Confessing Your Feelings: How To Tell A Girl You Love Her

Medically reviewed by Nikki Ciletti
Updated February 21, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

It can be tough to put yourself out there. Many people are afraid of rejection, sometimes to the point of letting opportunities pass them by, whether that's in love or in life. A little preparation often makes taking risks – including telling someone how you feel about them – easier and more successful. Before you tell a girl you love her, make sure it’s a good time and that she isn’t dating anyone else. Choose the ideal location for your conversation, express your feelings openly and honestly, and be patient as you give her time to process your profession of love. You may wish to consider writing her a letter rather than speaking in person, as this can allow you to choose the perfect words to express your feelings. Online therapy can be a helpful resource if you feel you need professional assistance in communicating your emotions to the person you care about.

Although this article discusses how to tell a girl you love her, please note that the tips below can be applied to people of any gender.

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Expressing love can be difficult

Make sure that it's a good time

Many relationships start as friendships, develop into crushes, and then become romantic relationships. You may not know for sure if your friend also has evolving feelings for you, which is why it can be essential to have an open and honest dialogue.

Before revealing your emotions, you might assess the situation by making sure they are ready to listen to you and aren’t preoccupied with something else. Perhaps wait for an intimate moment between the two of you. Make sure they’re listening and ready to discuss your relationship. If you're feeling uncertain about saying that you like (or maybe even love) them, don't rush it. It may take some time to determine the right moment. 

Ensure that your love interest isn't dating anyone else

Many people wind up falling for someone who is already in a relationship. In general, you don't want to start a new relationship by encouraging a crush to cheat on their partner. If the person you are interested in is dating someone else, even if they have only been dating for a short while, then you normally need to respect the boundary of that relationship and not profess your feelings. Being interested in a crush or a friend while they are dating someone else can be a challenge, but respecting their relationship is typically the right thing to do under these circumstances. 

If your crush ends their relationship at some point, it can be helpful to remember that they will likely need time to heal. They may not be ready to hear what you want to express with them. Try to be mindful of this before deciding it's time to profess your love. If you don’t wait, they may not be ready to enter into a meaningful relationship yet.

Choose a place where you'll feel confident

It can be important to feel a sense of confidence when you're expressing something vulnerable, such as feelings for another person. Aside from thinking about what to talk to girls about, it can be helpful to consider the place where the conversation will occur. You might pick a place where you feel comfortable so that you can speak naturally. Take some time to think about where you're going to feel comfortable saying what you need to talk to your crush or friend about. This can be an important moment. 

Ideally, you may wish to choose a spot where you can speak one-on-one. It's generally best to avoid expressing these deep feelings in a public place where others will be close by. If you take the time to find a comfortable spot, you may both feel like you have the freedom to communicate intimate emotions.

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Considering a romantic setting can be another option. You could pick a beautiful spot in a local park that has an idyllic backdrop. Some people choose to confess their feelings at a nice restaurant to set the tone. If you want things to go well, romantic scenery could enhance the moment. It can be beneficial to pay attention to what they like. If they seem to be a bit of a romantic, then a beautiful sunrise or sunset could do wonders. Bringing flowers or another gift can be a nice gesture to set the scene. 

Express your feelings openly and honestly

Telling your romantic interest that you have feelings for them isn't always going to feel natural or comfortable. Even asking a crush out on a date can be hard for many people. Some people may feel embarrassed when talking about love and other romantic topics. Even so, try to be open to make sure that they understand how you feel and what intentions you have. When you confess your feelings to your crush, it can be best to proceed with confidence and be direct. Otherwise, a friend may mistake your confession for normal friendship behavior and not respond in the way you’d hoped.

You might explain what's on your mind as clearly as you can. Be respectful of their feelings throughout the process, and establish honesty and effective communication from the beginning. 

Consider confessing your love in writing

Some people may feel anxious about confessing their feelings. For that reason, it may be helpful to write down your confession instead of delivering it in person. When you talk, you may stumble over your words and emotions, but with writing, you can choose your love words for her carefully.

A loving note can also be romantic. A heartfelt letter often shows how much you care. After you've done this, you may be able to set up a meeting in person to discuss how you can move forward.

If you're going to write a love letter to a crush, consider doing it by hand rather than by text or email. Your crush will likely appreciate the time and effort that went into crafting a hand-written note. If you wind up falling in love with one another, the letter may become a cherished keepsake that reminds you of how it all started.

Another option can be to write out what you want to say for yourself first. Then you may be able to speak it as articulately as you’d like in person. Your expression will likely be more concise and eloquent. 

Be patient 

Not all love confessions may end as dramatically as Hollywood movies. Sometimes the other person may need space and time to take in what you've said. They may want to process things and explore their feelings. It's possible that they may be falling for you too, but need time to open up to the new possibilities that have been presented. Alternatively, they may be happy you decided to speak up first, and your honesty may allow them to explore the possibility of pursuing a serious relationship. Either way, having these feelings out in the open is usually healthier than keeping them bottled up inside. 

There may also be times when you express your feelings to your crush, but they don’t feel the same way. It can be a harsh blow to take, but regardless, try to be proud of yourself for having the courage to tell your crush how you feel. 

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Expressing love can be difficult

Getting help

Some people may have a harder time expressing their feelings than others. Whether you need some help learning how to communicate your feelings or are feeling anxious about experiencing rejection, speaking with a therapist can help you move forward with confidence. 

Studies have shown that online therapy can help individuals successfully address nervousness or other unwanted emotions arising out of social situations, like the first time you tell someone you have feelings for them. In a study published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research, researchers examined the effectiveness of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) in treating symptoms of social anxiety. The report states that online CBT often has long-lasting positive effects, with researchers concluding that the decreases in anxiety had generally been sustained for five years after treatment was finished. 

As mentioned above, with online therapy, you can better manage unwanted emotions that may be keeping you from expressing yourself the way you’d like. If you’re already experiencing symptoms of social anxiety in some form, you may not be comfortable with face-to-face therapy, or you may be experiencing other scenarios that can make attending therapy in-person challenging. Online therapy can empower you to attend sessions from the comfort of your home, or wherever you have an internet connection. 

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“He’s not only provided me support but insight and encouragement to let me know I’m on a good path to self-improvement and discovery. Furthermore, Mark has provided me valuable insight on my romantic relationship, specifically with learning more about the relationship dynamics and how to build a stronger, healthier relationship.”

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Takeaway

Expressing your emotions can be difficult, and it is often even harder when it’s to someone you love. Be sure to choose the right time and location for your conversation, and check to make sure the person you love isn’t already in a relationship. Express your feelings with openness, honesty, and patience. Try writing a letter if you’re nervous about having this conversation face-to-face. If your love life is experiencing difficulties due to anxiety, you can learn to cope with these issues. You deserve to live a fulfilling life, and online therapy can be instrumental in supporting you through challenges.

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