I Miss Him: Is It Healthy To Miss Him After Breaking Up?
When you miss someone, it can seem like a piece is missing in your life. For many people, a breakup that ends a romantic relationship is a common cause of these emotions. Even if you're trying to move on from the relationship, the question "Why do I miss my ex?" may sometimes cross your mind. For some people, it could seem strange not to have a partner if they have been in a relationship for a long time. Whether you or your partner initiated the breakup, you may experience challenging emotions.
Try to practice self-care and patience when recovering from a breakup. Breakups can hurt for many reasons, and missing someone is often a healthy way to cope with grief. However, your behavior in response to these emotions could be unhealthy. Learning healthy ways to cope when you’re missing someone can be valuable.
I miss him: Is it healthy to miss someone after a breakup?
When you break up with someone, it can be natural to miss them. You may continue to miss them, even when they are dating someone else or moving on. However, missing your ex might become unhealthy when these emotions linger or dominate your thoughts, causing distress. For example, if you still experience a deep longing for your ex even after months or years have passed since the breakup, you might be struggling to process what occurred.
Try to distinguish between missing someone and wanting to be with someone. Many people miss their exes, but that does not necessarily mean they want to return to the relationship. You can have fond memories of your love life with this person and miss those times while still being conscious that the relationship has ended.
Note that everyone may move on at a different pace. Some people might love their ex for years after a breakup if a painful or unhealthy relationship left them with residual urges from a push-and-pull dynamic. Other people might move on after a few weeks or months apart. Some people move on while the relationship is still happening.
Breaking up from a healthy relationship
Breaking up may not be unhealthy for many couples. People break up for a variety of reasons, and a relationship may sometimes have run its course. At other times, people may have grown apart or experienced a transition that doesn't fit their relationship.
When people break up, new life elements like geographical or lifestyle changes may merit the parting of ways. While you both may agree that the nature of your relationship needs to change, breaking up after any relationship, including healthy relationships, can still be painful. You both may have lost romance and companionship that you relied on in the past.
Breaking up after an unhealthy relationship
In some cases, partners break up due to an unhealthy relationship. An unhealthy relationship may involve various dynamics, ranging in severity from incompatibility to abuse. In these relationships, there is often a power imbalance. Negative communication, like name-calling or gaslighting, may also be weaponized. Additionally, harm can be inflicted in these relationships through emotional manipulation and physical violence.
Leaving an abusive or harmful relationship can be painful for many people, and loving feelings may remain long after breaking up. If you are still missing your partner after an unhealthy relationship has ended, reaching out for professional support may be beneficial.
I miss him: How to cope after a mutual breakup
Even if there are no significant changes, lifestyle alterations, or adverse incidents, some relationships end. The realization that a relationship is over could be evidenced by a lack of interest or growing apart. Preferring other people's company and experiencing a mild dislike of your partner are signs you might benefit from addressing these concerns and deciding whether it may be time to move on.
If you miss someone after mutually deciding to break up, give yourself time to process what has occurred. You might find that after your immediate emotional responses have subsided, you can return to a logical mindset and understand why the relationship ended. If you continue to experience difficult emotions, you might also consider talking to a therapist.
I miss him: How to care for yourself in the days and weeks after a breakup
Whether a breakup is healthy or due to a harmful relationship dynamic, the days after a breakup can be filled with many emotions. You may feel confused, regretful, resentful, bitter, angry, fearful, or relieved.
These emotions may hit you at different times during a given day. You might also revisit memories and relive the breakup conversation. Try to guard your mental well-being during this vulnerable time by practicing the following forms of self-care.
Be patient with yourself
Try not to hurry through the pain or ignore your emotional experience after you've lost a relationship with someone you care about. Engage with your emotions respectfully and healthily to move forward. Studies show that suppressing emotions can cause mental and physical pain, so ensuring you give space to how you feel may help you heal faster.
