How My BetterHelp Helped Me Feel Alive Again Hitting The Bottom Of My Life - Amanda
Updated May 17, 2019
Medically Reviewed By: Wendy Boring-Bray, DBH, LPC
For a long time, I went without treatment for multiple mental health related issues. There aren't many resources available that I have been happy with where I live. My previous counselor forgot who I was from appointment to appointment, and she would take personal calls during our appointments to discuss IKEA furniture and groceries with her family. Meanwhile, my transit commute was approximately an hour to see her. Because that's all my insurance could provide me with in my financial situation, I was extremely dissatisfied. I decided to stop seeing her and worked through some volatile withdrawal symptoms. My doctor prescribed me multiple medications, which only served to worsen my condition. I went on with my life, still very depressed, insecure, hating myself and everything and everyone in my proximity. I wouldn't eat, because I was too sad, and I lost a lot of weight over the course of a year. My relationship fell apart, and the heartbreak of losing the person I loved the most was overwhelming. My job was very depressing and slow with lots of idle time to wallow in misery.
I hit the bottom of my life and started writing out goodbye letters to my friends and family. I thought about it so much, I had become resigned to it. Every day, I wanted it to be over, the pain never stopped. I would have crying breakdowns at work. Then come home and collapse on the floor in front of the fridge, too exhausted and sad to eat food. This was a regular thing for the greater part of a year.
Then one day, I woke up to find out my cousin committed suicide. It broke my heart, and I felt such an impact even though we weren't that close. Yet, it felt like it was too close to me. It shook me, it was such a sad ending. So, the following day, I decided to finally seek proper help. An hour long appointment with a counselor or therapist where I live can cost anywhere from $70-$200+ and I cannot afford that, nor did I wish to return to my previous doctor.
Then I remembered seeing ads on Instagram and Facebook for online counseling through BetterHelp, they had been popping up in my feed for the last year or two. I was always intrigued by it, so I investigated it, and the rates were refreshing! For the cost of one appointment, I got a whole month. Another feature I loved was that I could choose my counselor, and I could choose another one if I wasn't happy. This is great for people with my kind of disposition. If I don't get on well with my doctor, or feel comfortable, I will not open up, so selecting my own doctor gave me a sense of control over the situation. The final thing that won me over was that all sessions are by correspondence, live chat and video calls. I don't have to commute an hour to get there, instead I can write things that I'm feeling or experiencing anytime. I found it extremely accessible.
So, I chose Beth Ellen Hancock, who had a lot of experience with the specific issues I was facing: really low self-worth, anorexia, depression, high anxiety, obsessive thoughts, poor impulse control and so on. She responded very quickly, and we began our work together. I really appreciated how invested she was in my situation; it was exactly what I needed. She provided me with multiple tools and distraction techniques that allowed me to overcome my obsessive thoughts. My favorite thing is counting by 7s to distract me from obsessing. It really works for me because it's just complicated enough to require all my attention. I live by Distract, Delay, Decide. It honestly didn't take long to see improvement in my moods. I have been with Beth for almost a month, and now I'm eating properly and putting more effort into taking care of myself.
I am totally in love with BetterHelp! I needed therapy, not medication. And so many other people out there are in the same situation. Medication just covers up an issue, it doesn't help resolve it. Sometimes we just need someone that's outside our minds and patterns. Someone to help us form new thoughts and patterns, or better reactions. This kind of interactive therapy has allowed me to control my situations, instead of letting them control me. This is probably my greatest accomplishment so far because I feel in control. Before I started this therapy, I felt grey, colorless and dying inside. Now I feel hopeful, happy, content and calm. I highly recommend this service to anyone who needs thorough help figuring out their issues and their selves. It made me want to be alive again.
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