How To Be An Effective Parent: Parenting Styles And Tips
Before your child is in your care, be it through birth, adoption, or another method, you may wonder whether you’re going to be an effective parent. Raising a tiny human can be intimidating, and while no parent will be perfect, you can take steps to equip yourself with tools that can help you become a positive force in your child’s life. When preparing for parenthood, it may be helpful to have insights about different parenting styles psychology, research-backed parenting advice, tips, and other resources for parenting for further support such as online therapy. Read on to learn more.
Parenting styles
As you research good or gentle parenting practices to determine what makes a good parent, you may come across information about certain parenting styles that many adults use, knowingly or otherwise, when raising their children. Before we get into the research-backed tips, understanding these different parenting styles and knowing the most effective parenting style can be helpful.
While all of these parenting styles are present in our society, some are seen as more beneficial to children than others. There are four widely recognized styles:
Authoritarian parenting
For parents who use the authoritarian style, they generally value obedience over all else and rarely give their child any say in how problems are dealt with. These types of parents will typically set rules that children must follow without question. If a child breaks a rule, they frequently punish rather than using a different form of discipline. This style of parenting can have negative consequences.
Permissive parenting
Permissive parenting is generally defined by a lack of firm rules or guidance for kids. A parent may see the child as more of a friend, and their behavior will usually reflect that relationship. Parents utilizing the permissive style may be overall very tolerant and accommodating when it comes to what the child wants to do. With this style, the parents may be caring and available, but they may not help kids with developing positive habits or good behavior.
Uninvolved parenting
Uninvolved parenting is, in many ways, what it sounds like. This parenting style typically applies to a parent who may not provide necessary emotional support or encouragement, may not set rules or boundaries, and generally places very few demands on the child. Without proper parental guidance, the child is often left to figure things out on their own.
Authoritative parenting
Authoritative parenting is characterized by positive reinforcement, nurturing, respect for the child, and rationality. This type of parenting is a more moderate approach, taking positive qualities from the other styles and combining them. Authoritative parenting emphasizes good communication between children and parents as well as empathy toward the child’s emotions. It’s a balanced approach where you show interest in your kids’ lives, give them autonomy, and provide them with guidance. Of the four styles, this one is the most frequently recommended by experts. Research shows that children raised this way are more likely to become independent, academically successful, and well-behaved.
Research-backed parenting tips
Given the many different things that can play into ideas about parenting, it may be tough to identify what matters most.
Here are some research-backed parenting tips to consider:
Spend more time reinforcing good behavior and effort
Some parents may think that the only thing keeping their children from behaving poorly is the fear of punishment. Discipline is indeed important, and you may need rules (and fair consequences for breaking them), but some research shows that children respond better to praise than they do to discipline. If you praise more than you punish, it may allow your child to learn what is expected of them and choose constructive behavior instead.
It is also thought that praising effort rather than ability may be more beneficial. For example, you might praise a child for putting time into their homework instead of telling them how smart they are for completing it.
Lead by example
Many children may frequently observe their parents, and as they grow up, they may start to emulate their parents’ behaviors, relationships, and conversational styles. When a parent’s behaviors are healthy, this can be a good thing. However, when the behaviors are unhealthy, these things may rub off on the child in negative ways. The child may incorporate these actions or behaviors into their life, and it may affect how they feel about themselves, their confidence, and more.
One such example is negative parental self-talk and body image. Researchers note that hearing families speak negatively about their own bodies and appearances was “inversely related to mindful eating and positive body image.” Children with parents who speak negatively about their own bodies and appearances may be more likely to have a negative body image themselves and may internalize harmful messages that can impact their health. To help cultivate a positive body image, consider highlighting that people come in all shapes and sizes when the topic comes up—and try to focus on what the body can do rather than how it looks.
Another example is apologizing when you need to. No parent is perfect, and the time will likely come when you need to say, “I’m sorry,” to or in front of your child. Not only may this give them closure, but it may teach them to apologize to others when needed, too.
Provide a stable environment for your child
A stable environment can help your child to grow and develop in healthy ways. Children may feel unsafe when things aren’t predictable, and they may struggle if there is no routine. An environment that is safe and allows them to be creative, learn, grow, and be loved unconditionally can help them thrive.
It can be easy to get caught up in the small stuff; but at the end of the day, peaceful parenting is providing a stable home environment, ensuring they are safe, showing them affection, creating stable routines, and giving them room to be themselves can make a huge impact in their lives.
Practice self-care
Raising a child involves ensuring they are properly cared for, but it is important to look after your own mental and physical well-being too. In fact, the American Psychological Association notes the importance of parents taking care of themselves, both for the parent and the child.
This means practicing self-care regularly and reaching out for additional support so that you can take a break to recharge when needed. Some things, like affording a babysitter, aren’t viable for everyone, but there are many ways to practice self-care in even small, simple steps. For instance, maybe sometimes, self-care means creating a few minutes of silent reading time for both you and your child/children, where you choose to read something that you enjoy while your child does the same.
Financial matters, stress, and mental or physical health concerns can all have an impact on your quality of life. Support from the people around you can do wonders. Know that your needs matter and don’t hesitate to reach out for help when you need it.
Whether you want to speak about your own mental health, talk about parenting concerns, or address something else that’s affecting you and your life, the support of a professional therapist can help.
Online therapy can allow you to be in a safe space that’s solely for you and your mental health at a time that is convenient for you. It can be a way to care for yourself, which can be advantageous not just for you but for your family, too. Being a parent can be busy; online therapy through BetterHelp allows you to get care according to your schedule.
