What Parental Stress Means For You And Your Family
As a parent or guardian, you already know your life and responsibilities are no longer just about you. Just as your family is happier when you’re happy, your parental stress can significantly impact your family, too. You may identify solutions for stress management in your everyday life by understanding how parenting stress affects your family relationships. Below, we’ll explore how parental stress can affect your family and how therapy can help you manage the effects of your symptoms so that they don’t interfere with your life.
What is stress?
Stress generally means strain or pressure, and people can experience it in numerous ways. Physical stress often occurs due to illness or disease, interfering with normal bodily function. Emotional stress can influence your mood, behaviors, and thought patterns. Psychological stress, such as fear, can trigger your body’s fight-or-flight stress response in reaction to perceived threats.
“Stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. Stress is a natural human response that prompts us to address challenges and threats in our lives. Everyone experiences stress to some degree. The way we respond to stress, however, makes a big difference to our overall well-being.” — World Health Organization
Types of stress
Acute
Acute stress is often caused by everyday, short-term stressors you encounter in daily life, such as a traffic jam or an argument.
Chronic
Persistent, long-term stressors, such as problems in a marriage, health concerns, or stressful occupations, may feel inescapable. Childhood trauma or adult traumatic experiences can also cause chronic stress.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Episodic acute
These stressors can feel like a way of life, with something new always causing you stress, and the flow of problems can feel never-ending. You may habitually react in a certain way to stress, which can contribute to ongoing distress.
Eustress
Not all stress is negative. This type can be positive and energizing, motivating you to action with adrenaline surges. For example, eustress may help you finish a project by the deadline or give you the energy to finish a race once you spot the finish line.
How stress can affect your body
Chronic stress can cause you to produce excessive stress hormones. If left untreated, the build-up of stress hormones can put extra wear and tear on your body, adversely affecting your overall health and well-being—and aging you faster. Unresolved stress can lead to problems with your digestive, immune, nervous, and cardiovascular systems, along with causing weight gain or loss.
Physical
You may experience chest or other pain without apparent cause, including muscle tension, headaches, fatigue, and stomach aches.
Emotional
Symptoms may include anxiety, restlessness, irritability, lack of motivation, sadness or depression, difficulty focusing, and feels of overwhelm.
Behavioral
You may notice drastic changes to your sleep patterns, shifting eating habits where you over- or under-eat, alcohol or substance use, out-of-character outbursts, decreased physical activity, and social withdrawal.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
How parental stress can affect your family
When you’re feeling stressed, you may be more likely to snap at your partner or children or demonstrate frustrated and anxious behavior. This can result in them approaching you less to avoid upsetting you.
If you often work long hours to provide for your family, your children may notice your absence, and a distance could develop between you, causing further stress. At least one child may take on the role of caretaker and try to defend parents from stress. Older children who take on parental roles in caretaking for their siblings in middle childhood can experience more stress. This can create a transactional relationship, where children feel responsible for making sure their parents are happy.
What causes parental stress?
Stress isn’t very good at maintaining boundaries. Worries from work can follow you home, for example, and financial concerns don’t disappear when you have a family emergency. You may worry about whether you’re an effective parent or if you’re making major mistakes as a caregiver.
The list of what causes parental stress is nearly endless, but there are some common factors that may help you determine areas where you might try to reduce your stress as a parent.
- Burnout as a parent
- Children with developmental disorders and medical conditions
- Lack of support from friends and family
- Overwhelming mental load
- Trouble with child discipline
- Difficulties at work
- Financial troubles
- Family planning and unexpected pregnancy
- Family conflict or issues with other caregivers
- The role of caregiver for elderly relatives
- Lack of work-life balance
- Sleep deprivation
The link between mental health in parents and children
Children and teens often report feeling worried or sad when they see those emotions in their parents. Maternal parenting stress can affect a child’s development and emotional well being. According to a 2021 study, researchers found a substantial link between maternal anxiety and depression and the emergence of similar symptoms in children. A 2020 study found a significant association between parental stress during infancy and the mental health of three-year-old children. Stressed out parents are less likely to engage in positive bonding activities with their children, which may influence child development and can lead to child behavior problems. Family dynamics are just that—dynamic, with each person contributing to the health of the household.
Understanding family stressors
Normative
These stressors are the common hassles you and your family may face in your daily lives. Normative stressors also include the typical long-term developmental transitions that occur as your children grow and change.
Nonnormative
Unpredictable, dramatic, and sudden stressors, leaving your family little or no time to prepare for substantial disruption to your lives. Examples include deaths, natural disasters, injuries, moving, loss of work, or an unexpected windfall.
Chronic
Unusual experiences that can occur over extended periods, such as divorce or lowered income due to financial difficulties. These stressors may be challenging to resolve and can lead to debilitating effects for parents and children.
