How To Stop Falling In Love Too Quickly With The Wrong People
Falling in love can be wonderful and magical. However, if you find yourself quickly falling in love constantly and frequently with the wrong people, it can become difficult to form lasting, healthy relationships or accomplish other important life goals. If this is something you’re experiencing, there are ways to manage it. Read on for a few strategies to consider.
Tips for avoiding falling in love too quickly
"I don't want to fall in love easily anymore. How can I prevent this?" If you are frequently falling in love quickly and with the wrong people, there are a variety of ways you can try to avoid this.
Consider if someone is right or wrong for you
If you start to have feelings for someone too soon, you might try to evaluate whether they are right for you or not. Feeling attraction for someone can happen almost immediately, but deeper feelings of love often take longer to develop. If you feel like you are constantly falling in “love,” try to zoom out and examine the situation objectively to see what you are actually feeling. Is it love, or is it attraction? One strategy to try to help parse this out may be to consider if the person’s qualities and values align with yours and if you two would be a good fit together or not. This may help you regain control of your emotions.
Avoid social media pitfalls
When you have a crush on someone, it may be tempting to spend a lot of time looking at their social media accounts. This pastime may seem harmless, but it can fuel your fantasy and be difficult to stop. Spending a lot of time looking at someone's photos and reading their status may make your feelings seem stronger than they are. If you feel the urge to check up on a crush's Facebook or Instagram, consider trying to distract yourself by doing a different activity you enjoy.
Focus on other priorities and activities
You may also try to channel the energy that was going toward falling in and out of love into something productive and purposeful. For instance, you could set a new career goal and focus on working towards that. You could learn a new skill, like playing the guitar or crocheting. You could spend more time with friends or family. Or, maybe you’d like to try a new exercise routine, which can help you stay in shape and give your brain time to rest while doing something beneficial. Filling your time with other things you care about may help to keep your frequent romantic feelings in check.
Get support from friends and family
It would help to inform your friends and family that you can't fall in love with the wrong people and that is why you are trying to stop falling in love quickly. For instance, you could ask that they not try to set you up with someone, if you would prefer to remain single. Or, you can ask them for support if you notice that you are beginning to fall too quickly for someone.
Realize your individual worth
In some cases, falling in love too often could be connected to feelings of low self-esteem. If you are experiencing low self-esteem, you might crave finding someone whose love can make you feel more valued or better about yourself. If this is something that you think might be a factor for you, trying to build your self-esteem may help. There are many ways to cultivate self-esteem, such as practicing self-compassion, challenging negative beliefs about yourself, listing your positive qualities, developing positive relationships, or setting a goal for yourself.
Determine what you’re really looking for
Trying some of the strategies above may help you avoid falling in love too quickly with the wrong people, but this doesn’t mean you have to close yourself off from love completely. Falling in love with the right person can be a wonderful experience. In addition to the strategies above, it may also help to try to clearly define what you’re looking for in a romantic partner and what a healthy relationship looks like for you.
How therapy can support you and your love life
If you are falling in love too quickly with the wrong people, there may be a lot of different, complex dynamics going on, and these can vary from one individual to the next. For instance, someone might be experiencing low self-esteem, someone else may have a fear of being alone, and someone else may have an underlying mental health condition. Whatever the dynamics at play, online therapy may be able to help.
Studies have shown that online therapy can help individuals with a wide range of concerns. For example, a broad-based study in the Journal of Technology in Human Services examined results from a number of different studies involving the effectiveness of internet-based therapy. The report, which was comprised of 92 different studies with over 9,000 total participants, focused on online therapy’s usage in treatments for “a variety of problems.” The report found “no differences in effectiveness” between online interventions and face-to-face therapy, concluding that there is strong support for the use of online therapy as an effective therapeutic method.
Discussing topics like love, romance, and self-esteem can often feel very vulnerable and personal, and so for some people, it may be helpful to find a space where you feel most comfortable and at ease to discuss your feelings. With online therapy through BetterHelp, you can have therapy sessions from wherever you have an internet connection, so you can choose to do it wherever you feel most at ease. A licensed therapist can work with you to help you learn the skills to become more independent and focus on building healthy, lasting relationships.
