My Girlfriend Hates Me, How Can I Fix Things With Her?

By Mary Elizabeth Dean|Updated April 4, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Melinda Santa, LCSW
Have you found yourself thinking, "My girlfriend hates me," with increasing frequency lately?

Are you wondering how you're going to make things right this time? You may have made a big mistake, or perhaps she is simply moody, and you're not even sure what you did. If you love her and want to improve your relationship, the best thing to do is try and fix it before things get even worse.

If you sense that there is a concern, or if she lets you know that she is upset, then ignoring reality won't make things better. Instead, avoidance may actually allow your girlfriend's anger and frustration to fester, which could sour the relationship even more. It is important to address the issue quickly and directly so that you two can begin to heal your relationship and move forward.

When Your Girlfriend Hates You It Can Feel Awful. What Can You Do About It?

After fights or disagreements, you may find yourself saying, “My girlfriend hates me.” Before you panic, it is important to remember that all relationships go through rough patches. Your girlfriend likely loves you very much, and you are simply experiencing one of these rough patches. Even in the happiest relationships, there is conflict, and conflict can often help couples to understand each other and grow together. The most important thing is how you and your girlfriend respond to conflict. If you are reading this article, then the chances are that there may be some barriers that make it challenging to communicate with your partner.

Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationship. Having healthy communication styles can revolutionize your relationship and allay your fears that your partnership is ending. Improving communication with your partner will likely also give you a clearer idea of relationship concerns and how you can fix them. 

Steps To Fix Things With Your Girlfriend

If you feel that your girlfriend hates you, it could be a sign of a weak relationship. The cause could be as small as playing too many video games or as large as an affair. Whatever it may be, you should be willing and committed to working through any issues that may exist. If what you have tried so far has not worked yet, try listening instead. In many relationships, one half of the couple feels that they are not heard or listened to. 

Attempt to have a conversation with your partner that does not include arguing your case. Let her talk about her feelings. You may learn something new, and perhaps that will give you the clarity you need. If you find listening has not helped either, then adding another unbiased perspective might be necessary. Reach out to someone you trust or a relationship expert to help facilitate a conversation and healing. Below are some tips you can use to help improve communication with your girlfriend.

Apologize And Talk About It

If you and your girlfriend are having trouble, and you know it's because of something you did, the first thing you should consider is to apologize. Apologizing is one of the hardest things to do in any relationship (whether it is between friends, family, or a couple). Apologizing and admitting you are wrong can allow your girlfriend to feel validated in her feelings, and it will often make her more likely to agree to have a conversation with you. Accepting that you are wrong and admitting fault in your actions is one of the first steps toward a healthy relationship.

Once you've apologized, see if she's willing to talk to you. You should not force her to talk but encourage her that you are ready to listen to her feelings and ready to work with her on a solution. Sometimes people feel that their significant other hates them when, in reality, the partner simply feels ignored. Keeping communication open and honest is an important part of any relationship.

Open communication will help you both get to the bottom of the real issue so that you can get a better idea of how to move forward. You can learn about each other’s grievances, feelings, and ideas about how to solve the situation. Both of you likely have ideas about how you can compromise to fix the issue. The best thing about having this type of conversation, even if it might be awkward, is that you can learn more about the situation, so it doesn't keep repeating itself.

Your girlfriend likely has a viewpoint that you have never even thought about, so it is worth asking her how she feels. Likewise, she may not see your point of view without this communication. For example, if she gets mad that you play too many video games, you both may have perspectives that the other has not considered. She may be feeling ignored and less important than your games and may ask you to stop playing them altogether. You may not have realized that she felt that way. However, you may feel that gaming is a way to relax and bond with friends, which she may not have understood previously.

After understanding how each of you feels, you are much more likely to be able to compromise on the situation. In this case, a compromise might look like this: you limit your video game usage per night or set aside a date night where you do not play any games and instead spend time with her. Communication can allow for both the solving of problems as well as the prevention of further ones. Just ask your girlfriend how she feels and if there's anything you can do to make things right.

Sometimes if an offense is repeated, your girlfriend may need more than just an apology. Apologies can often seem false if the action one is apologizing for happens again and again. She may feel that you are apologizing just to appease her that you will never truly change. This can jeopardize your relationship and may cause her to end it. A more in-depth conversation can help your girlfriend feel heard and understood. Sitting down and listening to why she is upset, instead of apologizing mindlessly, can do wonders to heal your relationship. A proper conversation will likely show her how much you care about her feelings and needs and how committed you are to fixing things.

This strategy is great because it shows your girlfriend you care, and you're willing to work on your relationship. At times, you may not even realize what you did wrong, or it may be indicative of a larger issue. If she always gets mad because you forget to wash the dishes, this may seem like a tiny issue, and you may not understand why it upsets her so much. However, after having a conversation, you may learn that she feels like she cleans everything in the house, and you cannot contribute to her efforts by washing the dishes. You may not have thought about this as a larger issue or even as an issue at all. If you don't know why she got upset, having a conversation is even more important.