Finding healthy ways to manage parental stress
One of the most effective and practical ways to defend your family from the effects of parental stress is to find strategies to manage your symptoms so you can live a productive life without the interference of their impact.
Establish and maintain a self-care routine
Self-care is vital. As a parent or guardian, you may feel many things come before your needs. However, when you incorporate self-care into your routine, you present the best version of yourself for your family. Stressful life events can make parenting stress worse, but having a regular self-care routine can ensure that you are making time for yourself. Taking care of yourself allows you to take better care of your family.
Build an adaptive, evolving repertoire of coping skills
According to the Mayo Clinic, unchecked stress can contribute to multiple health problems, which you can mitigate with positive, practical coping skills. As your circumstances change, the same techniques may not work as well, but it may help to adapt and evolve your strategies over time.
Make your sleep a priority
When you are feeling overwhelmed, you might sacrifice your sleep in order to gain a sense of control by being productive. Catching up on work emails, household care tasks, or leisure activities may seem like a good use of time, but it can also lead to burnout. Sleep deprivation and poor sleep can cause more parenting stress, and may make it more difficult to cope with daily stressors. Lack of sleep may affect your parenting practices, mood, or ability to manage behavioral problems. With increased sleep interruptions postpartum, stressed mothers tend to be less sensitive to their infants’ cues. Prioritizing sleep can help you stay refreshed, energized, and better equipped to deal with stress and child care.
Seek social support
Having a social support system can be helpful when experiencing parental or maternal stress. Seeking support from friends, family members, or online groups can provide an outlet for expressing your thoughts and feelings. It may help you to connect with people who can relate to the challenges you face, offering a safe space for meaningful conversations or advice.
Tips for coping with parental stress
- Establish a behavior management plan to provide clear expectations and consequences for your children. You might avoid situations devolving into anger and stress by utilizing a disciplinary framework that lets you and your child know how to handle a situation.
- Incorporate music into your routine. A 2021 study shows that listening to music can reduce stress hormone levels.
- Have open conversations about mental health with your family. Emotional intelligence (recognizing and understanding emotions) and emotional literacy (expressing your feelings and needs) are valuable skills for a healthy family dynamic.
- Practice a mindful lifestyle. Meditation, yoga, relaxation methods, and deep breathing techniques can help manage your stress reactions. Practicing mindfulness may help parents report reduced parental stress and improve psychological child characteristics like emotional self-control.
How therapy can help you manage parental stress
If you’re having trouble managing your stress and emotional reactions, consider working with a licensed therapist through an online therapy platform like BetterHelp. Therapy can help you develop coping strategies to manage your stress and communication skills to relate better to your family. Online treatment offers flexible appointment formats through phone, video calls, or online chat. Virtual treatment tends to be significantly less expensive and often involves shorter wait times.
Research published by the American Psychological Association shows that online therapy can be as effective as treatments in the traditional office setting. Many individuals said it was easier to intimate personal details with their therapist due to the additional physical distance of teletherapy. The convenience of attending from home meant that many people could participate in more sessions, which can increase the effectiveness and duration of therapeutic outcomes.
Takeaway
Feeling stressed and worried about your ability to parent is a typical experience for many caregivers. However, if your stress is extreme and extended, it can affect your family. Whatever the causes of your stress, you don’t have to face them alone. Parenting stress measures may be easier to put into place with the help of a therapist. With BetterHelp, you can be matched with a therapist with experience helping parents manage stress. Take the first step to reducing stress and reach out to BetterHelp today.
What are examples of stressors for parents?
Some examples of stressors for parents include:
- Lack of social support from family members, friends, or health care providers
- Marital stress, relationship struggles between co-parents, and other forms of family conflict
- Financial challenges, which could stem from job loss or poor economic conditions
- Mental or physical health challenges
- Unexpected pregnancies
- Maintaining a work-life balance
- Finding healthy, positive ways to discipline children
- A family emergency or another unexpected stressful event
Every family is different, so these stressors may resonate more with some parents than others. Regardless of the source of their stress, many parents can improve their mental health through a combination of self-care, coping skills, social support, and potentially therapy.
What is the most stressful part of being a parent?
Based on input from individual caregivers and surveys, some of the most stressful parts of being a parent may include:
- Finding healthy ways to discipline children
- Managing negative emotions around parenting, such as frustration or anger
- Maintaining a work-life balance while avoiding parental burnout
- Spending enough quality time with children
- Collaborating and communicating with a spouse, partner, or co-parent
- Fulfilling the daily demands of child-rearing, such as getting kids to school on weekday mornings or making meals
- Supporting children and other family members, both financially and emotionally
The most stressful part of being a parent can vary widely depending on a person’s family dynamic and individual perspective on parenthood.
How do parents cause stress for students?
Parents may cause stress for students by placing high pressure on their children’s academic performance. Some research shows that parents’ “education anxiety” is associated with academic burnout in their children.
