Can Understanding The Types Of Love Improve Mental Health?

There are many different ways to think about and categorize a concept as broad and complex as love. One way was proposed by ancient Greek philosophers, and it identifies eight different types of love based on key characteristics. From love for family to self-love, understanding these forms may prompt you to consider your own needs, patterns, and goals in your current relationships. Since positive relationships can be linked to overall health, this process may help improve your mental well-being. 

If you’re feeling stuck in unhealthy relationship patterns or are facing mental health challenges that are impacting your connections, working with an in-person or online therapist may be beneficial.

Why understanding different types of love matters

Why does it matter to understand types of love? Learning about the different forms love may take might help you better understand your own relationships and patterns. You may be able to recognize the types of love you desire, the types you already have, and the types you might expect to evolve in your existing relationships.

For example, understanding and cultivating self-love may help strengthen your other relationships. Or, realizing that passionate love might transform into a more stable, committed love over time could help you understand the evolution of your romantic partnership(s). Finally, examining the types of love may simply encourage you to think more about your relationships and how you can keep them healthy and strong.

If you’re experiencing relationship and/or mental health challenges, support is available. Meeting with a therapist online can be a convenient way to receive care.

Ideas of love in the modern world

Conceptions of love have changed throughout history and can vary depending on the culture. In the Western world today, some forms of media tend to promote passionate, romantic love as the ideal type. In fairy tales, movies, and even on social media, messaging about romantic love may involve concepts like “love at first sight,” looking for “the one,” and life being incomplete without a romantic partner—often one who fits conventional beauty standards and wants a monogamous marriage. 

While stories with these elements may be entertaining, they may also promote some narrow or idealized understandings of love in the modern world. Consider keeping in mind that love in real life can take many different forms, from self-love to community love to nonmonogamous or nontraditional romantic love. While they may rarely be as neat or linear as they might look in the movies, all forms of healthy love can be valid and enrich a person’s life. 

Eight types of love in ancient Greek philosophy

In ancient Greek philosophy, there are several words to describe different kinds of love. Specifically, these philosophers categorized this broad concept into eight different types. Becoming familiar with them may be useful for understanding and improving your own relationships.

It may also help to remember that while some types may be commonly associated with romantic love and sex, love can take many forms. A rich social life that involves more than one type of love—including friendship and community love—may help a person feel the most supported, whether they also pursue romantic love or not. In fact, research suggests that “interacting with a more diverse set of relationship types predicts higher well-being.”

Altruistic love (agape)

Agape is a term the ancient Greeks used to describe a type of selfless, unconditional love for others and the world in general. In the Christian Bible, this term is used to describe God’s love for the people. Agape might manifest as doing altruistic deeds for other humans or simply feeling grateful to be a part of the universe.

Playful love (ludus)

Ludus is a term that can describe playful, flirtatious love, similar to the concept of “puppy love.” Ludus may be a type of love found between people who aren’t in a romantic or sexual relationship or who are in the earlier stages. It may evolve into eros, pragma, or another type over time, or it may eventually fade away.

Familiar love (storge)

Storge is a type of love characterized by familiarity and warmth, like what a person might feel for their family members or closest friends, or what parents might feel for their children. It’s usually characterized by trust, ease, and feeling safe to be yourself around this person. It often takes years of closeness for storge to develop.

Romantic love (eros)

Named for the Greek god of love, eros love is passionate and romantic. It may often be driven by physical attraction and desire, though not always. Eros may describe the feeling of having an intense crush or being in the early stages of a new romantic relationship. If the connection continues over time, eros may transform into another type of love, like pragma.

Obsessive love (mania)

Mania refers to love that is obsessive and possibly one-sided. It might involve jealousy and controlling behavior, with the person who feels this type of love potentially mistaking it for a close and mutual affection. The imbalance often involved with this type of love may make it difficult for a healthy relationship to develop.

If you're struggling with unhealthy relationship patterns, you can reach out to an in-person or online therapist for support.