Below are some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar concerns.
Counselor reviews
"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"
"I really enjoyed my sessions with Dr. Anstadt. He helped me see how one issue was affecting multiple aspects of my life. He has greatly improved my relationships with the people I'm closest to and even the way I approach work. I have seen a huge difference in my relationships already, and I have several tools to help me manage the issues I started seeking therapy for. I cannot express how thankful I am to Dr. I Anstadt!"
Takeaway
How do you stop falling in love with someone?
Stopping yourself from developing romantic feelings or falling head over heels for someone can be difficult, but there are a few strategies that may help you keep your emotions in check. Defining what you’re seeking in a partner before there’s a particular person in your life could help you avoid getting involved with the wrong person for you, for example. Working to boost your self-esteem could also help if a lack of it may be the source of your behaviors.
Why do I keep falling in love?
There are many potential reasons that one person sinks into love more quickly or easily than another. Some people may simply be wired that way. Others may find themselves feeling ‘helplessly drawn’ into romantic relationship after romantic relationship as a result of low self-esteem, past trauma, an insecure attachment style, or even a mental health condition like borderline personality disorder. It’s also worth noting that someone might not necessarily love—or feel deep, romantic love quickly or easily—but experience infatuation, particularly when it happens very quickly.
Does falling in love go away?
A tendency to fall in love easily may or may not eventually fade on its own as a person matures. If such a tendency is causing problems in a person’s life now, however, they can generally learn to manage it with focused effort. Examples of strategies to try could include building self-esteem, practicing mindfulness to become more aware of emotions as they arise, finding ways to spend time on their own for self-discovery and to get more comfortable not constantly being in a relationship, and getting familiar with common red flags so they don’t completely ignore them because of loving feelings. Working with a therapist could also help a person address any challenges in this area and learn more about what it means to build a stable relationship.
Can you control falling in love?
While someone generally can’t control the emotions they feel, a person controls or manages them more effectively with practice and the right strategies, in many cases. Someone who develops romantic feelings more easily or often than they would like, for instance, could take a few different approaches to learn to control this tendency better over time. Examples include building self-esteem, practicing mindfulness, outlining what they’re seeking in a partner before they meet someone, building in concrete ways to check themselves when dating someone new before falling deeper in love, and meeting with a therapist.
What is emophilia love?
Emophilia is the tendency to fall in love quickly and easily. A person with emophilia may rapidly develop romantic feelings for someone new, and they may find it difficult to avoid becoming involved with them right away. They may also jump from romantic connection to romantic connection, with most or all being rebound relationships. This tendency can generally be managed through self-work tactics and therapy.
How often is it normal to fall in love?
There’s no set timeline on which a person may fall in love. For some people, it can happen in a matter of weeks. For others, it can take months or longer. Each person is on their own time, which can depend on how they’re wired, their attachment style, any past traumas, any mental health challenges, and other factors.
What happens if you fall in love too much?
Falling in love too easily could result in more frequently experiencing heartbreak, since people with this tendency may not have enough time to properly get to know the person to confirm they’re the right fit before developing feelings. It could also hinder a person’s life goals, since getting repeatedly entangled with partner after partner—especially when those people are not the right fit—can involve a significant time and energy expenditure. This could potentially take away from other pursuits like friendships, family relationships, education, and career aspirations.
How do I know if I'm in love?
Different people may define and experience romantic love differently. For some, it’s a rush of pleasant emotions when around their beloved, spending hours on phone calls or sending late-night texts,and becoming physically intimate. For others, it doesn’t develop until they’ve had the chance to form a deep emotional connection and share intimate detailswith the other person over a longer period of time. Some define it as sensing that you want to spend all your time with someone, while others place more value on finding someone with whom they feel safe and can grow over time.
What ends most relationships?
A lack of alignment on major life goals, a breakdown of communication, and a betrayal of trust are examples of situations that commonly end relationships.
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