Mindfulness To Get Through A Breakup: Guita's Mental Health Journey

The American Psychological Association defines mindfulness as the "awareness of one's internal states and surroundings." Practicing mindfulness after a breakup offers a way to observe emotions and thoughts without judgment, teaching skills to be more grounded in the present moment and less reactive. Mindful self-compassion joins the principles of mindfulness and self-compassion to allow a person to develop a kinder and healthier relationship to themselves, which can be especially helpful when seeking to manage negative thoughts and feelings after a breakup.  

Mindfulness can also be a powerful tool for self-discovery during the healing process. Often, a therapist can offer guidance, insight, and further tools to enhance mindfulness after a breakup. Starting online therapy can feel like a big step for some individuals, but research shows that it can be just as effective as traditional in-office therapy. In Ghita's story below, you'll read how switching from in-person sessions to online treatment allowed for more regular communication and comfort, leading to personal growth and change through mindfulness, self-compassion, and support from her therapist. 

Ghita's story

Like many people who try BetterHelp, Ghita worked with an in-person therapist before making the switch to online therapy. Without insurance coverage, in-office sessions were no longer affordable at that moment. This is a common situation, but online therapy tends to be an affordable, convenient alternative without sacrificing the quality of treatment.

Keep reading to see Ghita's firsthand account of how she found growth, change, and mindfulness with a supportive online therapist.

Ghita's experience before BetterHelp

"I recently found myself in the middle of an especially difficult time in my life when I was dealing with a breakup and having to move out of the country due to some visa issues. I knew I needed to talk to someone about my broken relationship with my ex-partner and the pain it caused, but I couldn't afford to go to in-person counseling as I stopped working and therefore lost my insurance coverage," Ghita began.

"I had done a few years of in-person counseling during college in the past, and while I had an awesome therapist, sometimes I had to wait a week, sometimes two, to be able to talk to my therapist. So, I was excited to find BetterHelp because they offer unlimited messages back and forth with a licensed therapist and offered a free week trial, where I got to see just how awesome it really is!"

Ghita's experiences with BetterHelp

"One thing Aiko and I have been working on is mindfulness. I've struggled with controlling my emotions, but Aiko has explained how to be mindful of my emotions and how to choose which ones to delve into and which ones to shut off. I'm now more mindful, more open-minded, and less judgmental.

"When I have issues with people, I am sometimes quick to see it from my perspective alone. I have tended to make it about me. I'm now more and more aware of this and am working to remedy it on a case-by-case basis with Aiko's help.

"Aiko has also helped talk me through my breakup and the emotions I was feeling during it. She helped me communicate better with my ex, which was especially important in developing closure. Though I'm not over the breakup yet, I'm way more accepting of the loss of the relationship than I was when Aiko and I started working together. I am a lot more in tune with myself and concerned with my well-being."

Ghita's biggest achievement and self-love

"The biggest achievement I've made is, truly, fighting for myself," Ghita explained. "Through working with Aiko and taking the time to discuss various issues with her, I've become a bigger advocate for myself, and I'm so proud of that. I am immensely thankful to Aiko for all her support and to BetterHelp for providing a more modernized platform for therapy."

Why breakups hurt so deeply 

In the midst of a painful breakup, the sadness we feel touches on our sense of vulnerability and fear after loss. Findings indicate that breakups can activate the part of the brain associated with physical pain, which can help explain how breakups can literally hurt, affecting the body and the mind. It's common to experience depressive and anxiety symptoms during this time, which may be more severe if a person also has an insecure attachment style stemming from previous life experiences. 

Understanding feelings after a breakup

As social beings, humans are innately wired to form bonds, responding to their loss with a deep sadness and disorientation. Following a breakup, we often experience grief. During the grief process — which typically involves many stages — we tend to experience stress, denial, anger, sadness, fear after loss, and other complex feelings. Impacting a person's self-esteem, feelings can be compounded by a sense of betrayal and rejection. Recognizing our suffering as a shared human experience can help us be kinder and more accepting of ourselves and our situation as we navigate the stages of grief.

