What Is PNSD?
By: Nadia Khan
Updated September 07, 2021
Medically Reviewed By: Lauren Guilbeault
Common traits of narcissism include:
- Exhibiting an exaggerated sense of self-importance
- Requiring excessive or constant admiration
- Preoccupied with fantasies about power, beauty, success, or brilliance
- Acting in an arrogant or haughty manner
- Wanting to be the center of attention always
- Taking advantage of or manipulating others for self gain
- Having an unwillingness to recognize the needs and feelings of others
- Being envious of others or believing that others envy them
Narcissists generally find it difficult to handle anything that they perceive as criticism. When faced with what they believe to be criticism, they may become angry or impatient, react with rage or contempt, or have difficulty regulating their emotions or behavior.
The Long-Term Effects of Being in a Relationship with a NarcissistBeing in a relationship with a narcissist can take an emotional toll on anyone. A narcissist’s constant need for attention often leaves partners feeling as if there is no time to take care of themselves. The lack of self-care coupled with the emotional strain of a relationship with a narcissist can cause one to feel overwhelmed or bewildered, or even like they have post narcissist stress disorder.
So, How Can You Know if You’re in a Toxic Relationship with a Narcissist?
Being in a relationship with a narcissist is likely anything but pleasant. The negative impact that a narcissist’s behavior can have on a partner can be significant. Being able to identify if you are in a relationship with a narcissist is the first step in addressing the issue and seeking help to prevent emotional or physical harm to you.
The following are signs that you may be in a relationship with a narcissist:
- They have an “all-about-me” attitude. One thing that will be evident, usually from the start, is that narcissists seem to have an uncanny way of taking a conversation and turning it around to focus on them. They seem to have an insatiable need for attention and if that need is not met, they can become resentful or act irrationally toward you.
- They ooze with charm… in the beginning. In the beginning of a relationship with a narcissist, is it normal to feel like you have met Prince Charming or the love of your life. A narcissist will pamper and spoil you and shower you with flattery and affection. Make no mistake: this is a manipulation tactic that many narcissists later use for their own personal gain.
- Narcissists generally have no boundaries. People with narcissistic personality disorder show little concern and often deliberately disregard the wishes of others or personal boundaries that their intimate partners try to establish. They have no problem overstepping boundaries and will likely become offended when their behavior is called out. Their blatant disregard for others often leads to breaking promises or falling short of meeting obligations. They may borrow money and never repay it and show little or no remorse for their actions.
- They view others as having lesser value or importance than themselves. These beliefs, known as delusions of grandeur, cause them to believe that they are truly superior to others in every possible way.
- Narcissists revel in taking credit for a job well done but rarely want the responsibility of seeing a job through.
- You feel alone or isolated. Narcissists gain control in relationships by making their partner feel isolated from other friends or loved ones. By separating targets from loved ones, narcissists can make victims become dependent upon them for everything. Isolation techniques that narcissists may employ include controlling finances, not allowing you to work or go to school, restricting the use of an automobile or phone, and not allowing you to visit privately with friends or loved ones.
- Even if you are correct, narcissists will likely view even kind advice as a personal attack against them.
If any of these characteristics are familiar to you and you believe you are in a relationship with a narcissist, taking measures to protect yourself is of utmost importance. Remember, narcissists generally do not see their behavior as inappropriate and find it hard to believe that they have any problem at all. Because of their inability to see their behavior as flawed, they often refuse treatment of any kind. In fact, they are unlikely to take any type of advice as anything other than a personal attack. Their reluctance to admit the need for intervention means that those who are closely associated with or in a relationship with them are left to deal with the consequences of the narcissist’s behaviors and attitude.
Tips for Helping Someone Who Has Post-Narcissist Stress Disorder
- Validate their feelings – Even if you can’t seem to comprehend what they are going through, it’s important to acknowledge their feelings. They may be sad, angry, or feel bitter. Even if a victim’s emotions seem inappropriate for the situation or seem “over the top,” they should be allowed to discuss their feelings and express them without feeling they will be condemned. A relationship with a narcissist can be emotionally taxing, which means many survivors have to relearn healthy ways to express their emotions.
- Listen without judgment or criticism – Remember that they just came out of a relationship where they were constantly criticized or made to feel very small so make sure to not do the same. Survivors want to tell their story, their truth, as they remember it. Give them the chance to speak and listen to them. Validate their feelings without offering suggestions of how you think they should feel.
