What Is Emotional Regulation?
Have you ever been through an event that made you feel like you couldn’t control, or were having a difficult time controlling your emotions? How about a situation that made you feel like your emotions were controlling you? This could be, for example, a moment of road rage taking over when someone cuts you off in traffic or says something hurtful in the heat of an argument.
In these cases, it is possible to learn how to healthily regulate your emotions.
What is emotional regulation?
The National Rehabilitation Information Center defines emotional regulation as the process of recognizing and controlling feelings or reactions to feelings. In other words, emotional regulation is the management of your emotions and associated actions. Emotional regulation allows us to actively guide our reactions to powerful feelings like anger and anxiety.
If you feel as though you have difficulty managing strong emotions, a few day-to-day practices can help put you back in the driver's seat during difficult situations. It takes practice, but the more we learn to notice and accept our emotions, the more mindfully we can react to them.
Difficulty regulating emotions can also stem from underlying health conditions like depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), and borderline personality disorder (BPD).
Skill-building treatments, including cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and dialectical behavioral therapy (DBT), can be very effective for learning new ways to manage overwhelming feelings safely. For example, a 2014 study found that DBT helped 77% of participants overcome the emotional challenges related to BPD. When techniques don't work or you have an underlying condition, seeing a therapist can give you the help you need.
How we learn emotional regulation
Emotions themselves are neither good nor bad, but our experiences with them can be difficult or painful. When we don't know how to deal with distress, we might turn to unhelpful patterns—avoiding or fixating on negative emotions—without realizing it.
We experience emotions our entire lives, but emotional regulation is not an ability we are born with. As babies, we may cry uncontrollably or throw tantrums because we haven't yet learned what to do with overwhelming feelings. Our parents and caretakers are the first guides who show us how our emotions work and what to do with them. When we find it difficult to regulate our emotions once we've reached adulthood, it may be because we've never actually been taught how. Painful childhood experiences, abuse, or traumatic events can also affect our ability to recognize and manage what we are feeling.
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
The first step in developing healthy regulation skills is to build our sense of self-awareness. We need to know and understand what we are feeling so that we can choose a suitable response to it. According to one of the leading theories about emotional regulation, called the process model, our feelings are created through a series of five events: the situation, our attention, our interpretation, our emotional response, and our actions.
First, there is a situation; something about it grabs our attention. We interpret what it means to us, have an emotional response, and then we act. Different emotional regulation skills let us change what we do at different points in that process.
Let's go back to road rage as an example:
Situation: When we are stuck in traffic, we might be more likely to get angry if we are running late to work. We can change this situation by choosing to leave the house with enough time to not feel rushed.
Attention: When we are in this situation, we fixate on the slowness of the traffic. We can change the focus of our attention along the drive to work; we can use the downtime to catch up with a favorite podcast.
Interpret: When someone cuts us off, we may choose to see them as an irresponsible driver out to ruin our day. Instead, we can view them as someone who made a mistake and is also just trying to get to work.
Emotional response: Based on the first interpretation, we may become angry. Sometimes the reactions can feel out of control. However, we could choose to feel relieved that things didn't turn out worse and that no one was hurt.
Action: It's alright to experience anger, but you can choose to let this emotion influence your behavior for the rest of the day or to acknowledge your frustration while finding a way to soothe it in the moment.
Building our sense of self-awareness can help us see at what point of the process we might be and what we can do to make things better for ourselves.
Types of emotional regulation skills
Emotions like anger and anxiety are part of our body's instinctive responses to keep us safe from dangerous situations. Even if you aren't in bodily danger, your self-worth can feel at risk when someone treats you poorly or when you need to do something you're not confident about.
We might not always interpret a situation accurately, but that doesn't take away from the sense of danger we may feel that we are in. We can choose how to make ourselves feel safe again without giving in to our initial "fight or flight" impulse. The following skills can help us take a step back from our first reactions to a difficult event and gauge how to put our best foot forward.
