Signs And Causes Of Attention-Seeking Behavior And How To Address Them

The desire to get attention from people in your life is a natural part of human interaction: We’re hard-wired to prioritize connection for survival, and social support has been linked to many health benefits and even longevity. "Attention-seeking behavior" refers to actions intended to attract notice and validation from others, often driven by a need for affirmation or approval. However, there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to gain attention and/or validation from others. Unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors can damage relationships by exhausting the recipient(s) of the behaviors and making the connection feel inauthentic., and excessive attention-seeking behavior can be distressing or disruptive. People often seek attention to meet emotional needs, as an element of their personality, or as a result of traumatic experiences. Plus, unhealthy attention seeking may be a sign of a personality disorder that could benefit from treatment. In this article, we’ll talk about what unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors can look like, why people may engage in them, and what you can do to understand attention-seeking behavior and what to do if you notice these in yourself.

Examples of attention-seeking behavior

This type of behavior can manifest in many different forms and can take place in the real world or on the Internet. You may also see it more in specific places online like social media sites, as this investigation by the Athens Journal of Mass Media and Communications found. For further information on specific examples, take a look at a few of the most common attention-seeking behaviors below.

“Fishing” for compliments

Receiving a compliment activates the same part of our brain that receiving money does: the striatum, a rewards center. We can all enjoy this hit of happiness when someone offers us a genuine compliment, and it’s not necessarily problematic to drop hints from time to time in the hopes that someone will offer us one. However, one form of attention-seeking behavior that can be problematic for relationships and/or a sign of a mental health disorder is frequently, blatantly “fishing” for compliments. It may indicate that an individual’s self-worth is entirely, unhealthily reliant on seeking validation from others, which can also strain relationships.

Seeking sympathy

Some people go to extreme measures to elicit sympathy from others. They may exaggerate their problems or have emotional outbursts. All the attention received for sympathy-seeking can, in some cases, take the form of pity rather than the positive attention gained from praise for one’s good qualities. While sympathy for our misfortunes can be comforting, intentionally seeking it often can manifest as engaging in risky or unhealthy behaviors. This can potentially lead to self-harm or self-endangerment, with the added possibility that those around them may feel used.

Though it may be possible for a person to fake self-destructive behaviors or suicidal ideation for sympathy or empathy, it's still important to take these claims seriously. If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it's essential that you reach out immediately. The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, which is available 25/7, can be reached by dialing 988. 

Feigning a lack of ability

This behavior is often seen in young attention seekers, but adults will sometimes engage in it also when they feel neglected. Feigning a lack of ability is an indirect way of asking someone to help you or to complete a task for you, even if you could actually do it yourself. By acting like you need assistance, you may be hoping to gain both sympathy and constant attention or help. When repeated frequently, this behavior may hinder you from learning, growing, and accomplishing things yourself, and it may frustrate those around you to continually feel like they have to help you when they know you could complete the task on your own if you tried.

Embellishing stories

It’s not uncommon to embellish stories for dramatic effect. However, people who exhibit attention-seeking behavior may do so nearly every time or to an extreme degree with the aim of gaining sympathy or praise. Their stories may be obviously exaggerated, leading those around them to feel that their word can’t be trusted.

Why an adult may engage in attention-seeking behavior

It’s not abnormal for a child to frequently and directly engage in attention-seeking behavior. However, when an adult does it often, it may indicate an underlying issue. Oftentimes, childhood trauma, emotional regulation issues, or unmet needs may cause people to adopt behavior designed to attract others’ focus. A few potential causes of these types of acts include the following. 

Low self-esteem

Many people who display negative attention-seeking behavior may have low self-esteem and feel insecure about themselves, leading them to seek the validation of others in order to feel worthy. Wanting some level of reassurance from your peers is natural, but resting your entire concept of self-worth on the opinions of others can be problematic. 

Jealousy

When a child’s parents bring home a new sibling, it’s extremely common for that child to act out and display attention-seeking behaviors because they feel jealous or threatened. Naturally, the parent or caregiver’s attention is now divided, meaning the older child won’t receive as much of it as they once did. Adults may engage in attention-seeking behaviors for essentially the same reasons: if they feel jealous of or threatened by someone, such as the new friend of a friend, a coworker, a friend’s partner, etc.

Loneliness

As mentioned above, social connection is a basic human need, and anyone can experience a sense of distress, as well as physical and mental health problems, as a result of prolonged isolation. If people feel lonely, they may engage in attention-seeking behaviors in an effort to promote some form of human connection between themselves and others—even if it’s inauthentic, or based in pity or a feigned lack of ability. Unfortunately, attempting to remediate chronic feelings of loneliness or rejection with unhealthy attention-seeking actions can lead to further social isolation. 

A mental health disorder

Attention-seeking behavior designed to address an unmet need can be a result of a psychiatric condition. The American Psychiatric Association connects attention-seeking tendencies to conditions like bipolar disorder, anxiety, and other psychiatric conditions, but in particular, it focuses on histrionic personality disorder. These disorders can result from childhood trauma and often include emotional regulation issues. 

