What Should I Do If I Am In Love With A Married Woman?

By: Mary Elizabeth Dean

Updated July 21, 2020

Medically Reviewed By: Richard Jackson

Just because a woman is married, it doesn't mean you can't fall in love with her. It happens. But having these feelings for a married woman doesn't mean you must act on them. You deserve someone emotionally available to you. As difficult as it may be to hear, the reality is that the love you need cannot be obtained from someone who is committed to another.

You Deserve Someone Who Is Fully Committed To You
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In some situations, it might be worthwhile to talk about your feelings with the woman. She may feel the same way, but not want to act because she wants to remain loyal to her husband. It's best to respect her wishes and try to move on.

However, if she wishes for a relationship with you, it would be wise to discuss this with full consideration of its seriousness. Does she want to ignore what you two have? Does she want to pretend it never happened? Does she want to explore the relationship and divorce her husband? If that happens, you would be dedicating yourself to a relationship with a rocky beginning. Is this something you are willing to do or commit to? What if she meets someone else? We will explore these possibilities later in the article.

Evaluating Your Needs and Desires

It's likely she does not feel the same way. After all, she's already married. This could be a great way to end the fantasy of being with her, but rejection can be hard to cope with. This can be a lot to think about. It may help to get a second opinion, so if you feel you are overloaded with thoughts, try speaking with a trained therapist at BetterHelp.

If you continue to find yourself falling in love with married women, you must take the time to evaluate your relationship desires. You may feel desperate to connect with this married woman in a very real way, but you have no idea of what a real relationship looks like or how to do it. You seek love but reject it at the same time. So you find someone distant and emotionally unavailable because they're married to another person. You may have learned coping strategies that consistently result in you finding people who are already attached to others. On some occasions, you may have tried speaking with a best friend or one of your good friends.

Hallmarks of a Good Relationship

A loving relationship has three pillars: intimacy, commitment, and passion. Commitment means deciding to love one another and to maintain that love despite any issues that may arise. Passion is romantic feelings, physical attraction, and sexual desire that unites a couple.

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Intimacy is the emotional closeness experienced between two people. If a relationship is only intimate, it can feel like a friendship. If there's just passion, it is considered infatuation, and if there is only commitment, there is only empty love.

Continuously falling in love with married women can be a coping strategy you've learned that allows you to avoid having to experience the three pillars of a loving relationship. You may be undermining your ability to have a loving relationship that requires availability and connection.

If falling in love with a married woman is a pattern of yours, you might be opting to choose married women because you're avoiding confronting your deep vulnerabilities and insecurities you have about relationships. It is you then and not her who is emotionally unavailable because you are not fully experiencing the relationship.

You may not feel you're good enough to put yourself in romantic situations where a real connection is needed.

Searching Within

In any relationship, you must be emotionally available to not only share your emotions but to be open with another person and yourself. If you have fallen in love with a married woman, you need to explore where you're at in the moment emotionally, and if staying with that person is causing any discomfort. Don't pretend that nothing is wrong or point the blame at her. We must look at why you have or continue to choose people who cannot be fully present in your romantic life.

Her marital status cannot be used as an excuse for your emotional unavailability either. You may feel a sense of false freedom connecting to her because you both may not have an agenda for the relationship. It also means that you may feel entitled to sit back and judge her without ever having to contribute to the relationship. Is her marital status causing you to treat her differently because you see her as less important?

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Make Sure the Fire Won't Burn Out

A common reason for divorce is to pursue life with another partner. And in the initial stages of love, you may feel that the connection is strong and genuine when it is not. Over time as the feelings of love wear off, you may be surprised to realize that the difficulties in happiness this married woman experienced with her former husband also exist in your new relationship. Divorce or an affair does not mean that relationship problems stop too.

When a man has fallen in love with a married woman, the relationship may move into a sexual phase quickly because you may not be addressing the discomfort that intimacy sometimes brings in the process of being open. If you have fallen in love with a married woman and your sexual relationship has developed fast, slow down. The sexual chemistry you have may be causing you to overlook the importance of her marital status.

A genuine relationship takes two people getting comfortable with being open with themselves and each other. If you haven't already expressed yourself to her, have a dialogue first with yourself to discover your needs and desires, and then share those thoughts with her. Being open is a step towards loving relationships for yourself.

How to Deal with This

There are a few things you can do to cope with the situation you are in now.

If you are dealing with heartbreak as a result of the relationship ending, try making more time for yourself. Self-care is essential in all healing processes and is one of the simplest things you can do to feel better.