Labeling emotions
It may seem simple, but knowing how to label emotions is a great place to start building self-awareness. Even if we don't have trouble noticing when we're having an intense feeling, we may struggle with describing exactly what it is. It's good to be able to name emotions in broad strokes, like “anger”, but there can sometimes be more to what we are feeling. Are you also feeling heartbroken? Excluded? Confused?
Being able to clearly communicate an emotion, even just to yourself, can help guide how to relieve it. Different emotions call for different needs. Working out which emotions are truly behind catch-all labels like stress, for example, anxiety, or grief, improves our ability to handle them. Using a list of emotions as a reference can help build your emotional vocabulary and get to the root of what you're feeling. Journaling or writing down these details and tracking how your emotions change over time can put you more in touch with what you are experiencing at the moment to determine what helps you feel better.
Acceptance and reappraisal
Another set of useful emotional regulation skills involves learning to accept difficult emotions or to change your outlook on them, also known as reappraisal. The foundation of both skills is pausing to rethink what you are genuinely feeling.
When we accept our emotions, we allow ourselves to have powerful negative feelings without adding things like shame; the addition of guilt or shame might lead to us feeling even worse. Choosing not to avoid tough feelings can also help us experience them without making them appear more overwhelming than they are. Accepting emotions, both positive and negative, can be challenging at first, but it will eventually teach you that emotions cannot harm you and that all can be managed and learned from.
Looking back at the process model, how we interpret or appraise a situation determines how we will likely respond to it emotionally. For example, if someone doesn't text you back right away, you can either interpret that to mean they are ignoring you, which might lead you to feel hurt, or that they are busy, which could help you feel understanding. Reappraisal lets us change our outlook on a situation, allowing us to find an emotional response that works best for our needs and goals.
Mindfulness
Mindfulness is being fully aware and present in your current situation. Research shows that practicing mindfulness teaches us to become aware of what's happening in the moment, which is a great place to start learning both of these skills. Rather than worrying about what happened before the situation started or how it will ruin your day, you seek to analyze the here and now. You can answer questions like what feelings you are experiencing and why you are feeling a certain way. Mindfulness involves noticing thoughts and emotions without judging them or pushing them away.
CBT and DBT
Many of these skills are part of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), which is a process that teaches how to change the unhelpful thought patterns that influence us. One way of putting these skills into action is by using the STOPP technique. When faced with a difficult situation, try the following steps:
- S - Stop: Don't act immediately.
- T - Take a deep breath.
- O - Observe: What am I thinking right now?
- P - Pull back: What's the bigger picture?
- P - Practice what's best for the situation.
This gives you a moment to check what part of the emotional process you are in and break the pattern of reactions you might be used to. Once you've paused, you get to decide if there is a better way to respond. Can you put yourself in a safer situation? Can you focus on something more enjoyable at the moment? Can you change your view of what's happening? Can you hold your emotional response without being overwhelmed by it?
Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is another form of treatment that can help with managing symptoms related to emotional regulation. You can explore DBT-related books and worksheets, but DBT often works best as a combination of group therapy and individual treatment. In addition to emotional regulation, DBT teaches a set of core skills that include:
- Mindfulness: Being fully aware and present.
- Distress tolerance: Tolerating difficult or uncomfortable situations.
- Interpersonal effectiveness: Asking for what you want and saying "no" when you need to.
Finding a local DBT support group can give you an opportunity to learn and practice these skills with other people who may understand your experience.
BetterHelp can be a place to start
If you've never been shown a healthy way to regulate emotions, it can be challenging at first to get in touch with what you are feeling. If you're not sure where to start, a CBT- or DBT-trained therapist is a great resource for a bit of guidance. The licensed counselors available on BetterHelp can not only provide tools and resources for building new skills, but can help you stay on track, answer any questions you may have, and help you monitor your progress. You can even choose how you communicate with your counselor - via video, call, text, or in-app chat - to personalize your sessions and feel as comfortable as possible.
