What Is Divorce Counseling? Can A Divorce Therapist Help My Mental Health?

Divorce can be a very painful process that brings up a swell of difficult emotions, ranging from anger and resentment to fear and anxiety. Even if you know, deep down, that divorce is the right decision, this major change can bring a profound sense of loss as you mourn the relationship you once had and the future you once imagined. However, you don’t have to navigate this tough time alone—divorce counseling can offer a supportive environment to help you process emotional pain, develop coping skills, and find healing.

What is divorce counseling?

Divorce counseling can involve joint or individual sessions, offering spouses an opportunity to explore what may have led to the divorce, process difficult emotions, find emotional healing, and build effective communication skills to help them interact and communicate with each other more constructively in the future.

When to seek divorce counseling

Divorce can be an incredibly stressful, painful, and complicated process for everyone involved. For couples going through a divorce, divorce counseling can offer a safe, supportive, and respectful environment to help them navigate both the emotional and logistical aspects of divorce. If you and your spouse have decided to end your marriage and would like professional support in navigating the complexities of this process, divorce counseling might help you both cope with the situation.

How divorce counseling can help

When to consider discernment counseling

While divorce counseling can help couples who have already decided to divorce as they navigate the complex emotions and important matters of the divorce process, there is another type of counseling that can help couples who are considering divorce but have not yet made a final decision: discernment counseling. 

Discernment counseling is typically short-term and focused on helping couples find clarity regarding the future of their relationship—in particular, whether they want to divorce, attempt reconciliation, or make no change to the relationship. Discernment counseling is distinct from marriage counselling, which can help spouses work on particular issues affecting their marriage. The focus of discernment counseling is to shed light on each partner’s feelings and thoughts about what they want to do next, not to work through issues or improve dynamics. If a couple is on the fence about how to move forward, or if one partner is leaning toward divorce while the other is uncertain, discernment counseling may help them gain clarity.

How divorce counseling works

If you are interested in starting divorce counseling but are unsure where to begin, the following steps give a brief overview of how the process works:

• Finding a therapist: You can search for a therapist specializing in divorce by conducting an online search (such as "divorce counseling near me"), searching reputable therapist directories, asking for recommendations, or using online platforms. Depending on your preferences, you can find a therapist offering services either online or in person.
• Having an initial consultation: After finding a potential therapist, you can have an initial consultation with the therapist to explain your situation, identify key goals, and learn about the therapist’s approach. 
• Establishing a therapeutic fit: In divorce counseling, having a strong relationship with your therapist can make a significant difference in your experience and the outcomes of the therapeutic process. In the initial sessions, you and your partner can consider if you both feel comfortable with the therapist and if the therapist’s approach aligns with your needs and goals.

What is a divorce counseling session like?

Once you have found a suitable therapist, you can begin working on the specific issues and concerns that brought you to therapy. Divorce counseling can help both couples and individuals with a wide range of concerns. 

For couples, divorce counseling may help with concerns and goals such as the following: 

• Learning conflict resolution skills to manage conflict in healthier, more constructive ways
• Developing more effective communication skills to interact and communicate with each other more respectfully and productively 
• Navigating the practical aspects of divorce, such as child custody arrangements, finances, and other logistics

For individuals, divorce counseling may help with concerns and goals such as the following:

• Processing complex emotions around the divorce and building emotional resilience
• Cultivating self-compassion to help you treat yourself with kindness as you move through uncharted territory 
• Learning to let go of the past and accept the things you cannot control, such as your spouse’s behavior 
• Developing coping skills to help you navigate difficult encounters with your spouse throughout divorce proceedings 
• Developing a plan for future growth and how you want to move forward in life after divorce

Potential effects of divorce 

If you are going through a divorce, it can be crucial to have compassion for yourself as you navigate this turbulent time. The emotional, financial, relational, and logistical challenges of divorce affect many aspects of a person’s life and can have a significant effect on mental health, self-esteem, and overall well-being. In fact, extensive research has consistently demonstrated the negative mental health effects of divorce, with divorcees reporting poorer mental health and “more symptoms of stress, anxiety, depression, and social isolation than the general population.”

Emotional and relational aftermath

The emotions that arise throughout the divorce process can be intense, confusing, and overwhelming at times. One moment, you might experience frustration, anger, and resentment toward your former spouse as you navigate divorce proceedings, while the next, you might experience sadness, grief, pain, and regret as you mourn the end of your marriage. For some, divorce can bring a profound sense of loss, almost akin to the death of a loved one.

With divorce, you lose the person you had been building a life with and the future you had imagined together. This can, naturally, bring up a storm of complicated emotions. As you move through different stages of the divorce process, still other emotions may arise. For example, as you begin settling into your new life after divorce, you might experience fear and anxiety as you begin dating again and embark on this new stage of your sex life.

You don’t have to weather this storm of emotions alone—therapy can help you process grief, rebuild self-esteem, and embrace this next chapter of your life with confidence and hope.

Healing and moving forward after divorce 

Divorce can be incredibly difficult, but on the other side of this tough time, there is a whole new life for you. While divorce brings one chapter to a close, it also offers a new beginning. Therapy can help you find healing and hope amid the turbulence of divorce. 

As an individual, therapy can help you process and release the pain of the past, cultivate self-compassion as you navigate the uncertainties of the present, and reconnect with your most authentic self to begin building a life you love in the future. And as a newly divorced couple, therapy can help you and your former spouse learn to communicate with each other in more productive ways, navigate the complexities of life post-divorce (such as co-parenting) with kindness and respect, and create a unified front for your children to help guide them through the many changes of this new normal. 

BetterHelp and online divorce counseling

For those hesitant or unable to find affordable divorce counseling in their local area, an online platform like BetterHelp is another option to consider. With BetterHelp online therapy, you can easily connect with trained, qualified, and licensed therapists experienced in supporting individuals going through a divorce. To find an appropriate therapist, you simply fill out a short questionnaire, and then you will be matched with a provider who aligns with your needs and preferences (usually in between 24-48 hours). And if you are not happy with your current provider, you can easily switch therapists at any time to help you find the right fit—in 2024, BetterHelp was able to meet over 93% of user preferences regarding their therapist. 

For some people going through a divorce, finding time for counseling can be made even more difficult by new custody arrangements that create a busier, more rigid schedule. And for others, the emotional turbulence of divorce may make leaving the house difficult at times. In these situations, online talk therapy may be easier and more convenient than in-person sessions, as you can meet with your therapist at a time and place that works for your schedule, including the comfort of home. Plus, research has demonstrated the effectiveness of online therapy for a range of mental health concerns, including improving self-esteem after a breakup. 

BetterHelp reviews and success stories 

Discover how therapists on BetterHelp have helped individuals heal after divorce with the following reviews and divorce counseling success stories:

“The most significant achievement I've made from counseling with BetterHelp is understanding how much strength I have as a single mother of two. I am confident in love again, as I am now in a healthy and loving relationship. I no longer dwell on the past and use my self-confidence to support my children in moving forward in their lives.” –Rebecca

“Daniel is awesome! He has helped me through a very painful divorce and has helped me to be more confident as a person, and a father. He is very kind and personable. I would highly suggest him to anyone seeking therapy and healing in their lives. He is very knowledgeable at what he does and makes you feel safe to speak about any issues you may be having.” –BetterHelp user review of Daniel Ulberg, LPC

“Cynthia has been a God send. Thanks to Cynthia, I'm joyful and full of peace, despite going through a divorce after a 30+ year relationship. Cynthia has helped me to formulate goals, and always pretty much immediately responds to my journal entries. I definitely would, and have recommended BetterHelp to friends.”