How Do I Get A Girl To Breakup with Her Boyfriend and Should I?

By Joy Youell

Updated November 18, 2019

Reviewer Christy B.

Sometimes, the last people to see that they are in a toxic relationship are the people who are actually in it. If someone you know is in a relationship that you can see is going nowhere or providing real damage, you might find yourself asking what to do? Should you suggest a separation or a breakup? This can be a very challenging dynamic to navigate. We're going to cover some of the ways you can feel empowered to make the right choice.

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Should You Ever Encourage Someone to Breakup?

Having an outsider's perspective on a relationship can be valuable. You may be able to notice trends, patterns, and even damage that is occurring as the result of a partnership. If you observe dynamics that you would categorize as genuinely abusive or hurtful, it is imperative to speak up. But what if you just have an opinion or strong feeling? In the event that you lack tangible evidence that a breakup is necessary, there are some ways to open communication and graciously, and gently, uncover better information to help someone make the decision to end a relationship.

How to Identify Negativity in Relationships

A first step to suggesting that someone breakup is to genuinely identify symptoms that a relationship is damaging to one or both parties. Spend some time carefully observing your friends:

  • How have they changed since becoming romantically connected?
  • Do you see these changes as positive or negative?
  • Can any changes be specifically linked to the other person's influence?
  • Do you see personality changes or alarming habits?
  • Can you see any symptoms of abuse or mistreatment?
  • What do you hear them say to one another?
  • What do you hear them say about one another?

Observing a relationship from all angles will give you the right information that you need to have a meaningful conversation with your friend or friends.

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An Open Dialogue: Is This a Healthy Relationship?

After making your initial observations, a next step could be to casually obtain information about how each person in the relationship perceives it. Look for signs of how power is shared or allocated: does one person carry all of the power or authority when making decisions or resolving conflict? Is there a clear communicator and a clear recipient? Is the dialogue open and even?

Perhaps most importantly, how do your friends feel about their relationship? Do they perceive it as healthy and happy? Or is there clearly dissatisfaction on both sides? Sometimes simply opening a conversation about the relationship will lead one or both parties to begin their own analysis. All relationships should provide happiness and comfort to the people in them. If this is clearly not the case, it will be evident to everyone involved.

Addressing Objections

There are several objections that people pose to ending romantic relationships, especially if they have been invested in them for a significant length of time. Some of the objections you may hear are:

  • I don't want the last X amount of years to have been a waste.
  • How do I know there is someone better out there?
  • I may never find someone else.
  • I am too old and uninteresting to resume dating.
  • It isn't that bad.

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A temptation people often encounter when they are an unhealthy relationship is to weigh the costs and benefits of breaking up. Do the pain and logistics of breaking up outweigh the current unhappiness? How much emotional energy do they have to allocate to rebuilding a romantic or dating life? When the conversation turns this direction, it may be important to revisit the initial list of negative relational dynamics to remind someone why they are considering this option.

Finding Healthy Relationships

The most vital role a friend or family member can play for someone who is in an unhealthy relationship is to provide unconditional support for their friend. While assessing the right choices for them, it is important that they themselves feel understood, heard, validated, and valued. Without this, they may withdraw and exclude you from the decision altogether. Breaking up with someone is hard to do and can be complicated by mental health issues or a history of mistreatment. In the event that someone has suffered or been harmed by a relationship, it is important to receive counseling.

BetterHelp Online Counseling

The certified counselors at BetterHelp are standing by to help you figure things out. Whether you need help recommending a course of action to a friend or your friend needs help before, during, or after a breakup, therapy is a powerful way to access your deepest thoughts and feelings and find healing. It may feel insurmountable to break up with a long-term partner; however, it is sometimes the right option for everyone's mental wellness. Many people have found meaningful, life-changing relationship advice with the online counselors at BetterHelp. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing a range of relationship issues and challenges.

Counselor Reviews

"Ramy is extremely patient. He is willing and able to read and respond to very complex issues. He guides me through all sorts of emotional trauma triggers, relationship issues, and medical problems. Ramy helps me set boundaries while keeping necessary relationships."

"Lauren was very helpful. I was having problems with my boyfriend and she really helped by listening to me and giving me advice on how to reframe our arguments and communicate better."

Overcoming Relationship Issues

Relationships are complicated and play into a variety of mental health dynamics. A fulfilling, lasting relationship is possible - all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.


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