- Provide unconditional love and support – People who have just ended a relationship, especially a relationship with a narcissist, often must build a new support system from what may feel like nothing. This is because narcissists love to employ isolation tactics and separate victims from anyone who would be supportive. Sometimes all a person needs is your unconditional support and encouragement to help them begin to heal.
Living with Post-Narcissist Stress Disorder
Post narcissist stress disorder can cause overwhelming feelings of stress and fear and can leave you wondering if life will ever be “normal” again. While symptoms may last for extended periods and may vary in intensity, it is possible to learn to cope with the symptoms of post narcissist stress disorder and life a happy life.
A few measures you can implement to help yourself cope with post-narcissist stress disorder include:
Get Plenty of Sleep and Rest. Lack of sleep can cause increased anxiety and may trigger worsening PTSD symptoms. Make sure to purposefully plan for at least 8 hours of sleep each night. This will give your body and your mind time to recuperate and begin anew the next day.
Begin a Lifestyle of Healthy Habits. Learning relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, yoga, and meditation can help your body’s natural relaxation response be activated. This can help ease symptoms of PTSD. Avoid alcohol and drugs as these substances may worsen symptoms and can interfere with treatment. Eat a healthy diet with balanced, nutritious meals. Avoid processed and fried foods as well as refined sugars and starches, which can cause mood swings.
Challenge Yourself. Trauma can make you feel vulnerable at times. Memories don’t go away overnight and healing doesn’t happen in the blink of an eye. Still, you can remind yourself that there is more to you than weakness or vulnerability. You have strengths and you can use them to help others. Donate your time to a charity or a senior center. Reach out to another person in need. Anything you can do to make yourself feel strong and capable can help you begin to take control of your life.
Knowing When It’s Time to Get Help
If you are experiencing symptoms of post-narcissist stress disorder, make an appointment to see your doctor or a mental health professional. Depending on the severity of your symptoms, your primary care provider may feel that it is appropriate to prescribe medication to help manage some of the symptoms related to stress. Each person is different; therefore, self-medicating should be avoided.
If you have not done so already, your physician may also recommend a visit with a mental health professional to help address the symptoms of post narcissist stress disorder and to provide guidance on effective coping mechanisms to deal with troubling symptoms. There are several options for therapy that are available, and all options should be discussed to find the most suitable option for you.
Psychotherapy, also referred to as talk therapy, involves techniques that focus on helping individuals identify and change troubling emotions, behaviors, and thoughts. It includes providing education, support, and guidance to people who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder as well as other mental health disorders.
Complementary therapy is a term used for any treatment that complements standard, science-based treatment. Examples include aromatherapy, massage, acupuncture, yoga, and meditation. Ecotherapy is believed to improve a person’s emotional well-being by spending time in nature. Gardening and exercising in areas outdoors are a few examples.
When You Need Help….
If you need help and have a counselor or therapist in mind, call today for an appointment for a consultation. If you don’t know where to turn and would like to see a local therapist, ask your primary care provider for a list of resources and to help connect you with someone. If the idea of adding another appointment or errand to your life makes you feel more stressed, that doesn’t mean there aren’t other options.
Online counseling services are a growing trend as people realize the need to deal with emotional and mental health issues. Online mental health service providers, such as BetterHelp, give individuals an opportunity to connect with licensed, professional counselors, marriage and family therapists, clinical social workers, and psychiatrists when and where it is most convenient.
Post narcissist stress disorder is likely to be treated similarly to PTSD. A recent publication looked at how effective online cognitive behavioral therapy is for treating anxiety disorders, including PTSD. (Cognitive behavioral therapy is a common talk therapy technique that challenges unhelpful thoughts and behaviors to build new patterns.) The publication looked at 38 different studies and found that online CBT is more effective than a waiting list or an online discussion group and is just as effective as face-to-face CBT.
Online therapy also has the benefit of removing any potential added anxiety someone might have about going into an office and potentially being seen there. BetterHelp also has many counselors so you have options in finding someone you’re comfortable with and can trust. Many others are already using BetterHelp for similar issues. Here are some of their recent reviews about their BetterHelp counselors:
“He is very clear in what he says, he openly calls things by its name and gives real help. He listens, he gives advice and reassurance where needed. It often is difficult to deal with a narcissistic person and to have a therapist that openly acknowledges narcissistic patterns is a great help. I appreciate his openness very much.” Read more about
“In my very first session with DeWanda I was very relieved and impressed with how she made me feel safe. Her spiritual insight was very important to me, as well as her knowledge of dealing with a narcissist. This has been a very stressful and unexpected revelation and her professional compassion came through loud and clear. I am looking forward to her guidance on my healing journey!!” Read more about
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