Common Signs And Causes Of Attention-Seeking Behavior And How To Address Them

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW

Updated April 23, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

The desire to get attention from people in your life is natural: We’re hard-wired to prioritize connection for survival, and social support has been linked to many health benefits and even longevity. However, there are both healthy and unhealthy ways to receive attention and/or validation from others. Unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors can damage relationships by exhausting the recipient(s) of the behaviors and making the connection feel inauthentic. Plus, they may be signs of a personality disorder that could benefit from treatment. In this article, we’ll talk about what unhealthy attention-seeking behaviors can look like, why people may engage in them, and what you can do if you notice these in yourself.

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Examples of attention-seeking behavior

This type of behavior can manifest in many different forms and can take place in the real world or on the Internet. You may also see it more in specific places online like social media sites, as this investigation by the Athens Journal of Mass Media and Communications found. For further information on specific examples, take a look at a few of the most common attention-seeking behaviors below.

“Fishing” for compliments

Receiving a compliment activates the same part of our brain that receiving money does: the striatum, a rewards center. We can all enjoy this hit of happiness when someone offers us a genuine compliment, and it’s not necessarily problematic to drop hints from time to time in the hopes that someone will offer us one. However, one form of attention-seeking behavior that can be problematic for relationships and/or a sign of a mental health disorder is frequently, blatantly “fishing” for compliments. It may indicate that an individual’s self-worth is entirely, unhealthily reliant on seeking validation from others, which can also strain relationships.

Seeking sympathy

All the attention received for sympathy-seeking can, in some cases, take the form of pity rather than the positive attention gained from praise for one’s good qualities. While sympathy for our misfortunes can be comforting, intentionally seeking it often can manifest as engaging in risky or unhealthy behaviors. This can potentially lead to self-harm or self-endangerment, with the added possibility that those around them may feel used.

Though it may be possible for a person to fake self-destructive behaviors or suicidal ideation for sympathy or empathy, it's still important to take these claims seriously. If you or a loved one is experiencing suicidal thoughts, it's essential that you reach out immediately. The Suicide and Crisis Lifeline, which is available 25/7, can be reached by dialing 988.

Feigning a lack of ability

This behavior is often seen in young attention seekers, but adults will sometimes engage in it also when they feel neglected. Feigning a lack of ability is an indirect way of asking someone to help you or to complete a task for you, even if you could actually do it yourself. By acting like you need assistance, you may be hoping to gain both sympathy and constant attention or help. When repeated frequently, this behavior may hinder you from learning, growing, and accomplishing things yourself, and it may frustrate those around you to continually feel like they have to help you when they know you could complete the task on your own if you tried.

Embellishing stories

It’s not uncommon to embellish stories for dramatic effect. However, people who exhibit attention-seeking behavior may do so nearly every time or to an extreme degree with the aim of gaining sympathy or praise. Their stories may be obviously exaggerated, leading those around them to feel that their word can’t be trusted.

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Why an adult may engage in attention-seeking behavior

It’s not abnormal for a child to frequently and directly engage in attention-seeking behavior. However, when an adult does it often, it may indicate an underlying issue. A few potential causes of these types of acts include the following.

Low self-esteem

Many people who display negative attention-seeking behavior may have low self-esteem and feel insecure about themselves, leading them to seek the validation of others in order to feel worthy. Wanting some level of reassurance from your peers is natural, but resting your entire concept of self-worth on the opinions of others can be problematic.

Jealousy

When a child’s parents bring home a new sibling, it’s extremely common for that child to act out and display attention-seeking behaviors because they feel jealous or threatened. Naturally, the parent or caregiver’s attention is now divided, meaning the older child won’t receive as much of it as they once did. Adults may engage in attention-seeking behaviors for essentially the same reasons: if they feel jealous of or threatened by someone, such as the new friend of a friend, a coworker, a friend’s partner, etc.

Loneliness

As mentioned above, social connection is a basic human need, and anyone can experience a sense of distress, as well as physical and mental health problems, as a result of prolonged isolation. If people feel lonely, they may engage in attention-seeking behaviors in an effort to promote some form of human connection between themselves and others—even if it’s inauthentic, or based in pity or a feigned lack of ability.