Additionally, studies have found that internet-based CBT is effective in treating a variety of disorders that can result in difficulty with emotional regulation, including depression, bipolar disorder, PTSD, anxiety, and more.
Continue reading below for therapist reviews from individuals who received help with emotional regulation.
Counselor reviews
"At first I was unsure about the program but after seeing it advertised multiple times I decided to give it a shot. I was matched in a matter of hours and have been amazed at the connection I feel I have with Kim. In a very short amount of time, she was able to see the real root of my issues and why I cope, process, and deal with emotions and situations the way I do. She has provided very useful worksheets and suggested amazing reading material. In looking into the things she has suggested, I have been able to show my friends and loved ones how accurate it is and a lot of them have begun to consider looking into BetterHelp themselves! I could go on and on. I have nothing but good things to say! Highly recommend BetterHelp and Kim!"
"Steve is amazing and does a good job at making this seem like less of a counseling session and more of a conversation between friends. He helped me talk through my anger issues and road rage and gave me lots of problem solving tools. I highly recommend him!"
Takeaway
With the right tools, experiencing difficulty with controlling or coping with your emotions doesn't have to hold you back. Take the first step today.
What is the meaning of emotional regulation?
Emotional regulation refers to an individual's ability to manage and influence their emotional reactions consciously and, to some extent, unconsciously. Emotion regulation involves emotional intelligence and our capacity to understand, express, and modulate our emotions in a way that aligns with personal goals, social norms, and situational demands.
This multidimensional process involves the following:
- Awareness: Emotional regulation starts with recognizing and understanding one's emotions. It involves identifying different emotional states, acknowledging their presence, and discerning the triggers or causes behind them.
- Expression: Effective emotional regulation includes the skill of expressing emotions appropriately. This expression involves conveying feelings in a socially acceptable manner that respects the needs and boundaries of oneself and others.
- Modulation: A crucial aspect of emotional regulation is modulating emotional intensity. Modulation means adjusting the intensity and duration of emotions based on the situation. For instance, feeling and expressing sadness at a funeral is often appropriate but less so during a celebration.
- Response flexibility: Emotional regulation allows individuals to choose their emotional responses deliberately. It enables them to select the most adaptive emotional reactions to a given situation rather than being driven solely by impulsive or automatic responses.
- Conscious and unconscious: Emotional regulation involves both conscious efforts, such as using cognitive strategies like reframing negative thoughts, and unconscious processes, where past experiences and learned emotional responses influence our reactions without our awareness.
- Coping mechanisms: People employ various coping mechanisms, whether healthy or unhealthy, to regulate their emotions. Coping strategies can include mindfulness practices, deep breathing exercises, seeking social support, or using substances like alcohol or drugs.
Emotional regulation is the ability to navigate the complex landscape of human emotions in everyday life with skill, flexibility, and balance. It's a fundamental aspect of mental health and significantly affects our overall well-being.
What is an example of emotional regulation?
An example of emotional regulation involves managing unpleasant emotions to prevent emotional outbursts and promote positive feelings. Consider a scenario where someone receives critical feedback at work. Without emotional regulation, they might react impulsively, becoming defensive or angry. However, with effective emotional regulation, they can respond more constructively.
In this situation, the individual might:
- Recognize emotions: The first step is to acknowledge the negative emotions triggered by the feedback, such as frustration, embarrassment, or self-doubt. Emotional regulation begins with self-awareness.
- Pause and reflect: Rather than immediately reacting, they take a moment to pause and reflect on the situation. This time allows them to gain perspective and consider the feedback objectively.
- Cognitive reappraisal: Using cognitive reappraisal, they reframe their thoughts about the feedback. Instead of viewing it as a personal attack, they may reinterpret it as an opportunity for growth and improvement.
- Express constructively: When they choose to respond, they do so in a composed and constructive manner. They might ask for clarification or discuss ways to address the issues raised, maintaining a professional demeanor.
- Self-soothe: To manage any remaining negative emotions, they may employ self-soothing techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness to reduce stress and anxiety. Emotion regulation strategies like this can help individuals navigate challenging situations and maintain composure.