Meditation might also be helpful. Mindfulness can help you get out of your head and into a calmer headspace. This will allow you to make better decisions and be more in tune with yourself.

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Journaling can also offer some clarity in confusing situations. Sometimes, all it takes is putting your problems down on paper to get the perspective you need.

How BetterHelp Can Help

If you are feeling too overwhelmed to deal with this alone, a therapist can help. You might have some underlying issues that are pushing you into your current direction. If this is the case, therapy may be your best hope.

The counselors at BetterHelp are fully accredited, caring professionals. Their platform is entirely web-based, so they are easily accessible. And BetterHelp can match you to a therapist who specializes in treating people with your needs. Read below for some reviews of BetterHelp counselors.

Counselor Reviews

"Mark is an amazing therapist. He listens so well and has such valuable insight on male and female perspectives and issues while also not passing judgment. I have only just begun, but he has already given me so many great takeaways to improve my relationships and situations. I am filled with gratitude, and I would highly recommend him to anyone!!"

"Celine is absolutely wonderful and has been instrumental in helping me through some difficult times with my relationships… Her insights always give me another angle to look at things from, which is really excellent coming from a person who prides themselves on being able see all sides of things. I can't say enough great things!"

Conclusion

Being in love with a married woman can be a confusing and frustrating experience. It is not often something we are proud of, nor do we know what to do when it happens. With the right support and knowledge, you can move forward to truly fulfilling relationships. Take the first step today.

Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)

  1. What to do if you're in love with a married woman?

You may have met a married woman in a love life and fell in love with her. She may have even been your best friend for a long time. It’s not uncommon to love a married woman on a short or long term basis. You may also want to be a part of her love life even though she's married primarily because you fell in love with her.  You may have been drawn to her and very much wanted her to be a part of your own love life for a long time. On some occasions, when you fell in love with her on a short or long term basis, you may not have been aware of the married woman's marital status you fell in love with. Married women never go around declaring their marital status. You may not be aware she's married at all; so, you have no idea of what her love life is all about.

Whichever case it may be, falling in love with a married woman on a short or long term basis is trickier than "falling in love with a married woman” may sound. First, you may need to view things from her perspective for a long time; this usually crucial in areas of experiencing love with a woman. Married women love it when someone sees or views things from their perspective for a long time. Logically, the married woman you fell in love with on a short or long term basis is in a long term committed relationship or love life. So it may be difficult for you to act on your feelings or get straight into her love life even though you fell in love with her, or even though you’re her best friend.

However, when the married woman you fell in love with feels the same way or wants you to be a part of her love life for a long time, you may need to ask important questions. Does the married woman you fell in love with want to explore this relationship for a long time and end up leaving her husband? Is she willing to completely accept you into her love life after leaving her husband? If the married woman you fell in love with wants to take the relationship and her love life to the next level and says she won't leave, you may need to prepare for a rocky start of the new relationship that may not last for a long time.

2. Can a married woman fall in love with someone else?

It’s not uncommon for a married woman with a love life to fall in love with someone else like her best friend or extend her love life for a long time. Married women are natural women in long term committed relationships that should last for a long time. Even when it’s not an open marriage, there may be situations where a married woman may fall in love with someone else like her best friend or want a love life with someone outside her marriage, even her best friend.

A married woman may have a love life or be in a long term committed relationship with her husband and can still be falling in love with another man. So, yes, a married woman with a love life can fall in love with someone else like her best friend for a short or long time. However, there is significant confusion in this area. Many people believe that a married woman with a love life who falls in love with someone else like her best friend means the married woman has started an extramarital affair or is a part of someone else’s love. 

Some people also think a married woman may choose to keep a long distance from her husband because she’s in love with someone else. However, this is not the case at all. A married woman won’t leave her husband overnight. Truly, on some occasions, a married woman may have an extramarital affair or may be a part of someone else’s love life because she’s in love with someone else like her best friend or any other person, but not always. If a married woman ever fell in love with someone outside her marriage and wants to take it seriously, she may consider leaving her husband, and sometimes she may not consider leaving her husband at all. A married woman may fall in love with someone like her best friend else outside the marriage.

Please note that a married woman who is love with someone else, for instance, her best friend doesn't necessarily mean that she plans on leaving her husband or be a part of someone else's love life for a long time. A typical married woman committed to her love life on a long term basis may find a way to sweep her emotions for the other party under the carpet.

