Does It Matter If Other Girls Don’t Like Me?
Updated November 19, 2019
Reviewer Aaron Dutil
There are plenty of reasons why some women may gravitate toward male friendships over female ones. This might happen because of interests or personal styles. However, if you're a girl or a woman who feels like other girls or women don't like you, it's worth taking the time to understand why you feel that way.
To get to the bottom of this belief, you'll need to have some honest conversations with yourself. How did this come about? And have you always felt this way? If you're generalizing all girls into a group of people who don't like you, then this could be a problem, but the problem probably lies within your perception of reality.
This generalization, as with all generalizations, is a workable problem. If you learn to reframe your thoughts, you may see things in a different way. In this article, we'll talk about strategies to help you avoid this type of negative thinking.
All Girls Don't Like Me
Lumping all other girls into a single category means that you're unwilling to look at other people as individuals with distinct personalities. There are many kinds of girls and women in the world. With that in mind, you may want to ask yourself why you feel ostracized from other girls.
Often, this happens because you're struggling with self-esteem or issues of self-worth. Did you have a problem forming female friendships in childhood or adolescence? Women can have a negative experience with a group of girls at a young age. Sometimes, bullies and torment can lead to stigmatization of women in general.
Or perhaps you often feel competitive around other women. For some, the idea that other girls don't like them is actually a cover for their fear that other girls are somehow more appealing than them. The fear that someone is smarter, more charming, or prettier can make other girls potential competitors for respect, employment, romantic partners, and more. It's important to remember that viewing girls this way is not your fault-mass media constantly bombards us with girl hate, whether it's two girls being catty and fighting with each other over a boy or a group of girls ganging up on another girl simply because she's conventionally attractive.
However, it can be difficult to build self-esteem when you're thinking this way. The first step toward letting go of this toxic thinking is to recognize where it comes from, which is likely the mass media. Through letting go of these ideas and supporting others instead of living in competition, you have a better chance at having healthy friendships, relationships, jobs, or anything else that you desire.
Building True Self-Esteem and A Support Network
While you may have solid evidence that women treat you negatively, you need to look at your part in this situation. Maybe you're totally innocent. However, it's always easier to start within-the goal is to work on changing yourself, not the female gender. Usually female friendships will follow when you build a solid foundation of self-esteem.
Be Yourself Around Them
Instead of worrying about whether other girls are judging you, try to relax and enjoy a shared activity. Are you so different that no other girl in the world likes the same hobbies as you? That's unlikely. You may find that, if you can be yourself instead of trying to defend who you are, there are plenty of other girls who would love to be your friend. Even if you don't fit the typical stereotypes about what it means to be a "girly" girl, many other girls don't either. As you get to know other girls, you may find more commonalities than differences.
When you're able to value your own uniqueness and strengths, you can be your authentic self without comparing yourself to others. Even when you find that you're different than others, most authentic people will be attracted to the authenticity they see in you. If you allow your fears about how you'll be perceived to consume you, it will impact your behavior, and you may inadvertently do something to push other girls away. Making friends requires friendliness in addition to being comfortable with who you are.
Recognize Stereotypes For What They Are
You might find that you dislike girls because you dislike feminine qualities in yourself. If you're trying hard to "be like one of the guys," it may be because society tells you that feminine characteristics are less desirable. However, the truth is that both men and women share a mixture of masculine and feminine traits. Embrace yourself for having both, while recognizing that your guy friends and girlfriends also have a mix of these traits. This can have a huge impact on our self-worth, which has a big effect on the way we interact with others. Furthermore, having good friends who accept you for who you are can actually boost your self-confidence.
No matter what society says, there's no right way to be a girl. Girls come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them have various ideas and interests. Not only can stereotypes leave some girls feeling like they don't fit in, but they are also unfair to all girls. Girls are so unique and dynamic that you cannot put all of them in one box. One size definitely does not fit all. Sometimes building better relationships with other girls requires that we release our own selves from the pressure of feminine stereotypes. Additionally, we have to let go of the preconceived notions we have about other ladies, so we can give them a fair chance.
Step Outside Of Your Comfort Zone
Sometimes when you've had a bad experience with a group of girls, it can seem like all girls feel the same way about you. The key to building friendships with other ladies may lie in exploring other communities and environments. Girls everywhere are different. If you have a bad experience with a group of girls, don't let that experience keep you from having better experiences with other groups.
Similarly, you may find that you just don't click with the girls in your current environment. Maybe you have interests or ideas that don't make sense to them. It doesn't mean that you're wrong in any way, nor does it mean there's something wrong with them. Consider expanding your social network by finding another community or group where girls interested in the things you enjoy. Joining a community organization or a club or engaging in activities you enjoy not only can help you meet other girls who have similar interests, but it can also help you build self-esteem.
A Little Humor Goes a Long Way
If you repeatedly find that girls seem to feel threatened by you, it's important to realize that this is not entirely their (or your) fault. As mentioned earlier, society's messages encourage this behavior in girls. That said, no matter the underlying reason, being bullied, ignored, or harassed by a group of girls sucks. If this is happening to you at a minor level, you might be able to turn it around with a little self-deprecating humor. Joking about the hardships or obstacles in your life can make you seem less threatening and more approachable.
For example, the next time you're in a social setting where someone says something hurtful to you, make a casual joke about yourself in response, such as, "Oh thanks! It's because of the years I lived with my OCD mom." Similarly, if someone is complimenting you, thank them and then crack a little joke about yourself to show that you can laugh about yourself and that you have challenges just like anyone else. This tactic, coupled with the following tip, can bridge the gap between girl hate and girlfriends.
A Little Compliment Goes a Long Way
When you give a compliment, remember to be as genuine as possible. Don't make it obvious that you're scoping someone else out, but look for anything at all (shoes, bangs, scrunchie, headphones, laptop sticker, etc.) that you might be able to compliment genuinely. Make direct eye contact, and tell her honestly, "I love your _____; that is so cute! The blue makes your eyes look so lovely." If you couple a healthy amount of self-deprecation with genuine compliments, most girls will be more open to connecting with you.
If you have a preference for male friendships, there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, if you truly believe that all women dislike you, you might want to talk to someone about it. A licensed counselor can work with you to turn this negative thinking around.
BetterHelp offers online therapy that is convenient and affordable. A counselor can help you work through potential issues such as self-esteem, stereotyping, or bullying. Even better, you can begin your journey of self-improvement from the comfort of your own home. After a little work, you'll stop feeling like other girls don't like you, and you'll start feeling like you can have the friends you want. Read below for counselor reviews from people experiencing similar issues.
"She opens my eyes to other perspectives I didn't think about. It helps me take thoughts and put them into action. I feel like I'm listened to, and that she makes her suggestions with my personality in mind, like she knows what would work best for different people. She's a really good Empath, which is rare, especially when you don't talk to the person face to face."
"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"
If you truly believe that all women hate you, you can work with a counselor to change your thinking, so you can find fulfilling relationships with other girls-all you need are the right tools. Take the first step today.