What Is Reunification Therapy?

Divorce is rough on a family, no matter the circumstances. Reunification therapy is a practice designed to heal the relationship between a parent and child whose relationship has been impacted by divorce. Studies consistently demonstrate that children are negatively affected by divorce. Reunification therapy may be able to mitigate this negative impact.

Children can be especially impacted by divorce, and this can result in them pulling away from one parent or the other. This can happen for a variety of reasons, and is not always the result of poor parenting. Whatever the exact situation, reunification therapy seeks to reunite parents and children and to help them enjoy a close, strong relationship that will provide an adequate amount of emotional connection and support. Often, those who have gone through a divorce or separation lack the skills they need to avoid conflict and reconnect with their children, and this can be especially true in the case of attempting to spend time with adolescents, who are already going through many changes and may find it difficult to communicate with their parents. In many cases, other interventions, such as those provided by a referred therapist, are necessary.

Reunification therapy, then, is not merely a matter of trying to reunite family members. It is a therapy modality designed to improve the lives of children through their parental relationships, led by a qualified reunification therapist. Reunification therapy can address separation and any related contact problem between mother and child or father and child. It can also help separated or divorced families work through any thought-disordered patterns and behaviors, as well as issues like depression and anxiety. Reunification therapy’s primary goal is to work with clients in a treatment setting to cultivate their ability to enjoy healthy family relationships.

How Reunification Therapy Is Delivered

Reunification therapy can be entered voluntarily, but in some cases, it may be compulsory, such as in the case of court orders set by judges and attorneys. Some reunification therapy efforts are court-ordered to make sure children are not abandoned by wayward parents or to ensure one parent or the other is not alienated from their children in a divorce. Others are parent-initiated when parents feel their family dynamic needs improvement; the parent themselves decides to make contact with a reunification therapist, and an attorney or judge is not involved in the decision at all.

Reunification therapy can be difficult when children are reticent or uncertain about being reunited with their parents, but is especially problematic when court-ordered. Not all the parties may be willing. Sometimes there is extreme loyalty between one parent and the child and hostility between the child and the other parent. This may be stem from a variety of causes, such as a shared belief about one parent between the child and their other parent.

The situation can feel even more fraught when it involves extended family members, a custody reversal, or other complications. Therapists are enlisted to improve a multitude of dynamics, many of which might be long-standing and tenuously held. Although therapy can seem frightening – especially if it's court-ordered – many families turn to this form of counseling to ease the transition from alienated or disconnected to fully functional.

Reunification therapy is usually delivered in a clinical setting, but may also be delivered via a home visit or a similar arrangement. Meetings can also occur on neutral ground, such as a foster parent's home, or a state-provided meeting facility. Because reunification therapy is often offered to families with a history of dysfunction or difficulty, the avenues available and the reasons for this form of therapeutic intervention are vast. It can be ordered by the court in the case of divorce, certainly, but can also be court-ordered in the case of a child who has been removed by the state but is being released back to their parents after a period of time apart. The circumstances determine the details of this type of therapy.

Reunification therapy often encourages the use of individual therapy as a sidebar to process what is happening in reunification therapy either in conjunction with the therapy (meaning it is delivered by the same therapist) or outside of the reunification therapy. This allows parents the space and ability to work on any personal issues that may have contributed to the divorce, the disrupted parent child relationship, or any other problematic areas of their family's life. 

Court-Ordered Reunification Therapy

In some cases, this particular reunification therapy modality is not one entered into willingly but is compulsory. Typically, it's mandated by the family court, but can also be ordered as a part of a couple's divorce proceedings. So why might a court order reunification therapy?

• One or both parents have become estranged from their children. In some divorce proceedings, parents are unable to keep their behavior civil and resort to cruel words, violence, or manipulation to achieve a certain hope or desire. In these cases, one parent might refuse to allow the other to see their children, or a parent might relocate the family without the other parent's consent. These are all instances in which a court might mandate therapy.
• One parent did not attend the family or divorce proceedings. If a parent left the family at any point, failed to appear at scheduled court hearings, or was in any way missing throughout the proceedings, a court might order the family to undergo reunification therapy to make sure the children and parents can function and move forward.
• Children struggle to visit with non-custodial parents. In some cases, one parent is awarded primary custody of a child, while the other is considered the non-custodial parent, or the parent who does not continually live with the child. If children struggle to attend meetings, overnight visits, or other visits with the non-custodial parents, without the presence of abuse or some other legitimate concern, a court might order reunification therapy to help a child feel safer and more comfortable with their visitation arrangement.

