How To Stop Loving Someone You Shouldn't: Fostering Mental Health

Medically reviewed by Julie Dodson, MA, LCSW and Nikki Ciletti, M.Ed, LPC

Updated January 19th, 2026 by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Being in love with the “wrong person” can be a difficult experience. With time, however, it can be possible to change the way your brain will respond to the person so you can move forward with your life. Keep reading to get tips on how to stop loving someone you shouldn’t, from practicing self-care to working with a therapist.

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Recognizing that you're in love with someone you shouldn’t be

Recognizing that you’re in love with someone you shouldn’t be involves realizing you have romantic feelings for a person—and that a relationship with them is not wise or possible. For example, it could be that:

The person is already in a monogamous, committed relationship
The person is not emotionally available or is not interested in a relationship
It would be inappropriate to be in a relationship with this person (e.g., a teacher, your therapist, etc.)
You and this person would likely not be a good match in terms of personality
You and this person have dated before, and you learned that you’re not a good match
You and this person have incompatible life goals (e.g., you want children and they don’t)

While you may dream that this person is your partner, falls in love with you, and everything works out, the circumstances make this unlikely. Eventually, you may need to do something to address these feelings so they don’t continue to cause pain or lead you to do something you’ll regret.

How your hope for a committed relationship with them can make it hard to see reality

Whether you’re longing for a casual or committed relationship with this “wrong person,” your strong feelings may make it hard to see the truth of the situation. Remember that, eventually, powerful emotions can make it hard to stay in touch with the real world and make sound judgments. That’s why staying connected to friends and family and working with a therapist, as we’ll discuss more below, can be helpful.

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When it’s the wrong person: why your brain keeps you stuck

A few different psychological patterns may be at play when you find yourself falling for the wrong person. Understanding the way your brain may respond to those who aren’t a good match for you could help you break the pattern and work toward a world where you feel more empowered to cultivate appropriate, healthy relationships. Below are some common patterns that might make your brain feel “stuck” on the wrong person.

Insecure attachment styles, like anxious or fearful-avoidant

An insecure attachment style could play a role in why your brain feels stuck on the wrong person. For example, fearful avoidants may have experienced neglect or abuse in childhood, leading them to unconsciously seek out similar dynamics in adult relationships. While they may feel drawn to someone who triggers emotions in them that feel familiar from childhood, making a relationship happen with that person may not be a positive choice.

If a person or partner falls for someone due to an insecure attachment style, connecting with a therapist can be helpful. A therapist can guide the individual in uncovering their attachment style, addressing any past traumas, and finding ways to build healthy relationships going forward.

Reactance theory

Reactance theory describes a pattern of human behavior where people feel drawn to something or someone that they’re told not to want. This could explain why a teenager might develop a strong attraction to a person their parents told them they should stay away from, or why an adult’s brain may feel “stuck” on their feelings for a teacher, therapist, ex, or other person they shouldn’t be romantically involved with.

Misinterpreting what this person makes you feel

Feeling butterflies when you’re around someone doesn’t always mean you two have strong potential for a healthy relationship. It could instead be a sign of fear, or recognition of a familiar, unhealthy dynamic from your past. Similarly, a connection that feels “intense” and “passionate” may be unhealthy or even abusive, but the strong feelings might keep your brain stuck on the person that triggers them.

Practical steps to respond differently and move on

When you’re in love with the wrong person, you might feel like you’ll never be able to move past your feelings. However, with time and effort, you may eventually learn to respond differently and move forward toward healthy relationships. Below are a few strategies to consider.

Practice self-care

Taking care of yourself when learning to stop loving someone can be an essential part of the healing process. Self-care involves engaging in activities that make you feel good and improve your overall sense of self and well-being. Some examples of self-care activities to practice as you work through unhelpful feelings include things like:

Self-care activities that can help manage emotions, reduce stress, and enhance mental health should generally be prioritized when learning how to stop loving someone..

Some examples of self-care activities may include the following:

Getting regular exercise, sleep, and nutrition
Spending time on other relationships, such as with friends and family
Making time for activities you enjoy
Practicing mindfulness
Seeking professional support from a therapist

By emphasizing the positive aspects of life and cultivating healthy routines, you may be able to shift your focus from the pain or frustration of these feelings.

Limit social media use

Spending excessive time on social media may make it harder to move past your feelings for the “wrong person.” Seeing their posts could fan the flames, and seeing other content about romantic relationships may increase feelings of desire. Taking a social media break could be helpful as you work through your emotions.

Work on finding closure

Finding closure means getting to a place emotionally where you have worked through your feelings and found a sense of peace about the outcome. When you’re in love with the wrong person, closure can look like accepting that you’re not going to be in a relationship with them and turning your focus to other parts of life. Some tips for finding closure in this type of situation include:

Have a conversation. Though it’s not appropriate in every case, it can sometimes be helpful to have a conversation with the person you have strong feelings for. If it’s an ex you’re incompatible with, for example, you might explain why you won’t be moving forward in a relationship with them and asking them to respect your decision and boundaries.
Write a letter. If it’s not appropriate or feasible to have a conversation with the person, you might write a letter outlining your decision to move on from them. Even if you don’t send it, writing such a letter could help you realize your feelings, gain self-awareness, process complicated emotions, and find closure.
Lean on your support system. Talking to close friends or family members who understand your situation can provide comfort and support during the healing process.
Attend therapy. Working with a therapist can be a helpful way to find closure and process difficult emotions. They may provide emotional support, teach you coping skills, and help you talk through and understand your emotions.