- Seek Support: If necessary, they may seek support from trusted colleagues, friends, or a therapist to further process their emotions and responses.
Controlling emotions is just one part of the emotional regulation process. Successful emotional regulation also involves being flexible and adaptive to various emotions in different contexts. Replacing negative emotions with positive emotions can enhance well-being and reduce the negative impact of emotional dysregulation.
What is emotional regulation, and why is it important?
Emotional self-regulation allows us to manage our emotions effectively, which is important for several reasons.
- Mental health: Emotional regulation is essential for good mental health. It allows individuals to recognize and understand their feelings, express them constructively, and cope healthily. Poor emotional regulation can contribute to the development of various mental health disorders, such as depression, anxiety, and substance use disorders.
- Social relationships: Effective emotional regulation promotes healthy social relationships. It allows individuals to communicate their emotions clearly, listen and empathize with others' feelings, and respond appropriately instead of impulsively. Emotional control can prevent conflicts, promote understanding, and strengthen interpersonal connections.
- Behavioral outcomes: Emotional regulation is critical for avoiding impulsive and destructive behavior. When individuals have difficulty regulating their emotions, they may resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms like substance use or aggression. Effective emotional self-regulation can help prevent these behaviors and promote more adaptive responses.
Emotion dysregulation can create significant challenges in various aspects of life. By practicing and honing our emotional regulation skills, we can easily navigate emotions and create a more positive and fulfilling life experience.
What is emotional regulation in social situations?
Some people may struggle with emotional regulation in social situations, where emotions can run high and be difficult to control. For example, someone with borderline personality disorder may have difficulties regulating their emotions in response to perceived rejection or abandonment. These feelings can lead to intense emotional outbursts and strained social relationships.
In such situations, it is essential to recognize one's emotions, take a moment to pause and reflect, and employ coping strategies to manage them effectively. Seeking support from a therapist or trusted friend can also be beneficial in developing more adaptive emotional regulation skills.
Emotional regulation is an ongoing process that requires self-awareness, practice, and patience. Self-regulation is not suppressing or ignoring emotions but understanding and managing them effectively for our well-being.
With time and effort, individuals can improve their emotional regulation abilities and lead a more fulfilling life with healthier relationships. However, the process may look different for each person, and it's important to be compassionate and non-judgmental towards yourself throughout the journey. Emotional regulation is a skill that can be learned and strengthened over time. With practice and self-compassion, individuals can successfully navigate emotions in social situations.
What is emotional regulation, and why is it important in adolescence?
Adolescents face several challenges as they navigate the transition from childhood to adulthood. Hormonal changes, peer pressure, and self-discovery can all contribute to heightened emotions and difficulties with emotional regulation.
Effective emotional regulation is crucial during this developmental stage as it helps adolescents manage their feelings, cope with stressors, and make decisions based on rational thinking rather than impulsive reactions.
When emotions become too intense or overwhelming, adolescents may be more susceptible to engaging in risky behaviors or developing mental health issues. Emotional regulation disorder is a common condition among adolescents, and it's important for parents and caregivers to provide support and guidance in developing healthy emotional regulation skills.
Moreover, adolescence is a time when individuals begin to form more complex social relationships, making effective emotional regulation even more critical. By regulating their emotions effectively, adolescents can foster healthy friendships and romantic relationships based on effective communication and understanding.
What are emotional regulation and self-concept?
Emotional regulation and self-concept are intricately linked. Self-concept refers to an individual's beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about themselves. It includes their perceptions of their strengths, weaknesses, values, and overall identity.
In terms of emotional regulation, self-concept can impact how individuals perceive and respond to their emotions. For example, someone with low self-esteem may struggle with regulating feelings of insecurity or self-doubt. On the other hand, a person with a strong and positive self-concept may be better equipped to manage these emotions.
To further complicate matters, emotional dysregulation can also affect self-concept. Negative emotions and impulsive reactions can create a distorted self-perception and lead to feelings of shame, guilt, or worthlessness. This cycle can be damaging and highlights the importance of developing healthy emotional regulation skills for maintaining a positive self-concept.