What Does Reunification Therapy Look Like?

In most cases, reunification therapy or family therapy begins with an intake assessment delivered by an experienced therapist. These assessments evaluate what core issues might exist among the parents and children to more effectively weed out any issues and to improve communication and comfort within the family.

From there, therapists will likely begin to engage the parents and children in exercises designed to improve connection and communication. This might be through playing games or doing simple exercises to improve attachment, bonding, and comfort for young children. In older children, this might involve talk therapy as a means to address the children's reticence or the parents' difficulty in being present. Regardless of the age, talk therapy will likely come into play.

As reunification therapy progresses in the following weeks and months, families are usually asked to complete additional assessments to evaluate the efficacy of the modality. If families are showing improvement, the therapist will continue on the given path, and if the family is not, new strategies will be implemented. If one parent is doing more work than the other parent, therapists may give them separate homework or assignments, acting as teachers and helping the family to learn how to interact in a healthy manner. After a period, however, if the relationship is continually shrouded in dysfunction, the court may retract the order, or consider other alternatives, such as severing parental rights.

When Is Reunification Therapy Not Considered?

If the parent is known to have substance use disorder or a severe mental illness, a court is unlikely to order this type of therapy. If the court does issue therapy, despite the presence of these issues, this is typically only to establish a safe point of contact, rather than an ongoing relationship between parents and children. Because many studies demonstrate the importance of a strong, stable family system in the overall health of children, many courts will order some form of therapy, even in abuse cases, to facilitate a relationship, however distant it might be. Parental alienation can be hard on a child, and it is often seen as the end goal to reunify the family, even in the case of a rejected parent.

There are some circumstances, however, in which a court will never order reunification therapy. These cases typically involve extreme abuse, domestic violence, or purposeful and consistent abandonment. In these cases, many custodial parents prefer to move forward with severing the parental rights of the other parent, rather than trying to engage in some form of rehabilitation or therapy intervention.

If you are facing or witnessing abuse of any kind, the National Domestic Violence Hotline is available. Call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or Text "START" to 88788. You can also use the online chat.

Who Can Help With Reunification?

Social workers, lawyers, therapists, and court officials can all help in taking steps toward reunification when one parent has abandoned their children. Depending on the exact factors involved, and the state of the parents and child or children involved, there are many different routes to explore when considering the reunification therapy process. Often, the first step in reunification therapy is finding a mediator who can discuss the possibility with a lawyer, judge, or another court official. From there, the court can order therapy.

If the court is not involved, and you are independently seeking reunification therapy, the first step is finding a therapist able to deliver this particular form of therapy with the sensitivity, tact, and care that is required. For many, this means finding a therapist familiar with the practice itself, but it can also mean seeking out therapists with flexible modes of interaction, such as Skype, or other online portals.

How BetterHelp Can Help

BetterHelp's team of mental health professionals can help in the therapy process by offering safe, affordable care online, allowing parents and children to engage in one-on-one therapy that can help ease some of the difficulty involved in the therapy process. Because many reunification therapy sessions ask parents and children to dig deep into emotional wounds, fears, and concerns, enlisting an outside therapist to help with individual issues is a good idea, and can actually speed along the reunification process.

Online therapy has been proven just as effective overall as in-person therapy. For example, one study found that people who used BetterHelp experienced a significant decrease in the severity of depression symptoms. In terms of family therapy and reunification therapy, internet-based options are particularly useful during times of uncertainty, allowing therapists, parents, and children to all interact together virtually in a mode that is safe both mentally and physically.

Additionally, the online nature of BetterHelp means that sessions are incredibly convenient and can be held anytime, anywhere – including the comfort of your own home. Sessions can also be held via video chat, phone call, instant messaging/texting, or live voice recording – whatever works best for you! Online therapy also tends to be cheaper than in-person therapy, since therapists don’t have to pay for office space and you don’t have to get transportation to your sessions.

Counselor Reviews

Below are some reviews of BetterHelp therapists, from parents experiencing similar issues.

"Tammi has made such a difference in my life. Had I not had her help I'm pretty sure I would've lost all contact with my 19-year-old daughter who chose to live with her father. She understands teenagers and moms of teenagers! So kind, wise, experienced, compassionate, and level-headed, I can't say enough good about her!!"