Set goals
Setting goals after a breakup might initially involve "baby steps" and could include running errands or finding a new gym. Consider how your life will change and take positive steps toward your future without your ex-partner.
Get moving
Moving out of town or into another relationship may not be necessary, but moving your body can be beneficial. Move by working, exercising, or going out with friends. You can also move by cleaning, reading, and journaling. Move in the way that best enables you to reflect and adjust to a different reality.
Spend time with friends and family
Enlisting the support of the people you trust, such as your best friend, can be vital to a new phase in your life. Try not to feel ashamed of your vulnerability. Ask for help, hugs, advice, or whatever else you need from your friends and family. Spending time with people who allow you to talk and process can be beneficial. If you do not have a support system or the support of your loved ones is not enough, you can also reach out to a mental health professional.
Be careful with social media
While social media can be a means of connecting and finding support during a difficult period of your life, spending a lot of time on social media immediately after a breakup might not be good for your healing process. With some breakups, you’ll find you might have the urge to check on your ex’s activities via social media. Social media could also provide painful reminders of more happy times in your relationship in the form of old photos and messages between the two of you. If you suspect your social media use may be impeding your ability to move on from the relationship, it may be wise to take a break for a little bit.
See a therapist
There may come a time after your breakup when you are having difficulty with moving on. If you have exhausted your support system and are experiencing loneliness, speaking with a counselor might be beneficial. Whether you need to vent or process, a counselor can work with you to offer the care you need and assist you as you move into the next phase of your life.
Many studies point to online counseling as an effective method of helping individuals deal with complicated emotions after a breakup or divorce. In a study published in Trials, a peer-reviewed medical journal, researchers outlined the potential efficacy of online therapy in helping those experiencing separation, grief, or divorce. In similar studies, researchers have concluded that online therapy could significantly reduce feelings of grief, depression, embitterment, and loneliness while increasing quality of life. These studies have similar results to in-person studies on related topics.
Through platforms like BetterHelp, you can choose over 30,000 counselors and therapists from across the United States. You're not limited to those that operate in your area. With more options, you may have a better chance of matching with someone who understands your situation and knows how to help you move forward. In addition, through online therapy, you can get resources like worksheets, webinars, or journaling prompts to assist with your therapeutic process.
Counselor reviews
"I've tried other counselors that I liked but didn't seem right for me, but Margaret has been amazing! I love her honesty, compassion, and realness! It was really easy to open up to her and she's helped me get through a very tough breakup that nobody else could seem to get me through. I would recommend her to anyone! She makes it so comfortable to talk to her as if you've known her for forever!"
"Brenda has been a lifeline to me in a very difficult time. In one month, she has helped support me by quitting alcohol, partaking in self-care, and helping me through the process of a breakup. She asks the questions that your friends won't, a real chance to understand what's happening to you as well as able to evaluate it healthily. Brenda also gave me very good practical advice on how to manage my anxiety and how to handle those first few days of a breakup which can feel impossible. I've loved that I can message her whenever I get those awful feelings and she usually responds pretty quickly. You can also schedule weekly phone sessions which have also been helpful some weeks when I've really been really struggling."
Takeaway
Love and relationships can be complicated, and moving past a breakup can be painful for many. It can also be empowering. You may uncover newfound strength you did not know you had while learning about yourself and refining your goals and desires. However, this might not be the case for you if you still miss your ex-partner. A counselor can provide a unique perspective on your circumstances. Take the first step by reaching out and asking for support.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Below are a few of the most frequently asked questions about missing someone after a breakup.
What Do You Do When You Miss Him Terribly?
“I miss him so bad.” Missing your ex can feel distressing after a breakup. You might feel that you want to go back in time. However, try to tell yourself that you broke up for a reason. Focus on positive areas of your life and set new goals. Meeting new people and getting out to participate in activities you enjoy can help you take your mind off your breakup. You might also turn to your best friends and other supportive individuals.