While education is an important value for many families, many researchers also emphasize that parents serve as role models for their children, both behaviorally and emotionally. In addition to modeling their parents’ actions, children may model their parents’ emotional responses to academics and struggle with academic burnout as a result.
The experience of academic burnout varies depending on the student, but often includes emotional exhaustion, feelings of self-doubt or low self-worth, and other stress-related challenges that can implicate a student’s desire to engage in school.
What are two main types of stress that affect families?
Although every family is different, two main types of stress that affect families are eustress (positive stress) and distress (negative stress).
- Eustress stems from time-limited challenges that encourage family members to grow, improve, and communicate more healthily with one another.
- Distress tends to last longer than eustress and can harm a family’s mental well-being. Prolonged distress can have several unwanted side effects including fatigue, irritability, sleep changes, and feelings of guilt, hopelessness, and anger.
More specific events – for example, a death in the family or the birth of a child – can fall under these two categories, creating positive or negative stress depending on the event and affected family members.
Can a parenting style cause anxiety?
A parenting style may cause anxiety for both children and parents, especially if the style is characterized by harshness or emotional inconsistency.
The “authoritarian” parenting style is frequently associated with harsh parental behaviors such as yelling, scolding, and shaming. Authoritarian parenting may amplify a child’s long-term stress exposure, increasing their likelihood of developing an anxiety disorder. Additionally, researchers have found that neglectful and overprotective parenting styles may also increase the likelihood of anxiety disorders.
Many of these studies acknowledge that culture, genetics, and other environmental factors can also influence the development of anxiety disorders, highlighting the need for more research on this topic.
What is the best parenting style?
While there is no universally “best” or perfect parenting style, many public health researchers find that an authoritative parenting style is the most beneficial for both parents and children.
In your family, the “best” parenting style depends on your goals and temperament, your children, and the needs of each family member. Through a combination of positive discipline and emotional support, most experts agree that authoritative parenting offers the most benefits, including:
- Higher academic performance in children
- Healthy developmental outcomes in children, including greater resilience, optimism, and self-reliance
- A closer and more trusting parent-child relationship
Regardless of how you label your parenting style, you can cultivate the best approach for your children by:
- Establishing clear and reasonable rules
- Clearly delineating the roles of parents and children
- Disciplining as needed to promote your children’s learning and growth.
How over-parenting affects your child?
Overparenting can affect your child’s psychological well-being, behavior, and preparedness to overcome challenges on their own.
The term “helicopter parenting” is sometimes used to describe overparenting. Some of the key features of this parenting style include being too strict and demanding and constantly directing a child how to play, clean up, or approach other daily situations.
One study found that when parents exhibited these overly controlling behaviors, their children were more likely to show poorer emotional and behavioral control skills at age five. If a young child never develops these skills, they may struggle to calm themselves down when distressed and adapt to the growing demands of both adolescence and adulthood.
In conclusion: overparenting can slow or complicate the development of a child’s self-efficacy. Self-efficacy gives children the confidence they need to try new things and navigate difficult situations, knowing they have the emotional resiliency to manage hardship.
Why is parenting style important?
Parenting style plays an important role in a child’s overall health. Researchers have found marked differences in children’s healthy development related to both parenting style and parents’ responses to family-related stress.
Some of the most important outcomes of a good parenting style include:
- The formation of a positive emotional environment at home
- Higher self-confidence and self-efficacy in children
- Better academic performance
- Healthier relationships between parents and children
To achieve these outcomes, parents can strive for a balance of nurturing and disciplinary behaviors, as needed. This approach, known as authoritative parenting, is associated with positive psychological outcomes for both parents and children, including higher self-esteem and more stable bonds between parents and kids.
Is parenting always stressful?
Parenting may not feel stressful all the time, but many parents experience stress on a regular basis. When you’re actively bonding with your child or celebrating their latest achievement, you may feel a sense of joy and deep connection; but on a long-term basis, the daily demands of parenting and family life can accumulate and potentially lead to chronic stress.
According to the family stress theory, people experiencing more parenting stress – especially financial hardship – may be unable to parent as effectively as parents with more resources. In addition to finances, levels of parenting stress can vary daily, weekly, and annually due to other factors, including:
- Work-related difficulties
- Challenges with discipline and children’s behavior
- Unexpected challenges, like an unplanned pregnancy or death in the family
- Sleep deprivation
- Physical and mental health struggles
Fortunately, there are several ways to reduce your stress as a parent, including:
- Building a repertoire of coping skills, such as deep breathing exercises or a meditation app on your smartphone
- Prioritizing your sleep (and your children’s!)
- Relying on friends, family members, and other loved ones for social support
- Talking openly with your support network about your parenting challenges and goals
Parenting stress may be unavoidable, but any of these tips can improve your daily routine and give you energy to enjoy quality time with your children and other loved ones.
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