criticized by others, feelings of self-consciousness or embarrassment around other people, and finding it difficult to start or maintain conversations with others. People who have social anxiety also commonly experience uncomfortable physical symptoms when they are in social settings, such as rapid heart rate, sweating, trembling, and/or gastrointestinal discomfort. Some people living with social anxiety disorder avoid interacting with others altogether due to the level of distress it causes. This can cause significant disruption to one’s daily responsibilities at school or work as well as their relationships. 

If you have social anxiety, you may find that you feel uncomfortable in conversations, particularly with people you don’t know well. You might find it too difficult to put yourself out there due to symptoms of anxiety that emerge in social situations. Social anxiety can impact your comfort level with initiating and maintaining conversations with a potential romantic interest.

Focusing on your own growth may help you find the right person

Different treatment methods are available to manage symptoms of Social Anxiety Disorder. These include support groups, individual counseling sessions, and even medications. Always consult a doctor before starting or ceasing a new medication. If you think you may be displaying signs of Social Anxiety Disorder, consider seeking the support of a mental health professional who can help you process what you are experiencing and determine a treatment plan moving forward. The appropriate treatment could significantly improve your ability to engage in various aspects of your life, including dating.

Coping with difficult emotions around dating

At some point or another, you will likely experience difficult emotions around dating, whether rejection, frustration, sadness, or anxiety. Try to acknowledge your emotions as they emerge instead of moving right past them. You might consider writing in a journal about how you are feeling or processing your emotions verbally with a trusted friend, family, or therapist.

Dating can be a very stressful experience; therefore, it is important to develop stress management strategies that can help you to manage in times of frustration or sadness. This may look like exercising regularly, listening to music, spending time with a pet, or engaging in a creative project. Aim to stay grounded in these activities to keep your stress level in check. 

Online counseling with BetterHelp

Navigating the world of women, dating, and love can be challenging at times. If you are experiencing difficult emotions related to coping with rejection, processing past relational trauma, or simply would like to develop further self-awareness as you pursue dating, you may benefit from connecting with a mental health professional. They can provide a safe space for you to explore painful emotions and gain further insight that may help you on your journey to finding the love you are looking for.

Online counseling provides an affordable and convenient option for seeking professional support. Through the BetterHelp online counseling platform, you can connect with a licensed therapist to discuss the challenges you are facing. Talking with a therapist can help you process anxieties and fears around relationships, as well as any barriers that may be interfering with your goals of establishing meaningful connections. Dating provides the opportunity to learn more about yourself, and therapy sessions can provide an avenue for developing increased self-awareness.

The efficacy of online counseling

Online therapy can be a valuable resource for individuals and couples alike. This is true whether you’re experiencing a specific mental health disorder or facing everyday life challenges. One study found that online couples therapy delivered through videoconferencing effectively reduced relationship conflict and increased relationship satisfaction.


There are several different ways you can approach women and the dating scene in general. No matter how you choose to go about finding a significant other, it’s important you go into it with a healthy mindset. Being in a mental space that is open and ready for connection isn’t always so simple, especially if you’ve been hurt in the past. However, with the support of an online therapist, you can learn how to stay true to yourself, remain open to connection, and continue to put yourself out there.

Build healthy relationship habits with a professional

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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