Personality disorders, in particular, tend to involve unhealthy attention-seeking behavior. Depending on whether you look at the DMS-IV or the DSM-V, the criteria for different personality disorders may differ. In the updated DSM-V, Personality disorders are divided into “clusters” based on common characteristics, and attention-seeking behaviors are a common sign of cluster B disorders. These are characterized by behavior that’s considered to be “dramatic, overly emotional, or erratic”. Some examples of cluster B mental health disorders that are often marked by attention-seeking behavior include: 

• Histrionic personality disorder (HPD), which is often characterized by the individual going out of their way to be the center of attention. Those who experience an attention-seeking disorder like HPD often use their sexuality and flirtatiousness in particular to get attention, and may have poor impulse control and seek instinct gratification. 
• Borderline personality disorder, which often involves having a poor self-image, feelings of emptiness, displaying paranoia about what others think, and having the constant fear of being abandoned. In an effort to get noticed and validated and/or attach themselves to others, an individual may engage in attention-seeking behaviors.
• Narcissistic personality disorder, which usually manifests as the tendency to place a high value on self-importance and compare oneself favorably to others. While it may not seem like it on the outside, people with this disorder often have a deep-seated need to gain praise or validation from others, so they may engage in various attention-seeking behaviors in order to get it 

The connection between attention-seeking and emotional health 

There is a connection between attention-seeking and emotional health—particularly emotional regulation issues. Unresolved stress or trauma affects the nervous system, keeping the body in a high state of arousal and can even affect brain structure and function. This can cause emotional dysregulation and mood swings, which can be underlying causes of attention-seeking behavior. People who’ve experienced trauma may try to meet their emotional needs through attention-seeking, and their erratic emotions may also result in exaggerated behaviors intended to gain attention from others. Using various coping methods to self-soothe can assist people with emotional regulation, thereby helping to curb damaging behaviors.  

How to stop attention-seeking behavior

If you recognize that you exhibit attention-seeking behaviors that negatively impact your life and relationships, there are things that you can do to reduce or stop these behaviors. You can learn to stop attention-seeking behaviors by following these recommendations:

• Identify situations that trigger the impulse to engage in attention-seeking behavior. In some instances, you can avoid situations that trigger you. Other times that you’re triggered, you may want to rely on coping skills.  
• Learn coping skills to implement if you become triggered. These may include deep breathing, engaging your senses, distracting yourself, or saying words of affirmation to yourself. 
• Make a practice of setting boundaries. When you set healthy boundaries, you can improve your self-esteem and reduce stress and resentment that may prompt you to seek unhealthy attention
• Practice adaptive ways of meeting emotional needs through positive behaviors such as journaling, mindfulness, or therapy.

Healthy ways to get the support you need

If you find yourself craving attention or validation and as a consequence engage in unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors, know that there are healthier ways to get what you need. A few things that you can try include:

• Build your communication skills with techniques such as active listening and expressing your emotions in a healthy way.
• Spend quality time with people whom you trust, and practice communication skills with them. 
• If you find yourself triggered, use positive reinforcement activities such as deep breathing or sensory grounding.
• Getting consistent support from a therapist can also be important. They can teach you coping and communication skills and provide emotional support, as well as help you get to the root of what causes your attention-seeking.   

Managing attention-seeking in children and young people

Young people and children typically display attention seeking differently than adults do. While it’s natural for children to seek the attention they require, children may seek unhealthy attention via tantrums or acting out academically. There are a number of things that parents and teachers can do if they recognize unhealthy attention-seeking in a child. First off, they should use calm guidance and a structured environment, offering positive reinforcement for desired behaviors rather than relying on punishment. Intervening early is also important. Basic things you can do to help a child with emotional regulation are lifestyle changes such as consistent routines and a healthy diet.   

Addressing attention-seeking behavior

Recognizing these impulses when they occur can be an important first step. One example of a way to catalog these behaviors is to keep a journal. You can use this journal to document when and why these impulses arise so you can get to the root cause of the issue. Next, you can engage in intentional, active listening when around others. It can help you focus your attention on people and relationships instead of yourself, and it can lay the groundwork for more authentic connections where you can feel safe and cared for instead of constantly seeking attention out of fear. 

Finally, you might also consider meeting with a therapist to address the underlying causes of this type of behavior. If it’s due to low self-esteem or insecurity, they can help you heal from any related past trauma and practice strategies for building your confidence. If it’s because of loneliness, they can assist you in strengthening the social skills you may need to expand your circle of connections. If they feel you may be exhibiting symptoms of a personality disorder, or another disorder like depression, they can help you address them and may offer a treatment plan that can include building communication skills and finding adaptive ways to cope. If you suspect that your attention-seeking behaviors are a result of trauma or a mental health condition, it is especially important to seek psychotherapy. 

Getting help can be important for your overall well-being, as consistent support from loved ones and professionals can improve your emotional regulation skills, help reduce shame, and improve self-esteem. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Learn more about attention-seeking behavior in online therapy

Not everyone is able to get in-person mental health care, such as those who live in rural areas or who have trouble leaving the house regularly. Online therapy represents a viable alternative for people in situations like these. With a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing. Research suggests that virtual therapy is “no less efficacious” than traditional, in-person methods, so you can typically choose the format that works best for you.