Spotting The Signs: How To Identify A Pathological Liar

Pathological lying is more than just being dishonest from time to time. Instead, it involves an individual's persistent habit of deceiving others—but usually without a clear motivation for doing so. Despite its potentially harmful effects, those with this trait may not be fully aware of its impact on themselves and those around them. That's why learning to recognize this tendency in yourself or others can help you know what type of support it may be useful to pursue. Let’s explore how to recognize a pathological liar, learn what may cause this tendency, and find out how to handle it.

What Is Pathological Lying?

People with this disorder may lie frequently and excessively and may have difficulty distinguishing between reality and what they’ve invented. They may or may not understand the consequences of their behavior, and they may have trouble sticking to the truth—even if it becomes clear that their lies might be causing harm to themselves or others. While lying in and of itself is a common human behavior, it’s typically done for a reason—such as to avoid social embarrassment or upset. When a person lies frequently and for no obvious reason, it’s likely to be characterized as pathological. 

Common Traits Associated With Pathological Lying

Someone who engages in pathological lying will typically exhibit some or all of the following traits or tendencies:

• Telling frequent and exaggerated lies. People with this tendency may lie frequently and excessively, and their lies are likely to be elaborate and complicated. 

• Rationalizing lies. It’s common for those with this tendency to try and justify their lies, even in the face of proof to the contrary. They may also make excuses or manipulate the facts to maintain their false stories.

• Portraying themselves in a positive light. In the lies they create, they’re likely to portray themselves as the victim or the hero rather than anyone who was ever at fault. They may look for sympathy or praise.

• Lacking remorse. Someone who engages in pathological lying may not feel sorry or remorseful for their lies. They may be confident in them, even when they’re obviously not true.

• Changing their story or denying the truth. When confronted with evidence that contradicts their lies, they may change their story or deny the truth altogether. They may also try to manipulate others to maintain their false story.

• Blaming others for their lies. They may try to deflect blame or shift responsibility onto others. They may also try to deceive others to avoid being caught or held accountable for their behavior.

What Causes Pathological Lying?

The cause of pathological lying behaviors can vary and may be influenced by a combination of genetic, neurological, environmental, and psychological factors. That said, there are a few key elements that are thought to play a role in the development of this trait.

Genetic And/Or Neurological Factors

There may be a genetic or neurological basis for pathological lying. Some studies suggest that specific brain abnormalities may be associated with pathological lying, and some researchers believe that pathological lying may be inherited.

Trauma Or Abuse

Experiencing trauma or abuse may increase the risk of the development of pathological lying tendencies. People who have been through these types of life experiences may lie as a coping mechanism to avoid facing difficult emotions or situations.

Mental Health Disorders Or Issues

Pathological lying may also be a symptom of other mental health issues, such as a personality disorder, anxiety disorder, mood disorder, or low self-esteem. In some cases, an individual may lie excessively as a way of coping with their symptoms. Working with a qualified mental health professional might help a person better understand the underlying causes of their behavior and learn to develop strategies to address and overcome pathological lying and any other distressing or problematic symptoms they may be experiencing.

What To Do When A Loved One Exhibits Pathological Lying Behaviors

Having someone in your life who lies pathologically can be difficult. The most helpful approach for them will typically be to approach the situation with empathy and the understanding that their behaviors may be an unhealthy coping mechanism for past trauma or an undiagnosed mental health disorder. Encouraging them to seek the support of a mental health professional may be constructive. 

However, it’s also important to defend yourself and your own mental well-being. Being in any kind of relationship with someone with this tendency can be deeply frustrating since there’s typically no obvious reason for the lies—and because the frequent dishonesty can make it difficult or even impossible for real trust or intimacy to be established. When engaging with a person with this tendency, remember that they’re unlikely to admit to their lies when confronted. You might encourage them to be themselves around you, reminding them that they don’t need to lie to impress you. If you notice them beginning to tell a lie, it may be helpful to avoid engaging at all. If their behaviors begin to negatively impact you, setting firm, healthy boundaries in regard to how much you’ll engage with them can be a good way to defend yourself.

How Therapy Can Help

As mentioned, pathological lying could be a symptom of a mental health condition. Pathological lying needs intervention with a professional; one cannot overcome it just by searching for how to stop lying online. Consulting with a qualified mental health professional—or encouraging a loved one with this tendency to do so—may be a helpful first step in addressing it. Even if not, therapy may provide the individual with a safe space to explore any other potential underlying issues related to this behavior. If someone close to you is exhibiting these tendencies and they have negatively impacted you, seeking therapy for yourself may also be a helpful way to express your emotions about it, learn to set appropriate boundaries, and find healing.

Today, there are different options to choose from when it comes to seeking therapy. For those who prefer to connect with a provider in person, searching for qualified counselors in their area may be helpful. For those who are interested in the relative convenience, availability, and affordability of online therapy, trying out a platform like BetterHelp is the next step to consider. You’ll fill out a brief questionnaire about your needs and preferences and will get matched with a licensed therapist accordingly. You can then meet with them via phone, video call, and/or online chat to address the challenges you may be facing. Research suggests that both online and in-person therapy can provide similar benefits to people in most cases, so you can typically choose the format that feels most comfortable for you. See below for client reviews of BetterHelp counselors.

Counselor Reviews

"Busola is amazing, I've only had a few sessions with her but she makes me feel listened to. She understands what my primary needs are for each session and addresses them. Moreover, it doesn't feel like just time to talk and unload everything on someone, but she addresses negative behavioral patterns and helps create an action plan for them."

"I have been dealing with quite a slew of issues, but after working with Mackenzie, I feel significantly more able to go forward in my life with effective strategies that match my abilities and goals. Mackenzie guided me toward establishing healthier boundaries, being more self-reflective, relying on both emotions and logic when confronting issues, and finding concrete ways to alleviate stress and anger at issues outside of my control. She is an incredibly skilled and valuable resource."