Like so many others, my anxiety always prevented me from seeking out face-to-face therapy. I could never imagine sitting down with someone and opening up about myself and what I have been through. I was very skeptical at first when a friend sent me the website for BetterHelp, but having never done therapy before, I decided what harm can it do. I knew I really needed to talk to someone about the issues I was going through because I was headed downhill very fast. I was so overwhelmed with thoughts that I could not concentrate, I was just spinning in circles.
When I first came to BetterHelp, I was very lost and felt out of place in life. I didn't feel like I fit in anywhere and everything was getting very overwhelming. I had issues with anxiety, family, stress, work, trauma, abuse. I had just returned home from being away for 3 months taking care of my parents. When I returned home, I didn't feel like I fit in - it was like my world stood still for 3 months, but my husband and son's lives went on. When I went back to work, I felt the same way. I didn't feel like I fit in there - a place I worked at for 26 years. My boss treated me differently and I felt like he was punishing me for being away.
To further add to the situation, after I returned home, I told my husband about a secret I had been holding in for 45 years, a secret that has changed me forever. I was molested by a brother for a period of 4 years and never told anyone because of the threats he gave me. With all the stress I was under, I had a breakdown and it all came out.
My work with my BetterHelp counselor, Kassi Goodman, has helped me confront these issues along with a lot of other ones that popped up along the way. I have been working with Kassi for about 19 months, and she has been amazing and very helpful in my recovery process. Kassi worked with me using CBT to get me to think differently about the situations I was in. She would provide me with worksheets to complete, give me resources to look at, and suggest books to read. I have learned to be more patient when reacting to certain situations instead of initially responding critically. I can also refocus my thoughts now to stop remunerating.
I am a totally different person now than when I signed up 19 months ago. I have found my voice and can speak up for myself now. I still have issues with anxiety, but they are not half as bad as they once were. My confidence level is also better than it ever has been. In fact, I have done things during my counseling that I never thought in a million years I could do. Most of all, I learned to not worry what others think of me, as I have learned to think more highly of myself.