Many people who struggle with missing their exes focus exclusively on the breakup. If you are fixated on the breakup and struggling to move on, it can make sense that you're distressed. Even if you do not understand why your relationship ended, take steps to move forward, even if they're small initially. If you continue to struggle, consider contacting a therapist for guidance.
Is It Normal to Cry When You Miss Your Ex?
Crying has the potential to be a healthy emotional response to a situation. If you broke up recently, you might go through a grieving process before you feel ready to move forward. Some people cry when thinking about how they first fell in love or remembering happy memories. Others might cry because they know the relationship is over. Crying is one way to process those feelings, and it can be healthy to release them in tears. According to Harvard Health, crying is healthy and has health benefits.
What Do I Miss About My Ex?
What you miss about your ex can be personal and specific to your situation. However, many people experience these feelings after the end of a relationship, and you're not alone. You might miss your closeness to the individual, how they treated you, or your happy memories. You might also miss feeling connected, having someone to spend time with, or the perks of a close relationship.
It can be normal to miss these aspects of a relationship as you mourn your loss. Turn to your family and friends if you find that you need support. Even if you do not understand how best to move forward, a support system can make you feel less alone in your experiences.
Does He Miss Me?
In some cases, people wonder whether their ex misses them after they break up. However, speculation might be harmful if you don't plan to speak to your ex again or get back together. The relationship may be over whether your ex feels the same or not. In addition, missing someone may not mean you want to get back together.
Instead of worrying about what your ex is thinking or doing, consider how you feel and your goals for the near future. Do you hope to move forward from these feelings, talk about them with a therapist, or continue to think about them for now?
Should I Text Him After We Broke Up?
Many people keep in touch with their exes after breaking up. Whether this is healthy or not depends on your situation. Consider the circumstances surrounding your breakup and relationship, and ask yourself whether your ex might want to stay in touch and whether you feel it is healthy for you.
If you broke up on favorable terms and don't dislike each other, you might be able to remain friends. However, if it keeps you from moving on or makes you feel that you still want a relationship, it may be unhealthy in the short term. Many people return to being friends with their exes after a few months have passed, and they feel ready to move forward.
How Do You Respond To An "I Miss You" Text?
If you keep in touch with your ex through text messages, you might receive a text from them saying they miss you. The healthiness of this text may depend on the circumstances of your relationship. For example, if you have asked your ex not to contact you, their disrespect of your boundaries can be a red flag. However, it may make sense if you talk daily and still respect one another.
When you receive this message, be clear about where you stand. Let them know if you don't want a relationship. If you don't want to respond to them or feel they're harassing you, you can ignore them or block their number. You don't owe anyone a response.
If you miss your ex, you can tell them. However, consider your goals in doing so. Would you like to reconnect, continue a friendship, or part ways? Be clear when you are communicating to avoid complications. You might respond, "I miss you, too, but I'm uncomfortable returning to a romantic relationship."
Will He Come Back If I Give Him Space?
If your ex broke up with you and you want him to return, you might be considering ways to change his mind. In some situations, people have worked on problems after taking some time apart and decided to rekindle a relationship. However, these situations can depend on each partner's boundaries.
If your ex said he was done with the relationship and didn't want to contact you anymore, accept his boundaries. Try not to reach out unless he contacts you, and consider not waiting for him to do so. Having expectations for a change may cause you further pain or difficulty with missing your ex.
Is Online Dating A Healthy Way To Move On?
For some people, online dating is a healthy way to move on. Talking to new people, flirting, and having fun can be beneficial if you're ready to do so. However, if you still miss your ex and feel that spending time with other people would be damaging to you, you might wait to talk to someone else. You can give yourself time alone before you start trying to date again.
It may also be beneficial to consider the feelings of those you might meet on a dating app. If those people are looking for profound connections and you're not interested in dating after you've processed your feelings more, it could be painful for them to be led on or confused.
- Previous Article
- Next Article