Coping With Anxiety After A Breakup

The end of a romantic relationship can be challenging and painful, no matter how long you were together. Alongside the expected emotional distress, some people may experience symptoms of anxiety after a breakup, as well as attachment and breakup distress.

Taking time to process and understand these anxious feelings and emotions after a breakup can be beneficial in healing them. Try to be patient with yourself as you grieve the relationship and come to terms with your new life. You aren’t alone in feeling afraid after a significant event, or feeling anxiety after a breakup, and emotions are often temporary. Although distress or anxiety after a breakup may feel never-ending, there are ways to manage these feelings, improve your mental well-being, and move forward with hope and confidence.

Why a breakup may bring anxiety

You might worry about various questions or ideas when figuring out how to deal with a breakup, especially if you are experiencing difficult emotions that impact your daily life in ways you weren’t expecting or haven’t experienced before. For example, you may ask yourself:  

• “Should I get back together with my ex?”
• “Will I feel like this forever?” 
• “Is it normal to feel so anxious?”
• “Why do I struggle to be alone?”
• “Was leaving my ex the wrong choice?” 
• "How do I deal with post-breakup anxiety?”
• “Are intrusive thoughts normal after breakups?”

These types of thoughts can be natural. Although you may crave immediate relief from distressing thoughts and feelings, this moment might be valuable for introspection, self-reflection, and caring for your mental health.

Loss, attachment, and the stress response 

In addition to these distressing thoughts and worries that may arise, breakups may also bring on anxiety by creating a sudden sense of loss that may exacerbate a person’s attachment anxiety. This sudden loss and jarring change can also prompt a significant stress response. 

Breakups as major life changes

Breakups can also cause anxiety due to the many changes they can bring to a person’s day-to-day life. Especially if you and your partner were together for a long time, breakups can be major life changes, affecting areas such as your daily routine, social life, living situation, housing, finances, and more.

Symptoms of anxiety after a breakup

For many people, time gradually heals wounds. Though they may feel overwhelmed or experience emotional turmoil or a hit to their self-esteem post-breakup, they may find that time removes thoughts of their ex and their past romantic relationships. 

However, it can be normal not to experience this. For some individuals, a breakup can be a traumatic or scary event involving lots of sudden changes that can make moving forward challenging. They could have been with their partner for years or not know how to live outside of a romantic connection.

Emotional symptoms of anxiety

After or during a breakup, some people may experience panic attacks or other symptoms of anxiety. Common emotional symptoms of anxiety may include: 

• Persistent feelings of fear, nervousness, or restlessness
• Negative thought patterns 
• Irritability 
• Racing thoughts
• A persistent sense of impending doom, panic, or danger 
• Low self-confidence and high self-doubt
• An urge to run or hide
• Worrying and rumination

Physical symptoms of anxiety

Anxiety may also cause distressing physical symptoms, such as:

• Rapid breathing
• Racing heart
• Sweating
• Trembling or shaking 
• Muscle tension
• Stomach pain or digestive issues
• Headaches 
• Fatigue 
• Difficulty sleeping 

When to seek help for anxiety after a breakup

Though it may be normal to experience symptoms of anxiety for a few days or weeks after a breakup, if you are still experiencing them months or years later, or if your symptoms are interfering with your daily functioning, consider reaching out for professional mental health support. Chronic anxiety is not your fault, and a mental health professional can help you find ways to effectively manage anxiety and improve your quality of life. 

Coping strategies for managing post-breakup anxiety

If you are experiencing breakup anxiety, it may help to ask yourself the underlying worry behind your fears.

 For example, many individuals may feel anxiety about some of the following: 

• Being alone and not having emotional support
• Organizing a life without your partner
• Knowing whether you will find love again 
• Distrust of other people
• Feeling hated or ostracized by your ex 
• Social rejection 
• Losing friends, family, or pets due to the breakup 
• Being able to work, study, or control life necessities 
• Practicing self-care 
• Feeling at fault for the breakup 
• Wanting to change reality 

These worries can be normal. However, breaking up with someone doesn’t necessarily mean that your mental health will never recover. 

After experiencing a breakup, there are a number of steps you can take to help you manage post-breakup anxiety and begin the healing process. 

Practicing mindfulness and journaling

What can you do today to help your well-being? Many mental health experts have found that spending time practicing mindfulness or journalingcan be beneficial for staying in the present moment and reducing stress.

