How Online Therapy Helped Quiet My Inner Critic: Garrett’s Story

Here, we're sharing the story of BetterHelp user Garrett. Garrett reached out to a BetterHelp counselor for support in managing his bipolar disorder symptoms, anxiety symptoms, and harsh inner critic. He initially chose BetterHelp because it was more affordable than in-person therapy without insurance. Over time, he came to appreciate the flexibility of online appointments and the option to message his counselor any time. His counselor helped him develop tools for managing anxiety, ways to push back on his inner critic, and other empowering strategies.

Below is Garrett’s story, which has been edited for clarity and grammar.

Why Garrett started his therapy search

Garrett explained why he started looking for a new therapist. “I've tried in-person counseling before, but my issue was with the change in healthcare. Even if I stay with the same company, health care plans change. Companies change, what's covered changes, and premiums change. I've developed relationships with great therapists only to have my coverage change.” 

“At one point, I had to choose between a plan that covered my doctor and one that covered my therapist. I chose my doctor and had to stop seeing my therapist. Finding a new therapist was tough. It's hard to get ahold of practices to make an appointment. If I did get hold of someone, they weren't accepting new patients. Even if I did find someone, I would have had to adjust my work schedule to see someone in person once a week.”

Finding BetterHelp

To explain why BetterHelp fit his needs better than in-person providers, Garrett said: “I was looking for a counselor when BetterHelp's email marketing targeted my inbox. It didn't sound real. How can you do counseling online? I looked up BetterHelp's reviews and decided to sign up. It matched me with a counselor, and I liked that it showed me my counselor's profile before I paid for the service. That was the biggest selling point. Also, the cost of the service was more affordable than it would’ve been to see my old counselor in person without insurance. It made me feel better that we would be able to build a relationship without interruption from insurance changes.”

Receiving flexible, consistent support

“With BetterHelp, I also liked that I could message my therapist as much as I want, and as time went on, I took advantage of that. Now, part of my daily routine is to message my counselor. If I did that with an in-person counselor, it would cost a fortune.”

“Flexibility was also key for me. I was worried about having to change my work schedule to see someone in person. What would I tell my work to consistently get time off? It's hard to know how people will react. But with BetterHelp, I can talk to a counselor without interrupting my work schedule. I can message my counselor at any time. If I work late, I can message my counselor at night. Plus, it's discreet, and I don't have to tell anyone I'm seeing a therapist. All people know is I'm doing better.”

Anxiety, bipolar disorder, and mental health

Garrett shared how his online counselor helped him address multiple mental health challenges. “I have a diagnosis of manic bipolar I disorder, and my doctor thought I might have anxiety as well, so he said I needed to find a counselor. It turns out, I did have anxiety. I had trouble sitting at home on my days off, and I thought I was stir-crazy. Maybe I was, but that was my undiagnosed anxiety. My first goal was to be able to relax at home on my days off. With my counselor, I began to see how my thinking caused my anxiety. My counselor and I started working on getting my anxiety to manageable levels.”

Reducing anxiety symptoms over time

After a few weeks of working with my counselor, I was able to relax at home more comfortably. I used to carry my anxiety on my face, and people said I always looked mad. Now, I smile more, and this is especially important because I work in customer service.

I used to take the saying "Hope for the best, but prepare for the worst," literally. I convinced myself that the worst-case scenario would happen. My counselor gave me tools to help change the way I thought, and today, I experience far less anxiety than before. My doctor eventually also told me that my bipolar disorder is in remission after almost a decade of chaos. Talking to my counselor has helped with that too.”

How Garrett manages his inner critic

What is the inner critic?

Garrett found that his inner critic was getting in the way as he worked to manage his bipolar disorder and anxiety symptoms. The inner critic is when a person’s own internal monologue produces harsh thoughts about themselves and their efforts. You might hear it say things like, “See? You’re always messing things up!” or “I told you that you’re too stupid to do this job.”

In general, the inner critic’s role is to protect us from abandonment, rejection, and other emotionally painful experiences that scared us as children—but it often tries to do so in a way that may not be very productive. Rather than being motivating or inspiring, these strongly worded thoughts might:

• Cause distress
• Judge the person
• Demotivate the person
• Contribute to low self-esteem, anxiety, and other mental health challenges

Where the critical voice comes from—and why it can feel so harsh

In many cases, an adult’s harsh inner critical voice comes from childhood experiences and early criticism. In some cases, the voice may mirror your parents’ voices. This negative self-talk is often a way you learned to protect yourself from abandonment or other pain. It tends to stem from fear and rely on shame, which is generally not constructive.