3. How do you tell if a married woman is in love with you?

A married woman with a love life may fall in love with anyone outside her marriage or love life for a long time. However, a married woman with a love life usually finds a way to sweep her emotions under the carpet if she's doesn’t want to take things forward. When a married woman with a love life does this, it may be rather difficult to figure out whether the married woman you fell in love with is giving a sign of interest. Interestingly, you can still find out if a married woman with a love life is falling in love with you or if she’s not. Most times, a married woman with a love life may not make obvious advances, but she will give you specific hints. For instance, the married woman you fell in love with may be smiling, laughing, or giggling a lot when you both discuss. Typically, these discussions may not be necessarily funny. However, she will laugh and giggle because she enjoys your company, and she may even treat you as her best friend. Also, the married woman you fell in love with may tease you, differently from how she does to her good friends or her best friend. Sometimes, you may know if a married woman with a love life is deeply in love also by her voice. A married with a love life may also decide to keep a long distance from you for a while. Married women usually do this to avoid troubles resulting from falling in love. You may not expect the married woman you fell in love with to say words like, "I'm in love, " but you may notice with these signs.

4. What if a married man falls in love with you?

Things may seemingly get a little complicated when a married man with a love life confesses his love. However, a married man may approach things quite differently. Unlike a married woman with love life and most married women, a married man with a love life may decide to tell you how he feels. On some occasions, he may even go as far as treating you almost like his best friend. He may even say the word, “I’m in love” and promise he won’t leave. The married man with a love life might also tell you about his relationship and how he plans to leave his wife. Between you two, there may also be frequent secret social media conversations. Most people don't know that unlike a typical married woman with a love life, a married man with a love life may tend to act more on his emotions. On some occasions, he may take certain steps that show he’s madly in love with you or wants you to be a part of his love life. Most times, when a married man with a love life is interested in you, he may look at you differently. You may often find out that won’t leave your company, even when it may seem like he should be leaving. The first things you need to figure out are whether he's willing to take it seriously or leave his wife. However, this should be done only when you've fallen in love; and you can say boldly that, "I'm in love."

On the other hand, if he's just testing the waters, and has no plan to leave his wife, you may consider ending things. Most people don’t know how difficult it may be to end things with someone you fell deeply in love, someone you treat as more than a best friend, or who you wanted to have a part in the person's love life. Sometimes, you may not feel like ending things at all, maybe because you still regularly talk to him on social media, or you're just madly in love and want to have a part in his love life. At times like these, it's almost impossible just to look away and be good friends with him or to take him as a best friend. Due to this, you may need to be aware and ready for a rocky relationship or love life with the married man. If you need someone to talk to, asides your best friend or your good friends, consult a therapist at BetterHelp.

5. How do you get a married woman to fall in love with you?

There may be times where you find yourself madly in love with a married woman with a love life. It’s not uncommon to love a married woman. Sometimes, you may simply just want to experience love with a woman, and a married woman may accidentally seem to be the best choice you’ve got. Even though she’s married, you may still want to pass a message across to her or want to be a part of her love life because you are madly in love with her. If you love a married woman, certain helpful steps can make you draw a married woman's attention with a love life and ultimately make the married woman fall deeply in love with you and want a love life with you. You must know that a married woman with a love life is a natural woman in a committed long term relationship with someone.

Typically, this relationship requires the married woman you fell in love with to stay loyal and not consider leaving her husband. So, a married woman won’t leave her husband overnight because she fell in love. Often, married women always treat their husbands as a best friend. Due to this, dating a married woman with a love life may prove rather tricky. There are simple steps that can make a married woman proclaim, "I'm in love with you. " Just like every other woman, you may need to tell the married woman you fell in love with continually, she is pretty. Funnily, this may seem very cliché, but it works like magic. You may be surprised that the married woman you fell in love with never hears those words from the man she's married to or the person she spends her love life.

Married women always love to listen to affirmation words, and hearing them from you can lead to them falling in love. It's also essential that you attract her by always being positive around her and giving the awesome vibes that may make her consider leaving her husband if she has marital issues. Married women don’t like anyone that may seem to be adding to their troubles, so if you are a source of comfort to her, there’s a tendency of her falling in love with you. When the married woman you fell in love with does something normal or something extra-ordinary, give her genuine compliments. To get a married woman to fall in love with you or be a part of her love life, you may also decide to talk to her over social media. Certainly, long distance shouldn’t be an issue, and should hinder communication.

