How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You And Why
By Mason Komay
Updated December 06, 2019
Reviewer Elizabeth Strong
Wondering how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you?
If she's been acting differently or emotionally distant lately, you might be wondering what's going on. Your mind may conjure up awful images when you can't reach her or don't know where she is. Do you want to know what is going with her? If not knowing is driving you crazy, this is not healthy for you. You deserve to know the truth. Perhaps the relationship can be repaired. Or maybe it's time to let the relationship go.
How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Cheating
1.Look for Signs
There are several warning signs that can indicate something's irregular with your girlfriend. In fact, you might have noticed some already. A few signs that she might be specifically cheating are:
- She's always texting someone but doesn't want you to see who.
- She's lying to you about where she is or who she's with when you ask.
- She's acting guilty or defensive all the time.
Keep in mind that these signs can indicate that your girlfriend might be cheating, but they could also mean something else is going on. Unless you catch her in the act, it's hard to know for sure if your suspicions are correct. She might be secretive for other reasons that are entirely unrelated to having an affair.
2. She Accuses You of Cheating
Deflection is a common sign of defensiveness. You might approach your girlfriend with your concerns, and instead of denying anything is wrong, she tries to turn it around on you by accusing you of being the cheater. She places the blame on you, thus shifting the focus of the issue. It can be a manipulative and confusing tactic, as it is meant to be. If she does this and is indeed cheating on you, she's likely hoping that you will just say something along the lines of, "Fine! Forget it!" and forget the whole thing in order to stop the berating. In this case, it's vital to remain calm, as you already know that you didn't cheat. Chances are that she knows it too.
3. She Starts Fights for No Reason
This is another manipulative tactic that can be quite frustrating but often does the trick. Starting fights for no reason can indicate that she's trying to get you to break up with her. This is achieved by picking fights that she knows will make her look bad or that she knows she can't win, thus goading you into being the one to end it between you. She doesn't want the guilt of your breakup on top of the affair and wants a clean break, so what better way than to make you do the deed for her?
4. Everything is Wonderful Again
If suddenly everything seems better than it's been in a long time, it could be due to a couple of things. For instance, she could be feeling guilty for cheating and has decided to stop, or she is getting ready to leave and feels guilty for that, so she wants to make it right with you in whatever way she can before she leaves. If you suspect either one of these things might be true, proceed with caution and try your best not to jump to conclusions.
5. No Intimacy
Intimacy ebbs and flows in relationships, but if you notice a very dramatic decrease, it might be due to cheating. She may feel like she's cheating with you on her new partner, or she could feel strange about being intimate with two people at the same time. Regardless of her reasoning, if she typically likes to cuddle on the couch with you and is suddenly refusing to even hug you, it might be a red flag in your relationship.
6. New Hobbies
Does she have a new hobby or interest that she seems to be putting all of her free time and energy into? Is she suddenly passionate about something that you didn't even know she was aware of before? If so, it might be because she is spending time with her new love interest. He may have introduced her to it these new hobbies, or they may have met somewhere, and something blossomed between them. No matter the circumstance, new curiosities or even renewed interest in old hobbies might be worth looking into.
7. New Language
Is your girlfriend suddenly using new words or phrases? Is she talking about things you've never heard her address before? Often, when we meet someone new that we admire, we can take on their way of speaking or become interested in topics that they often talk about. Thus, if you've never heard her express herself in this way before, it might be worth looking into. It could also be useful to start using that language. Try out the new turn of phrase you've learned from her or bring up new topics she discusses. If she reacts with annoyance, it's a pretty clear sign that you've touched on something sensitive.
8. Ask Her
If you notice these signs and you still aren't sure, you might wonder what the best thing to do is. For starters, you can try to be straightforward and ask her about it. In doing this, try your best to stay as calm as possible, no matter how difficult that may be. This is likely to be an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have it to find out what's really going on. Start by telling her that you feel like things have been different lately and that you want to know if your relationship is okay. You don't want to wrongly accuse her of cheating, but you can ask if there is 'someone else' as a way of introducing your concerns. Again, staying calm is crucial.
It's possible that your girlfriend will just deny it, but you might be able to tell from her reaction if you are right. You might also be able to detect a lie if you know her well enough. Ultimately, regardless of her answer, if your relationship has been feeling off and you don't trust her, you need to decide for yourself whether or not staying together would cause more harm than good.
9. Go to Counseling
Counseling can be an excellent source of support when you're dealing with relationship troubles. A counselor can help you identify thoughts and behaviors that are negatively impacting your relationship with your girlfriend, as well as teach you better ways to cope when things get tough. Couples counseling is another great option if the two of you want to work things out with a specialist. A couples counselor can help you work on building trust and ways to establish better communication with each other.
Consider Online Help
If you're reluctant to reach out to a counselor for any reason, know that there are now affordable online counseling services like BetterHelp that makes getting support easier than ever. You can message your BetterHelp counselor any time from your electronic devices, and even request a new counselor if you don't like the one that you are matched with. Our team of licensed counselors is equipped to help you get through even the darkest chapters of your relationship. You deserve to be happy - let us help. Check out some reviews of BetterHelp counselors below, from others experiencing similar issues.
"A year ago I was experiencing difficulties in my relationship, which highly affected my psychological state and interfered with my work. At one point, I decided to try Betterhelp.com. My counselor Dr. Brewer helped me to see some things I couldn't on my own and encouraged me to prioritize myself. It was a huge help for me at that point, which led to the decisions I am happy about."
"Mark has been extremely attentive to everything that I disclose. He's not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I'm on a good path to self improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship."
Again, these are signs that your girlfriend might be cheating on you. Before you make the assumption that she's seeing someone else, try your best to see things for what they really are. If you're finding this to be far too difficult to do on your own, professional counseling is right around the corner. Take the first step today.