How To Tell If Your Girlfriend Is Cheating On You And Why

By Nicola Kirkpatrick

Updated March 08, 2019

Reviewer Elizabeth Strong

Wondering how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you?

If she's been acting differently or emotionally distant lately, you might be wondering what's going on. Your mind may conjure up awful images when you can't reach her or don't know where she is.

Do you want to know what is going with her? If not knowing is driving you crazy, this is not healthy for you. You deserve to know the truth. Perhaps the relationship can be repaired. Or maybe it's time to let the relationship go.


How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Cheating

1. Look for Signs

There are several warning signs that can tell you something's up with your girlfriend. You might have noticed some already. A few signs that she might be specifically cheating are:

  • She's always texting someone but doesn't want you to see who.
  • She's lying to you about where she is/who she's with when you ask.
  • She's acting guilty or defensive all the time.

Keep in mind that these signs indicate that your girlfriend might be cheating, but they could also mean something else is going on. Unless you catch her in the act, you can't know for sure if your suspicions are correct. She might be secretive for other reasons.

2. She Accuses You of Cheating

This is a classic sign of defensiveness- deflection. You might approach her with your concerns and instead of denying anything is wrong, she tries to turn it around on you and accuses you of being the cheater. She put the blame on you, thus shifting the focus of the issue. It's an infuriating and confusing tactic, as it is meant to be. She is probably hoping that you will just say, "Fine! Forget it!" and forget the whole thing in order to stop being berating yourself. It's smart but doesn't fall for it. Remain calm- you know you didn't cheat and chances are that she knows it too.

3. She Starts Fights for No Reason

This is another tactic that is cruel but often does the trick. She gets YOU to break up with HER. How? By picking fights that she knows will make her look bad or that she knows she can't win, thus goading you into being the one to end it between you. She doesn't want the guilt of your breakup on top of the cheating and wants a clean break, so what better way than to make you do the deed for her?


4. Everything is Wonderful Again

Suddenly everything is great again or better than it's been in a long time. This could be due to a couple things: she could be feeling guilty for cheating and has decided to stop, or she is getting ready to leave and feels guilty for that so wants to make it right with you in whatever way she can before she exits. If you suspect either one of these things might be true, proceed with caution.

5. No Intimacy

Intimacy ebbs and flows in relationships, but if you notice a very dramatic decrease, it might be due to cheating. She may feel like she's cheating WITH you on her new partner, or she could feel strange about being intimate with two people at the same time. Regardless of her reasoning, if she typically likes to cuddle on the couch with you and is suddenly refusing to even hug you, it might be time to sound the alarm on your relationship.

6. New Hobbies

Does she have a new hobby or interest that she seems to be putting all of her free time and energy into? Is she suddenly passionate about something that you didn't even know she was aware of before? It could be where she is spending time with her new love interest. He or she could have introduced her to it, or they may have met there and something blossomed between them. No matter the circumstance, new curiosities or even renewed interest in old hobbies might be worth looking into.

7. New Language

Is your girlfriend suddenly using new words or phrases? Or talking about things you've never heard her address before? Often, when we meet someone new that we admire, we can take on their way of speaking or become interested in topics that they often talk about. Thus, if you've never heard her express herself in this way before, it might be worth nothing. It could also be useful to start using that language too. Try out the new turn of phrase you've learned from her or bring up the new topics she discusses. If she reacts with annoyance, it's a pretty clear sign that you've touched on something sensitive.


8. Ask Her

Ok, so now that you've gathered evidence, what's next? Truly, there is nothing that can be done if a conversation about your suspicions doesn't take place. The best thing to do if you notice these signs and you still aren't sure? Ask her about it. As calmly as possible. This is likely to be an uncomfortable conversation, but you need to have it to find out what's really going on. Start by telling her that you feel like things have been different lately and you want to know if your relationship is okay. You don't want to wrongly accuse her of cheating, but you can ask if there is 'someone else' as a way of introducing your concerns. Again, stay calm.

It's possible that your girlfriend will just deny it, but you might be able to tell from her reaction if you are right. You also might be able to catch her in a lie. Ultimately, regardless of her answer, if your relationship has been feeling off and you don't trust her, you need to decide if you should stay together.

9. Go to Counseling

Counseling can be an excellent source of support when you're dealing with relationship troubles. A counselor can help you identify thoughts and behaviors that are negatively impacting your relationship with your girlfriend, as well as teach you better ways to cope when things get tough.

If you're reluctant to reach out to a counselor for any reason, know that there are now affordable online counseling services likeBetterHelpthat make getting support easier than ever. You can message your BetterHelp counselor any time from your electronic devices, and even request a new counselor if you don't like the one that you are matched with.

Couples counseling is another great option if the two of you want to work things out with a specialist. A couples counselor can help you work on building trust and ways to establish better communication with each other.


Worrying that your girlfriend is cheating on you is never a fun situation. It can keep you up at night, wondering where things went wrong even if you don't know that it's true. If you're seeing signs that it could be true, ask your girlfriend what's going on so that you can finally get some answers.

If you need support to get through this tough time, counseling can be a useful resource. A counselor can help you heal if you choose to end your relationship with your girlfriend or help the two of you communicate better if you choose to stay together and work it out.

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