I Still Love My Ex, Should We Get Back Together?

Updated March 9, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It is completely natural to still have feelings for an ex. You were in a relationship with them, after all, and you cared for them and probably interacted with them daily, but now you have to adjust to the breakup and not getting to be with them anymore. If it is true that you still love your ex, is that enough reason to get back with an ex?

What Should I Do if I Still Love My Ex?

This can lead you to second-guess the breakup and to think about whether it was a good or bad decision to sever the relationship.

To help you find some clarity about this, you might want to think about why the relationship ended in the first place. Maybe you both wanted different things, and so you were just not compatible, at best, or maybe your partner was mistreating you, at worst. In those cases, breaking it off may have been the best decision for you both, and the best remedy for your current feelings about it might be to work on moving forward without them.

"Should i talk to my ex?" If you still feel like you can make the relationship work, and you think the relationship is worth another try, you can reach out to your ex and talk things out. If you both discuss the differences or disagreements that led to the breakup in the first place, maybe you can negotiate compromises that will allow you to work it out and get back together. The outcome of this conversation may help provide insight into whether or not you and your ex can be reconciled.

What Are Your Relationship Ingredients?

People get into and stay in relationships for various reasons. It might help to identify what your “relationship ingredients” are, and then determine whether you are willing to reconcile and further compromise with your ex even if certain ingredients are missing, or if your ex has a different set of ingredients from your own.

Relationship ingredients are the elements that make a relationship feel safe and healthy. Different people may have different ingredients that they look for or need in a relationship. Examples of relationship ingredients include things like happiness, respect, attraction, safeness, open communication, and freedom to have friends and a social life with people other than your partner. For a relationship to work, the partners each need to feel that the elements they want and need from that relationship are present and respected.

You might want to consider whether your relationship with your ex had all the ingredients you wanted. You might also want to think back to whether your ex mentioned that ingredients they wanted were missing. If enough ingredients were missing for each of you, you might want to consider whether those would somehow be present if you tried again, or whether they would still be absent. If those missing ingredients are unlikely to show up, starting over with your ex might not be the best decision for you.

Are You Still In Love With Your Ex Or Are You Lonely?

After a relationship breaks up, it is natural to feel an emotional void in your life. Your normal daily routine may even feel as if it has turned upside down at times. This feeling is normal and maybe even unavoidable, because until you broke up, your ex was integrated into and had become a centerpiece in your life.

Sometimes it can be hard to tell whether what you’re feeling is loneliness or some other emotion. You can feel loneliness even in the presence of others because being lonely is a state of mind. Often couples who experience a recent breakup will attempt to prematurely get back together because they mistake the feelings of loneliness for continuing feelings of love for their former partner. If you think this might be happening to you, below are a few pointers to assist you with working through these feelings.

  1. It is okay to miss your ex. However, it is important to remember why you broke up, because there might have been good reasons for ending the relationship, and good reasons for continuing to stay apart.
  2. Feeling lonely is normal after a breakup. It is normal to feel lonely for a while after a breakup because your life is experiencing a change. It is better to acknowledge the feeling of loneliness rather than to fight it by perceiving it as a negative emotion, or by masking it either by getting prematurely involved in new relationship or by returning to your ex.
  3. Processing and accepting your emotions can help. Sometimes people will frown upon you expressing your emotions, while others will encourage you to “stay strong.” This might be intended as encouragement, but it may not be healthy for you. You are human, so it is normal for you to feel various emotions. The expectation that we should be happy or be strong all the time can be unrealistic. It is normal to feel different emotions and to feel strongly about things, especially when you have experienced something difficult like a breakup, and understanding why you feel the way you feel can foster acceptance and aid in your healing process.
  4. Try to understand that being alone isn’t always to be lonely. After leaving a long-term relationship, the idea of being alone may sound a bit scary. However, being okay with being alone can be an important element of your happiness. Learning to be alone allows you to develop a happiness of your own, one that isn’t dependent upon being in a relationship with another person.
  5. Explore new interests and engage in hobbies. Getting back into past hobbies or other leisure activities that you used to enjoy prior to being in a relationship can help you to build a new life for yourself and move on. Engaging in new interests can help create healthy distractions from negative thoughts, and may offer you the opportunity to meet new people.
  6. Try to journal.Using a journal offers the opportunity to express your thoughts, feelings, and plans in writing. Many people feel a sense of relief and fulfillment after completing this activity. Also, reviewing what you’ve written about your relationship in your journal can provide you with deeper insight that might help you gain the clarity that you need to move forward in your life.

Find Someone To Talk To

There are many ways to recover from a breakup, and help is available to get you on a path to sorting out your feelings about your ex and what you want for your life now that that relationship is over. 

Hearing what your peers think might help you transform or understand your own feelings. Maybe your friends think it was a good idea that you broke up, and they can explain why they felt that way. Maybe they will be able to see the situation more clearly than you do, because they’re outside of it. They might help you determine whether you are really still in love with your ex. They can also give you the support that you need to move on.

Another way to get over an ex is to give it time. If you loved someone, and now they are suddenly gone from your life, it can take time for you to move on from that relationship. If months go by and you are still unable to move on or think of anyone other than your ex, and if you’ve made an honest assessment of whether the relationship might be made to work, then that may be a sign that you can try getting back together with them. However, it may be best to try to date or meet other people first, before you consider getting back with your ex.

A therapist can help you explore whether you do in fact still love your ex or not, and help you process any feelings of loneliness that you may be experiencing. A therapist can give you tools to help you take positive steps toward exploring your feelings and working out ways to move on with your life, and to determine whether getting back together with your ex is a healthy solution for you.

Therapists at BetterHelp meet with their patients online. This can be more comfortable for some people than in-person meetings, since online appointments mean that you can stay at home rather than having to go to your therapist’s office. Studies have also shown that online therapy can be as effective as in-person sessions. You may wish to consider giving therapy a try, so that you can begin to build a new, healthier life for yourself.

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