When your inner voice turns against you 

There are times when self-criticism and self-berating thoughts take over, where a person says to themselves, "I'm such an idiot," or "such a loser," or "It was all my fault." Thoughts along the lines of if only I hadn't done that, if only I had done that instead are also associated with the bargaining stage of grief, where a person may try to do anything to restore the relationship, overlooking red flags or their own feelings for a chance to be with their ex again, even if it now feels wrong or unhealthy. 

Why negative thoughts feel convincing

While negative thoughts or harsh thoughts can make you feel worse, they tap directly into our innate negativity bias, overshadowing a more neutral or balanced perspective. This may lead us to fixate on the ways we've fallen short and dwell on harsh thoughts about ourselves. We may also exaggerate the importance of a critical comment, especially if it is made by an ex, which can exacerbate existing insecurities and self-doubt. While breakups can offer ample room for self-discovery and growth, learning to challenge these thoughts can promote healing. 

Mindful self-compassion as an alternative 

Mindful self-compassion offers a way to treat yourself as you would a best friend. While mindfulness can hold space for pain without judgment, compassion turned inward invites you to treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Mindful self-compassion, the integration of self-compassion with mindfulness principles of awareness, can offer a sense of peace after a breakup. With the intention to change your relationship to self-limiting thoughts, you can allow yourself to process feelings without that toxic layer of intolerance. While it can take time to develop self-love, it often makes sense to accept that you are human, subject to making mistakes, suffering, and being disappointed at times, and also growing and changing. 

How to use mindfulness to get through a breakup 

Every relationship is different, which means that each breakup has the potential to be unique. The experience of breaking up can vary depending on the connection between you and your partner, how long you were in a relationship, and whether the relationship was healthy. 

However, most people can benefit from using mindfulness to get through a breakup. Paying attention to your emotional landscape helps you recognize thoughts, feelings, desires, regrets, and more. Once you’ve recognized these feelings, you can try to identify where they’re coming from and address them accordingly. 

How Ghita used therapy and mindfulness to get through a breakup

As Ghita was going through her breakup and experiencing struggles in life, she knew she needed to talk to someone and opted for online therapy as a cost-effective option. She connected with her therapist, Aiko, and found her to be a source of comfort and support. 

Aiko guided Ghita to begin focusing on mindfulness to work through the emotions created by her breakup. This has helped her be less judgmental of others and find a sense of closure to help her move on from her past relationship. 

Pay attention to your thoughts and emotions as you heal a broken heart

Sitting with your emotions might feel like the last thing you want to do when you have a broken heart after a breakup. However, many people find that paying attention to how they feel can help them move through these emotions faster. 

A therapist can create a safe, structured place to examine how you’re feeling before, during, and after a breakup. They can prompt you to look deeper at:

• Your emotions
• Where these emotions come from
• How to accept how you’re feeling so you can move on

How Ghita healed her broken heart and learned to pay attention to her thoughts and emotions

Ghita began working with Aiko in regular therapy sessions soon after her breakup. At the same time, other stressful things were happening in her life, and she got to discuss all of this during their sessions. 

Because Ghita found a therapist through BetterHelp, she was also able to message Aiko about her thoughts and emotions at any time, helping her pay attention to them. 

Mental health matters 

Anyone who’s been through a breakup knows that this experience can take a toll on your mental health. For example, you might experience sadness and even depression over losing or ending a relationship, or anxiety about whether you made the right choice or will find another partner.

While these experiences are expected after most breakups, your mental health and emotional state still matter. Pay attention to how you’re feeling and find ways to reduce the impact of any sadness, depression, or anxiety you experience. 

How Ghita prioritized her mental health

Ghita recognized that she was going through a difficult time that could take a toll on her mental health and emotional stability. She made taking care of herself a priority and found a therapist to help care for her mental health. 

By partnering with her therapist, Aiko, she had a third party whom she could trust to keep her best interests in mind. She could tell Aiko how she was feeling, vent about things that were upsetting, and get advice for being more mindful in her daily life. 

Guided meditation and other helpful options during a breakup

Platforms like BetterHelp can connect you with a therapist in one or two days, but sometimes, you need something to help you immediately. If this is how you’re feeling, you might turn to guided meditation videos, journaling, exercise, and other methods of emotional regulation. 

