Why Is Love So Hard To Keep Alive?

Most romantic relationships are doomed to failure. That's the simple truth, and it's not necessarily a bad thing. Why? Because in each relationship, we practice love skills with hope to get better at loving someone, and accepting love from someone else. If we all stayed with the first person we ever fell in love with, many would have likely missed out on the person they truly work well with. But at some point, many of us want some kind of secure connection with the person we love. So, why is love so hard to keep alive?

Relationships Are a Lot of Work And Knowing When to Let Go is Not Easy.
Learn About Love By Talking With An Online Therapist.

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Why is love so hard?

Love between romantic partners is complex, and many reasons contribute to the difficulty of keeping a bond strong. To know how to keep your love alive, you first have to understand why love is so hard in the first place. Do these reasons sound familiar to you?

It's easier to quit than get better

Improving or even maintaining a relationship requires earnest effort and motivation to pay attention to your partner. Also, relationships can be scary. They're uncertain. You don't know if they're going to last. Maybe you should just duck out before you get hurt, right?


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Many people enjoy the heady beginning of falling in love, but shy away from doing the actual work of focusing part of your life on another individual's health, success, and happiness. Like with learning a new activity, giving up can be easier than struggling through the new, hard, or frustrating parts. But if you never move past the catch to the more established style of relationship, you never learn to improve your relationship skills.

You're unsure what love really means

Love is hard to define. And it seems to mean something a little different for different people. This difficulty in pinpointing what to expect from a love relationship may make you uncertain whether the person you are with is what you really want. Or you may have difficulty knowing how to tell if another person is acting in a loving way towards you.

People are selfish

Self-preservation is a natural desire. And yes, that means you are selfish too. The only way to keep love alive is to give love. If you can find more pleasure in giving love to your partner than in constantly seeking love to be given to you, then your relationship has a really good chance. You should still love someone who is worthy, but once you determine their worth, your goal should be the giving.

Relationships Are a Lot of Work And Knowing When to Let Go is Not Easy.
Learn About Love By Talking With An Online Therapist.

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How to keep love alive

Yes, love is hard, but you can make it work. These tips may help you keep the love alive in your long-term relationship. And if you need a little help, reach out to a couples counselor to redirect you.

  • Be active, not passive. Over time you become used to your partner and feel more secure. Security in a relationship is good. Unfortunately, it can lead you to lose gratitude for your relationship and stop doing things to actively be loving.
  • Accept that not everything is in your control. Your relationship will not be a fairy tale. It's real life, and real life comes with pain and struggles. But if you accept that at the outset, you can deal with it in a way that benefits you and your partner.
  • Focus your efforts on what's already good about your partner. Help them succeed where their strengths are. Appreciate those things. You cannot change your partner, so don't focus on the things you wish you could fix, and don't argue about them.

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