What is emotional regulation for students?
Students face a variety of stressors and challenges, both in and out of the classroom. From academic pressures to social interactions, it's common for students to experience a range of emotions on a daily basis.
Effective emotional regulation is crucial for students as it allows them to manage their feelings and cope with academic and personal stressors in a healthy manner. It also helps improve focus, concentration, and decision-making skills, leading to better academic performance.
Through emotional regulation, students can also develop empathy and understanding towards their peers, leading to more positive social interactions and a supportive learning environment. As a result, emotional regulation is an essential skill for success in both academic and personal spheres,
Schools should promote emotional regulation by providing resources and support for students to develop these skills. This can include mindfulness practices, therapy services, or incorporating social-emotional learning into the curriculum. By prioritizing emotional regulation, schools can foster a more positive and healthy learning environment for all students.
Why is emotional regulation important for learning?
Learning often requires self-discipline, focus, and the ability to adapt to new or challenging situations. These skills are closely linked to emotional regulation.
When students struggle with regulating their emotions, it can interfere with their learning process. For example, a student may become easily frustrated when facing a difficult task and give up without trying. Effective emotional regulation helps individuals stay calm and focused in these situations, allowing them to persist through challenges and ultimately improve their learning outcomes.
Stress from unresolved emotions can also impact memory and cognitive functioning, making it more difficult for students to retain information and perform well academically. By managing their emotions effectively, students can create a more conducive learning environment for themselves and develop important skills for academic success.
Where does emotional regulation happen?
Emotional regulation involves the interaction between different parts of the brain, particularly the prefrontal cortex and limbic regions. The prefrontal cortex is responsible for executive functioning, such as decision-making and self-control, while the limbic regions are involved in processing emotions.
The anterior cingulate cortex (ACC) is also a key brain region involved in the regulation of emotions. This area is responsible for monitoring and adjusting emotional responses, allowing individuals to regulate their emotions effectively.
However, emotional regulation can also occur with external support. Caregivers, teachers, and therapists can provide guidance and tools for individuals to regulate their emotions in healthy ways. This external regulation can be especially important for children and adolescents who are still developing their prefrontal cortex and may struggle with self-regulation.
How do you develop emotional regulation?
Developing emotional regulation is a crucial skill for managing one's emotions effectively and fostering mental well-being. Here are some strategies to help develop this skill:
- Self-awareness: Recognizing and understanding your emotions can help you regulate them better. Taking time to reflect on your feelings and identifying any patterns or triggers that may impact your emotions can be helpful.
- Labeling emotions: Giving a label to an emotion can help you regulate it. For example, saying "I am feeling anxious" instead of "I am anxious" allows for some distance between yourself and the emotion, making it easier to manage.
- Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness can help individuals become more aware of their thoughts and emotions without judgment. Mindfulness can promote emotional regulation by allowing individuals to respond calmly rather than react impulsively.
- Identifying triggers: Identifying specific situations, events, or people that trigger strong emotional reactions can help you anticipate and prepare for emotional challenges.
- Deep breathing: When you feel overwhelmed by intense emotions, deep breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and create a sense of control.
- Cognitive restructuring: Challenging and reframing negative or irrational thought patterns that contribute to emotional distress can help individuals regulate their emotions more effectively. Cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) offers techniques for identifying and changing these thought patterns.
- Seeking support: Don't be afraid to reach out for support from trusted friends, family members, or a mental health professional when needed. Having a strong support system can help individuals develop healthy emotional regulation skills and cope with challenging situations effectively.
- Problem-Solving: When faced with an emotional challenge, engaging in problem-solving can help individuals find effective solutions and reduce emotional distress.
By actively practicing these strategies, individuals can develop effective emotional regulation skills that will benefit them in various aspects of their lives. Remember to be patient and compassionate with yourself during this process, as developing emotional regulation takes time and effort.
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