How Can We Help Male Survivors Of Domestic Violence?
Content note: This article contains an extensive discussion of abuse and other potentially sensitive topics. If you or someone you know needs help, please contact one of the following hotlines.
Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline: Call 1-800-422-4453
National Domestic Violence Hotline: Call 1-800-799-7233 or text "START" to 88788.
National Sexual Assault Hotline: Call 1-800-656-4673 or use the webchat option.
When domestic violence* is discussed, many people have an image of a woman experiencing abuse at the hands of a male partner. What we often don't see, however, are the faces of the many male and other underrepresented survivors of domestic violence that exist throughout the world. Domestic violence can take many forms, including physical, emotional, and sexual violence.
Below, we’ll discuss some ways to help male survivors of domestic violence and strategies that survivors can use to seek help and escape abusive situations.
What is domestic violence?
Domestic violence is any act of violence committed by one member of a household against another. Violence doesn't have to be physical. Domestic violence can take the form of verbal abuse, mental abuse, emotional abuse, and more. Anyone can experience domestic violence regardless of age, gender, race, background, etc., but there are resources available for support and help no matter who you are.
The trouble with leaving domestic violence
Male survivors may feel anxiety, self-doubt, and even fear when thinking about leaving a violent situation. They may not know how to get away or may think that their abuser will seek them out if they leave. This can result in an intense fear of leaving home, going to the police, or seeking out shelter. With the memory of all that they have experienced at the hands of their abuser, many survivors don't seek help and end up staying with the abuser because they think there is no other way forward. he additional barrier of fearing that others won’t believe their experience can further inhibit seeking help.
How to help male survivors of domestic abuse
Challenge stereotypes
People often downplay the violence that male domestic violence survivors experience. People may not be able to understand the severity of what is happening. Gender norms and expectations often lead people to believe that men ought to be strong and independent, which can make reaching out and receiving help more difficult. Some men are socialized to believe they simply have to “man up.” Harmful rhetoric like this can not only minimize the experiences of underrepresented survivors but also continue to reinforce limiting stereotypes about what certain individuals are supposed to be like.
To help male survivors of domestic violence, we can all work to challenge stereotypes and recognize that emotion, pain, and fear are universal human experiences. We can also spread awareness that there is no limit on who can and cannot inflict pain onto others. A survivor’s experiences are valid no matter who they are, and anyone can be a perpetrator or survivor of domestic violence.
Raise awareness of domestic violence and resources available
Another common obstacle tends to be the lack of awareness of the types of abuse and the resources for men who are domestic violence survivors. Many survivors may not be aware that there are names for specific types of abuse beyond physical violence. Likewise, few resources are designed specifically for this population. Male survivors, therefore, may feel like they are on their own when navigating domestic violence
To help male survivors of domestic violence, we can all work to become more aware of the signs and types of domestic violence, including gaslighting, emotional abuse, financial abuse, digital abuse, and controlling behavior. Also, we can all spread awareness of resources that are available to help survivors of domestic violence, regardless of gender.
Tips for survivors of domestic violence
If you’re looking to report domestic violence to authorities, it may help to hold on to any records you may have of the time, place, and event(s) you’ve experienced as well as information for any witnesses who saw the event. Pictures or other documentation of any injuries may be important as well. This could include threats made via text or voice message, which you can take screenshots of in case an abuser attempts to remove them.
Also, many domestic violence shelters are equipped to help men and other underrepresented survivors as well as women. Even if a shelter seems to have a name that is geared toward women (such as a women's shelter), survivors of all genders are likely eligible to make use of its resources.
In some situations, it may be beneficial to speak with a lawyer that can help you understand what your legal options are. This may be especially useful in cases where the perpetrator of abuse is a spouse, where children may be involved, or where you otherwise may have to navigate the legal system as a part of removing yourself from the situation.
Getting professional help
If you are a survivor of domestic violence, you may find it helpful to speak with a mental health professional. Many survivors of domestic violence end up back with their abuser if they don’t know what steps to take to stop the abuse. A licensed counselor may be able to help you end the cycle of abuse and move forward with confidence. If you don’t feel comfortable discussing domestic violence in a therapist’s office, you might consider online therapy.
With online therapy, you can speak with a licensed therapist from home or anywhere you feel safe and have an internet connection. You can communicate with a therapist via phone, videoconference, or live chat if it’s more comfortable for you. In addition to being more available than in-office therapy, online therapy works to successfully treat many mental health challenges. One study published in 2017 found that online therapy was effective for anxiety, depression, phobias, and substance use disorder, among other conditions.