Moving forward is usually the goal after leaving a situation in which you loved someone you shouldn’t have. This can mean finding a way to heal, letting go of the past, and potentially starting to live life for yourself again.

Although moving forward can be a slow process, it can be possible to find happiness and peace without this person. Taking it one step at a time, being patient, and remaining optimistic can help.

How therapy can help you stop loving someone you shouldn’t

If you’re struggling to control romantic feelings for the wrong person or need help finding closure after you’ve decided to move on, you might consider attending therapy. A therapist can help you process your emotions, recognize patterns, address past trauma or insecure attachment styles, and develop healthy coping mechanisms and skills for building positive relationships.

Considering online therapy as a convenient option for care

Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp involves meeting with a licensed mental health professional virtually, from home or anywhere you have an internet connection. This format can be a more accessible and convenient option for care in many cases.

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Start therapy on your terms. Schedule sessions by video, phone, or live chat, and join from anywhere you have an internet connection.

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For example, if you’re feeling heartbroken or unmotivated, being able to attend therapy sessions from home (rather than a therapist’s office) can be helpful. Research suggests that online therapy can often be an effective treatment for depression and a variety of other mental health challenges.

Takeaway

When you have feelings for the “wrong person,” it may feel like your brain is stuck on thoughts of them. This can happen because of an insecure attachment style, the effects of reactance theory, or a misinterpretation of what you feel. Regardless, it can be possible to process these feelings and move forward by practicing self-care, leaning on your support system, working toward finding closure, and connecting with a therapist to learn how to cultivate healthy relationships.

Frequently asked questions

Read more below for answers to questions commonly asked about this topic.

How to stop loving someone you see often, and can therapy help?

It can be challenging to figure out how you can stop caring about someone you see regularly, like a coworker or close friend. Focus on self-awareness so you can understand why you feel the way you do and develop coping skills to deal with emotions as they arise.

Writing them a letter (even if you don't send it) and journaling may facilitate the processing of emotions. While coping with hurt feelings and challenging emotions, you can still choose to move forward with self-care, taking up a new hobby, going on a day trip, practicing mindfulness, and other strategies that aid healing outside the romantic relationship when learning to stop loving someone.

If you have mutual friends, avoid discussing the relationship until you feel ready and have gained more perspective on the breakup. You can also remove reminders of them by avoiding social media, looking at old photos, and other reminders when learning to stop loving someone.

If you’re finding it challenging to process your feelings on your own, a mental health expert can help you understand your emotions.

They can provide coping skills for managing intense feelings if you’re trying to stop loving someone who may be detrimental to your well-being and mental health when learning to stop loving someone.

Why can't I learn how to stop loving someone?

Learning to stop loving someone can feel impossible at times due to the complex nature of romantic feelings. This complicated emotion often involves a deep emotional and sometimes physiological connection, which isn’t easy to sever.

However, there are many helpful tips and strategies for dealing with a broken heart. For example, practicing self-care and accepting your emotions while deciding to move forward can be beneficial.

Therapy can also offer support to navigate challenging emotions and find closure during this process.

Can therapy help if I want to stop loving someone to improve my mental health?

Getting over someone about whom you deeply care often requires a multi-faceted approach.

You may want to seek professional help from a therapist for navigating your feelings and concentrating on self-growth activities that make you a better person independent of a relationship.

How do I stop loving my best friend?

Getting rid of feelings of love for a best friend can be particularly difficult. Focus on the best interests of both parties and consider spending less one-on-one time with each other when learning to stop loving someone.

Also, think about prioritizing other relationships to reduce emotional dependence on your best friend, like spending time with a family member or other friends when learning to stop loving someone.

How to stop your feelings for a person?

Getting rid of feelings for someone may be challenging without accepting your emotions and allowing yourself time and space to process them. During this process, you can still make a conscious effort to move forward. Recalling the reasons the relationship doesn't serve your best interests might not allow you to immediately forget the person but it may aid the healing process.

For example, if you feel lonely and miss the person, you can practice self-care and seek joy outside the relationship. One way to achieve this is to spend time focusing on interests outside of the person from whom you’re trying to distance yourself, such as a hobby when learning to stop loving someone.

Envisioning possible future relationships with someone more suitable may also be helpful, allowing you to establish the qualities that you want in a partner and relationship when learning to stop loving someone.

Why do I stop liking someone when they like me?

This experience could be linked to a fear of intimacy or commitment when presented with a real-life opportunity for a relationship.

It can be helpful to analyze why this pattern occurs and talk to those close to you about the matter when learning to stop loving someone.

Why do I lose feelings so fast in a romantic love relationship?

Losing feelings quickly may indicate a lack of emotional investment or a fear of intimacy.

It’s important to note that emotions are not static. In some cases, feelings disappear overnight and in others they build over time. However, it may be helpful to speak to a professional if the pattern interferes with future relationship prospects.