How To Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him After He’s Moved On
Updated April 11, 2019
Want to know how to tell your ex you still love him after he's already moved on?
It is normal to miss your ex and the relationship that you once shared after being broken up for a while. If your ex has already moved on and you haven't, it can be even harder. When you're feeling lonely, you might think of what it would be like to get back together.
Unfortunately, you now have a new obstacle in your way. He's moving on with someone else. This makes your decision a little more complicated. How do you tell your ex that you still love him when he is starting a new relationship with someone else?
How to Tell Your Ex You Still Love Him
Before you go ahead with it, you should take some time to consider whether this is what you truly want. What do you hope the outcome will be if you tell your ex that you still love him? Now that your ex is happy and moving on with his new girlfriend, how do you think that he will react to hearing that you still love him?
What it really comes down to is, are you okay with breaking up a relationship? You also need to be prepared by knowing that the outcome might not be what you hope for. Something else to ask yourself before telling your ex about your unwavering love is, "Why do I still love him?" The answer(s) to this question may give you more insight into whether it is a good idea to tell him you still love him.
If you and your ex have a long history together, were married, or have kids, there's a bigger likelihood of both of you deciding to work it out. Try to arrange an honest conversation with your ex if you think that the two of you are meant for each other. It will be important to thoughtfully consider what you wish to accomplish by having this conversation, prior to meeting up with your ex. In addition to taking some time to think about the possible results of the conversation, and the ways in which you can best respond. Furthermore, explain to your ex your expectations of having this conversation. Otherwise, he may be left confused and unsure of how to react and respond to what you have to say.
Another way that you could relay this message is through a heartfelt letter telling your ex about your feelings, but of course, that letter could be found and read by someone else. Just be aware that both scenarios could lead to drama with him, his new girlfriend, or both.
Perhaps you are weary of telling your ex that you still love him, due to fear of what he may say (or not say), but you still have a sense of urgency to express your feelings. Maybe it would be best to write his letter, but do not give it to him. By dealing with it in this manner, you are no longer suppressing your feelings, and you may have also saved yourself from heartache and an undesirable outcome.
Where Can I Go to Gain Some Clarity?
If you are unsure what your next move should be, speaking to a counselor can give you a better sense of how you feel about the situation and why. It's possible that you think that you still love your ex because you're lonely and don't see that there could be someone better out there waiting for you.
A counselor can help you see things from a different perspective and help you get over any emotional issues resulting from your breakup so you can heal. You can find a counselor in your local area based on recommendations from friends and family, or even sign up for an online counseling service like BetterHelp.
If you're suffering from depression, anxiety, or other challenges after your breakup, know that you are not alone. Many people suffer from mental illness or experience times when coping isn't easy. Effective treatments like counseling and medication exist to help you bounce back and start to feel more like yourself again.
For the individuals who are hesitant about seeing a counselor, you may be more comfortable talking to a friend, family member, or mentor. While it can be beneficial to have a support system of persons who are willing to be a listening ear, it is important to take into consideration two things: 1) They may be tired of hearing about you and your ex and 2) It is likely they will respond in a biased manner, since they already know you and possibly the history of your relationship. In these instances, it will likely be helpful to seek advice from a counselor with a listening ear who does not already know you, your ex, or the good, bad and ugly of your relationship.
Do I Have Any Other Options?
Once you have engaged in some self-reflection, it is possible that you will realize that telling your ex you still love him just isn't in the best interest of you or him! So, now what? You should start or continue with the process of moving on. Author and psychologist, Dr. Jennice Vilhauer, provides five steps toward moving on. These steps include: 1) Cut off contact, 2) Let go of the fantasy, 3) Make peace with the past, 4) Know it is okay to still love them and 5) Love yourself more. Let's expand on these "move-on tips" a little more.
1) Cut off contact: This may be one of the most difficult steps, especially since ending all communication with your ex is typical "easier said than done." There may be a pull to maintain some type of relationship or friendship; however, keep in mind that the relationship ended for a reason. Of course, if you and your ex share children or other important responsibilities, this may not be possible. In either case, it will be important to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
2) Let go of the fantasy: What is the fantasy? This would be the "honeymoon" phase you experienced at the beginning of the relationship or the "relationship you thought you could have had if things had just been different." Letting go of the fantasies means to let go of the "what ifs." While it may be a painful process, it may help to let go of the fantasy and instead, recall the realities of the relationship which led to it ending.
3) Make peace with the past: Many feelings can come as a result of breakups: sadness, confusion, anger, rejection and more. It is healthy for you to grieve the loss of this person and the loss of your relationship; and there is no set amount of time for grieving. However, there comes a time when you must make peace with your loss. Making peace may involve forgiving your ex for any transgressions or even forgiving yourself for mistakes you would have made. Remember, forgiving your ex does not mean you are obligated to continue a relationship with them, it simply means you are allowing yourself the space for emotional freedom and peace of mind.
4) Know it is okay to still love them: Knowing that you still love your ex, may be one of the reasons you are reading this article and feel compelled to express this to him. Do not feel guilty about still loving him, since love in and of itself is not a "wrong" emotion. However, there are times when love by itself is not enough to sustain a healthy relationship. During your process of healing and moving on, your feelings of romantic love will hopefully shift to a different form of love. The type of love that allows you to still care for your ex's well-being, while no longer having the desire to get back with him.
5) Love yourself more: According to Dr. Vilhauer, this is the hardest part of the process for some individuals. Hence why it may also be the most important step. Loving yourself more means you have begun the process of forgiving yourself, lessening the negative self-talk, and believing that you are worthy of a healthy and loving relationship. The more you increase your self-love, the more you will require others to value you and treat you with the respect and love you deserve.
There is no denying that watching your ex move on with someone else can be a painful experience. You might even start to have second thoughts about your breakup and wish that you could tell him you still love him and make everything go back to normal. The problem is, now that he's started to move on, he might not be open to getting back together.
Talking to someone, like a friend or BetterHelp counselor, can help you make sense of these feelings and figure out what you should do. Breakups can be tough, so don't be afraid to seek social support along the way.