Takeaway
With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a licensed therapist who has experience helping men who have survived domestic violence. Take the first step toward healing from domestic violence and reach out to BetterHelp today.
How does abuse affect males?
Abuse affects males in many of the same ways it affects anyone who has experienced physical, sexual, psychological, or any other type of abuse. The impacts of domestic abuse may differ between men, but they often significantly impact daily life, relationships, and mental health.
However, societal stereotypes and expectations around masculinity can make it more difficult for men to express their emotions and seek help. Here are some examples of how abuse can affect males:
- Abuse can cause emotional trauma, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, anger, and helplessness. It may also undermine a person’s sense of self-worth and identity.
- Physical abuse can result in injuries, chronic pain, or even long-term health issues.
- Abused men might develop anxiety, depression, PTSD, or other mental health issues.
- Men might face challenges in trusting others, forming relationships, or feeling confident due to the trauma.
- Survivors might develop coping mechanisms or behavioral changes such as increased aggression, substance abuse, or difficulties in forming healthy relationships.
- Men may find it challenging to seek help to their experiences due to societal stigmas or fears of being judged. This can lead to isolation and difficulties in forming meaningful connections.
What are the sources for family violence data?
There are many resources available to obtain statistics and data about family violence. Some of these include:
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
- Bureau of Justice Statistics
- Futures Without Violence
- National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma, and Mental Health
- National Network To End Domestic Violence
- Respect Together Library
What is gender-based violence against men?
Gender-based violence against men refers to violence that disproportionately or exclusively targets men or boys.
What type of abuse is most common for men?
Because abuse of men is often significantly underreported, it is difficult to say for sure that men are most affected by one type of abuse over another. However, studies do indicate they may be most impacted by psychological abuse targeting their masculinity, particularly public humiliation and degradation.
Are men also victims of gender-based violence?
Although women are most impacted by gender-based violence from male perpetrators, men can be affected as well. According to The National Domestic Violence Hotline, “1 in 4 men in the US have experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner in their lifetime.”
Are men more likely to be victims of violence?
Within the general context of violent crimes in the US (murder, rape, sexual assault, robbery, and assault), the number of female victims of violence was slightly higher than those of men in 2022. It may be prudent to note, however, that these numbers signify a dramatic increase from 2021, when men were more likely to experience violence than women.
Why do men not report their abuse?
There are complex reasons why people, in general, don’t report abuse. Many victims feel shame or fear of retribution from their perpetrators, or they don’t want to see their abusers punished by the law. But men often have a more extensive set of deterrents for why they don’t report their abuse.
Often, male victims face obstacles of social stigma, denial, and embarrassment. They may not feel that the abuse they’ve experienced is severe or try to minimize it out of shame. The victimization of men who come forward to report abuse can make it extremely painful— to avoid it, many men choose not to report abuse.
It’s also worth noting that a man’s sexuality may play a role. For example, men in non-heterosexual relationships may face unique obstacles that discourage them from reporting abuse than those in heterosexual abusive relationships.
How many men are affected by gender-based violence?
Reports vary on how many men are affected by gender-based violence. The Centers for Disease Control estimates that 1 in 10 men in the US experienced severe physical violence, sexual abuse, or stalking by an intimate partner during their lifetime. The National Domestic Violence Hotline reports the number is closer to 1 in 4. The disparity in reporting may serve to highlight the reluctance of men to come forward with abuse.
Until men feel more supported and encouraged, it may be challenging to identify a more accurate statistic for how many men report gender-based violence. Making domestic violence resources for male victims more readily available may be an excellent first step toward change.
If you or someone you know is experiencing gender-based violence at home, contact The National Domestic Violence Hotline by dialing 7233 or 1-800-799-SAFE.
What can be done to reduce gender-based violence?
Reducing gender-based violence requires a multifaceted approach that requires efforts at various levels, including societal, legal, educational, and cultural.
Change begins with education and awareness from an early age about gender equality, respect, healthy relationships, and consent. On a community level, strengthening and enforcing laws protecting individuals from gender-based violence can help to ensure access to justice for survivors.
Challenging harmful gender stereotypes is perhaps one of the most impactful ways to combat gender-based violence against men. This may include challenging and addressing cultural practices and societal norms regarding gender roles. It may also include encouraging individuals, particularly other men and boys, to act as allies and advocates for male survivors through education, discussions, and community engagement.
Accessible, well-funded support programs for survivors are essential for reducing gender-based violence. These may include shelters, hotlines, counseling, legal aid, and healthcare. Job training, economic opportunities, and leadership development programs are also essential to encourage independence for survivors of violence.
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