Why Can I Not Stop Thinking About The Guy Who Left Me? Get Clarity On Love, Get Love

By Mary Elizabeth Dean|Updated April 20, 2022
CheckedMedically Reviewed By Wendy Galyen, LCSW, BC-TMH

Breaking up with someone is one of the most painful things a person can do. No matter how long you dated someone, regardless of whether you ended things amicably or not, whether the relationship was healthy or rocky, it hurts to lose someone who was such a presence in your life. For the next few weeks or even months, you might be regularly asking yourself why you can't stop thinking about him. This is, of course, completely normal, and in some cases should even be encouraged as you process through your grief and loss. We can't expect ourselves to turn our feelings off and on like a lightbulb, so be patient with yourself.

Feeling Of Not Being Able To Stop Thinking About Him

You probably have lots of questions. Why did he break up with me? How will I cope? We'll go over these later in the article.

Breakups Can Be Extremely Painful - Be Patient With Yourself

Why Did He Leave Me?

This is a question you may or may not have an answer to. If your boyfriend broke up with you, he likely told you why, even if it was vague. It's easy to start questioning what you could have done differently with him and dissect your every memory, the words you both shared, the way he acted toward you, etc. All the what-ifs running through your mind can torture you. Sometimes we don't get the kind of closure we hope for, which can lead us to fill in the blanks.

If you believe the relationship was going well, the factors which caused your ex-boyfriend to end the relationship are out of your control. If your boyfriend was not able to communicate the problems to you, giving you a chance to work on the issues together, then he's probably not ready to be in a relationship — and you deserve to be with someone who is. Communication is a fundamental need in any relationship. You also don't want to spend your relationship trying to change your boyfriend and the way he feels. We are only in control of our own thoughts and our actions. This is particularly true when it comes to relationships.

It's also important to remember that relationships are sometimes a process of trial and error. Every time we open ourselves up to someone emotionally, we run the risk of getting hurt. We are all trying to find someone who fits into our life like no other, and the only way to know is by dating and seeing how you feel about the person as you grow in the relationship. When things aren't working, as painful as it is, it's best to re-evaluate the relationship and decide whether you want to continue. While it doesn't feel good to have someone break up with you, remember that you want to be with someone who wants to be with you as much as you want to be with them. You deserve to have someone who is a good match and not someone who doesn't see your value.

In most instances, it is rarely the wrongdoing of one partner that leads to the end of the relationship. Quite often, it is simply that one partner desires something more than what their current partner provides. In such cases, the heartbroken partner should not blame themselves. You shouldn't feel the need to change the fundamentals of who you are to fit into someone's life.

Can love hurt or is that not love

But Why Can't I Stop Thinking About It?
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