Research shows that online therapy can bring improvements for parents in mood, coping skills, and more. For instance, one study showed that online-delivered therapy had “positive effects” on parents’ psychological flexibility, emotional management mood, and coping skills.
Takeaway
What are five positive parenting skills?
There are many positive parenting skills, but they tend to surround core skills like demonstrating understanding, showing warmth, and using discipline that does not rely on harsh punishment. Five skills known to be effective are summarized below:
- Understand the Behavior. Children use behavior to communicate; there is always something motivating undesired or disruptive behavior. Ask yourself what the child is trying to accomplish and how they would phrase their needs if they had the verbal skills and emotional awareness to do so.
- Maintain Consistency. Maintain consistent rules and expectations, even if that means not giving in to a request for more screen time or making sure there is enough time for a child to make their bed during a morning routine. Similarly, try to keep schedules and bedtimes consistent across weekends and weekdays.
- Limit Tangible Rewards. Tangible rewards, like small toys, trinkets, or treats, can produce entitled attitudes in children when over-used as a way to manage behavior. Use tangible rewards sparingly and instead offer praise and encouragement to reinforce good behavior.
- Maintain Self-Control. You are the adult, and you are responsible for modeling and enforcing good behavior. Children’s conduct is rarely acceptable if their parent or caregiver demonstrates problematic behavior.
- Avoid Punitive Discipline. Discipline is intended to correct problematic behavior, but evidence suggests that good parenting practices avoid discipline that induces blame, shame, or pain. Teach through instructions and offer children opportunities to correct their actions when possible.
What are effective parenting practices?
Effective parenting practices are those that reinforce the behavior that is expected of a child while correcting undesired behavior. Effective practices also build a child’s confidence while supporting healthy child development. The most effective methods are based on redirection, instruction, and modeling of appropriate behavior rather than using blame, shame, or pain to punish undesired behavior.
While some parents believe punishment and punitive discipline is effective, it usually only works in the short term. Punishment often does little to teach good long-term behavioral practices. Evidence suggests that children whose parents only punish bad behavior without encouraging or supporting good behavior are likely to teach their children to get better at hiding bad behavior rather than motivating them to adopt good behaviors.
What is an example of an effective parenting practice?
There are many examples of effective parent practices, mostly centered around gentle discipline, praising good behavior, and avoiding harsh punishment. A few common examples of effective parenting are listed below:
- Responding to children in a predictable, consistent manner.
- Communicating warmly and sensitively.
- Enforcing consistency with daily routines and household rules.
- Having discussions with children to help them understand the rationale for behavioral expectations.
- Providing an environment where children know they are safe, healthy, and safeguarded by responsible adults.
What are the 4 Cs of good parenting?
The four C’s of good parenting usually refer to caring, consistency, choices, and consequences. Good parents show acceptance to their children, and they show they care through positive feedback and physical signs of love. They understand that positive interactions promote appropriate discipline and always try to approach their children with kindness. Good parents are also consistent, meaning they keep their children on a stable routine and create a predictable environment for their children.
Good parents also understand that helping children become independent means letting them make choices about their own well-being in a developmentally appropriate way. Younger kids might be given a choice about something benign, like which article of clothing they’d like to wear, while older children and teens are often given opportunities to make much more impactful decisions.
Finally, good parents enforce consequences. Consequences can be either positive or negative; positive consequences are typically called rewards, and negative consequences are referred to as punishments. However, it is important to avoid punitive punishment, which is a punishment that relies on blame, shame, or pain to change a child’s behavior. An example of a negative consequence while parenting positively might be taking away a privilege until the child demonstrates appropriate behavior to earn it back.
What is the most successful parenting approach?
Evidence suggests that parents who avoid harsh punishment and proactively fulfill their children’s emotional needs are most likely to be successful. While no two children are exactly alike, a positive approach will likely yield the most effective results. Other parents may think differently, and many parents believe they have all the answers, but the evidence shows the most substantial support for parenting approaches that rely on positivity, validation, and praise rather than anger and punishment.
What is the best parenting style?
The main parenting styles referenced in child psychology are based on the work of Diana Baumrind, a developmental psychologist who categorized parenting approaches into four broad styles, outlined below:
- Permissive Parenting. The permissive style puts the child in charge. Parents rarely enforce rules and often indulge a child to avoid conflict.
- Neglectful Parenting. Neglectful parents are mostly uninvolved in their child’s life. They provide little nurturing or guidance and likely don’t respond to their child’s emotional needs.
- Authoritarian Parenting. The opposite of permissive parenting. Parents set strict rules with typically harsh punishments. They don’t usually communicate why they picked the rules they did, expecting their child to obey without question.
- Authoritative Parenting. Not to be confused with authoritarian parenting, the authoritative style combines clear rules and expectations with open communication and empathetic support. Parents often let their child experience the natural consequence of their actions and work with them to solve problems and foster independence.
Evidence suggests that the authoritative style is likely the most effective and leads to the best outcomes. Children of authoritative parents typically learn they can accomplish their goals, develop higher self-esteem, and have higher levels of academic achievement.
Why should we study parenting practices?
Studying parenting practices has led to the development of well-understood parenting styles that predict how likely a child is to grow up with confidence, independence, and self-discipline. Before parenting was studied scientifically, young kids, older children, and teens were treated much more harshly, leading to unreasonable expectations and power struggles.
It was not uncommon for parents to struggle to manage their children’s behavior and have no recourse to figure out how to help them improve. Studying parenting practices enabled the discovery that parents who use positive practices see more success in their parenting and raise more independent, well-adjusted children.
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