Practical love (pragma)

The type of love that the ancient Greeks referred to as pragma is the affection often involved in a healthy, long-term, committed relationship. It may be built on shared values and mutual effort and tends to involve patience and compromise. Pragma may evolve out of eros over time.

Soulful love (philia)

Philia is a type of love often associated with a deep, soulful connection. It may be associated with family love or close friendships, or it may appear alongside or stem from eros in romantic relationships.

Self-love (philautia)

Philautia (self-love) can be thought of as lovingly providing for your needs and promoting your own well-being so you can feel good and engage with others from a positive place. Many consider philautia to be the foundation of other types of love since, as the saying goes, you can’t pour from an empty cup. This form of love can look like self-compassion and self-care.

How types of love may change over time

Some people may forget that love is rarely static. Instead, it often changes into a different kind over time. With compatibility and ongoing mutual care, love may evolve in a positive way. For example, a relationship that begins with ludus may expand into eros, eventually being characterized by philia and pragma as emotional intimacy is built and solidified over the years. 

Using the types of love to strengthen your relationships

These eight kinds of love are just one way to think about how humans connect and care for each other, but they may provide a jumping-off point for further reflection on your own relationships. When considering the types of love, you might also think about:

• Your needs in relationships. Is there a type of love that you crave in your life? Reviewing the eight types may help you recognize areas of your social life where putting in additional effort may lead to more fulfillment.
• Your relationship with yourself. Having a strong and loving relationship with yourself may form a positive foundation for relationships with others. Reflecting on your self-esteem, self-talk, and personal goals and patterns may help you in cultivating philautia. 
• Your attachment style. Attachment theory suggests that an insecure relationship with your primary caregiver in early life might lead to some insecure patterns in adult relationships. Being able to identify any attachment patterns may be the first step toward shifting them.
• Your primary love language. The concept of love languages suggests that each person has one or two primary ways that they prefer to give and receive love, from quality time to words of affirmation. This framework might help you recognize and then communicate your needs to a partner, friend, or family member.

Reflecting on topics like these may improve self-awareness and self-understanding. In turn, you may be able to make positive changes in the way you think about or approach relationships, which might improve mental health and overall well-being.

Exploring love and relationships in therapy

The people we spend time with and how those connections make us feel may impact our overall well-being in many ways. If you’re struggling with concerns related to love and relationships, you might benefit from working with a therapist to address them.

A therapist may be able to provide support and guidance in many different areas related to relationships. For example, they might help address challenges like:

• Low self-esteem
• Insecure attachment patterns
• Past relationship trauma
• Relationship conflict
• Mental health conditions that may be affecting your relationships

A mental health professional may provide a safe space where you can feel comfortable sharing your feelings and working toward your goals with compassionate support.

Getting help with relationships from an online therapist

Talking about your needs and feelings in relationships can feel vulnerable. If you’d feel more comfortable discussing these topics with a therapist virtually rather than face to face, you might consider exploring online therapy. 

An online therapy platform like BetterHelp allows you to meet with a licensed therapist individually for one-on-one virtual support. Or, an online therapy platform like Regain allows you and your partner to meet with a therapist together for virtual couples support, even if you, your partner, and the therapist are each in different geographic locations.

Couples therapy sessions can take place via phone, video, or live chat from anywhere you have an internet connection, which may be more convenient than commuting to and from in-person appointments. Virtual sessions also tend to cost less than in-office sessions, making online therapy a more affordable alternative for many.

What does the research say about online therapy?

A growing body of research indicates that online therapy can often be just as effective as in-person therapy for treating a variety of mental health concerns. For example, one study suggests that internet-delivered cognitive behavioral therapy may be effective in treating conditions like the following, any of which could impact a person’s relationships:

• Depression
• Generalized anxiety disorder
• Panic disorder
• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
• Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
• Adjustment disorder
• Bipolar disorder
• Chronic pain
• Phobias

Quality mental health care may be available both online and in person, so you can choose the format that works best for you.