Listening to a married woman speak is also a strong way of getting her to fall deeply in love with you. For instance, if she’s talking about her marital issues or whether or not she’s considering leaving her husband. Overall, you also need to make your intentions known to the married woman with a love life. If you need someone to talk to, asides your best friend or your good friends, consult a therapist at BetterHelp.

6. How can I impress a married woman through text?

Texting is one of the common ways to relate with a married woman with a love life, especially in long distance situations, become good friends with her, and get her to fall deeply in love with you. It’s not uncommon to love a married woman. However, doing this may require some technique. You don’t want one text to ruin the possibility of getting the attention of a married woman and maybe getting her to fall in love with you or want a love life with you. Texting is a gradual and long term process. Typically, it may last two weeks or a month before noticing you in her love life. So, if you're in love with a married woman with a love life or you kind of love a married woman, you may want to follow this simple technique.

Ensure that the texts you send out to the married woman you fell in love with are short, interesting, and engaging. Don’t try talking to her like you are good friends, or you're her best friend. This doesn't mean that you wouldn't sound nice; you just need to know how to sound nice, and make your intentions clear. Make the married woman you fell in love with know that you want to be a part of her love life. When you send these kinds of messages to a married woman with a love life, you're one step closer to making her fall in love.

Interestingly, sending messages like this will make you notice that it isn’t hard to get a married woman to fall in love with you or want a love life. At the point where she continually looks forward to your next text, that's when you start to notice she’s falling in love or she’s just about to fall in love. Don’t forget that married women already have a love life, so when you’re texting, make sure you’re doing that at suitable times. Typically, you may need to text her when she has free time. Texting a married woman with a love life at the right time is a powerful and valid way to make the married woman you fell in love with to fall in love with you or consider leaving her husband. Please note that a married woman won’t leave her husband for just any reason. Typically, married women won’t leave a relationship unless they are unhappy.

7. How do you know if a married woman likes you through text?

You may be in love with a married woman that already has a love life, but you want to be sure if she really likes you or if she’s also madly in love with you. Certainly, it’s not uncommon to love a married woman. Also, you may also want to know if the married woman likes you by just reading her texts. It’s quite impractical for a married woman with a love life to send the “I’m in love” text directly. This is because “I’m in love” may just be too direct for a married woman with a love life. However, you may be able to read in between the lines from the way she texts and when she texts. There are different ways to communicate with a married woman with a love life. You could communicate through social media or by regular phone texts. However, social media is a little more common than other ways of communicating with a married woman with a love life. On social media, if the married woman you fell in love with texts you first or maybe if the married woman with a love life initiates a conversation, this may be a major sign. Also, if you notice a married woman with a love life texts regularly, she may just be about to fall in love with you or want you in her love life.

8. Is flirting cheating when married?

Flirting may be a form of cheating if you’re doing this in a committed long term marriage or love life. However, it is typically not seen as cheating when you don’t have a committed long term relationship or a love affair. When you're married, as a married woman, the society tags flirting with someone outside your marriage as cheating. As a result, a typical married woman may try ending her marriages or love life, especially if they are unhappy. There’s a common misunderstanding of what flirting is all about. Flirting is very much different than the love life itself.

Flirting is getting sexual attention from the opposite sex; in this case, a married woman or a married man. Flirting usually goes on for a short or long time, depending on the circumstances. It's common for one to fall in love with someone by being the receiving side of flirting. It's also typical to have a person say the words, "I'm in love" just by being at the receiving side of flirting. Flirting is basically about the intentions. If you intend on attracting sexual attention, then it is clearly flirting. On the other hand, some actions or things may not be to attract sexual attention and are still considered flirting. Overall, for both a married woman and a married man, flirting is considered cheating.

9. What is microcheating?

Micro-cheating is quite different to cheating. For married women or a married man, micro cheating doesn’t go as far as having a sexual relationship with someone outside your marriage or love life. For a married man, microcheating could simply mean a small gesture of emotional infidelity. For instance, if you are in a relationship with someone and maybe you love a married woman, and you make little advances, it may be considered microcheating. Microcheating consists of a lot of things. It may include contacting or speaking to someone you’ve fallen in love with outside your marriage or love life. Sometimes microcheating may also mean paying attention to your best friend that you have feelings for, or someone else you’re madly in love with. As long as she’s married, having an online dating profile may also be classified as microcheating. Overall, for a married man or woman, micro cheating is primarily taking small actions when you have fallen in love with someone out of your marriage. On some occasions, it could also mean the process in which you fell in love with someone outside your marriage or love life.


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