I Hate Myself: How Do I Feel Better?

Updated September 30, 2022by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Often the person we expect the most of is ourselves, and you may hold yourself to higher standards than what you would ask of others. You're not alone in feeling like this. Many of us go through periods where we think, "I hate myself." It is in part because we hold ourselves to such high expectations. We expect ourselves to be perfect when we know that no one is. So how do you feel better when your self-esteem takes a plunge? Try these tips for opening yourself up to self-love.

Always Focusing On The Worst Aspects Of Yourself?

Acknowledge Why You Are Feeling Down

When you are experiencing low self-esteem, you usually have reasons why you are putting yourself down. Take the time to think about what those reasons are. Why are you dissatisfied with yourself? Do you not have enough friends? Is your career not going where you want? Have you failed at your health or fitness goals?

Decide What You Can Control

When you take a look at the reasons, you can determine whether they are things you have control over. If you want to lose weight or eat better, you can make goals for yourself and turn this situation around, for example. Of course, things like securing a long-term relationship require the efforts of both individuals. So those are situations you do not have control over. That means you are feeling down about yourself in part because you are lacking external affirmation of who you are.

Situations You Can't Control

In situations where you are basing your own self-esteem on others' opinions, instead of waiting for someone else to tell you how wonderful you are, think about what you do have control over. For instance, if you're down about not having a boyfriend or girlfriend or just not having enough friends, start enjoying the time you have with yourself. You can't force someone to be in a relationship with you, but you can control whether you focus solely on that, or make your days alone as enjoyable as possible.

How To Improve Your Day To Day

Steps To Take:

  • Take steps to accomplish your personal goals, like getting in shape or learning a new skill. That way when you meet the right person, you will be able to show them the you that you want to be.
  • Make it a point to get out of the house and go places where you can meet people. However, don't go there with the expectation that you will meet someone whom you want to get to know better. Just let it happen if it does.
  • Be upfront and honest about who you are, all the time. You will start to feel much better about yourself if you show who you are proudly rather than trying to hide yourself like a dirty secret.

Always Focusing On The Worst Aspects Of Yourself?


Rather than always thinking about the worst aspects of yourself, take some time each day to be grateful for your strengths. You may feel like you hate yourself, but it's unlikely that you've shaped your identity your whole life to be something completely different from what you want. Start working on those strengths and loving yourself more. When you're really feeling down, you may want to chat with a licensed therapist who can help you recognize where your strengths lie.

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