Learning How To Value Myself After Experiencing Abuse - Meg
Updated December 27, 2018
I have tried other forms of counseling. I used to do in-person counseling as a child once my parents got divorced and my mom wanted us to have someone to talk to. I have also gone to counselors throughout different points in my life, but most recently I went to a guy through a suggestion of a friend and although he provided me a safe place to talk about my concerns and problems, he was into the passive listening style of therapy.I was dissatisfied with those services, for the most part, because I often felt judged and weird about letting all of the layers of myself out in front of this person. I also tend to need a much more active approach. I am a do-er. I like to solve problems by physically doing something and just having someone to listen to me is great, but I find that in my friends. I need a professional to give me tips and tricks to work through my triggers and insecurities.
I honestly was hesitant to try online counseling because I had always felt forced to do it before. I wanted to just work through all of my problems on my own, and I never wanted to have to discuss with someone else because I thought I was strong enough to handle certain things on my own, like I always had. Cost was also a played a huge role in my apprehension to do counseling. It was often expensive, or the counselors that I liked, were not covered under my particular insurance.
I found an ad for BetterHelp on Instagram because one of my friends and old roommates liked it as well, so it kept popping up on my feed. I ended up signing up because I needed to find someone to talk to and deal with some of my major insecurities and problems that have been affecting my daily life. I did some research and decided that it was the way to go since my schedule is often pretty busy.
I have a past of severe sexual abuse and manipulation that I have suppressed for years. In January, there had been a big development in my past story, which involves one of my best friends that came to the surface and I finally had the courage to speak to my mother about it, after 10+ years, and I decided I needed to get help and do something because it was affecting how I view myself and ruining my self worth.
My first phone call with Tricia, my counselor on BetterHelp, was on July 2nd. I have spoke with her at least once a week, sometimes twice a week and have had quite a few exchanges with her via the message room, not always on the phone.
I have made pretty big improvements. I have started to learn how to value myself and my insecurities more than I did before. I have been taking a different look at myself than when I started and Tricia gives me cues and exercises to complete when I am feeling down or upset. She is a very active listener and gives me real time advice rather than just being a passive listener.
I've learned so much from Tricia, even in the limited time I've been working with her. I have some tools and cues that I need to repeat to myself when I'm feeling down or when I'm going through a hard time. She has given me valuable perspective and has also helped me be more mindful and open with my struggles.
So far, my biggest achievement is making small strides towards changing my perspective on myself. I have been adjusting my attitude and feelings on myself over the past few weeks, little by little, and it has made such a difference. Exploring boundaries and how I can set up boundaries for myself and in existing and new relationships has been huge for me. I love that I can have something happen to me, and write it all out so that Tricia and I can explore it again later. It's really a fantastic service.