The tools Garrett learned for managing anxiety

As Garrett learned, an online therapist may be a valuable resource for learning tools to manage anxiety symptoms. “My counselor taught me some tools that helped with my anxiety. The moment I experience anxiety, I use a breathing technique she taught me, which helps to calm me down. I also use Socratic questions as much as I can to help me to see when I'm not thinking rationally. Over time, I've internalized the questions, and I have been able to experience less anxiety.”

“I also learned about the cognitive distortions I experience. For instance, I always need to be right. It got to the point where I stressed myself out. What if I wasn't right? What would I do? How would I respond? Sometimes learning about what you experience is enough to overcome it. When I find myself experiencing that distortion, I tell myself, it's OK to be wrong. That helps tremendously.”

How Garrett built his self-confidence and self-esteem

Another key piece of Garrett’s mental health journey was boosting his self-esteem. “The most recent thing I'm working on is my self-confidence. I convinced myself I needed to be perfect, and when I wasn't, I felt terrible. Everyone at work said I did a great job. My family and friends enjoy my company. Still, my harsh inner critic kept telling me it wasn't good enough.”

“One thing my inner critic really affected was my writing. I journaled a lot, which turned into wanting to write fiction. A lot of people are insecure about their writing, but my low self-esteem made it worse. My inner critic won a lot of arguments at first. But as I worked with my counselor, I learned to deal with my inner critic.”

Facing off with the inner critic

Garrett detailed how he managed his inner critic as he worked toward an important goal. “I started to write more. Then I started to look into self-publishing. I didn't know if I could do it at first, but that was my inner critic talking. Finally, I finished my first piece. The last thing I needed to do was submit my piece to retailers. It was my inner critic's last stand. Was my work good enough to sell? What if I put all this hard work into my book and the retailer didn't accept it? What would I do? I messaged my counselor. I worked through all the scenarios in my head. The only thing left to do was click submit.”

“Suddenly, within half an hour, the retailer accepted my book, and on the first try! I felt proud to see my book for sale. Since then, I've self-published 2 two more books. Writing them can be an emotional roller coaster because I'm constantly at odds with my inner critic. This is where talking to a counselor helps. Sometimes it wins, and I can't write, but the idea of seeing my books for sale is the best thing in the world and makes it all worth it. I look back and feel proud of myself for what I overcame.”

Where Garrett is now

“Now I'm taking writing classes. The truth is, I'm still fighting my inner critic, and it may win some battles, but I'm winning the war. I'm getting more ambitious with my goals in life. I'm striving for things I would have never thought possible. I'm getting my confidence back. Every day is better than the one before it.”

Practical tools to quiet the inner critic

In general, it’s human to have an inner critic, but you don’t necessarily have to believe what it says. Learning to respond to your inner critic with self-love and compassion is typically more effective than trying to fight it or get rid of it. 

First, the act of deep breathing after you experience a self-critical thought may help in creating space and perspective so you can decide how to respond. Then, remembering that this voice is just trying to protect your vulnerable younger self may help you separate yourself from its messages. Finally, you might quiet the thought by reframing in a more constructive way to help you achieve goals. Ultimately, over time, you may be able to develop a healthier relationship with this inner voice.

How therapy can help you manage your inner critic

While strategies like the above may be helpful, the most effective way to address your inner critic is often to work with a therapist. They may use techniques like:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which helps us recognize and reframe distorted thoughts
• Internal family systems therapy (IFS), which helps us engage with the protective part of us that’s sending harsh messages in a more curious and compassionate way

With modalities like these, you may learn to give this deeply ingrained part of you space to speak and be heard, acknowledge its positive intention (protecting you), and then gently reframe the thought. It can be about developing the wisdom to listen, recognize, and accept rather than silencing or fighting these thoughts.

How BetterHelp can support your journey

If you’re struggling with a harsh inner critic or other mental health challenges, online therapy may be a convenient way to get professional support. BetterHelp makes it easy to get started on your mental health journey.

Why choose online therapy?

With BetterHelp, clients can get matched with a licensed therapist and then meet with them via phone, video, or live chat at convenient times. BetterHelp gives you more control over your therapeutic experience so that you can focus on your healing.

A growing body of research suggests that online therapy can often be similarly effective to in-person therapy. For example, one study indicates that “Clinically, therapy is no less efficacious when delivered via videoconferencing than in-person.”