How To Get Over Someone You Love And Start Fresh
By: Danni Peck
Updated September 16, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Christy B.
What do you do when you come up against a dead-end relationship and are wondering how to start over in a relationship? You might love the other person immensely, but if they don't return your love or aren't willing to free themselves from another relationship, your love can only cause you misery. However, there is good news. Once you realize it's time to move on, you can learn how to get over someone you love. When you do, you can start over with new relationships that have more potential to make you happy.
Recognize The Futility Of The Relationship
The first step in how to start over in a relationship on is to acknowledge how impossible the relationship is. Until you do, you'll be stuck trying to make a futile relationship work. Think about the problems between you and recognize the other person's limitations in solving them. It may sound like you are focusing on the negative, and it might seem like that is the opposite of what you should be doing, but it actually helps in this situation.
Taking this approach helps us look at things from a more realistic point of view than we generally tend to after we breakup with, or are separated from, our partner. Usually, we are inclined to romanticize the broken relationship and forget about why it ended in the first place.
Seven Signs You Need to Move On From A Relationship
Pay attention to signs they give you which indicate they don't want to get closer or repair any damage they've caused. If they abuse you, realize that you are putting yourself in emotional or physical danger by holding on.
Has your partner exhibited any of these following signs?
- Communication is difficult, at best. You partner does not seem to want to share their thoughts with you anymore or listen to what you have to say.
- Boredom has set in. They no longer seem interested in engaging in activities with you, and you now go out less often as a couple.
- The physical attraction has waned. The passion and intimacy which was once a vibrant part of your relationship has slowed considerably.
- Your partner no longer puts you on a pedestal. You get the feeling your partner no longer thinks they are lucky to have you in their lives.
- They are irritated by every little thing you do. Your once lovable traits are now being belittled and your partners seems easily annoyed by you.
- Fights become more regular. Your partner is more likely to start a confrontation than to work through your disagreements.
- They cheated on you. You see their infidelity as a breach of trust you cannot come to terms with.
Once you are clear that you must get over them, you can start the work of learning how to move on.
How To Start Over In A Relationship
Maybe you're wondering how to start over in a relationship. No doubt, you invested a large part of yourself in the relationship that has ended. You may have felt it was destined to last and that you were both looking forward to taking the next major step together.
Now that the relationship is over, it is important for you to be able to move on with your life, but it is a process which will take time.
- Work through your emotions
Give yourself some time to mourn what you have lost then move on. Allow yourself to cry—if you feel like it. Be aware that you may feel some measure of anger and resentment toward the other person and, perhaps, toward yourself for not being able to make things work. These are natural emotions and stifling them will not help, just as it will not help for you to dwell on them. If you need to, talk to someone you trust or a trained counsellor about what you are feeling. You can also consider keeping a journal of your emotions and your progress in coming to terms with the relationship ending.
- Be strong
Learning how to start over in a relationship over can be difficult and you may begin to long for things to be back as they were. You may need to keep reminding yourself of why the relationship ended, what was missing from it, and what it is you are hoping to find in a new relationship down the road.
- Consider cutting ALL ties
Staying in touch, at first, will only make it more difficult for you to move on with your life. That partner was a constant in your life which you must now learn to operate without. So, avoid calling, texting or reaching out to them on social media. Blocking their calls, texts and social media accounts might also be a wise move.
- Take up a hobby or learn a new skill
Devoting time to a hobby is a good idea to keep yourself occupied. It could be therapeutic as a creative outlet into which you can channel the emotions you are working through. You can also devote some time to learning a new skill—this carries with it the added benefit of personal development.
If your ex-partner is the one to move out, then remove the things which are left and remind you of them. Rearrange the furniture, too, while you are at it, and get new linen for the bed. Making the space your own without items linked to your former partner lingering about, will help you to move on.
- Don't be afraid of announcing your breakup
A first step you will most likely make is changing your status on your social media pages. That may bring with it a flood of queries as to what has happened, with persons requesting more details than you are willing to give. While you should not try to hide the fact that your relationship has ended, remember that you are not obligated to explain it to anyone. If you are uncomfortable discussing it with someone who asks, simply tell them things did not work out and change the subject.
- See the possibility of new relationships
Right now, it may be hard to imagine starting over with someone new. You may feel no one else "gets" you the way your current partner does. You may experience anxiety when you think about leaving that person behind. Even though you know you will never be happy with them, you might feel they're the only person you can count on being a part of your life.
Yet, there are other people who could fulfill that role for you. There are likely people you know who will treat you better. Acknowledge the fact that relationships come and go for most people. Only a few people will have one long-term relationship that lasts for their entire adult life. Remember that others have gotten over past relationships and found new ones that were equally or even more satisfying.
Starting Fresh With BetterHelp
There is an increasingly large amount of research showing that online therapy can be a powerful tool when helping those dealing with difficult emotions related to the loss of a loved one. For example, in one study, published in the Journal of Affective Disorders, researchers found that online therapy was a useful method of reducing feelings of grief after a separation, divorce, or bereavement. Participants also reported significantly decreased depression, loneliness, distress, and embitterment, in addition to an increase in overall quality of life. This suggests that online interventions for those looking to get over someone they love or loved can be useful, helping individuals work through their emotions and move forward.
As considered above, if you’re feeling lonely, sad, or other complicated feelings related to a breakup or divorce, online therapy is there for you. A licensed counselor can provide you with the tools to process a difficult breakup. Read below for reviews of BetterHelp professionals, from those who have experienced similar issues.
“I’ve tried other counselors that I liked but didn’t seem right for me but Margaret has been amazing! I love her honesty, compassion, and realness! It was really easy to open up to her and she’s helped me get through a very tough breakup that nobody else could seem to get me through. I would recommend her to anyone! She makes it so comfortable to talk to her as if you’ve known her for forever!”
“When I signed up for BetterHelp I was in the midst of a major life crisis. I was seeking a compassionate, experienced counselor like Jillian to help me cope with the initial pain, anger, and anxiety. Also, I chose Jillian because in her self description she states, "I'm a big believer in seeing life challenges, especially the most painful ones, as a catalyst for self-discovery, personal growth, and positive change." This really resonated with me. I knew that I wanted my experience to be an opportunity for personal growth. I am incredibly grateful that Jillian indeed helped me grieve and work through the challenges of divorce and early motherhood. She helped me learn about myself and transform my life in a positive way. She offered practical, specific tools to incorporate into my daily routine. She helped me to reconnect with myself and clarify and move towards my life goals. She offered constructive advice for interacting with my ex-husband and maintaining boundaries. Through working with her I was able to care for myself so that I could be a mindful, present mama and really soak in the precious moments with my newborn daughter. My sessions with Jillian made a huge difference as I navigated this time in my life. I could not recommend her more highly.”
Even if you understand the logic of getting over another person, you might need help accomplishing it. Fortunately, there are counselors who can guide you through the process. They can provide a listening ear and offer suggestions that are based in sound psychological methods. They can help you put an old love behind you. When you do, you'll be ready to start over with a new plan for having the happiness you so deserve.
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