A personality disorder

Depending on whether you look at the DMS-IV or the DSM-V, the criteria for different personality disorders may differ. In the updated DSM-V, Personality disorders are divided into “clusters” based on common characteristics, and attention-seeking behaviors are a common sign of cluster B disorders. These are characterized by behavior that’s considered to be “dramatic, overly emotional, or erratic”. Some examples of cluster B mental health disorders that are often marked by attention-seeking behavior include:

Histrionic personality disorder (HPD), which is often characterized by the individual going out of their way to be the center of attention. Those who experience an attention-seeking disorder like HPD often use their sexuality and flirtatiousness in particular to get attention, and may have poor impulse control and seek instinct gratification.
Borderline personality disorder, which often involves having a poor self-image, feelings of emptiness, displaying paranoia about what others think, and having the constant fear of being abandoned. In an effort to get noticed and validated and/or attach themselves to others, an individual may engage in attention-seeking behaviors.
Narcissistic personality disorder, which usually manifests as the tendency to place a high value on self-importance and compare oneself favorably to others. While it may not seem like it on the outside, people with this disorder often have a deep-seated need to gain praise or validation from others, so they may engage in various attention-seeking behaviors in order to get it

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Addressing attention-seeking behavior

If you’ve realized you commonly engage in attention-seeking behavior as a way to cope with loneliness or low self-esteem, or if you feel that it’s hurting your relationships and/or may be a sign of a mental health condition, there are strategies you can try to address it.

Recognizing these impulses when they occur can be an important first step. One example of a way to catalog these behaviors is to keep a journal. You can use this journal to document when and why these impulses arise so you can get to the root cause of the issue. Next, you can engage in intentional, active listening when around others. It can help you focus your attention on people and relationships instead of yourself, and it can lay the groundwork for more authentic connections where you can feel safe and cared for instead of constantly seeking attention out of fear.

Finally, you might also consider meeting with a therapist to address the underlying causes of this type of behavior. If it’s due to low self-esteem or insecurity, they can help you heal from any related past trauma and practice strategies for building your confidence. If it’s because of loneliness, they can assist you in strengthening the social skills you may need to expand your circle of connections. If they feel you may be exhibiting symptoms of a personality disorder, or another disorder like depression, they can help you address them and may offer a treatment plan.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Not everyone is able to get in-person mental health care, such as those who live in rural areas or who have trouble leaving the house regularly. Online therapy represents a viable alternative for people in situations like these. With a virtual therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist who you can meet with via phone, video call, and/or in-app messaging to address the challenges you may be facing. Research suggests that virtual therapy is “no less efficacious” than traditional, in-person methods, so you can typically choose the format that works best for you. See below for client reviews of BetterHelp counselors.

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Takeaway

There are various reasons a person may engage in attention-seeking behaviors, from insecurity or loneliness to a personality disorder. Becoming aware of these behaviors is usually the first step in changing them; meeting with a therapist to discuss these challenges may also be helpful.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

What is an example of attention-seeking behavior?

Attention-seeking behavior can be defined as any action undertaken that directs focus to an individual’s own problems, achievements, or other circumstances. Although “attention-seeking” sometimes implies that the person is searching for validation, the attention does not need to validate the person’s experience; the attention can be either positive or negative. In addition, a person may not realize they are engaging in attention-seeking behavior.

Examples of attention-seeking behavior might include:

Fishing for compliments.
An overwhelming drive to receive admiration from others.
Intentionally making inflammatory or aggressive remarks.
Telling “tall tales” or other embellished stories to make achievements seem more impressive.
Feigning helplessness or pretending to be unable to complete a task so that others offer assistance.

Is attention-seeking a mental disorder?

Attention-seeking behavior is not, by itself, a mental illness. It does not necessarily represent psychopathology but may appear alongside several mental health conditions, most notably personality disorders. For example, histrionic personality disorder (HPD) is characterized by attention-seeking behavior. According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, a person must meet five or more of the following criteria to be diagnosed with HPD:

Uncomfortable when the attention is not on them.
Excessive seductive or provocative behavior.
Emotional volatility.
Uses physical appearance to attract attention.
Dramatic or exaggerated emotions.
Considers relationships to be deeper than they actually are.
Easily influenced by others.

While not all criteria align closely with attention-seeking behavior, many symptoms of HPD do. Attention-seeking may also be found in borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, although those conditions have additional features beyond attention-seeking.

What are examples of attention-seeking behavior in students?

Attention-seeking behavior in students refers to any classroom behavior initiated to get a response from another student, a teacher, or another adult in the classroom. Typically, attention-seeking behavior in students takes place only in social settings. Here are a few examples of attention-seeking behavior in students:

Frequently out of their seat without permission.
Excessive hand-raising, regardless of whether they have a valid contribution, question, or response.
Excessive noisemaking or talking.
Frequent interruptions blurted responses, or an unwillingness to yield the floor to others.

How do you deal with attention-seeking behavior?

When confronted with attention-seeking behavior, responding appropriately can sometimes be challenging. It is important to prevent both positive and negative responses. Responding positively validates attention-seeking and makes the person more likely to approach you for attention in the future. Responding negatively doesn’t offer the same degree of validation, but it still gives the person your attention.

It is likely helpful to set strong boundaries when dealing with someone displaying attention-seeking behavior. Don’t engage with the person when the attention-seeking behavior is present. You may consider either politely declining to give the person your attention (e.g., “I’m sorry, I’m focused on another task and can’t talk to you right now.”) or arranging to give the person your attention at a more appropriate time (e.g., “I’m pretty busy right now, can we talk later today?”).

