He Is Not Here, So Why Do I Still Love Him

By: Robert Porter

Updated November 08, 2019

Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH

If you've recently broken up with someone, yet still find yourself loving him deeply, it can be frustrating. Many people struggle with loving someone no longer in their life, and it's important to figure out how to deal with this situation properly so you can move on.

Getting Over a Breakup Can Feel Impossible. It Doesn't Have to Be That Way
An Online Therapist Can Help You Learn to Love Yourself
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Most people find themselves attracted to individuals with certain physical and personality traits. Sometimes we fall in love based on a physical attraction and find we don't really like the person's personality so much. Love based on physical attraction alone, most will agree, is not enough. Your relationship might have been too superficial to stand the test of time, but this doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt when your boyfriend is no longer around.

Whether you find yourself missing the sex or you simply miss having someone in your life, these feelings are perfectly normal. You're not alone-many people go through similar struggles. Getting over a lost love might take time, but you will be able to get through this. You can gain a new perspective while learning to feel strong enough to find new love in the future.

How Being in Love Makes You Feel

When we truly love someone, it's normal to have both a psychological and a physiological reaction to that person. Many people experience physical reactions such as an increased heart rate, rapid breathing, dilated pupils, and face-flushing when the person they love is near. You might even find that you won't be able to stop smiling when the object of your affections is in the room. Even when you are upset with him, you might still feel a strong sense of love toward him.

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One of the hardest parts of loving someone once they're gone is missing them. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder; however, it's also true that familiarity breeds contempt. When we long for a person after they're gone, it is bittersweet and perhaps even heart-wrenchingly painful. If the loss of the loved one is fresh, we cannot see past the current pain, and indeed the pain is so sharp we hope it will pass. Those on the other side of the pain, however, can appreciate it as evidence that true love did exist.

Is It Better to Have Loved and Lost?

There is comfort in knowing we can love and that we have loved. It's okay to miss someone too, as that is our evidence of the love. However, it is not healthy to hold so steadfastly to that lost love that we cannot move forward in our lives. If you're struggling with getting over losing someone, then you have to try to find the strength to carry on. Some people who experience heartbreak tend to get too wrapped up in the past and this can keep them stuck in a romantic rut for years. This will not be good for your overall happiness. You're going to want to find out how to move on eventually.

Of course, this might be easier said than done. If you're experiencing some type of depression due to the breakup with your boyfriend, then you need to get help. Speak to your doctor about what you're going through so that you can determine if you need treatment. Some people will become depressed or anxious due to experiencing heartache. It might be possible that you could use some type of treatment in order to help yourself feel better.

A doctor might prescribe an antidepressant. They might also recommend therapy as a possible treatment. Whatever the suggestion, you should seriously consider your doctor's advice. Everyone needs a little help to get out of a mental rut sometimes, and treatment for depression might prove necessary. If your symptoms are milder, you might be able to simply move on with the help of friends.

Getting Over a Breakup Can Feel Impossible. It Doesn't Have to Be That Way
An Online Therapist Can Help You Learn to Love Yourself

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Spending more time with the people that you love might make a big difference. You have friends, family members, and others in life that support you. Spending time with your support system can help you feel better while also giving you something positive to focus your energy on. Try to get out and have fun, even when it doesn't feel natural. Eventually, you're going to get back to feeling like your old self again. With the support of those around you, you'll be able to leave your ex-boyfriend in the past and move toward happier days.

Recommendations for Moving Forward

If you're feeling down, and maybe even depressed over the loss of someone you love, now may not be the right time to look toward a new relationship. Healing from a breakup takes time and effort. Use this time to learn more about yourself, and think about what was important to you in the relationship. List those traits and focus on them. What we love about another person tells us a great deal about ourselves. For example, if you loved the fact he volunteered at the homeless shelter, this means you are compassionate, and you are drawn to others who are. That is something good you can take away from that relationship, and knowledge that can help lead you to the next.

Take the time to learn more about yourself and you will eventually feel strong enough to seek out a new love. Getting over a lost love might take months, but you shouldn't focus on the time. You should simply do your best to try to feel better so that you can be happy. There is a lot of love out there in the world and you're going to be able to find someone that matches up with your needs well. If you wait until your heart is healed, you'll be able to find a relationship that will truly be built to last.

BetterHelp Can Help

If you'd like to get some advice, or if you simply want someone to talk to, you'll always be able to visit BetterHelp. These professionals understand how difficult it can be to go through a breakup. You might feel out of sorts right now, but the licensed counselors and therapists at BetterHelp will be able to help you get back on track. Getting over your ex-boyfriend might feel impossible today, but you'll be able to feel better tomorrow with the help of dedicated therapists. They have the expertise to help you cope with your feelings, and they can help you figure out what to look for in a future healthy relationship.

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Many people have been able to receive help by speaking to the therapists at Betterhelp. It's a discreet and convenient way to get the help you need. Make contact today if you're ready to move forward. Please take a look at some of the counselor reviews below to see how they have been able to help others in similar situations.

Counselor Reviews

"Pamela has helped me become the person who I wanted to be after my breakup. She helped me see the light in the dark, and showed me that who I am is enough."

"Julia is a very open-minded, understanding and warm-hearted person. She listened with kindness and without judgement. Her advice helped me tremendously through a bad break up and ensuing personal problems. Her advice and understanding has been very helpful in guiding me to a healthier mind frame."

In Conclusion

Getting over an ex-lover might seem hard at first, but it's going to be more manageable when you have online therapists on your side. You will move on so that you can love again. You have a lot of love in your heart, and you're going to find the perfect person to share it with someday soon. Take the first step today.


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