Guided meditation and other things you can try right now 

Here are some tools that might help if you need something to help you be mindful during a breakup right now:

• Try guided meditation videos designed for working through breakups 
• Journaling about the emotions you’re feeling 
• Exercise for 20 or more minutes to clear your mind 
• Go on a walk in nature and notice the sights, sounds, and scents 
• Talk about your emotions with a trusted friend or family member 
• Listen to music that resonates with the emotions you’re feeling 

Simple mindfulness practices for difficult moments

During difficult times, turning your attention to the breath and practicing awareness of the present moment can help with emotional regulation. With regular practice, you can turn mindfulness into a habit for all aspects of your life — eating, walking, pausing, exercising, and sitting still. 

One mindfulness meditation technique coupled with self-compassion is called RAIN, which is known to reduce feelings of distress. "R" asks you to recognize what is happening inside you; "A" asks you to accept what is there without trying to control it; "I" encourages you to investigate with curiosity and kindness what is happening; "N" invites you to nurture yourself with what you need at that moment. N can also stand for natural loving awareness, where you avoid identifying who you are with your emotions and the stories you tell yourself. 

Mindfulness meditation for emotional regulation

There are many other simple mindfulness practices you can try, such as a mindful breathing exercise. In this exercise, you may sit or stand comfortably, close your eyes, and focus on the natural rhythm of your breath. If your thoughts wander, just notice them as thoughts, and gently return to your breath. 

Another is the five senses exercise, where you simply notice five things you can see, four things you can feel, three things you can hear, two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste.  

Allowing the healing process to unfold

Mindfulness may foster greater acceptance of life's ups and downs, which can be an important part of the healing process. By holding space for emotions without judgment, a person may learn to tolerate distress more skillfully. Distress tolerance mindfulness exercises, which are often used in dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), can help a person manage intense emotions by observing them without resistance. Rooted in radical acceptance, distress tolerance practices may help reduce reactivity and increase emotional detachment by accepting what one cannot control. This may allow a person to find peace with their present situation without turning into long-term suffering. 

Rediscovering joy and self-discovery after heartbreak 

Ultimately, mindfulness can be a lifelong tool used to promote greater peace, self-love, and a more expansive sense of identity. After heartbreak, mindfulness can help you regain perspective, calm, and learn to ride out difficult emotions. By noticing emotions and thoughts without tying your identity to them, you can spend time in self-care, self-discovery, and doing things that can help you find joy and feel alive again. In addition to mindfulness, Ghita's story further illustrates the role of an empathetic and insightful therapist in the healing process.  Finding a mental health professional like Aiko, Ghita's therapist, can also guide you as you begin focusing on mindfulness.

Preparing to find a therapist 

Some people benefit from preparing to find a therapist before they reach out and schedule a consultation session. This can help you organize your thoughts about what you hope to get from therapy, traits you’d like your therapist to have, and anything you think your therapist should know right away. 

Questions to ask a new therapist 

Preparing yourself before finding a therapist also provides a chance to decide which questions you want to ask during your consultation. Here are some ideas to get you started: 

• What is your experience and background in helping people with concerns like mine?
• How do you measure progress in therapy?
• Can you explain the therapeutic approaches and modalities you use in sessions? 
• Do you tailor your methods to each client? If so, can you give me an example?
• Can you describe a typical therapy session with you?

Seeking help through online therapy

Many individuals who try online therapy through platforms like BetterHelp have similar stories to Ghita's, and may benefit from the ongoing practice of mindfulness and self-compassion with guided support. Having sessions from the comfort of your home can make treatment more effective. With online therapy at BetterHelp, you can connect with a therapist by audio, videoconferencing, or live chat. You can also contact your therapist at any time through in-app messaging, and they’ll get back to you as soon as they can. This may prove to be helpful if you experience anxiety or other concerns in between sessions.

One common form of therapy for a variety of mental health challenges is cognitive behavioral therapy, or CBT. Research shows that online CBT is effective for several mental health conditions, including anxiety, depression, phobias, panic disorder, and substance use disorder. 

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-HELP (4357) to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.