How To Deal With Disappointment And Let Negative Emotions Go

Have you ever been disappointed by something so badly that it feels almost impossible to let it go? We’ve all had our fair share of disappointment. No matter how hard we try to avoid it, coping with disappointment is a part of life. While it's normal to feel disappointment, learning to process it and overcome disappointing events may be important because holding onto it can have negative effects.

What is disappointment?

The Merriam-Webster English Dictionary defines disappointment as a feeling of being “defeated in expectation or hope.” Called a secondary emotion in psychology, disappointment is characterized by a feeling of frustration, regret, or sadness, often related to a loss. The loss may be of a loved one or changes in circumstances, such as: 

• The loss of a job or home
• A failing grade on a test
• A medical diagnosis

People experience disappointment for many reasons. Just as people are unique, our responses to disappointment may be exclusive to us individually. For example, you may feel:

• Hurt
• Angry
• Frustrated
• Upset

The intensity of these emotions could vary from mild to devastating. You might feel that the world isn’t fair or that you’ll never recover. Learning to cope with these feelings and calmly allowing them to pass can build emotional resilience. 

Learning to identify the source of disappointment

Your reaction to disappointment and how you choose to overcome it are often influenced by its source.

For example, if you applied for a promotion at work but did not receive it, you may feel disappointed and wonder how things in your life may have been better had you been promoted. At this point, you may need to make a decision. Decide if you want to stay at your current job or if you want to pursue a different position. There are likely additional options that you may not have considered, such as having a conversation with your supervisor about what options for growth may exist for you in your career and what you might need to do to prepare for those opportunities when they arise. For example, you may need to be more of a team player or develop a better rapport with your clients. Either lesson may require you to put energy toward building new skills so that you’ll be better positioned for a promotion when the opportunity arises again. 

On the other hand, if your disappointment is related to the loss of a relationship or the death of a loved one, you may find yourself questioning why things had to end. The disappointment associated with losing a loved one often leaves individuals feeling overwhelmed. Because there is no way to "undo" the circumstance, it may feel like you may never get the closure you seek. It can be empowering to know that you have the ability to process your emotions and move to the other side of them with a clear head. 

How to deal with disappointment

Many people have the mindset that if you don't talk about something or ignore it, then it didn't happen. This is not true. This type of denial can have negative consequences, which may compound the disappointment.

Long-term effects of unresolved disappointment may impact personal and/or romantic relationships, especially when trust issues or dynamics like gaslighting in relationships are involved. This often happens because someone who has been disappointed finds it difficult to trust others for fear of facing rejection or more disappointment.

Overcoming disappointment when things go wrong takes a conscious effort. There are some strategies you can use to best manage your emotions so that you can let things go and move on with minimal struggle.

Develop emotional awareness

Perhaps one of the best ways to become emotionally aware is to acknowledge your feelings about the situation(s) that disappoint you. Being honest with yourself first will allow you to talk to and be honest with others. If you have a friend or confidante with whom you can discuss these feelings, they may be able to offer some perspective about the issue.

Additionally, seeking the advice of a therapist or counselor for unresolved emotional responses could be beneficial. An experienced counselor will be able to offer you support and insight into why some feelings are easier to cope with than others. They can teach you healthy coping mechanisms to help you learn to let go of disappointment and move forward. This might not mean that you forget what happened, but that you accept it and learn from it without it causing you further distress. 

Embrace peace

Disappointment has a way of leaving the person affected feeling anxious, as if in a constant state of turmoil. This might not be conducive to emotional well-being.

Some days may be a little easier than others, but it can be important to learn to identify things that make you feel happy and at peace and to embrace them. Letting go of disappointment and of any anger or bitterness associated with it can free your mind of the turmoil and help you to live a life of peace.

Seek reality, not illusion

It is human nature to hope and dream. It may even be healthy to do so. However, when reality becomes mixed with illusion, it is very easy to feel disappointed. When you are trying to decipher what is real, journaling or making lists may be helpful. Write down facts and how they impact your life. Journaling and writing your feelings on a weekly or daily basis are great ways to express your feelings while maintaining discretion. In some cases, writing down negative experiences may help you avoid making the same mistake in the future.  

Allow experience to be your teacher

Disappointment is a common experience. While it may not feel good at the time, experiencing disappointment and learning to overcome it can help you plan for difficult situations later in life. Whether disappointment occurred because of a mistake you made, a missed goal, or poor personal choices, there is an opportunity to learn lessons and move forward.

Give yourself credit

Just because you experience disappointment doesn't mean that you have to beat yourself up. If you take the time to honestly weigh the positive and negative experiences you've had, chances are you have much more to be proud of than disappointed about.

Think about your character strengths. Are you a good friend or a hard worker? Do you like to do kind things for others? When you begin to view yourself in terms of successes rather than failures or disappointments, you may be surprised by how much better you begin to feel.

Reach out for support when dealing with setbacks

No matter what disappointment you are experiencing, it's important to realize that we all have times when we need the help of others. Reaching out to family and friends who are encouraging can help you begin to overcome disappointments and let go of negative emotions and beliefs that do not serve you.

Online therapy can help you cope with disappointment

When you need more help than just a friendly conversation, seeking the advice of a counselor or therapist is almost never a bad idea. Most towns have mental health and wellness clinics. Your primary care physician can also provide you with a list of counselors that they recommend. If you are interested in counseling but not sure about the commitment to appointments or the financial obligation, online counseling may be an option for you.

Online counseling through sources, such as BetterHelp, gives busy individuals the option to receive support and encouragement from licensed, experienced counselors. Our dedicated staff is committed to helping you address life's issues with confidence, from wherever you have an internet connection and at a time that is convenient for you. Our mission is to make counseling more affordable. 

The efficacy of online therapy for mental health challenges

Many people have achieved success in overcoming disappointment and building resiliency through online therapy, and often in a shorter turnaround time than it might take in face-to-face therapy. 

In a systemized review of randomized controlled trials, researchers found that online treatment is an effective approach for supporting bereaved adults experiencing symptoms of:

• Grief
• Depression
• Post-traumatic stress disorder

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Helping young people learn how to deal with disappointment

For young people who experience depression connected to a disappointing event other than the death of a loved one, online therapy shows additional efficacy in reducing depressive symptoms and emotional dysregulation. While BetterHelp is for adults, its sister site TeenCounseling may be a valuable resource for children and adolescents experiencing major encounters with disappointment for the first time.