What causes attention-seeking behavior?

In adults, attention-seeking tendencies are often linked to low self-esteem and loneliness. For many, attention-seeking behaviors are a way to find connections with others that may not be present in their daily life. Most humans need attention from others to support their overall well-being. When a person is chronically deprived of normal amounts of attention, they may turn to attention-seeking behavior to correct the balance.

Attention-seeking behavior may also be associated with a mental health condition, most notably cluster B personality disorders. Cluster B, also known as the “dramatic” disorder cluster, contains four personality disorders: antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic. While each of those disorders can produce attention-seeking behavior, histrionic personality disorder, in particular, is associated with attention-seeking, and all are associated with struggling to maintain healthy relationships.

What do you call a person who needs a lot of attention?

The term “histrionic” is often used to describe someone who needs a lot of attention. The term refers to “acting out” and typically describes behaviors intended to turn the focus of others onto the person displaying them. It is seen in histrionic personality disorder, a mental condition characterized by an overwhelming need for validation and attention from others.

How do I know if I am an attention seeker?

You may be an attention-seeker if you regularly display behaviors commonly considered to be attention-seeking. Everyone seeks validation from others occasionally, and it is likely healthy to do so. However, if you become uncomfortable when attention is on another person, struggle to feel ensure when attention is not on you, or regularly adjust your behavior to get others to pay attention to you, you may be an attention-seeker.

Attention-seeking behavior can also occur alongside mental health conditions or when threats to overall well-being occur, such as excessive loneliness. If you are regularly deprived of social attention or validation from others, your attention-seeking behaviors may increase. Personality disorders like histrionic personality disorder may also play a role.

Why am I an attention seeker?

Attention-seeking behavior can emerge for several reasons. You may struggle to maintain self-esteem or self-worth. You may be deprived of social contact; those who experience excessive loneliness are more likely to exhibit attention-seeking behavior. You may also be struggling with jealousy if your attention-seeking behaviors tend to emerge when a person you don’t like is getting more attention than you.

A mental health issue may also play a direct or indirect role. For example, loneliness can both cause and be caused by depression, and loneliness is known to increase attention-seeking behavior. Depression may also lower self-esteem, further increasing the likelihood of attention-seeking.

Personality traits may also be involved. Cluster B personality disorders, characterized by difficulty maintaining healthy relationships, emotional volatility, and “dramatic” behaviors, are strongly associated with attention-seeking. One cluster B disorder in particular, histrionic personality disorder, demonstrates a powerful association with attention-seeking behavior.

How do I stop attention-seeking?

Engaging in healthy, productive social interaction is likely one of the best ways to lower attention-seeking behavior. Attention-seeking often results from being deprived of social contact or attention from other humans. Increasing socialization while deliberately minimizing attention-seeking may help reduce the need for attention in the future. You may also consider improving your self-esteem to decrease your need for validation and attention.

Because attention-seeking behavior is associated with mental health concerns, you may wish to speak to a mental health professional when attempting to stop attention-seeking. A therapist or other qualified professional can help find the root cause of your need for attention and can help you address any co-occurring mental health conditions or other factors that may be contributing. They can also help you improve self-esteem and social skills, helping you find attention in healthier ways.

How do you deal with attention-seeking behavior in children?

Attention-seeking behavior in children has been studied since at least the mid-20th century. In the 1950s, researchers utilized factor analysis to test three determinants of attention-seeking behavior in children. The results indicated that children were more likely to exhibit attention-seeking when intrinsic attention was low and that boys were more likely to attention-seek when interacting with a woman.

Peer-reviewed studies suggest that noncontingent attention is likely a powerful tool for addressing a child’s attention-seeking behavior. Noncontingent attention refers to giving positive attention when the child isn’t seeking it, and there is no “reason” for the attention to be given. When children are attention-seeking, they often don’t care if the attention is positive (praise) or negative (reprimand). This can lead to disruptive behaviors undertaken to elicit either a positive or negative response from an adult.

Noncontingent attention fulfills the child’s need for attention while decoupling the attention they receive from their behavior. For example, consider a teacher dealing with a disruptive student. The student regularly misbehaves and requires redirection from the teacher. When the student misbehaves and receives a reprimand, their need for attention is fulfilled, albeit negatively. This leads to an escalating cycle wherein the student misbehaves more frequently and severely to get more attention.

In the above example, the attention the student receives is contingent on their behavior. They must misbehave to receive attention from the teacher, and receiving attention makes it more likely they will misbehave in the future. To correct this, the teacher begins offering noncontingent attention. They regularly provide positive attention to the student at random intervals, but always when they behave appropriately.

The teacher might say things like, “Thank you for sitting quietly in your seat.” or “I didn’t call on you this time, but I appreciate you raising your hand.” The key is to offer the student attention that is not contingent on their attention-seeking behavior but is offered freely when they comply with normal classroom expectations.

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