The Importance Of Affection And Love In Relationships

Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams, LPC, CCTP
Updated July 9, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Research shows that social connection is essential to overall well-being and physical health. Some individuals may be more outgoing than others. However, humans require love and affection from others, whether in close relationships or with a larger group of people. Some people may wish to be surrounded by numerous friends and constantly communicate with others because they love people. Others may feel content with their family or a few close friends.

The importance of affection and love can vary depending on an individual's lifestyle, experiences, and preferences. However, going without love, affection, and connection can have physical, mental, and emotional consequences.

Everyone needs love and affection

Love and affection in childhood 

How we understand love and affection may be influenced by infancy and childhood. During this period, the most emotional, physical, and psychological growth occurs. Who we are as adults can partially depend on what we experience as a child. 

From the moment they are born, children learn about the world around them. Being incapable of verbal conversation, babies often relate to the world instinctually. They understand if their love and belonging needs are being met and may form an attachment with their caregiver based on how their needs are met. These needs can include eating, sleeping, drinking, and shelter. However, needs also include love, attention, physical touch, and care from a primary caregiver. Babies and children may pick up on vocal tones, volume, and facial expressions before they speak. 

The impact of love and affection in childhood 

A child with unresponsive caretakers may be left alone often, unfed, or disregarded. They might cry for someone to help them. When no one arrives, the baby might learn to cope by developing an insecure attachment style. They may respond by crying more often and acting "fussy." In other cases, babies respond by becoming silent or detached. They may feel isolated, lonely, and afraid. These feelings can severely impact their brain growth and development for years to come.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Infants and children who grow up without love and affection might have an insecure attachment style as adults. They may not understand what a healthy relationship looks like. Children with positive experiences may grow up with an optimistic worldview and form healthy relationships as they grow older, make friends, and potentially date.


Those who have gone without healthy social relationships often have difficulties. They might exhibit anti-social or unkind behaviors as children, teens, and adults. They may face challenges in language development, intelligence, and other social and cognitive skills. With support and treatment, many can overcome the negative beliefs and responses stemming from their infant years. 

Importance of love and affection for older adults

Age does not always limit when a lack of positive social interaction can be damaging. Loneliness and social isolation in adults have been shown to coincide with chronic health conditions. Older individuals with less social interaction were shown to have a higher probability of being hospitalized, longer stays in hospitals, higher blood pressure, and a higher rate of morbidity and mortality

The potential damage to older adults without healthy relationships and a support system was compared to the risks of smoking. The risks of depression were significantly higher, as well as the risks of developing conditions such as dementia or Alzheimer's. Older adults in nursing homes may feel isolated from their friends and family or struggle with grief.

The benefits of loving and affectionate interactions with those in an older adult's life may reduce some of the stress associated with aging. Older individuals with families or healthy friends could have health benefits.

Having people around to lend support, positivity, and friendship can make each day feel easier to cope with. If they do not have family or friends, cheerful and professionally affectionate support staff in a nursing home may make a difference. 

What does love look like?

Human beings can thrive off of social interaction, whether with friends, relatives, or pets. People may experience an inherent need for strong bonds. The type of love an individual craves can determine the course of their entire life.

Those who desire families may experience the joys of parenthood and marriage. Individuals who enjoy meeting others might pursue a lifestyle that allows them to make many friends from different cultures. They might have various relationships and experiences expanding their understanding of humanity. Those who aim to find romance might satisfy their physical needs through sexual connection or enjoy passion and intimacy with another individual. People who love animals may reap the benefits of an unconditional bond. Pets have been proven to lower stress, improve blood pressure, increase overall happiness, and boost emotional and social development in children. 

What does affection look like?

Affection may be defined as any action intended to arouse feelings of love in the giver and recipient. Affectionate behavior could be anything from kissing your significant other to holding hands. Hugging, holding a puppy or a baby, or stroking someone's arm or back could qualify as physical affection. These gestures are often intended as a way to express love and care for someone or something, serving as one example of how behavior impacts relationships.

How someone expresses affection can differ from another person. There are more ways to express it than physical touch. Not everyone is comfortable with giving or receiving touch, which is a boundary. Examples of non-physical affection can include listening to someone, cooking, offering advice, buying gifts, being open and honest, doing a favor, or spending time with them. Knowing someone's love language may help you decide how to express affection to them. Making feelings of affection last by learning your partner's love language is among the smartest approaches to strengthening your relationship.

Why humans crave affection 

To love and to feel loved can feel as significant as other needs, such as food and drink. Gestures of affection may allow individuals to feel loved, meaningful, and not alone. Physical touch love language is often a necessity for meaningful relationships. Physical touch (including our own) reduces pain, which is why we might hold onto a part of our body if it is injured. 

In a romantic relationship, a lack of affection or intimacy can cause doubts, lead to conflicts, and point to possible issues in the relationship. It can be normal to tell your partner, "I need love and affection in this relationship." Love and affection are often expected when dating or in long-term partnerships. Family or friends can also have close bonds when they're comfortable with showing love.

Affection can be especially essential for children still learning how to connect. They might feel validated when receiving affection from their parents, siblings, and other relatives.
Everyone needs love and affection

Counseling options 

Suppose you grew up in a family or experienced a relationship in your life where love and affection were not offered. In that case, you might experience mental health consequences, stress, or feelings of loneliness. You may struggle with adult relationships or not know how to express love and affection to others. These can be normal experiences, and support is available. 

Many individuals dealing with attachment and early-life experiences find support through therapy. You can find a therapist in person in your area or an online counselor who can offer support to you from any safe environment with an internet connection. Additionally, online therapy has been proven effective in treating loneliness, isolation, and depressive symptoms in many individuals. It can be more effective than traditional in-person counseling. 

When you meet with a licensed professional on a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples, you can choose whether to have phone, video, or live chat sessions with your therapist. You can also be matched with a therapist within 48 hours. Consider reaching out to get started.

If you're interested in learning more about how a counselor may support you or how to increase your connection with the people in your life, consider reaching out to an online or in-person therapist for further compassionate guidance.  

Counselor reviews

“Charlie is the greatest therapist I’ve ever had. He is unbelievably knowledgeable, incredibly hands-on, and fantastically caring. He has changed my life in every way imaginable. From my business (150+ employees in 15+ countries) to my love life, he has made every aspect better. Charlie will be a part of my weekly agenda every day until he retires.” 

“I started with Amy back in June.I was a little nervous about starting to see a therapist because I had never done that before. Amy immediately put me at ease. I was having a lot of issues in my personal life and issues with my family, and Amy has helped me tremendously. I could not be happier with Amy. She is very kind, understanding, and every single session we have had, I have taken something very helpful away with me. Our sessions have been more helpful to me than I could possibly explain here. Anyone lucky enough to get paired with Amy will not be disappointed.” 


Love and affection can be essential for human development, connection, and reducing isolation in every stage of life. Although not everyone feels comfortable or knowledgeable about these topics, support is available, and research shows that insecure attachment styles can be changed.
Receive compassionate guidance in love
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet started