Coping Strategies For Children Of Alcoholics

One in four children and teens in the US live in a family where substance abuse, dependency, or addiction occurs. For an adolescent or young adult, living with a parent who experiences dependency on alcohol can feel distressing, confusing, and scary. 

Symptoms or consequences of your parent’s dependency or substance use could affect not only your family life but also your personal life, including school, sleep, meals, homework, safety, and mental health. You might feel confused about how to proceed, where to reach out for emotional support, or what treatment options are available for you, your parent, and your family. 

Resources are available for teens and adults impacted by alcoholic parents and parents who struggle with alcohol addiction. These resources may include individual or family therapy sessions, school counseling, support groups, extended family, friends, or addiction resources. 

What Is Alcohol Dependency? 

Alcohol dependence, often called addiction, alcoholism, or alcohol use disorder, is defined as a physical or psychological craving for alcohol that may cause those affected to drink frequently, experience withdrawal symptoms when not drinking, and often perpetuate conflict in relationships with family, friends, and oneself. This is also sometimes called alcohol abuse.

Know Addiction Is Not Your Fault 

Addiction and drug abuse are not your fault. Try not to internalize your parent’s drinking. Although it can be normal to feel upset, scared, or distressed by your parent’s dependency, there is nothing wrong with you as a person. If you struggle with this idea, talking to a counselor can be a beneficial place to discuss these emotions further. 

Find A Safe Place

Ensure you feel safe at home. If you are experiencing abuse or feel at risk of harm, reach out to someone you trust or call the Child Help Hotline. If you feel safe but need to leave home temporarily, see if there is a family you can stay with nearby. You may need to receive parental permission, but if you speak to your parent, it is possible that the situation could work out for you both. 

If you need space while living at home with your parent, some ways to get out and take a break can include

• Going on a walk with a pet

• Spending time in nature

• Participating in after-school activities

• Joining a club 

• Enrolling in university (if you have applied and are accepted) and living in the dorms 

• Visiting a friend’s house 

• Going to the gym 

• Studying at the library 

• Going to a support group 

• Going to therapy 

Practice Self-Care

Practice self-care whenever possible at home, school, and throughout your day. One beneficial self-care and emotional control method is mindfulness, which is the practice of learning to be present in each moment and controlling your nervous system. 

Other ways you can care for yourself include:

• Practicing a musical instrument or singing 

• Creating art

• Seeing a doctor when you feel sick 

• Eating healthy and balanced meals 

• Practicing sleep hygiene

• Crying when you need to 

• Spending time with friends 

• Taking a shower or bath daily

• Keeping your bedroom clean and clear of clutter

• Practicing deep breathing

Advocate For Yourself 

Know when to advocate for yourself. If your parent is crossing a boundary or causing you to feel disregarded or upset, let them know. Communicate how their actions impact you, and be honest about what you need. 

Tell your parent if you want to see a counselor or live with another family. Being honest can prepare you for communication skills later in life, and your parent may appreciate that you felt comfortable opening up to them about your feelings. 

Attend A Support Group 

Support groups for teens experiencing a parent with alcohol dependency exist in many cities and online. One popular group is called Alateen, a subset of Al-Anon, a support group for those struggling with alcohol addiction. Alateen offers an online chat option for those looking for online support. 

If there isn’t a chapter of an alcohol support group for adolescents or young adults in your area, consider reaching out to your school counselor or an adult you trust for potential resources. You might be able to find a support group for teens experiencing stress, trauma, or familial dysfunction as well. 

Reach Out To A Counselor 

Many teens and young adults try counseling to deal with the impacts of their parent’s substance dependency or use. A counselor can be an empathetic resource. Counselors often know about addiction and how it impacts families and young people. They may offer resources, worksheets, or take-home assignments to help you deal with your emotions during this time. 

For those who are unable to commute to counseling or feel safer at home, online therapy is an option. Online counseling is often more affordable than traditional in-person therapy and offers teens and adults a way to connect with a professional from any location with an internet connection. Studies show that online counseling is especially effective for teens experiencing depression or anxiety symptoms. 

For those under 18, an online platform like TeenCounseling can be reached with parental permission. For young adults or teens over 18, BetterHelp offers similar services through a database that matches individuals with licensed counselors for various specialties.