The 7 Stages Of Grief And How They Affect You

Updated December 2, 2022 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

If you have ever experienced the loss of a loved one or a significant change in your life, you have likely endured the stages of grief. Although almost everyone experiences grief at some point, it is a very personal experience.

While grief can feel overwhelming and the pain associated with it is real, it’s important to understand that it is a natural emotion. Identifying the various phases of complicated grief and knowing what to expect during each one can help you understand the emotional changes that occur following a loss. Starting online therapy can be beneficial for many experiencing grief.

grief stages

Navigating the stages of grief can be challenging.

Understanding Grieving

However, any loss that results in a significant change in life cause feelings of loss. This can include moving to a new location, going through a divorce or breakup, losing a job, being diagnosed with a medical condition, experiencing legal issues, and much more.

It is not uncommon to wonder why you feel overwhelmed in a grieving situation or to question how long you will have these feelings. If you are experiencing grief, it is okay to feel a shift in emotions or to even experience moments when you feel emotionally unstable. It’s important to allow yourself to grieve, feel all the emotions, and know when to seek help.

When you are grieving, it can feel like a very lonely time. It’s important to know, however, that you are not alone. Everyone experiences the emptiness and isolation of grief from time to time in life. Often, the healthiest way to move forward after a loss is to allow yourself to go through the stages of grieving.

The 7 Stages Of Grief

Some people pass through the phases of grief relatively quickly. Others may experience one or more phases more than once and for different lengths of time. These are all normal experiences of grief.

Shock And Denial

The first of the phases, shock and denial, is typically when emotions are most profound. The fact that you have experienced a loss may be evident, but you may still have underlying feelings of shock, disbelief, or panic. 

During this stage, many people experience physical symptoms such as nausea or vomiting, difficulty sleeping, decreased appetite, or heart palpitations. Feeling emotionally “numb” is also common. Some people may describe this stage as feeling as if they are watching someone else’s life on a movie screen or as if they are detached from the reality of what has happened.

Pain And Guilt

Once your shock starts to fade, you may begin to notice the pain of the loss. The pain may feel physical as well as emotional. You may start to feel guilty about something you could or should have done for the person (even if it's irrational). 

During this stage, it is normal to wonder if you could have done something that would have prevented the loss or feel remorse for not being able to make peace with a loved one. Although these feelings can seem overwhelming, they are natural emotions related to grief.

Anger And Bargaining

It is not uncommon for someone who is grieving to experience feelings of anger or frustration. Some people may feel resentment towards the person responsible for the loss, such as a drunk driver. Others may have feelings of anger directed toward God or a higher power. Some who grieve might even experience anger toward the lost loved one and may blame that person for leaving them. 

During this time, others who are grieving may try to bargain for a chance to have things end with a different outcome.

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Depression, Reflection, And Loneliness

During this stage, a grieving person generally begins to reflect upon the loss they experienced and how it has affected their life. The reality of the loss may be felt more during this stage, as attempts to bargain for more time are not realized.

Withdrawal from others to deal with feelings of grief alone is a common occurrence during this stage. A person might also experience hopelessness or confusion about their own future. While personal time is important, it is also crucial to have a support system of people to lean on during this stage of grief. Some people may benefit from being in nature and having more space to think clearly.

The Upward Turn

During this later stage of the process, your initial intense emotions associated with grief may start to fade. It may be so slight that you don't even realize it at first, and you won't feel relief all at once. What you may feel is a little less pain, a little less sadness, and more normalcy.

Reconstruction And Working Through

For many people, mourning is a process. This process is not always about feeling stressed or overwhelmed, though. During the reconstruction and working through phase of grief, a grieving person begins to work through the aftermath of loss. 

This stage is as much a part of the grieving process as all the others. However, it may seem to take a different turn since during this stage you may begin to feel a sense of control over your life again.

Acceptance

Acceptance and hope represent the final stage of the grieving process. Accepting a loss does not mean that you simply “get over it” or are content with what happened. Rather, it is the part of the process during which you can acknowledge the loss and feel okay with moving forward with your life. You might now be able to experience memories without suffering through despair, for example.

During this final stage, it may become easier to talk about the loss you have experienced. You may be more likely to open up about what you’re feeling and thinking with family or friends. While you might still have moments of feeling sad or regretful, this stage typically represents an ability to accept what has happened and to reflect upon good times rather than dwell on the sad thoughts associated with loss.

Therapy Can Help With The 7 Stages Of Grief

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and there's no exact timetable. Getting through this pain, however, can be extremely difficult to do on your own, and friends and family do not always have the insights or tools needed to help. Seeking professional help, like the kind offered from BetterHelp, can aid in your healing process.

grief

Navigating the stages of grief can be challenging.

Sometimes, grief can be alienating. It can be difficult to interact with people like you would normally while experiencing emotional pain, insomnia, or depressive symptoms. You can get an online psychologist or psychiatrist to provide a clinical assessment for grief or mental illness without having to leave home or work.

There’s a common misconception that online therapy isn’t as effective as in-person counseling. Recent studies debunk this myth and instead suggest that online grief counseling could be equally beneficial.

After registering online with BetterHelp, you’re matched with a licensed professional mental health expert and have the option to schedule sessions for times that work for you, day or night. Working with a therapist can help you move from grief to a balanced and healthy life with renewed joy and happiness. Take the first step today and make a positive choice for yourself.

Counselors can also help you learn strategies to cope with the difficult emotions you're struggling with. Read below for reviews of Better Help counselors from people experiencing similar challenges.

Counselor Reviews: Grief And Death

"Sarah is a kind person that listens intently, focuses on issues, and then helps find successful strategies to deal with those issues. Never once did I feel that she was judging me or talking down to me. She was easy for me to open up to, she was professional, and she took me seriously. Together, we discussed issues of loss from the passing of my father, which had become more than I could handle alone. She not only validated my feelings of loss, but she also helped me find ways to mitigate those feelings, break them down into their roots and causes, and then address those. Coping with loss is hard work, but Sarah helped me find the tools I needed within myself to do that hard work and ultimately find success. I am a stronger person now. I am happy and confident. I may not know what is around the next corner, but I know that whatever it is, I can handle it."

"John has been very helpful in helping me set realistic goals to understand and work through my grief. No loss is ever easy, but being able to talk to someone who understands that it's not easy has been helpful."

Takeaway

Loss is one of the most difficult hardships we'll endure. The stages of grief may feel out of our control and can release a lot of painful emotions. It's helpful to know the signs of grief and have strategies for taking care of yourself.

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