Mindfulness meditation often involves spending a set amount of time, from ten minutes to upwards of an hour, focusing on your breathing and mental state to keep yourself fully in the moment and quell speculative thinking. If you are new to mindfulness or meditation, you may find it helpful to try guided meditations or simple deep breathing exercises.

Taking time to grieve

A breakup can be a significant loss, and some people may experience deep feelings of grief after the end of a romantic relationship. If this is something you are experiencing, give yourself time to move through the grieving process, treating yourself with compassion, care, and grace as you mourn this loss and figure out how to move forward. 

Spending time with yourself

After a breakup, you may feel uneasy being alone or feel unsure about what your life looks like without your former partner. However, being alone can be healing. Learning to see yourself as a primary support figure who can care for you through any hardships may be valuable through future stress. Try to spend time with yourself by partaking in the following activities:

• Drawing or coloring
• Creating art
• Spending time in nature
• Exercising or partaking in yoga
• Practicing an instrument or singing
• Listening to music alone and singing along 
• Dancing alone in your house 
• Playing with your pets
• Journaling or writing a story
• Playing a calming video game
• Reading a book 
• Cooking or baking 
• Trying a mindfulness or guided meditation exercise 

In addition, taking time to reflect on the relationship after it ends might allow you to learn more about yourself and what you value in interpersonal connections. It may also be beneficial to revisit the activities you enjoyed before your relationship ended and to try to continue taking good care of yourself, such as by showering, brushing your teeth, and eating healthy meals.

This time could be suitable for you to start an educational course or class, write a book, or start a blog. Immersing yourself in something other than your past relationship may help you see a future without your ex-partner’s involvement.

Practicing gratitude 

Another coping strategy that may be helpful is practicing gratitude. Writing a gratitude list and practicing optimism have been proven to boost your mental well-being and overall health. Doing so may allow you to take your mind off the relationship or any anxious thoughts and remind you of what you appreciate and love in your life.

A gratitude list does not necessarily have to be filled with unusual or unique things. The things you are grateful for may be everyday items or situations. For example, you could be grateful to engage in activities like sunbathing, sleeping an hour late, or enjoying a delicious chocolate chip cookie. 

Utilizing coping skills

Try to keep a balanced perspective of your relationship to prevent the aggravation of stress that can come from anxiety. During this time, partake in coping mechanisms proven to release anxiety. A few research-based coping techniques include: 

• Radical acceptance skills from DBT
• A yoga course
• Swimming in or dunking your head in cold water to stop panic 
• Utilizing a fidget toy 
• Coloring in an adult coloring book or coloring mandalas 

Therapy approaches that can help after a breakup 

If you are having difficulty coping with post-breakup anxiety on your own, know that professional help is available. A mental health professional can offer expert guidance and support to help you manage anxiety, cope with difficult emotions, address attachment concerns, and build healthier relationships moving forward. The exact approaches used in therapy for anxiety can depend on your specific concerns and your therapist’s areas of expertise, but some common forms of therapy that may be used to help individuals with anxiety include cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT). CBT involves identifying and modifying negative thought patterns, while DBT helps individuals manage intense emotions and tolerate distress without turning to harmful behaviors. For individuals experiencing attachment concerns following a breakup, a therapist may incorporate attachment-focused therapy approaches as well. 

Medication and medical support for anxiety after a breakup

In some cases, a doctor may recommend certain types of medication as part of treatment for anxiety. Common medications prescribed for anxiety include selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors (SNRIs), and beta-blockers. If you are interested in exploring medication as part of your treatment plan, it is important to consult with your doctor for professional medical advice. 

Online counseling for anxiety after a breakup

If you’re experiencing anxiety after a breakup, it may feel debilitating, isolating, or scary. However, support is available. For many going through a breakup, leaving home or scheduling appointments can be difficult. If you relate, online counseling might be a valuable option. 

Research has proven that mindfulness-based online cognitive-behavioral therapy is beneficial in treating anxiety symptoms. Participants showed significantly fewer symptoms of anxiety and depression after the study.

Further studies note that people feel most comfortable at home, which may support the comfort felt by many individuals in online therapy.  

Licensed therapists may help you relieve emotional pain from dealing with post-breakup anxiety. If you’re ready to start, consider signing up for a platform such as BetterHelp. Online therapy platforms often offer a database of counselors to choose from, with the possibility of changing therapists if you don’t find a match immediately.