Put Yourself In Her Shoes

Sometimes your girlfriend might get mad at you, and you don't think that what you did was wrong. She jumps off the handle, in your opinion, and you love her, but it's tiring, and you don't know what to do. If she's going through some stressful situations, she might be taking it out on you without even being aware of it. If this is the case, let her know that you are there for her

Try to understand what it must be like for her if she works all day and when she gets home, you barely acknowledge her, for example. Sometimes just being compassionate, loving, and empathetic toward her is all she needs. Here, it can also be useful to engage in a conversation with her. You may not know that she is in a stressful work situation or has family problems.

If she is stressed about something outside of your relationship, she is more likely to become irritated for seemingly insignificant or random events. However, by having a conversation, you may learn about these outside factors. Now, when she gets mad at you immediately after coming home from work, you can understand that her boss stresses her out, and she does not actually hate you. This conversation can also allow you to make her feel more loved and understood within your relationship, and it will give her space to be herself.

It can help to step back and try to look at things from her perspective. Empathy is an important skill in any relationship, especially ones that you want to last for a long time. Practice asking yourself questions that put you in her shoes. How would you feel if someone did this to you? How would you react in this situation? How would you feel if the tables were turned? Extending empathy toward your partner is key to any happy relationship. It can give greater clarity and allow you to best meet your partner's needs. It can also allow you to understand the reasoning behind their feelings.

Go To Counseling

If you have no clue what is wrong or what to do about the challenges you are experiencing, or you're upset by the relationship’s current state, counseling might be a good idea. Going to an unbiased source or a relationship expert can be key in improving your relationship and ensuring its health. If one or both of you is living with a mental illness, it's an even better idea. A counselor can help you work through your relationship challenges in a healthier way by giving you tools and methods to approach and alleviate conflicts. Many times, a struggling relationship needs another perspective on how to approach conflicts most effectively. Taking this step will also show your girlfriend how committed you are to understanding her point of view and overcoming the challenges you face. There can be a stigma around getting relationship help, but it can truly be the best thing possible for your relationship.

There are many different counseling options depending on what you need and what you’re comfortable with. For example, you may choose between individual or couples counseling. Individual counseling is a good way for each of you to gain a new perspective on your relationship and to work on yourselves. In contrast, couples counseling is helpful if you prefer to talk and work through things together. Both types can give you the tools you need to increase communication and work through current or future problem areas.

Observe Behavior In Yourself

If you notice some concerning behavior in yourself that could be causing issues within your relationship, it may also be a good idea for you to speak with a counselor individually to gain better strategies in resolving these concerns. Although your girlfriend’s actions may feel hateful, that feeling could be related to your self-esteem, particularly if you have a pattern of feeling hated by those around you. When you attend counseling, your counselor can help you understand what this behavior is and why you engage in it. They can also help you to talk to your partner about it. Often couples may need some support in communicating their needs and frustrations with one another.

If your girlfriend is not ready or willing to begin counseling, participating in individual counseling on your own can still help a lot to sort through how you can address the issues in your relationship.

Other Solutions

Fixing things with your girlfriend can be aided by doing more activities together. Exercise, for example, has been proven to improve brain function, and it keeps your mental health in shape as well. Try taking a walk with your girlfriend and have a friendly chat while doing so. Going on hikes, kayaking, or biking can also be fun ways to engage in exercise and get some bonding time.

Speak positively to each other. If you can eliminate any negative dialogue you have between you, your relationship will blossom. Try holding back any negativity you may feel. Censoring some of the negative things can help your relationship blossom once again. Make sure to keep your interactions focused on the positive aspects of one another and avoid nitpicking flaws.

Lastly, accept your differences. No couple shares everything in common, so embrace your uniqueness and watch your relationship flourish. If you and your girlfriend just cannot get along, then, again, consider going to counseling. This will help you determine your argument’s root cause and the negative feelings your girlfriend seems to have toward you.

How BetterHelp Can Help

When Your Girlfriend Hates You It Can Feel Awful. What Can You Do About It?

If you think online counseling is a good option for you, BetterHelp offers a convenient and confidential way to speak with a trusted medical professional. Every BetterHelp therapist is fully licensed, in good standing, and has gone through an intensive review process, which means you can feel confident that you’re in good hands. Equally important, correspondence with your counselor will be kept entirely confidential so you can talk freely about your feelings without fear of judgment. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors from people experiencing similar issues.As mentioned above, therapy is an effective way to help work through relationship challenges. New research finds that internet-delivered therapy is as effective as in-person therapy, and offers more convenience. This study, conducted by Brigham Young University researchers, found that technology-based therapy offer other added benefits including “lower cost, no travel time, easy access, no waitlists, and trackable progress.”

“Robin is amazing. This is my first time ever doing counselling and I was paired up with Robin. I have no regrets. I was going thought major changes with my family and Robin really help me to put everything in perspective and help me see things in a new light. she is very easy to talk to and work with. I’m really grateful to have met her as she have taught me so much. Thank you Robin. Both my husband and I really appreciate everything you do for us.”

“Kristen has been a wonderful counselor for my husband and I. Her no-nonsense approach is very refreshing and has really helped us work through issues with our respective parents.”

Conclusion

If you love your girlfriend, talk to her and say you’re sorry if you have done something wrong. Try to understand her perspective and be understanding if she’s going through a rough time. Keep in mind that you may be experiencing low self-esteem too, which could be why you feel this way. If you communicate this to your girlfriend, she will likely try to change how she shows you love. And, remember, an unbiased professional is there to support you through it all. Take the first step to a healthy and fulfilling relationship today.

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