What To Do If You Find Yourself In Love With A Married Man

Updated January 19, 2023by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Developing feelings or falling in love with a married man can be an extremely difficult situation for everyone involved. Any situation that involves developing or harboring feelings for a married person can be very hard to navigate due to the complexity of each situation. 

If you feel you have fallen in love with a married person, it can be helpful to avoid negative self-talk. It is important to remember that individuals find themselves in difficult, challenging situations such as this everyday. It is most likely best to take a step back and evaluate your unique situation, then develop a plan for how you can move forward. 

Whether your feelings for a married man are unrequited or returned will typically factor into your decisions moving forward. In this article, we will explore a number of different possible situations you might find yourself in and what you might be able to do to find a solution to yours.

In Love With A Married Person?

How Did This Occur? 

There are a number of ways someone may find themselves in love with a married man. It is possible you were not even aware the man you fell in love with was married when you began pursuing or engaging in a relationship. In some cases, you may be harboring feelings for a married man that you know personally. You may have been approached by a married man for a romantic relationship, or come into contact with a past love who is currently married. 

No matter the case, situations that involve married people are especially troublesome. Still, there are different ways you might attempt to navigate each unique situation. 

Harboring Feelings For A Married Man

You may have developed romantic feelings for a married man you know personally. Maybe you met him at work, or through a friend. The married man could even be the spouse of someone in your own family. While it can feel very difficult, in these cases, it is typically best to not act on these feelings. It can be easier to avoid acting on these feelings if you do allow yourself to be open about them to someone you can trust. You may want to try reaching out to a highly trusted friend that does not know the married man you have feelings for. 

It is common to feel a sense of shame if you have developed feelings for a married person, making it especially difficult to open up about it. Because of this, it may be best to speak with a licensed therapist or counselor rather than someone you know personally. 

You Were Unaware The Man Was Married

Another common situation that could lead to the development of feelings for a married man, is simply being unaware that he was married at all. Particularly in the age of online dating, it can be somewhat easy to hide a marriage. These situations can be especially tricky. 

If you have discovered that the man you are in love with is currently married, you will likely feel a deep sense of betrayal. It is common to experience feelings of guilt, as well. When the reality of the situation comes to light, it can be very important not to blame yourself. If the man you were with was hiding the fact that he was married, that is his mistake. 

While you may continue to feel love toward the man, it is typically best to end the relationship as soon as you find out he had been hiding or lying about his marriage to you. 

You Were Approached By A Married Man

In certain cases, you may have been approached in a romantic sense by a man who is currently married. This could be someone you met in the workplace, through a friend, or another way. If you were approached for a romantic relationship by a man who you know is married, this can be particularly difficult. 

If you are actively participating in a romantic relationship with a married man, it is most likely best to end the relationship immediately. You may still harbor feelings of love toward this man, and that is perfectly understandable, but it is probably best to attempt to move on as you would after a typical breakup. 

If the married man insists he is or is planning to leave his spouse, you might want to consider resuming the relationship when you can confirm that has occurred. In the meantime, it is most likely best to consider the relationship over.

In most cases, engaging in a relationship with a married person will lead to emotional pain, stress, and negative circumstances. While it can most certainly be difficult to move on after ending things, it is often for the best. A therapist or licensed counselor may be able to guide you in finding healthy coping mechanisms that can help you to better move on. 

You Pursued A Married Man

Maybe you are in a situation where you have reconnected with a past love that is now married. It is possible you have pursued a relationship with a married man that you’ve recently met, or even a friend or family's spouse. 

A situation where you have pursued and engaged in a relationship with a man you were aware is married can be the most difficult of all. Typically, the reality of these situations will result in all parties experiencing immense hurt. Still, it’s likely that your best option is to end the relationship as soon as possible. 

In a case like this one, you may want to seriously consider coming clean to the married man’s partner. While this can be extremely difficult, it may serve as a stepping stone toward closure for you, the man you were seeing, and his spouse. 

Additionally, you may find yourself in a situation where you are dating a married man that is in an actively non-monogamous relationship. In this scenario, it is possible you have developed intense feelings of love that lead to you wanting more out of the relationship. In this case, you may want to speak openly with the man you are seeing about your feelings. If you are unable to find a solution, it is most likely best to move on from the relationship. 

In Love With A Married Person?

Benefits Of Online Therapy

Any situation that involves the navigation of feelings toward a married person can be exceptionally difficult, largely due to the stigmas and feelings of shame that may come with it. Because of this, online therapy may serve as a great place to begin. 

Online therapy can be especially beneficial due to the ability to speak with a licensed professional from the comfort of your own home. This can be helpful in allowing you to feel more safe opening up about your situation, without fearing judgment. A licensed therapist can serve as a trained, unbiased party that can help you through tough decision making and moving on. 

Effectiveness Of Online Therapy

Recent studies have proven online therapy to be equally as effective as face-to-face therapy for individuals experiencing symptoms of anxiety, depression, and other mental illness. Additionally, an online therapist may be able to help you determine the root causes of feelings and emotions that could have led to the development of feelings for a married person. 

For example, if you are having trouble moving on from feelings for a married man, it may stem from having an anxious attachment style. An online therapist may be better equipped to guide you through identifying and working through more nuanced psychological concepts that could aid in the improvement of your emotional or mental state. 

Takeaways

Developing feelings or participating in a romantic relationship with a married man can often create a stressful and upsetting situation for every party involved. In most cases, you will likely benefit from ending the relationship or attempting to move on. 

Due to the many complexities of these situations, making healthy choices can be tough to do alone. Speaking with an unbiased therapist in a judgment-free zone, such as inside your own home, can serve as a great first step in improving or moving on from your situation. 

For additional help & support with your concerns

The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
Get the support you need from one of our therapistsGet Started